3 Things you like when you first notice a lady

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

I wouldn’t say this is a response to the women’s thread (something about that context makes it sound like I’m challenging it), but here’s my take on what I find attractive in women.

First and foremost, being physically attractive goes without saying. Not to say it’s the most important characteristic, but I do need to be (even slightly) attracted to a woman in a physical sense in order for other attractions to take root. That being said, I’ve met many, many, many, MANY hot women, who because of their personalities, I’ve found utterly unattractive. A woman’s attractive qualities go beyond her physical appeal, and if she has nothing else to put on the table and banks everything on her looks, I find her unattractively shallow. Conversely, I will say that I’ve met a number of women who appear more physically attractive once I really got to know them. There are certain personality characteristics that seem to accentuate a woman’s physical appeal and make her appear more attractive….These are the standards which set aside the women I simply wanna f*ck, and the ones I really want to get to know. (there’s a very big difference!)

-1. Confidence: She knows her worth, and she lives by it. She’s emotionally and intellectually independent (she can think and feel for herself). She doesn’t need and doesn’t constantly search for my validation. She doesn’t feel the need to constantly impress me. She’s comfortable enough with herself, to be comfortable with herself around me….and that’s the first step in establishing a connection that goes beyond a strictly physical attraction.

-2. Vibrance: A vibrant, upbeat personality is always attractive. I like a woman with spunk…I like a woman who is receptive. I’m an upbeat type of guy…I like to be in the company of people who can reciprocate. Someone you can laugh and have fun with…someone who you could treat like a friend, if you weren’t so sexually attracted to her (maybe that’s why guys tend to fall for women who are friends?). Nothing is more unattractive than a dull, boring, unreceptive personality. That goes for bitches and ice queens too…who think that acting as such would make a guy try harder. (isn’t always the case)

-3 Intelligence/Depth: I like a woman I can hold a conversation with, and it doesn’t feel like I’m constantly trying to keep the conversation going. On the flip side, I like women who have more to talk about than how one girlfriend called another a bitch, because she got caught wearing some other girls shirt. A little intellectual and emotional depth goes a long way. I’ve met a number of women who I’ve been attracted to, flirted with and had fun with….but go completely blank when it comes down to one-on-one time. No Bueno.

2

Holy great post,sigma.
one thing i will never ever understand -

the fact that theres a difference is what turns me off…
i totally get the one night stand stuff.
right on, have fun :slight_smile:
but why for the love of pete would any man get with someone less than his standards- EVER???
why cant these traits apply to the one nighters,too?
i meet men who i know got with a gal i dont have anything in common with, and seem like real gentlemen otherwise, but they are not a thought in my head due to knowing they were with someone they would never want to be friends with.
i dont wanna f*ck anyone i know i wouldnt want to talk to again,even though i know i WILL never talk to them again,lol.
if you could clarify this, i would forever feel grateful!:slight_smile:

3

This distinction is very clear in my mind, as it is for all guys. There are women out there who I find so outrageously attractive in a purely physical sense…and there’s a raging part of me that seriously just wants to have my way with her…but I consciosuly know that my attraction to her stops there. In a lot of ways I can be physically attracted to a woman, and be put-off by her in every other way. Its a purely sexual attraction that in reality, lacks any real concrete feeling to it. I might even entertain these little shallow forces of attraction, but part of me won’t ever take it seriously if the attraction lacks any real depth (as in the types of characteristics listed above).

But just because I can view women in this light, doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to act upon it…or even be dramatically influenced by it. These shallow attractions may exist and I can’t help it, but I can help how seriously I take them, and how I react to them. I can be physically and sexually attracted to somone in a purely shallow way, but at the same time have no real desire to be with them. Its just eyecandy.

Unfortanately there are a number of women who see their attractive value as being limited to their looks. There are women out there who measure their own confidence by how physically appealing they can make themselves. I suppose this is good enough for some guys, but it leaves ‘much to be desired’ in my case.

4

  1. Style. I’m not saying she needs to be wearing gucci. I think that people shop for cloths that fit their personalities. For instance, you won’t see the hippy poet out at the bar wearing the same type of cloths as the beverly hills superstar. I could care less about skin showing, but they need to have a unique style that separates them from all the other sheep out grazing that night. I would be more atracted to a girl wearing green plad, than a mini skirt.

