I’m going to lay myself bare here (Not literally… stop gawking, Bella! 
). I’m a terrible foot dragger. I procrastinate. I play scenarios over and over in my head, letting each one end in failure, which prevents me from taking bold steps because I’m scared. Maybe it’s ego. Maybe it’s fear of getting burnt. I don’t know…
Let me explain. Last year, my former wife told me she wanted a divorce, and it hit me like a freight train. I loved this woman with all my heart. The only thing I could think about was “How am I gonna fix this?” My very existence was one of trying everything I could possibly do to keep from losing her. I was absolutely devastated, feeling like no matter what, the inevitable was going to happen. I was a walking 20 car pileup.
Now, with that in mind…
Around August last year, I was assigned to a Special Projects Team at work. We were a crew of about a dozen of the highest skilled technicians in our area sent to a company that was falling waaay behind on a government contract that was subbed out to them by one of our project partners. Essentially, we were sent as a “dream team” to bail them out.
One of the people in the team was a girl from a different shift, who I’d never met before. We worked together for most of the time we were on the project, and at first I didn’t notice her. I mean notice as a guy. She was just a co-worker. Besides, I had more weighty relationship issues on my mind that prevented me from being in a state where I could even consider someone else. But then, something happened. We’d talk-- at first, just small talk to break the monotony of the work tasks. Somehow, news of my marital problems trickled her way. As massive a company Boeing is, it has a pretty healthy and efficient grape vine. She’d ask questions, and I’d hesitantly answer. It felt pretty good, actually. She made it obvious that she didn’t mind being an ear if I had something on my mind that was bothering me.
Slowly, the wheels of attraction started turning, but I had to keep myself in check. Was I, in my emotionally fragile state, just latching on to the empathy she was showing? I had to keep a safe distance, because all the while, I still wanted my marriage to work. As long as I remained married to my ex-wife, I felt morally obligated to fidelity. I told myself that until the paperwork was filed and ruled over by a judge, I was still her husband and would act accordingly. Call me old fashioned.
But still… human emotions are a peculiar thing. I was most definitely attracted to this girl, who I’ve identified as “Sarah” in previous posts (not her real name, but that doesn’t matter), and I was feeling bewildered and confused. Eventually, the project ended and we went back to our regular shifts at our regular workplace. I’d see her at shift change and we’d usually chat for a minute or two, but I went back to focusing on a last ditch effort to fix my marriage. That never panned out, and on Feb 2, the divorce became final.
Fresh on what was undoubtedly the worst breakup I’d ever gone through in my life, I purposely shut down in the relationship department. I had to heal and come to terms with what happened. Sure, I did some goofy stuff, as reported in some of my posts in the Men’s forums. Stripclubs, etc. All that was superficial, though. I wasn’t looking for a relationship as much as I was looking to be a “bad boy”. Sowing wild oats, as it were.
Soon, though, the sores began to scab over and heal, and while scars remain, I finding that I’m becoming liberated from the emotional garbage of my divorce. I’m starting to be able to look at women in a way that I wasn’t able to since before I got married. I’m finding that the budding and dormant attraction to Sarah has started to blossom (Boy, am I loading this post up with metaphors!). Unfortunately, face to face contact is limited to about 15-20 minutes each day at shift change, since she’s on first shift and I’m on swing. I figured I’d take my time, not rush into anything. We’d hung out at a casino one day a few months back, and I always thought we’d do it again sometime. I’ve wanted to open up to her, let her know how I feel, and see what happens, but I always talked myself out of it on the opportunities that presented themselves. I’m still a bit fragile, perhaps even a little jaded and cynical. I always figured “next time…”
Well, now there’s not going to be a next time. Friday is going to be the last day I see her, since I’m being transferred to a new location. I’m basically devastated, but for several reasons. Of course, there’s the rapid, repeated kicking of myself in my ass for not manning up when I should have, but I’m also bummed about the move for other reasons. I’m going into a new environment that doesn’t make use of any of my skills. I’ll be starting from rock bottom, having to learn everything about the job. One of the guys who’s transferring with me and I checked the place out this evening. It’s fucking garbage, if you’ll pardon my language. Dirty, cramped, loud, constantly rushed, and complete polar opposite to what I’m doing now. The whole idea of the transfer has got me feeling like crap, which makes the Sarah situation worse.
So… finally getting to the point of this post, I want to talk to her before I go. I want to get it out in the open how I feel, hopefully leaving the door open to be able to get with her some time. I want to do it in such a way that I don’t come off all creepy and/or needy. I’ve got about 10 minutes to make a lasting impression on her, and I want it to be positive. I haven’t the foggiest idea how to pull this off. Any suggestions? If you were in her position, what would you like to hear? What would be “parting words” that would make the prospect of getting together socially in the near future doable?
I’m… well, I hate to say this, I’m kinda desperate, here, and that’s the LAST thing I want to project. HELP!
-D4
She’s the girl who got a little inebriated at the after work party? Where that jerk tried to c*ckblock you by telling you she had a boyfriend or that he was her boyfriend? Not sure I have that right.
And don’t forget your lasso.
), We’re basically spread all over the area. The Seattle-Tacoma-Puget Sound area is basically a spread out conglomeration of the larger cities of Seattle and Tacoma, with smaller towns in between. She lives about 30 miles from me. We work near Seattle, and my new location is about 6 miles from the old one. However, because of differences in schedules, the likelihood of our paths crossing is slim to none. I’m still asleep when she goes to work, and I’ll be coming into work as she’s leaving. Right now, it allows us to see eachother and talk at shift change, but once I relocate, that’ll be impossible.