So I tried Instant Honesty, Shine, Sexy and EW. I noticed the man was more cuddly and open, but we were talking on the phone. So maybe it made me open hence he became open. He also mention I should bottle myself as a perfume…little does he know .
Later he wanted to cuddle and message all day. My only fear with this guy is he is an curable cheater. And I basically would like for him to give everything up for me..including any rivals. But he’s incurable, and really i only want to do this because 1. I cant have him and 2. I have a problem I need to solve.
So what I want to know is cheating curable, is it triggered and can pheromones stop a man in his tracks? Or is it what the woman is doing wrong?
If a man is going to cheat, he is going to. Period. 99.9% of the time, it has nothing to do with what the woman is doing or isn’t doing. Some men cheat, and some don’t. It has to do with his values, morals, and ability (as well as desire) to commit to one woman.
anyways - i agree with Dolly. If he’s a cheater, he’s a cheater. You’re not going to be able to change him, and you really shouldn’t enter into a relationship thinking you can change anyone.
Ok, I’m going to disagree a teeny bit here. The ladies are right on the money when they say some men will cheat and some won’t.
However, and this comes from having worked in VERY male dominated testosterone ridden industries for years - and having had a lot of candid chats with men who have begun to see me as “one of the lads”. (Don’t ask!)
There is a third category - the man who would not ordinarily cheat but meets a woman (or even a man) he is SERIOUSLY attracted to during a time when his current relationship is at absolute rock-bottom. This is compounded if the woman (or man) he is guiltily attracted to actively and consistently chases him, and doubly compounded if alcohol comes into the mix. If under these circumstances a guy slips up, the guilt alone can be crippling and wreck his steady relationship.
However, the fact you are asking this makes me think this guy already has a rep as a “cheater”. Which is a very different scenario than the one above.
I just wanted to add that there are some shades of grey between the black and the white of “never” and “always” a cheater.
lol, I can’t believe these questions, and the replies!
I believe it is not that simplistic as some of the replies suggest
however, back to the point if pheromones stop people from cheating, the truth is yes, they do stop people from cheating, but the pheromones are not syntheticaly produced like the ones sold here, they are our own pheromones, a recent study concluded that if the genetic make up of a individuals pheromones complimented another person genetic make up, it was established through this study that they in fact determine if partners stayed loyal to each other and whether they cheated or not, so the answer is yes
one of the dangers of using synthetic pheromones like the ones sold here is that each time you use them with your own pheromone signiture, they alter your own blue print to something that is not naturally you, so god knows what pheromone signiture your in fact giving off
I don’t think most guys are hardwired to be monogamous. It is something learned and certainly varies from culture to culture. I suspect we’ve evolved to be polygamous. However, many men try to be monogamous due to cultural pressures (morals if you will) and/or respect/love for their partner. When I was married I didn’t stray from my wife–not because I didn’t want other women–but because I cared for her and didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. Now if she didn’t mind if I had a GF or two I would have surely tasted the forbitten fruit as temptations were ample.
As an interesting side note, my grandfather–a well-to-do Korean gentleman–had 5 wives! During the early 20th century this was not unsual if you could afford it. Now he didn’t even date. His mother arranged everything. The “senior” wife had no say in the matter. Apparently she wasn’t producing enough children so concubines were procured to supplement family production.
Yeah that might be true, but it’s all about the conquest. I had a friend who was an incurable cheater. The minute the doc put her on prozac she was most faithful until it ran out. Found out prozac lessens your sex drive, but good are they then? I read somewhere infidelity had somethin to do with dopamins and seratonins. That when people reach a sex high something happens with brain chemistry one of those two start to drop and they try i regain that high with more sex regardless from who. Prozac supposedly balance them out.
and i understand conquest - believe me - but in most cases, it’s short-lived.
I think infidelity has to do with respect. If you are an incurable cheater, you clearly don’t respect your partner’s boundaries. You can pretend for a good long time, but eventually you come back to your own character.
if you really want to be with someone liek that, perhaps y’all could design an open relationship for yourselves. understand that he is who he is at ths point in time, and don’t attempt to change him and make him stick to rules he’s clearly told you he’s incapable of sticking to.
if what you want is fidelity - then find someone who is capable of giving it.
no commercial pheromone product tweaks your MHC signature (which signals genetic compatibility of partners’ immune systems). the products we use project more endocrine status and possibly information about the ecology of skin bacteria so I don’t see any reason to worry about projecting misleading information about compatibility.
