Losing my marriage

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1

Hi, total mone newbie here. I found out less than a week ago that my husband of 13.5 years (two children) is unhappy and wants to leave me. He said he thinks of me as a sister (even though sex has continued weekly) :-/ and wants a divorce so that he can find that romantic connection with someone else.

I was completely shocked. I had no idea that this was coming…none. He does not open up AT ALL, very poor communicator, and has past issues that I believe are blocking his happiness. He has moved into the guest bedroom of our home until he can secure his own apartment. It’s awkward, but for the kids, it seems best.

I don’t want any of this…I thought we were happy, as did everyone around us (including all of his family…they are shocked too and on my side). We are seeking marriage counseling..spoke to one therapist, just not sure he’s the one. My husband is seeing another therapist, on his own, this Thursday and I myself have an appt lined up for Monday for another.

The last few days I have 1) lost 9 pounds (mostly due to stress), 2) started to ‘dress up’ around the house more (no unflattering loose clothes), 3) wear a little makeup (cover circles from lack of sleep, mascara, lip gloss) at home, and 4) stopped doing anything around him that might be a turn off (after 13.5 years…yes, I farted in front of him, blew my nose, left the bathroom door open, etc…no more).

What I am hoping to do now is trigger a spark in him that is sexual. Even if he does not change his mind about leaving, I want him to want me again that way. Also, as I head out into the single world again, I want others to be attracted to me. I basically want my sexy back. I’m an attractive (think Sandra Bullock), healthy, intelligent, 48 year old woman and I guess I’ve lost all my natural mones :frowning:

What would be recommended for me? I want to see a response, hopefully in him, but others too. Also, I have A type blood.

2

Hey AlexS17, welcome to the forums. So very sorry to hear about your marriage.

In short, there are two products that women can try. There are actually many more but I am not extremely knowledgable in those areas. The two I am referring to are instant sexiness A and B.

The A version has this vixen like vibe to it while the B version is more like a kitten like vibe. This is where you take your pick to which one suits your personality the best.

I wish you best of luck.

3

Sorry to hear about your situation, you got my sympathies.
Other than that, welcome to the forums, I hope you find what you need here. Just read, study and learn from others.

I’d agree with rolandcubed, and also you could try using “Instant Honesty for Women”. That could make some things clearer if you get him to talk… and that leads us to “Instant Openness for Women”. It will make him more likely to tell you the deep reasons, but beware: some questions are better left unanswered. After that, one of the Sexiness (A or B) could do the trick to get him in the hook again. (Oh, avoid the prolonged use of pheromones in front of children)

Also, all of the above apply to social enviroments… and IO/W paired with IH/W can lead to very interesting results.

I hope this ends well, best of lucks :slight_smile:

All of those mones found here Spray Pheromones :: Androtics Direct
Women Pheromones forum: WOMEN’s Pheromone Advice, Tips and Tricks at PheromoneTalk.com

4

**Welcome to our community Alex!

We’re super happy to have you join us. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. I hope to see more of you around here in the next few weeks!

This is a quick note to let you know I’ve issued your gift certificate. It’s burning a hole in your email box as you read this!

