Experts: Help me save my marriage

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

Hello all. I’m new to the forum and have been experimenting with pheromones for only about 2 months now. My interest in pheromones is very specific: I’m trying to save my marriage. So I am looking for advice from married experts, and from those who have successfully turned around a situation where their wife or long time girlfriend had lost those feelings of love and hope for the relationship. Again I’m only a newbie, but it would appear that this situation requires a very different approach than trying to pick up women.

So here’s the background:

I’m 46, she is just turning 40. We’ve been married for 17 years and have two children under 12. We’re both attractive, college educated and successful in our professions. She is deep in the middle of the mid-life crisis that seems to be affecting every woman about this age. Three years ago we got her breast implants. It was my hope at the time that this would to boost her self image and (hopefully) her sex drive, which has been virtually zero for the duration of our marriage. After the implants, she started getting interested in working out at the gym and running (I’m sure some of you guys are already nodding your heads and laughing at this point). Gradually over a period of three years she has also become more comfortable with her body, dressing sexier (often inappropriately). Our sex life was in fact a little better, but we are talking sex maybe every three weeks to a month on average. I should also say that my wife has always been 100% trust-able and that is something that I’ve always loved about her.

In late February she flew out of state to visit our family friends (who are much older and more like a set of parents) and to run a half marathon. Three weeks later I discovered she was having a text message affair with the 20 year old neighbor of our friends. The day I confronted her about it my marriage completely blew up. The affair ended at this point, but years of pent up rage, resentment and anger came pouring out. She claimed she hasn’t felt love for me for a very long time (which I honestly don’t believe because she is a terrible actress and there is no way she could have pretended that well for that long). I now know this is very typical behavior for someone who has been caught in an affair. We’ve been to marriage counseling and other specialized programs. For her the counseling has not been helpful because she has not been willing to “work” on our relationship yet. (also typical post-affair). After three months of major volatility, we are currently in a period of calm but with zero effort being exerted on her part.

The current state of affairs is that she wants a break from the marriage drama for the duration of the summer. I’m currently in favor of this as three months of super human effort on my part to be loving, attentive etc… etc… has not only been ineffective, it was actually repelling her further - which she clearly articulated at one point. We continue to sleep in the same bed every night, but there is zero physical contact going on. No hugging, kissing and certainly no sex. About the only quality time we spend together on a regular basis actually has the potential to lend itself to pheromone-related experimentation. We frequently spend time watching movies & shows together in bed after the kids are asleep.

Women are all about “feelings” and my wife clearly falls into that category. So I have realized, this is a battle to change her feelings. I can’t’ win this with rational arguments about how the kids would be devastated, how great things have been in the past etc… She has recently said things like “my heart is dark for you,” and “whenever I think about trying to repair the romance between us it gives me major anxiety.” Bottom line is, I have to change the way she feels.

Objectives:

  • Rekindle her feelings of love for me. Yes I do believe she still has love for me but she is very angry and resentful and doesn’t know what she wants. Therapists have told me they really don’t think she is done with the marriage though she is attracted to the (false) idea that leaving would make her happy again.
  • Regain her respect and trust. This is big because we’ve had some financial problems in the past and she (of course) blames these all on me.
  • Rekindle her sexual desire for me. I realize I have to be careful here not to go over the top with the high-sexuality mones, but I do want her to lay in bed next to me and think to herself “He is actually very sexy and I’m really turned on right now…” Another land mine I want to avoid is to cause her to start thinking about her affair partner. I think I inadvertently did this one day when I wore a sample of a popular phero cologne in the morning. She sent a text to her girl friend saying she had a strong desire to call him that day (whereas she hadn’t been thinking about him at all recently).

Here’s what I’ve tried so far.