  2. Intelligence. A smart woman is sexy! I pull rather high grades at college and was in the top 15% in highschool, so if I have to keep explaining what i’m trying to say because she just isn’t getting it I become rather frustrated.

  3. Initiative. A girl has to be forward enough to not play silly little games, and knows what she want, then takes it. I’m not even talking sexualy. If get her number, call her and ask her what she’s doing on Friday, she should give me a second time if she’s busy that day. Take some frickin initiative. I HATE playing the chase me game, I get your number (1 point me), I call you (2 me), I ask you what your up to (3 me), and then you still want to play games? You interested or not by then, just fricking accept it and go with it, or don’t and say no.

  4. Confidence is over rated. Shy girls have so much more to offer emotionaly. I think they tend to be more mature, but are afraid to let their feelings out for fear they will be taken advantage of by a player who won’t care 2 weeks from now. The other side to the shyness could be that they want somebody to aproach them just as they are and take them for who they portray. Shy girls don’t just want to be taken home, they don’t want a f*&% buddy, they want someone to be there for them.

  5. Maturity. I think girls my age are relationship and emotionaly imature. I may be ahead of the curve, but I just look around at the relationships I see sprouting a failing with all my female friends and think; why! what will that gain you! how is this healthy! how can you just do that to him! are you serious? don’t get back with him, he cheated on you TWICE! I told you so. ECT… The list could go on forever. Then I take a look at the relationships of my older female friends and things are so much more stable. If things aren’t going good they end it, if things are going good they pursue. It’s a lot more sane.

I needed 5 things lol

5

You may have needed 5 things, but they were 5 very worthwhile things. You showed a lot of thought and maturity in your post, especially with item #4. Rep points for you!

6

Why thank you :smiley:

7

the #1 factor i look for is something out of the ordinary, like coloured hair (blue, purple, green, weird coloured hair. blond or black doesnt count), a bunch of piercings or stuff like that. theres this girl i like but lives way too far away (6hr drive) who has a few piercings and always wears lots of black and is pretty morbid. other than that stuff her looks never grabbed me but i used to love her because of that aspect of her personality and we have tonnes in common.

8

What I look for when I FIRST NOTICE a lady is:
#1 A face that denotes a healthy nervous system, in other words: a beautiful face. (Studies show that beautiful faces correlate a healthy nervous system. Her body can be average or even slightly ugly, but if she has a nice face, i won’t care for the rest)
#2 A great body (Her breast shape is a major factor; her breasts don’t have to be big. I look at body curves and sexy fat storage a lot. Hip to waste ratio too, no need for barbie.)
#3 Eyes (Are they sexy?)
(This is exactly what I notice in order of what I see as important)

Men:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/images/manrating.jpg

Women:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/images/womanratingv2.jpg

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/images/attraction.jpg

9

I can explain. Perhaps this will seem shallow, insulting, nasty. I will tell the truth that guys won’t admit but is true. Many young males around my age, 18, see 2 categories of women. “Wives” and “cum dumpsters”. My friends and I all agree, you will either see a chick and say “RAWR, i want to fuck the shit out of her (the males genes are thinking: I will run away after sex and let her raise the child)” or, “wow, what a beauty, i want her for a long term relationship, i feel in love (the males genes are also thinking:I want to get to know her to see if i can have a large family or find another candidate for raising my family :stuck_out_tongue:)”. The conclusion is that the male mind wants to get as many women pregnant and then settle down with a strong female and have some more children that have a higher chance of survival and will be healthier. So a males standars are low until he wants to find a wife. Before that, he doesn’t care, he just wants to fuck all that moves. He will not fuck terribly ugly chicks for fear of social pressures from other males though.

With the arival of the condom, the “cum dumpster” way of reproduction is gone. I would already be a father!

10

My experience hasn’t been that shy girls are mature. The last one I went on a date with was quite shy, but prone to emotional outbursts and not good at communicating (or even understanding what I say). Not something I like in a woman.