Have fun!"

~~~~~**

5

Ok, so here’s a question for you experts and soon to be experts…how close does a person have to be to feel the affects of the mones?

I’m curious because, as stated, my husband is now sleeping in the guest room. I used my $25 to buy a small ToGo of IS/A (as a test) but how do I get him to notice if I am not necessarily close to him now? Can I just cross his path? Or sit across the table?

6

Read SteveO’s post about the range in this thead:

Crossing eachother’s paths works, but generally you wanna have more time for exposure. Sitting across the table should be fine, but of course the closer you get to him, the more the molecules will hit him.

Around people that already know you very well, repeated exposure is key to make them notice there’s something different about you.

Don’t know what products you ended up buying, but in my experience social mones like IH hit immediately at first exposure when you start talking. Status and attraction mones take a little longer, as people will have to reframe their perceptions of you in their mind.

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Hello Welcome to Pherotalk

Just curious but are you on the birth control pill ? Reason I ask is because it would matter on what I would suggest you try.

Copulins are what trigger mens sexual response to a women and if your on the pill your not making them which would explain his sudden lack of interest partly. Becoming "settled " or to comfortable is another. From your above comments I see your working on that part.

Tisha

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Thanks, I will read this for sure! I have Cleo B from Love Scent currently…been wearing light doses when he’s around…but also ordered Liquid Trust (which should arrive today) and ordered Instant Sexiness A from SmartMones which should be here tomorrow. Not sure if I should layer any of these, though. I guess we’ll see if I can handle it. Wanted to start wearing LT right away (hoping he’ll open up to me).

9

My Dear, I completely understand your situation. As of Monday I am finally divorced of a 12 year marriage. I’ve been in your situation, it’s hard, frustrating and totally lowered my self esteem as well. I am no psychologist but I wish I would have read these few books way before this point:

Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love - Nancy Drefus (I found this the last part of my marriage, its a great 'relationship repair in a flash" flip book

The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman (Best book to help with every relationship in your life )

Emotional Intelligence - Travis Bradberry (It’s a heavy read so I recommend the 2.0 one)

and of course any Boundary book by Henry Cloud OOOH and Don Miguels 4 Agreements!

Sorry I got carried away, your story touched me. I hope you find what your looking for - and if you don’t have time to read these I youtube them and Audiobook them while driving. Peace, Light, Love and Hope to you. :slight_smile:

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No, Tisha…not on the pill, but do have the Mirena IUD which has small does of hormones. I do think I’ve lost my mones…I’m 48 after all…and didn’t want any more kids after the two we had (last one born in 2004, and the first Mirena ran it’s course of five years before I had another put it a few years back). The IUD just seemed like the easiest choice. Should I have this removed? The chances of getting pregnant at this age is almost unheard of.

Also, I have been using Cleo for the last few days…small small amounts, tho…it’s intense! Tried to cover with my one cologne, but that just made me stink up so much, my daughter and I couldn’t even handle it, and I washed it all off, and reapplied just the Cleo ever so lightly in preparation for my husbands return home. I definitely feel it’s affects…my lady parts ‘hum’ a lot more these days. :wink:

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Also, I started having peri menopause symptoms (night sweats, ‘leaking’ when coughing/sneezing, unexplained weight gain, etc) and I just calculated that my Mirena is due to come out soon anyway. I will not have another one put in, that’s for sure. And I recently started taking Estroven every day to help with symptoms.

12

Thanks so much for the support, and the reads! I will look for them…but I suspect it would help my husband more to read them, although I doubt he’d take my advice. He is very closed (like sooo many men).

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ConfidentWomen …question for you…did you use any mones prior to your divorce? And I am so sorry to hear that, really… :frowning:

I just bought the first book on your list and will read it as soon as it arrives. Thanks again for the list! My husband goes to his first therapy tonight. I don’t expect any changes to occur for a while…just hope he can stay open to going.

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Update: not sure how read this or whether it’s a hit, but on occasions that we need to be together somewhere out of the house, my husband has started opening the door for me and pulling out my chair. He did this today, at the bank. I don’t think he’s ever done that before… He’s also thanking me more often for little things. This could be a sign he’s treating me more like a stranger than a wife. That would suck. I say “you’re welcome” now, not “yep”.

I did a little ambush on him yesterday morning (am I bad?)…I was wearing a little Cleo (have been for days) and went into his room after he had dressed for work and the door was open. I went in, shut the door, and gave him a deep hug and told him how proud I was of him for starting to take care of himself (he’s had terrible hip pain and an ailing tooth for years and has finally made appointments to fix these issues). Also, he’s seeing the therapist tonight for his emotional pain. Anyway, I said I did not know how anyone could be happy with so much physical and emotional pain and that besides what he may think, I want him to be happy. I said this all during the hug and I teared up a bit while saying it (because I really meant it). He didn’t have any great reaction at the time that I know of and he did leave for work right after, so I couldn’t witness anything more, but do you think it could be that he’s starting to feel a change toward me?

15

Your age coupled with the low dose of hormones your getting from your IUD has probably greatly lessened your copulin production. Copulins are basically vaginal fluids we secrete when we are fertile. They are just a part of what sexually attracts men. They signal fertility and desirability. Mens testosterone levels spike when exposed and they become aroused.
They also signal youth and in studies men have judged women younger then actual age when they were wearing copulins

I wouldn’t remove the IUD but I would look for more products with copulins in them. There are products out there with them already added. I use love potions myself You could also try EOW from love scent which is pure copulin concentrate. Let me warn you it smells god awful but you would add a few drops to your a 5ml perfume if you cant handle the smell.