  • Mixing a popular “study proven” phero into cologne. Didn’t seem to do anything.
  • Using the hell out of a popular “Trust” product containing oxytocin. I think it would work if you could deliver it via a mask 24/7, but no way will this work by spraying it on yourself.
  • Straight A1. The first time I put this on she oddly began laughing hysterically about a smart ass response she had just thought for an email message I sent earlier. It was very unusual behavior for her.
  • A popular “Chik” mixed phero product, unscented. Not seeing much response to this at all.
  • A competitor’s great guy kind of phero product. Can’t see that this did anything.
  • A314. This is the only product she has really reacted negatively to. She hates the smell, and she has a terrible sense of smell. Even one drop covered with my own cologne makes her say “whatever you are wearing is way too strong or you are wearing way too much.” So I think this is out for me.
  • P83. The supply that I have came as akuto 20%, so it is VERY strong as a cologne. 25 mgc. It’s hard to wear this because of the akuto (it’s just awful). I can’t say that I’ve noticed impact from this though I’ve only tried it a few times. Have high hopes for this however.
  • Drops of straight androstenone applied to back of neck. Have only tried this a couple times. Not sure if it did anything yet. Funny, she doesn’t smell this, but a tiny bit of A314 is like a road flare.
  • Instant Shine. I love this stuff already. Love the scent and wish that EVERY AD product I order could be optioned with the same scent…(hint hint). Who knows if this is helping, but doesn’t seem to hurt.
  • Instant Honesty. Not sure if this is doing anything either.

I should say that I’m looking specifically for strategy advice. What, where, when, how. What putatives should I try? What combinations?

If anyone has stories about how pheromones helped to turn around your marriage or relationship on the rocks, it would be good to hear those as well.

For anyone tempted to post “give it up, your marriage is over,” please save it. I’m not interested in your negative outlook. I’m looking for tips and advice on how to best apply pheromones (and any other out-of-box techniques) to save my marriage. And for those who are willing to lend your advice, I thank you in advance…

Rebuilding the relationship with your wife: What works?
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Rebuilding the relationship with your wife: What works?
2

I’ll be the first one to throw dirt on your hill, King. :smiley:

It’s hard to tell you what to do, since I/we do not know your character. Yes, every man and woman is a GOOD man/woman … according to them (that man, or that woman). :smiley:

NEGATIVE: Most of the time, when one person’s mind is made up … that’s pretty much it. 17 years is a loooooooong time! Boredom will do to a relationship what a herd of termites will do to a brand new wooden house; and she may NOT be pretending.

Lots of women in their 40s start craving that young blood … for some, it makes them feel younger, more attractive and more alive.

Now, as for mones, I’d give myself a chance at A314 … there’s a new MAN/new meat in the house!, which is what most people want, or woman), IH for the bonding part, and IS … smile dammit! … for that HAPPY FEELING.

Oooopsy! No A314!! NO A314!!! She may be an ALPHA female. Have you tried the sprays?

A-1 with something MANLY … AMMO, TUTH, AE, NPA … perhaps? Sounds like you need to keep testing until you come up with something POSITIVE; and A-1 needs to be in there with whatever you come up with.

Good luck!

3

Hi there.

I am so sorry for what your going through.

I am not going to tell you to give it up but I am not going to lie to you either just because its what you want to hear.

I wish I could tell you that mones could fix this but I am afraid it would just be a temporary band aid.

Pheromones evoke emotion yes but they cant make someone feel something they dont. They cant change, they just enhance.

It seems to me you have taken all the right steps so far both in counseling and the mones though.

Well to rekindle love feeling the best mone is A1 but you have used it already with odd results. I would continue to try it for a while though.

A314 is the best on the market for this. However you have to be congruent. I am assume the past financial issues are done. If not A314 is not going to over shadow that.

The connection is lost so any sexual mix you use is not necessarily going to attract her to you. She just may think about him as you stated. I would hold off on the heavy sex mixes until your relationship issues are repaired.

I would suggest IG over A314 and see how that go’s. Its alpha respect mix but it conveys a good provider as well.