11

1.) Appearances. I will not even analyze any other aspect of a women for being anything but a friend unless she scores at least a 8.5/10 on appearance. I work hard to maintain health, hygene, sense of style, and good looks. I expect her to do the same with no exception.

Not necessarily in order after 1:

2.) Agressiveness. I absolutely love a girl who know what she wants, and will do whatever it takes within reason to get there. She will not take crap from anyone, including me, yet knows fairness and compromise.

3.) Humor+ Wisdom/Intellect. These two go together for me, to me a truly smart girl knows how to be funny. A very funny girl has to be smart to make me laugh. Wisdom and Intellect are mostly self explaining. Though if it comes down between the two I prefer wisdom. An ex of a couple years was a 4.0 type student when it came to scores, books, numbers, but dumb as a doorknob with common sense…

These are the three that I’d say stand out the most for me, there are lots after those though :slight_smile: Lots of other things I can’t do without…especially being a good honest open commicator… I expect which ever girl I wind up with to grow, and strive to change for good every day just like I do.

12

Hmm…my list would be:

  1. Physical attractiveness. It’s definitely not the end-all-be-all of a woman, and she doesn’t have to be some gorgeous modelesque type of girl…but there has to be something there that draws me in physically. It could be a pretty face, alluring eyes, sleek hair, a nice body, etc, or any combination as long as there’s something. For me it’s one of the most important parts of a first impression, and it leads to discovery of the really important stuff:

  2. Confidence. I can’t deal with men or women in general when they’re constantly indecisive or shy, and that carries over doubly when it comes to sexual matters. It’s sexy (and takes a bit of pressure off) when a woman knows what she wants and is straightforward about it.

  3. Sweetness. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m instantly enamored when I start talking to a woman with a girl-next-door kind of appeal. A nice smile and a gentle demeanor are instant hooks, and when combined with the two qualities listed above you’ve got yourself one helluva woman.

I don’t know if any of you have ever watched the show but a great example of this would be Kaylee from “Firefly”.:smiley:

13

Well there’s a set of physical standards, and a set of relationship standards.
For me personally a girl has to meet physical standards in order to cross over to relationship standards…I would never ever “get with” a girl less than my physical standards…that’s just not how I roll I’m not desperate to get laid or anything. I prefer anyday that she also embodies relationship standards, or is exceptionally fun. 3/4 of those or so in my physical standards I wouldn’t want to get with either because I don’t like them. So I guess that comes down to a 1/4 chance I’d want to “get with” a girl I may not want to consider for a relationship, and may not want to be friends with just for the sake of fun. Altho I’m way too nice and always wind up being friends with everyone >.> stop calling me ppl :stuck_out_tongue::smiley:

14

My 2 cents:

  1. Looks: 7/10 or above. Ideally 7.725-8.725. So hot like smoking bacon but not so hot that they never stop hearing it and have had every man they’re met since they were 12 trying to organise. So some flaws are good. Ashley Simpson pre-major plastic surgery.

  2. Sense Of Humour: 4/10 or above. Ideally 7.5 plus. Someone not took stuck up and serious about themselves.

  3. Intelligence: 1.5/10 or above. Ideally 4 plus. Don’t mind someone a little thick but not in the bottom 15% of the population. Helps if they can spell the word the.

  4. Sex Appeal: 6/10 or above. Obviously a highly subjective feature this one but yeah.

  5. Kinkiness: 4/10 or above. Ideally 8/10 plus. So at least willing to experiment and push the boundaries.

  6. Body: 6/10 or above.

I take all of that data in the following ratio:

Looks 51
Body 15
Sense of Humour 14
Intelligence 10
Kinkiness 7
Sex Appeal 3

This gives an overall percentage. Usually would date 7.25 or above. And go nuts over 8.125 or above.:o

Matt

15

This one girl I took out on a date. She looked fenominal. 8-9/10 on looks, 8/10 on fashion, ect. The problem was I felt like I was talking to Special Ed. (that’s rather insensitive, sorry) I just couldn’t take it. She could spell the word “the”, but I couldn’t say much without it being over her head. I don’t know how you do it man, but props to you. I felt bad, she had everything any guy would want, I never called her back, and I can never go back to the hair place she works at. AAHHHHHH! lol

16

If you met 7 random people and she was one of them; chances are she’d be the thickest right? So that’s bottom 15% of the population and hence a no-no for me too.

