I Want Him to Want Me!

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
41

I said before that I couldn’t wait for this internship to be over so I wouldn’t be tortured by his presence, but now I feel that I may have been able to chip away at his defenses had I just been given more time. I really do believe he was closing himself off on purpose. Because, I swear, there were times when he would slip, and there was this unbelievable… tension between us. It’s so hard to count “hits” when there’s no overt words or behavior, but there was something that shifted in our relationship from that of the typical supervisor-supervisee. Or maybe I’m crazy.

Diatris- Thanks for the sweet encouragement. Although I won’t be seeing my TG anymore (SIGH :frowning:), I do plan to continue using pheromones when I go out with friends, to bars, etc. Although I failed with him, this whole experience has taught me that my signature combination is definitely TAH/ISB/MX135 because it did make me feel sweet and girly when I wore it. We did have a few little flirty moments and I was able to play off his masculinity. I do believe the pheromones helped set a flirtatious mood. I just couldn’t bag him and that could be for any number of reasons (his resistance to a new relationship, his being interested but not that interested, the work environment/relationship, etc). There will be other guys. (Doesn’t feel that way right now, but I know it’s true.)

Rbt- I do understand that pheromones aren’t magic and you have to do the work to attract a man (who, in the end, just may not be into you). I have no idea how compatible my TG and I would be together because we didn’t have any interactions outside of a work setting and, during the day, we didn’t have a lot of downtime to just get to know each other. The few times we did, I learned we did have some things in common. The trouble was, I couldn’t really give him a true sense of who I am due to the nature of our environment. I was stressed a good part of the day and I have a “work” persona that is a different variation of my real self.

Anyway, I obviously needed magic to get this man, but I can’t blame the pheromones for not delivering the impossible! :stuck_out_tongue:

42

He’s divorced and I think you should ask him to accompanied you for a drink. Just go for it. send him a text or note.

43

And part of the possible problems are because you both are “at work” at the same place. I’ve seen how many men, socialized to “perform” and thereby having their “self worth” tied up in what they do for a job, would sometimes rather separate their “work” selves from their “social/lover/etc” selves. They put on a mask and adopt a character at work that may be quite different from who they are underneath, and hesitant to reveal their “true selves” in such a financially/status-establishing competative environment. They may fully expect you to be doing the same thing, not recognizing the social gender differences. Even meeting someone you work with outside of the “work environment” may not work as you are both part of that work environment (association).

One other problem I have heard is how some people want their home life and work life to be differnet worlds, so they can leave the pressures of work when they come home, and the pressures of home life when they go to work. Different places, different people. Catch is that many still bring the respective pressures and coping personalities with them to the other environment, which can weaken their stating at work, and cause all sorts of tension at home… (May be a different place, but some of the people are the same).

Just some thoughts

44

Hi there Candy Sweetie,

I have been out for a bit and now I am back and ready for action. I am sorry it didn’t work out for you but you will find that one for you. You know I was thinking how when we meet a guy and he seems so perfect for us it is hard to get that idea out of our head that there is another even better for us.

I think it’s because we want love and we want it NOW! I am going to do some major research bcuz am currently btwn 2 crushes and I wanna exeriment in the process.

What have you been up to Candy baby?

45

Nosemolester- That may have been possible had I made a move sooner, but I honestly don’t think he was ever in a position to start anything new with another person. He was always tied up in his past relationship even before I met him. But, you don’t know the temptation it is to still have his number in my phone and know that with a few clicks, I could finally let him know what I was really thinking almost the whole time we were together.

Rbt- I actually understand that viewpoint of having a “work persona” and keeping work and personal life separate. For the most part, I believe that’s the best way. In my field (healthcare), professionalism is really important and I had to enhance certain aspects of my personality while diminishing or completely hiding other aspects. And I like having camaraderie at work, but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed because, if for some reason the relationship/friendship turns sour, you still have to work with that person. Things could get tricky. Also, as you mentioned, sometimes you want to escape one social world and immerse yourself in another. I don’t know how my TG felt about these kind of things. The difference with us, I felt, was that I wasn’t a permanent employee and we were both aware of the date when I would no longer be his intern. Well, a little while after my last day at the internship, I went over to his house (for a mundane, work-related issue). It would have been the perfect opportunity for something to happen (ignoring the fact that his kid was asleep upstairs). I no longer worked with him, we weren’t at the job, it was at night, the house was dark and quiet… The set up was straight out of a porno :stuck_out_tongue:! Nothing happened (obviously), but you could cut the tension with a chainsaw.

Diatris- Well, as I was leaving the internship (about a month ago), he was just starting a “reconciliation” with his ex-wife. They were playing with the idea of giving it another try for the sake of the kid. He didn’t say anything to me about it; I overheard him talking to other co-workers that he’s close to. You can imagine my expression when I found out (:frowning::frowning::frowning:). He’s the first guy in a long while that I’ve been really interested in and I can’t even remember the last time I felt this way about someone. I absolutely adored him. Not one day has passed since I left where I haven’t thought about him at least once.