Keep using Ishine for a youthful vibe. Get it in 2X

IH to re-establish that connection. How much did you use ? Get it in 2X or 4X. Just be prepared to hear the truth because it will come out.

Oxytocin is a waste. It hasn’t proven effective as a spray pheromone in most products that use it. Its needs to be kept refrigerated at all times and sprayed directly into the nasal canal. Its only viable outside the body without refrigeration for about 3 minutes. Its just to unpredictable and volatile to work as a commercial mone.

You may want to try P74 to increase or help rebuild a bond between you.

P83 stop using. This is a dis inhibitor and from what you have indicated she is becoming uninhibited enough.

Other then what I have said above I cant think of any others that may help. They just are not designed for that.

I will add a few more things though. Seems to me that this other guy must be fulfilling some need that you haven’t lately. Find out what that need is.

See if you can get her to get her hormones checked. Some of what you mentioned reminds me of a imbalance. I dont know how willing she would be to do it though.

Do not tell her how you think she feels or how you think she should feel. I notice you insist that she still has feelings for you and you called her feelings (false). That just may be part of the problem. Just like you dont want to hear us tell you to except it you dont want to hear what she is trying to tell you. Maybe thats the need that other guy fulfills.

I wish I had better advice to give you or there was some way around the pain but there isn’t. Somethings in life are beyond our control. We just have to live through them

Best of luck to you

Tisha

Rebuilding the relationship with your wife: What works?
4

Hi Austin, I hope I can help. So far my experience with pheromones have largely been positive with respect to people in social, partying and business situations. Mones have certainly given me hits with many girls, many of them have flirted, done nice things for me etc. However I’ve had a problem with escalation and I’ve only recently gotten better at it thanks to the advice of others in the forum as well as experimenting with different mixesI will list the products and combinations that have gotten me attraction hits with the higher numbers my favourite ones1) MX297 + Ammo + IS (Optional) + IH (Optional) 2) P78 + IH + P83 3) Ammo + IS4) IS + TUTH (At least 2 parts IS to 1 part TUTH for me)Give mx297 + ammo a shot, and if you can, find a product/product combination that will put her at ease, something that will make her feel very comfortable and unalarmed by your presence.A314 is really good but in your case shouldn’t be used alone, you’ll need to find a companion to the product and probably a suitable cover scent

5

I agree with M&M and Tisha, bust I must ask… why is she so angry? Was there a lack of attention that drove her to cheat? When did the anger start?

6

Wow. That’s how I arrived here, not exactly the same, but close enough.

What you should know is that there are some truly amazing products, but one size doesn’t fit all. You seem to have that figured out with the testing. I used Androstadienone (A1) on my now ex and it calmed her down, as she was incredibly bitchy at that point in our lives. It calmed her down enough that I think I created a Pavlovian response. That is about the only good thing I can offer in your situation from personal experience.

Ok, but on to products, you’ll need to test. Again, like my ex, they seem to have similar senses of smell and reactions. I used 5% neroli and that was pushing it for her. I never had the chance to try other ‘fun’ mones.

Good luck.

7

Sorry to hear about your situation. Is she still talking to the 20 year old? Also, did she ever physically cheat on you?

8

Try a physical trust-activity, like one of those “FearFactor” things that requires you to team up, à la Trust Building Activities. Suggest it as an activity you really want to do, but need a partner to do so. (Make sure you find out which events are twosomes.)

I’d say no TV in the bedroom, but that seems to be your only shared activity remaining. Take up other activities that you enjoy, that you think she’d enjoy, and invite her to join you. Don’t ask if she “will go with you” or “wants to try” something. Just go, and invite her once or twice, no more. Make sure they are new and interesting and active. Not just the same routine walks or dinners out. If you want, make a (simple) picnic, and say “I’m going to eat this outside.” Even take out pizza and a bottle of wine with a candle. Very spontaneous, new, and yet understated.