From the sounds of it she’s one of the thickest people you’ve ever met. Perhaps in the bottom 3-5% of the population even.

Matt

17

I like this subject. I don’t know if I can limit myself to three clearly disdinguished characteristics and put them in any clear order. I can talk about what I like in a girl though.

As it has been mentioned here before, I don’t think confidence is that important to me either. I too like many shy girls. What seems to turn me on perhaps the most is what could be called homeliness. If anyone watches Joss Whedon’s shows, then characters Kaylee from “Firefly” and Fred from “Angel” would be good examples. I don’t really know how and why, but that really gets to me.

I like girls with a healthy world view and that has often to do with intelligence and ability to separate oneself from the crowd. I’m not much into the male vs female aproach and women who seem to be angry at the way things work between sexes (“men are pigs”) is quite an important turn off. A girl who has no illusions about men and getting that they are often pigs, but doesn’t take it personally. I don’t get the rivalry thing at all lately. I’m often game to make jokes about how woman’s place is in the kitchen or laughing at such jokes (being a pig), but I don’t get the anger against females some men seem to have buried under it. To some it seems to be awfully important to establish or find evidence to prove that men are smarter or stronger or more noble than women. My jokes in women’s expences feel to be jokes, something like answering a friends sentence “I thought…” with “whoa, you thought? I gotta note this day down somewhere!” They’re jokes, while many men seem to take it more personally and really wanting to prove something. I think that’s the male side of this negative sexual rivalry, somethig I seriously believe I don’t have and I like that in a girl if she doesn’t have it either, if she can be above some things. The ability to push some things away, I’d say. To see a bigger and more complex image of the world, not try to simple it out and not seem crushed by it’s weight, if anyone can catch my drift. That may be a lot to ask, but it certainly turns me on, the women who are obviously smart, but don’t act like they have been crippled by it, by men for the who knows how many centuries or what not.

All right, from a more physical side, I do like breasts, legs, butt, but what I seem to find more important is the eyes, the neck and smile. I look for that in porn actually too. Porn with no emotions has much much less potential of getting to me however goodlooking the girl might be. I am a man and yes, often it’s enough to see a girl with no clothes being gangbanged or what not, but I do feel porn is mostly visioneless garbage while it could be much much more. I like female pleasure, I hope it’s not a totally obscene thing to say, but I do. Just saw a documentary which states that most men and women too, especially americans, are scared by the indications of female pleasure. Scenes with women moaning or they’re eyes closed with pleasure are the first things to be cut from a film to get a lower rating, it’s more offensive then a plain sexual act or tons and tons of violence. I like it, the satisfaction of women, though it might be a disgusting or obscene subject to most, I believe even here I could get some harsh responses, is something I seriously enjoy. Even not in the most blunt and sexual sense like only making them smile. If, like in porn, it’s like pretending to like something truly awful or something you couldn’t possibly believe if you had the slightest intelligence could be enjoyed by women, it just totally switches me off of it. I like smiles, I like eyes with some sort of innocence, happy about life, warmth and not fot the sick reason of seeing it destroyed and enjoying it, what I’ve felt many men seem to take as a new route, if, say in porn, there is no emotions, it is just some banging with no feelings from girls, then they tend to want the girls get hurt or humiliated to get them feel something, while I feel it to be much more obvious to go the other way. Ok, I’ll go off of this probably awful awful subject to read and maybe terribly offensive to some.

The body, I think, has to work in the context. Physical appearance is very important, but I can’t cut it to small pieces to make it easy, like if a girl has a type of butt I like her, if not, she’s ugly. I’m not a fan of overly big breasts and plastic surgery is quite a big no-no. Don’t like girls drinking or smoking. I’m not actually proud of it, because I see it as a big problem with today’s society too, but I tend to lean towards the skinnier girls. People starving to look atractive I don’t approve.

I like intelligence, originality, warmth, innocence, strength in the sence of not following others in everything you do and I seem to like smell too, lately, after started using pheromones. Nice-smelling girls are often atractive.