Wow, I would put more trust in somebody who is somewhat aware of the impulses that mostly bubble beneath our conscious awareness and has strong enough self control not to act on them than somebody who has never been aware of such impulses at a conscious level. Being aware isn’t the same as thinking of and planning to act on it.
if you are aware that you are experiencing the impulse to cheat, then tell your gal.
if there isnt anything wrong and its totally healthy,then she’ll be cool with it.
cheating,to me, is the thought to have sexual relations without your partners knowledge.
having sexual feelings for others, with your partners knowledge,isnt “cheating”.
if you are assuming everyone has feelings to cheat and that some of us are not aware of that impulse at a concious level as you have stated, then you are wrong.
Well I am a guest here in the women’s forum and I have found the hard way that discussing contentious topics around a full moon is usually a bad idea.
I do observe though that say 10% of babies born in wedlock are not fathered by the husband so that urge to infidelity is broadly part of the human condition - not something confined to some evil subset. If that is the case than one surely can connect with the part of oneself that would be inclined to cheat, just as an actor can connect with the part of himself that feels murderous rage toward a rival even though he might as an integrated person be the gentlest soul alive. The neocortex and frontal lobes are there to stop those parts of one being expressed in behaviour. And given that, I thought May’s assessment of those dynamics were on the mark.
More generally, it is interesting the cultural difference in this respect between Europeans and Americans. It seems to me that Europeans feel much more able to admit the presence of baser motives or impulses within their character. Perhaps innocence here died with the Great War…
I also have worked in a pretty much all male enviroment for the last 20 years and I can pretty much tell you which men would and which men wouldnt cheat on there wives/SO just by getting to know them and there characters.
There is the first group that actively look for it. Most of them are unhappy in some way already either with themself or with life and they are always looking for something better or something to make them more happy.
There is the second group who wouldn’t ever be unfaithful in a million years. They adore their wives and family and are very happy with themselves and life.
Then there is the third group. The ones who dont look for it and are happy but if tempted and given the opportunity they probably would as long as it dosnt disrupt there currant happiness. These are the ones with weak characters.
I have seen the positions change as these men move through there lives. So it is impossible to predict if any person man or woman will be faithful for there entire relationship. Change is a constant. People change, situations change, feelings change as we grow as humans. So I would have to say that its unpredictable to know that once a person cheats that they will or wont again.
I think it all comes down to happiness. If you are happy where you are you wont look for something else to make you happy but if your not happy for what ever reason whether in your relationship or self, it is human nature to look for that happiness. Some people dont see clearly what is making them unhappy and sometimes ruin a prefectly good relationship by cheating only to find out they are still not happy.
If this is true then I have cheated more times then I can count. I have never acted on the “thought”. I would be stupid to think my husband has never “thought” of having sex with someone besides me and as far as I know he has never acted on the “thought”. Humans are sexual creatures by nature so I feel its natural to think about it. Actually I would think it kinda weird if he never thought about it. Its his actions that show his character not his thoughts.
I have thought about killing my boss a few times but the thought dosnt make me a murderer only the action does.
I believe a thought can become an action if we become unhappy with were we are in our own relationship or ourselves and I think a strong character, communication, understanding support and compassion (as well as spicing it up) are important to keeping things happy at least in my relationship. Does this mean my marriage of 20 years will last forever. Nope but as long as we have a respect for each others happiness then I 'believe" we have a great “chance”. In life thats all you can ask for really. A belief that you can and a chance to prove it.
If you want to really keep a man from cheating then cook for him. There is nothing more caring than a woman who cares that her man gets fed. Any man who cheats on a woman who takes care of him like that is a total piece of crap and you don’t want him anyway.
I think Dolly’s statement as amended by May/Tisha23 is pretty much right on. I have never and would never cheat on my wife. Human nature says I am going to notice attractive members of the other sex, but I always do my best to leave it there. Most of my friends are like this also. Trust me - it comes up in conversation often.
I have also known a few guys who are serial cheaters - either on girlfriends or wives. I stay away from these guys. But I do know enough about them to tell you that there is nothing YOU can do - pheromones included - to change them.
You can choose to get involved with him but you know what the end result will be. He will get what he wants from the relationship - most likely sex - and he be gone. Either because he dumps you for someone else or you toss him out because of someone else.
“I have no window to look into another man’s soul” Sir Thomas Moore, “A MAn For All Seasons”
A person is accountible for what he or she chooses to do- what a person acts on is what counts, not what one is tempted to do.
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