Who really wanted/suggested the implants? I’d think she doesn’t think YOU find her sexy/attractive. Occasionally give her unique compliments: “I love the softness of your hair as it tickles it’s way across my chest,” for instance, not just “you’ve nice hair,” or “your hair is soft.” Preferably about body parts she’s NOT insecure about, but this can be tricky for you to know.

Occasionally send her sexy texts, starting with gentle, spontaneous compliments that show you’re thinking about HER and not just SEX and the fact that she is [any] woman. If/when she replies, you can up the ante SLOWLY. Keep it on this level for 1-2 more texts, or a level or two down from what she replies. (This shows interest in gentlemanly manner.)

Just DO things without trying to incur jealousy. If she doesn’t want to join you for swing-dancing, don’t say “I’m sure there’ll be lots of single women,” say “Well, maybe there will be someone else whose dance partner couldn’t make it,” like you’re making the best of a less-than-ideal situation, but not “looking forward to all those other women.”

9

OK, I’m actually going to not give phero advice as some has already been given and given by people more knowledgeable about the topic than myself.

Here’s what stands out…keep in mind I only have the information you provided to go off of so if I make a wrong assumption it’s because you left something out.
She is feeling more attractive and energetic than she has in a while. Between the implants (no offense to ScienceStudent but implants are not always the mans idea, I personally have a family member who’s husband was against them because he didn’t want her to think she needed “fixing” but she got them for herself and her self esteem. If you want to blame societal standards of beauty thats fine, but not every married woman with implants has a husband that talked her into them)
Anyway, between the implants, the working out and the new wardrobe she’s feeling like a new woman (the working out probably boosted her health and energy levels as well.) and she managed to attract the interest and attention of a man half her age.

Here’s the question…what have you been up to?

What I’m getting at is that you make no mention of your own image, appearance, attitude or where you’re going in life.

I’m given the impression, at least based on your initial description of yourself, your wife and the lifestyle that you may not feel like you need to be going anywhere, and that the place you wanted to go is right where you are. This could very well be the problem. She feels like she’s growing and changing while you stay the same.

My advice, since it seems that the harder you try to pull her back, the harder she pushes away. Is to try and RE attract her by doing a little life makeover of your own.
Hit the gym, and look into taking up some kind of physical activity to compliment that.
Have your stylist give you a new hairstyle, pick out some new clothes
Give her a little space by looking into taking a class at an adult school, dance, foreign language whatever.
Spend some time with friends from work, your class, and any other social groups you’re part of and be social.
The big one, find a project…something that you can get really enthusiastic about. Get ambitious again, get hungry and devote a set amount of time each day or week toward that goal.

Instead of focusing on chasing her, focus on rebuilding attractive qualities in yourself and give her the time to fall in love with you all over again.

10

Heh, Radman, oh I’m certain they are often a woman’s idea, but she may (erroneously) believe that he wants her to have them so she can be attractive to him, or that she needs them to keep his eye from wandering.

I agree he needs to sanely reinvent himself. Too much would drive her away though, whether it be nude-drawing class (with the imagined plethora of nymphs) or too many hours in the gym full of barbell babes. Not to say he shouldn’t go to the gym, but pick one for the economic or proximal factors over the visual stimulation and do outdoor cardio sometimes too. Too many hours away (in a sudden change) will cause suspicion in her, and can backfire.

11

Agreed, Nude drawing…not so good, exotic cooking? very good, salsa dance, gooood, (especially since both can be translated into an activity that can be done together) Foreign language with the hint of it being for a future vacation would be nice.

Some degree of preselection imo is warranted. Nothing overt or inappropriate, But just as she got to feel a boost by being attractive to a young male, she needs to be reminded that he’s still attractive to women.
I’m not suggesting beating her over the head with hints of how she can be replaced, but she should see that somebody else might want what she fails to hold onto.

That as an aside, I think also that demonstrations of masculinity in the domestic role might be a good idea. Let her sleep in and wake up to the sound of you mowing the lawn, or doing some work on the car, etc
Find shit around the house that’s broke, and fix shit. Last serious live in GF used to just like watching me through the window when I was changing oil or hammering something. I think this would help remind her of your masculinity, AND that she benefits from that masculinity by it being part of the home and family that she’s a part of.