For me nothing is entierly written in stone. I have no rules or a checklist that sais what makes someone not atractive or atractive, if someone smokes, it might not be end of the world, a girl with silicon breasts might be warm or intelligent enough. I do have have preferences though and I think I have just listed them, or well, written them down in some chaotic way for people to read and stop reading half way through and give me negative rep points or say I’m a perv, sicko or weirdo and tell me to shut up. It would be nicer ofcourse if females find my views romantic and start worshipping me as a god here, but possibly the post will be not that much, not many will notice it, care to read through and I’ll wither away into the pits of the people who make not so remarkable posts and there I shall sit in the cold swamp and no one would ever know or care.

No, actually, to be realistic, I’ll probably go and eat some fried potatoes and most likely surf around the web some more and maybe go hang around with some stupid people and make stupid remarks about something.

18

mmmmm nice topic…

If the question is the FIRST things you like in a woman…then basically it comes down to looks - for everyone. Looks should be at number 1 on everyones list (including the women) why? Simply becuase it is the first thing you notice - before you have spoken you judge a persons personality by what they look like. This is not to say it is just how pretty they are et it also incorporates, body languge, style, poise etc etc. Incidentally what I tend to go for in a woman is big eyes, and a cute type face. Hwever…what I also know is that how physically attractive you consider someone is affected greatly by the way they act.

I teach a lot of guys that ‘looks don’t matter’ and they take that to mean - that if you charm her and show her you are a nice guy she will look past the fact that you are ugly…but actually the truth is that if you charm her and show her you are a nice guy, whe will actually begin to think you are better looking than you are…the human brain is wierd. I have tested this on myself and I do it all the time. Try this next time you are out - mentally ‘score’ a woman bfore you approach her, now go and talk to her, and then at the end of the conversation score her again - compare the score (they will vary wildly) I have often had my opinion of a girls attractiveness raize or lower by 4 points or more (on a 1-10 scale) just becuase of the way she acts.

I can’t think of a female example (but attration is non gender specific anyway) and this may be lost on the non British members but…take the actor Christopher Eccleston
He is a pretty funny looking guy but…Watch him in 28days later where he plays a baddie, and score him on looks, now watch a couple of episodes of Dr Who where he plays the Dr and score him again. You will be amazed at how much better looking you consider him to be when he is the DR…

Anyway I when off on a tangent there…in short - looks are the most important. but longer term what I really like in a woman are…

  1. Intelligence - and this is normally displayed through a sharp sence of humour (oh this counts a lot for you guys too - when a woman says she likes a sence of humour, a major part is the intelligence this displays). I love a girl who is sharp, on the ball and will give me a run for my money when I am trying to act ‘cocky funny’. - true story here, I’ll cut it to the basics: on the train, girl chewing gum, looks for a bin to put it in, can’t find one, wraps it in paper and goes to put it in her handbag, I point out the bin and she puts it in, I decide to rib her and say “Oh, I’m sorry, you are not one of those super anal people who can’t throw anything away, are you? and I have just made you do that now it si going to haunt you for ever” Now this is what made me go gaga 1st off she got the joke (that demonstrates a certain level of intelligence) but her responce blew me away - quick as a flash she instantly replies “Actually yes I am…but I am also a kleptomanic I steal things I don’t want, and then I can’t throw them away, you should see the state of my house…” WOW, yes it was humour - but it was the intelligence that really got me

  2. Unobtainability - I am a sucker for the girl I can’t get.

  3. Fiesty - I really do love them fiesty, I love girl that will give me a hard time, will pull me up when I tell her a lie, will tell me off for taking liberties, stands up for herself, is assertive, confident and no nonsence. Another true story - I was walking with a girl on a date, the stars are out, so I think it would be a romantic idea to tell her some stories about the constellations (I don’t know any so I make them up) she listens quietly for about 10 minutes, then asks me if I have finshed..and says “Thank you for trying, that was very sweet, even if you were talking out of your backside…” she then proceeded to tell me the proper constellations and all the correct stories…