I use it straight and cover but that takes practice. I suggest you begin with the premade products laced with cops or work your way up adding to a 5ml perfume first. You could also layer it with your instant sexiness or add 3 to 5 drops to a 5 ml bottle.

I also think what your doing is good. We get lax after being with someone for a while. Spicing things up is important. You want to create sexual tension.

Tisha

16

Alex;

Sorry to hear about your difficulties.
This issue (feeling like you are a sister instead of his lover) is actually very common and possibly hardwired into us as humans.

In her book, Heart of Desire, Stella Resnick talks specifically about this issue, referring to is as the Love / Lust dilemma.
The Heart of Desire: Keys to the Pleasures of Love: Stella Resnick: 9780470582350: Amazon.com: Books

The issue is that as we fall more deeply in love with someone we can subconsciously begin to view them as part of our early family.
Since our societies (and perhaps our genetic makeup) discourage incest, when we become closer to someone (love) our subconscious can begin to discourage us from feeling desire (lust) for that person. Essentially our subconscious tells us it is bad to lust after our siblings/mother/father.

While Phero’s may help in the short term I am not sure they will help in the long term since his subconscious may be telling him what is is doing is wrong. I suggest getting the book and reading it (with him if he is willing). She covers it in the first chapter or two and hopefully it will help convince him that his feelings are normal and can be reversed with some simple exercises. Don’t lose hope - Remember, If he is experiencing the Love/Lust dilemma the reason he may be feeling this way is because he loves you very deeply.

17

Interesting, thanks for the book read! I’m not sure if that’s the case or not. My thought was that it was just years and years of the same ole same ole and a lack of communication between us. He has had no problem being intimate with me (up until last Wed), but with two kids, it was not as wild as we both would have liked (“we only have a few minutes…let’s go…ok, done” kinda thing). Plus, he said that he couldn’t talk to me anymore…meaning communication has broken down. He was never a good communicator (like his father) and I guess I shut down too. Counting on therapy to help both of us there. I am also reading “Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love”, suggested by ConfidentWomen..so there’s that. If it turns out he has this Love/Lust thing, I will remember the book you referenced. I would hope, however, that his therapist could see this pattern if it existed…just too soon to know yet. Thanks again.

18

Alex,

The advice Tisha gave you is excellent, don’t skip over it ‘I use love potions myself You could also try EOW from love scent’]. Google ‘Love Potions’ & Love Scent’ to find them.

Also if you are able to convince him [either directly or through an intermediary] to go with you to a sex therapist, you both may learn to enjoy each others’ company more.

Flirting both with words, jokes, and physically may be worthwhile and at least it will give you some practice, if you haven’t been doing it all along.

Unless he has a friend on the side, using sex only 1-2 times a week as his main motive sounds like he has a deeper underlying issue that needs to be brought to the surface by someone skilled who he can trust [and probably with you not present].

I went through 2 years ago what you are doing now. Best of luck.

PS: Get the new IUD. Read books on flirting, picking up men - & practice on your husband. [If he does leave you won’t have anyone to try it on. Become an expert. Hopefully you’ll be able to do it with him for the rest of your life. Both of you will enjoy the process.]

19

I’ve been doing a LOT of reading, online forums and eBooks, and I have begun making changes in my interactions with him. He and I are seeing separate therapists so that we can communicate openly. I have changed the way I speak to him and look around him and trying to give him space and take my own, as well.

I have initiated some discussion, nothing confrontational, just open honest Q&A. He doesn’t really want divorce…we have a great life together and he’s in no rush to have that disappear. We discussed his desire to have sex outside of our marriage and after careful consideration, I have said that I would support that if it meant our lives together and our family didn’t have to end. It’s just sex. He’s a man. Moreover, he is a Sagittarius man (I am an Archer, too). I told him my preference would be for him to have a weekend in Vegas and then come back to being my husband. I said I can’t tell him what to do, obviously, but that having this encounter in our town could be awkward for both of us. I also told him about some of my sexual desires that I’d like to try out with him, when he’s ready. The conversation was light and we were both smiling. I told him I’d do much to save our marriage and gave him a hug and a kiss on the neck.

Guess we’ll see what happens.

Oh, I lost 12 pounds since D-Day (Feb 12th), so there is a perk for me…jump start to getting the rocking body I know is in there. :wink: Weights three times a week and 45 mins on the elliptical for another three.

20

I certainly wouldn’t skip Tish’s advice…I am already using cops, some days Cleo…others ISEX/A. I am waiting for IH (today?) and will blend that in as well (not for cops, but for trust building). Not sure I could handle EOW…maybe…I assume it’s as strong or stronger than Cleo and everytime my daughter smells Cleo on me, she comments (and they are not positive comments!). But, I’m not doing it for her. :wink: Maybe Love Potions…we’ll see. Have so many mones right now, I don’t want to go too crazy!

Right now, we are so busy with just adding the personal therapists, not sure he’d be receptive to sex therapy too…in fact, I know he wouldn’t. Maybe in time. Hoping my openness with him about my sexual desires stirred the pot a bit. I told him he could tell me anything and I would not judge him.

Don’t think a new IUD is necessary, really. Slim slim slim chances I would get pregnant at 48. Plus, I had a hell of a time conceiving my son, and that was 10 years ago.

I’ve been reading many books and articles and am definitely becoming a flirt. On the elliptical today (he was lifting today), I made sure I moved my hips more than usual. I lower my voice, speak more slowly, compliment him when it’s appropriate (wow, this dinner is delicious, thank you), and look him in the eyes when we talk (“Always, look eye.” comes to mind from Karate Kid lol). I carry myself taller, straighter, and with more confidence. I plan things that don’t involve him (mystery, check…has her own life, check…). I give him space to do the things he likes that don’t involve me and don’t bitch if he runs later than he had said.

Last night, he and I watched “Rush” together while the kids watched a movie in the basement. When it was time for bed, we tucked the kids in and before we retreated to our own rooms, he said ‘Good night’ and hugged me. I hugged back (nice and deep) and kissed him on the neck. That little gesture…the hug…had a big impact on me and I slept really well for the first time since this whole thing started.