12

Please tell me what it is that you do with your marriage? If she claims something you best acknowledge it because her feelings are valid. Remember what you think is BS is not what someone else believes.

That’s the first step. If a marriage fails, it’s always, and i mean ALWAYS both parties faults. You better make sure that you recognize her feelings and discuss how you can work on making her feel better. If she has a problem and you do not in your marriage, well that sounds like to me you better shape up and listen!

Remember, once you’re married, make sure you’re not looking at your relationship/marriage as an obligation that both of you must stay in love with each other. That’s never a good way to look at it or have it inside you as a feeling. Or even think that since both of you have children together that you will stay together.

The next time you do decide to see a marriage counselor make sure that your wife doesn’t try to pin the problem on another family member. Well, more like make sure that the marriage counselor does not believe that the problem with the marriage has to do with other family members. If the marriage counselor does, then it’s time to get a new one.

And i’m not a marriage counselor or anything, but I do have a degree in family studies. Be sure to work on the problem with each other by communication. This is the key so I would recommend trying something like instant honesty. I couldn’t say anything else would do you well because communication is one of the most (if not the most) important thing in a relationship/marriage.

13

…breakfast, was my thought. Last ex I had (~7 years, last two married), it was my favorite thing that he did. I hated that he got more into solitary projects of fixing things (when they would turn out to be unnecessarily long projects) and spend more time in the gym. Seriously, commute, work, commute, eat, nap, eat, 3 HOURS daily in the gym, eat, bed…he may as well have been a bachelor, so I let him. =/ Oh, AND taking on a job with double the commute time (60 instead of 30 minutes) for $1 more per hour? Not actually worth the lost time, never mind gas and car maintenance.

14

Wheeeew!

The advice is overflowing in this camp! :smiley:

I, for one, don’t care for implants. I remember having my ONLY relationship with a lady that had implants. She finally asked me why I didn’t play with them while we bump sweaties, and I told her they were fake, and I didn’t think they were sensitive to touch. She asked me who told me they were fake. Helloooooo!

Anywho, and I do mean anywho, in my years of breathing, I’ve noted that no matter how attractive/hot/cute/sexy a woman is, she’s not happy unless she hears it/sees it/feels it from someone OTHER THAN her man/lover/husband. I’m afraid it comes with the territory.

Movies, soaps, stars, TV, friends, neighbors that are females dealing with young studs, rub off on LOTS of other females. It’s what life has done/is doing to the minds of people.

I hope it turns out the way he wants it to, but the lady wants out; and normally when that happens … you can stick a fork in it, 'cause it’s done. Hopefully, he’ll make THE EXCEPTION LIST.

Good morning, world!

Good morning, Androtics!

Good morning, TishaPoo! :smiley:

Don’t hurt anyone, SStudent! :wink:

And do note, as he requested … I’ve never said MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. :roll_eyes:

15

Stop Your Divorce! By Homer McDonald

No joke… get this guy’s book. I listened to him on a David Deangelo interview and his ideas just blew me away.
Basically its one of two things…you have to just let her walk away while you go out and create more relationships (which you then never give up) or you truly have such confidence within yourself that you can go out and create these other relationships that there is no need to.
The simple truth is rarely does a man have that much confidence after 17 years of marriage…soooo…
Seriously… get this guy’s book its expensive, but he guarantees success…or at least he did in his advertisements that he used to post on billboards.
Seriously..this man has changed my entire outlook on the whole concept of having options in life and how important that truly is.