19

i noticed a few people quoted me, but still my question went unadressed.
the point i was making is that you can just as easily boink a top notch gal that wants nothing to do with you later either, but is still all the things you would want for a married partner. you know, be friends later. never know when you have free-time.
i think what made me ask this is that for all the condoms this certain mentality claims to use, accidents still happen. your “cum dumpsters” are still getting preganant.
i find the personalities here that know what they want but arent afraid to maintain a gentleman status around their friends or fellow posters is a more genuine nature. know why?
first, most of my life in the family business involved watching first-hand the pick up artists. they were easy to spot and very nice people,too. they were smart enough to not even TRY to fool the bartender sending their drinks out. heh im on their sides,dude.
after watching them and seeing them on a regular basis, i watched that gotta-get-some personality evolve. in every guy is someone who will say something they dont mean to look cool infront of their friends/other guys.
i dont have to be a part of that conversation to watch that unfold.
as the sex on the brain thing evolves, what happens is that you realize when you start picking the guy/gal that is your equal or better, the honesty and gentlemen “play but not tell” thing is what really gets the women comming back, wanting to be a part of your plans because there is nothing to abhor there. you call the shots,you create the game plan for the evening the way you like it because after all, if we are all being adults here you can leave if you dont care for the gameplan,right?
the first thing im going to hear here is why do i want them comming back?
first,if they were fun,face it a second date in the future is nice.
second, you dont have to se them again- but its nice to know your wanted. just say your schedule is full.
third, there are in fact women who dont want you all the time,either.
black books full of people you can trust to have the same quality standards that you do are safest. AND more fun.
i reccomend placing them in order of flexibilty, not looks.
i guess i would far rather see smarter more responsible people replicating than people who have 4 baby-daddies, hahaha.
or,
you can just discount everything i have just said- what a silly girl…

20

^^^ Lor, all the above is dead right and spot on…unfortunately most guys don’t think like that, I will attempt to explain my understanding of why by answering your original post…

Guys and girls see the world very differently.

We talk about abundance and scarcity…the average guy sees female company as a scarcity the average sees male attention in abundance. The laws of economics therefore mean that a guy values female attention much higher than the woman values male attention.

There is a phrase - cutting your nose off to spite your face…I think thaat applies in this situation, a guy at a bar, he wants sex, now there is a certain standard of woman that he feels he deserves and a level that he aspires too, then there are women that are less than his standards, no the average guy has trouble picking up a girl who is equal in standard to him (especially for a ‘one nighter’) let alone a girl with higher value. So he is face with going home alone again and jerking off to the internet OR he has the opportunity to take home a girl who is a lower standard than he is worth but at least he is getting some.

I remember reading an experiment in the paper. they took two people, and gave £10 to one person to keep, on the condition that he offered a percentage (of their choice) to the other person to have and the other person agreed to this immediately. If the other person said no, then neither would get anything. Now logically if you were the second person ANYTHING that you were offered would be a result for you and you should say yes…what they found however was that on average, if the 2nd person was offered less than £2.50 of it - they would say no and break the deal and end up with nothing, just becuase they felt like they were being cheated. Think about that - Most people would walk away from £2.50, to prove a point or spite the other person - that is crazy.

A guy is very logical when it comes to sex - 'ok, she might be £2.50 when I am worth at least £5, but at least I am getting the £2.50 rather than nothing.

Women generally don’t feel like this becasue as I said - men are an abundance, I woman could walk out the house and get sex with a man of equal standard any night of the week. so they will walk away from the £2.50.

The other thing consider is that your body doesn’t know you are using condoms, you emotions don’t know this, every time you have sex your body thinks you are potentially going to make a baby, for a woman this is a big commitment, they will lose 9months of their life immediately then have a child for the next 16 years. I.e from the way you see it, the guy you have sex with tonight, has to be worth more than any other guy you could potentially have sex with in the next 9 months. So a woman often won’t make do.
Whereas a guy biologically see’s it has a impregnate and run, he is not commiting to this, it costs him nothing, and he is extending is DNA and ensuring it’s survival. It doens’t really matter if the child is ugly, stupid and has no personality, it sitll has more chance of finding a mate and reproducing than if there was no child at all…

So while to most sensible rational people your original post makes perfect sense and we agree with what you say…out biology takes all our sence and rationality and throws them out the window.

Added to that I think alcohol has a lot to answer for!!!