I’m at a point right now where I don’t feel like opening myself up to connecting with anyone new, even though I know now that it will never happen with him (barring some divine intervention… looks hopeful… Okay, fine. Never happen). I’m not trying to have this closed-off attitude, but it’s hard not to feel wary of going down that path again. Part of me wants to put in the work to find someone who can make me feel the way he did (God, I miss that), but I don’t think I can right now. When you feel something for someone so strongly, it just seems like the natural order of things is for them to feel the same. But, in the true vein of the cosmic joke that is life, it doesn’t always happen (never for me). Twenty-three years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend or had my feelings returned… Then to be tricked into thinking I finally had a chance of breaking this curse and experiencing that elusive romantic connection with another person… Damn, I didn’t realize how bothered by all this I still am until I started typing it all out :stuck_out_tongue:. Anyway, I’m starting my last internship this month and I’m just going to concentrate on that and give my heart a rest. Poor thing has been through some rough times.

PS. To everyone who has responded to my post with advice and support, I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know there are people out there that care about some anonymous fool (me). I have talked my friends to death about this TG and it’s gotten to the point where they refuse to hear anymore about it (some I couldn’t tell the complete truth to b/c they know who he is). It’s therapeutic for me to be able to speak freely on here and get all these muddled feelings out. Thanks for listening :slight_smile:!

46

Diatris- I forgot to ask you about your situation with your 2 crushes. I saw that you were asking about Lust After Me in another thread. Are you planning a seduction on these unsuspecting fellows :stuck_out_tongue:? For copulins, I’ve only ever used Essence of a Woman, so I can’t give any advice on LAM. I am intrigued by it though and wonder about its effectiveness in comparison to EoW.

47

Let me tell you these guys are so into me but they have so much self control its not funny and I just want them to loose that.

One I want to get into serious relationship with and the other I want to want me sexually like he’s never wanted anyone.

I want him to taste me without tasting me.

48

Just to let you know, I’m about twice your age, and things don’t get that much better. You learn to cope, learn to roll with the punches more, but it’s still tough. And those of us in the older set also start to feel the pressure of another “biological clock” that’s ticking away. Even though I’m still relatively youn, I’ve already outlived a good number of those I grew up with or went to school with. Just remember, even though it may look bleak, you still have quite a bit of time left. My parents didn’t marry till they were almost 30. Perhaps the hardest thing to do, but maybe the best thing to do, is just put it on the “back burner” and don’t let it affect your daily life. Guys can pick up on a womans “agenda” often as easily as women can pick up on some guys “agenda.” Don’t let yourself get “pressured” and move too soon and/or too fast. Tough I know. Been there done that. Both sides.

I figure that as I’m so special, it will take more time to find someone else who is special enough too…
:smiley:

49

Diatris- I hope Lust After Me does the trick on these guys. Why are they denying themselves the pleasure of your company? Foolish mortals. As for the one you want to want you sexually- is the plan to just tease him and then run off into the sunset with your main man? Well, I hope things work out. I’m sure it’s an intoxicating feeling to have someone you want wanting you so bad in return.

Rbt- You know, when I was a teenager, I used to think that my lack of a love life would just resolve itself over time without any actual work on my part. I used to think of it all like a movie- somehow things would work out in the most unsuspected of ways and what I had been hoping for all along (but didn’t know it) would suddenly present itself to me. Especially since life is so full of irony, I just thought that surely all these missed opportunities had a point to them and I would end up with what I really needed in the end. I guess that’s a lot of BS. Instead, there’s no balance guaranteed in life. You really can end up alone. It happens to people all the time and there’s no reason why it can’t happen to me.

I don’t feel like I let it affect my daily life, but lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot more. For one, I just went through that situation with my supervisor, but also every single friend I have is either in a long-term relationship, engaged, or married. Seriously. I am the only single person I know. I don’t go out with the thought of trying to “force” a connection with guys. I don’t have an agenda; I don’t even want a serious relationship right now. I just want someone I’m interested in to be interested in me and for us to spend some time together. Simple, yet…

Anyway, I’m rooting for you to find that special someone to match your specialness :slight_smile:.

50

Candyland- just don’t give up. Things can happen when you least expect it. I know I went thorugh some “lean” times as well. And right now I admit it’s a bit “leaner” than I’d like. But I have to keep myself open. Hang in there.

If you are short on “contacts” you can try checking for Yahoo! Groups in your area that might have interesting people in them you can get to know. Also check Meetup groups, etc. I’ve done both. Addmittedly things are STILL sparse, but not as sparse as they could be…