16

Its not just preselection causing jealousy, or creating a sense of lack within her. I just posted a link to a book by a gentleman who said that it has to do with low self-esteem…of course in both men and women.
He said as soon as a partner suggested divorce, separation etc…to immediately agree and start dating 5-6 people.
What this does, is then not just create jealousy, but confirms that this woman’s judgement wasn’t faulty. Her low self-esteem causes her to lack trust in her tastes and judgements, and these women now confirm that her choice wasn’t all that bad.
The only issue is, he says once she takes you back, you gotta keep the girlfriend, otherwise she will leave within a few weeks…100% of the time.
He said that in all his cases that even tho’ she / he hated that the partner was out with someone else, they still parked their shoes under their bed every night.
Seriously one of the best damn interviews and most enlightening interviews I’ve heard in a long time…and proves why my buddy can go out with women on the side and it saved their marriage.

17

Hey Austinn,

The fragrance in Instant Shine is ‘neroli’ - all of our Instant products come in that same fragrance. If you’re asking about Ammo you actually CAN get it in Neroli. You have to use ‘Mens Custom Fragrance’ as an option.

–

Also - everybody else here I am posting here to answer his question about the fragrance but also to bump this thread. This guy really needs your help so if you’ve been lurking in this thread and haven’t posted in it yet PLEASE help him. He seems to have some good intentions and it takes A LOT of courage to go through what he is. So as a favor please help him out.

IN FACT - whoever supports this thread will be entered in next week’s webcast’s giveaway.

Help this brother out, ok? Thanks!

Austinn - if there’s anything I can do for you e-mail me please:

John Sebastian
jslavalle@androtics.com
Operations Manager
Androtics Direct

18

I can’t think of many more things than what’s already been said… only that rebuilding the marriage will be a process. Without rehashing my recent life story take a look at my post “the greatest gift with purchase ever” that i wrote a while back. Maybe it could ensure you that all may not be lost.

19

OK,

One line that really stood out for me was
“Bottom Line - I have to change the way she feels”

IMO that’s NEVER going to work. Instead, work on yourself. Build a lifestyle that’s more attractive and let your actions speak for you.

The more you try to ‘Win’ her over, the harder she’s going to push back.

I think a break for the summer would be great for you. Build new relationships, focus on hobbies you’ve wanted to do, places you’ve wanted to visit, etc. Meet as many new people as possible and just have fun. Think about it this way, you can do whatever you want because you won’t be held back by anyone now. Give her a chance to see how awesome your life is and thus giving her a chance to miss you.

If you’ve got friends that go out, stay out late and just have a good time. Go out with mixed groups (Guys and girls). Keep yourself busy with fun/light activities for yourself or with your friends and let her do the same. Don’t be as available to her.

If she ever asks what you’re up to or where the party is at you’re going to, let her know, but don’t feel obligated to invite her. In fact, if she tries to invite herself, you have to be able to say No to her… for example,

“Well it’s actually going to be me and a few buddies, maybe next time.”

Question for you: From what it seems like in your post, you are letting her walk all over you. Are you a confident person? Are you outgoing? You say you are attractive but do you really feel you are attractive?

You seem to have lost some belief in yourself. I think the pheros you should look into getting should be to give you confidence and keep your mood light, happy, and outgoing.

As for Pheros, I’d HIGHLY recommend using higher doses of shine simply for its self effects. I mean seriously, who doesn’t like being around a happy person?

Also, when you ran A314, did you feel more confident with it? If you did, then forget what she said about the smell, and utilize its effects for you.

Try wearing IO at higher doses as well. Really helps get convos moving in a fun direction when I wear it.

Ammo also has an all around use and should really be considered as well. Men and women have ALWAYS complimented how great I smell when I wear it.

These 4 can be combo’d as well to create some ULTRA powerful mixes.

As for the scent, Neroli is the way to go. It’s light and can be covered by most colognes :wink:

Now…Most importantly… you have to be more confident and outgoing regardless of the mones. The more you are, the more work the mones will do.

I hope things work out for you, but DO NOT compromise your happiness to try to win someone over that doesn’t feel the same for you.

20

That’s a hard pill to swallow after investing all those years, but it is the TRUTH!