Rebuilding the relationship with your wife: What works?

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

OK, I get that some members of this forum generally laugh at the “how do I get my ex back?” “How do I make her love me again” questions, but I feel compelled to make few points here…

Arguably, saving a troubled marriage or relationship is no easy task. It’s also a completely different, but no less valid application for pheromones than the pursuit of getting laid and/or starting a relationship as a single male.

Additionally, for someone who is dead-set on trying to save a relationship (and I fall into this category), there is often a great deal at stake.

Having spent months searching this forum and others, there is very little out there about how best to use pheros to increase the probability of saving a troubled relationship.

When you are attempting to pick up a woman in a bar, or attract someone you already know into a physical relationship, chances are you are not dealing with someone who is harboring currently harboring serious animosity, resentment, anger and/or feelings for someone else.

Before someone brings it up, yes, I get that pheromones can’t make radical changes in your own personality, or to the personality of someone else. I also get that if you are a complete novice with women, an asshole, or otherwise completely undesirable, no combination of pheros will make a bit of difference… So please don’t bother to comment on this.

The challenge I, and others like me, face is overcoming adversity. How can pheromones be applied in such a way as to accomplish some or all of the following in your relationship with your wife or significant other?

  • Reduce feelings of resentment.
  • Reduce anxiety (theirs).
  • Make them more agreeable to working through problems rather than throwing in the towel.
  • Re-kindle feelings of love for you.
  • Re-kindle the desire for friendship with you.
  • Trust you.
  • Respect you.
  • See you in a whole new light.
  • Desire you sexually (again).
  • Stop being such a bitch.
  • Be more suggestible.
  • Be more submissive.
  • Be friendlier.
  • Feel there is something new and exciting about you.
  • Be calm.
  • Be friendlier to you.

So I’m looking for suggestions. Suggestions for specific products, putatives, mixes etc… that would be conducive to the objectives above.

My application is the repair/rebuilding of the relationship with my wife. In general, I’m trying to tone down/offset her current disposition of being angry, quiet, resentful, bitchy, not in the mood to talk etc… and boost feelings of openness, desire for friendship, attraction, trust, closeness, happiness, laughter etc…

To date i’ve been working with: Instant Honesty, Instant Openness, IS, NPA, P83, P74, P79, MX399, Androstadienone and (A314 - strong negative reaction to this). All in Neroli scent.

What else should I try?

Thanks in advance for your help and advice…

2

If you’ve tried all those, including A1 which I think would work best, I think there might be other problems besides pheromones that need to be worked out first between you and her. Maybe it’s something you’re just not thinking of.

I’ve never been married though so I am not very qualified to give this sort of info.

3

Eh?

There is a vast amount of info on saving/restoring relationships in here. Not just from the phero angle. Many posters have contributed very good advice on all aspects of this.

Tisha, Radman and particularly Gent spring to my mind. Try looking-up Gent’s journal and threads from around this time last year. :slight_smile:

4

I recently got divorced after being married for almost 10 years . I started dating and realized I needed a little help to attract the right girls. I found this site after trying Pherlure and reading about it being a scam on the Love scents forum, returning it and then discovering this site. I am sure if I had found this site earlier, then I will not have been divorced, because my ex- got depressed after our second child and nothing I did could help her out of it and that is why we got divorced. Now if I had known about this site earlier, I would have been wearing loads of Instant Shine LOL. She mentioned to me when she picked up the kids from my house the other day that she has noticed that I am now this fun, happy go-lucky guy; even though she is now in a new relationship :slight_smile:.
So Austinn, I would look for pheromones that project you as this fun guy she is missing. Instant Openness, Instant Honesty, Instant Shine, MX297, Ammo, p74, p97 (although I have not tried this putative before, I read it helps project a guy as funnier if they are not in general funny; ladies like guys that make them laugh). I would have also recommended A314 for the trust and respect aspect but since the wife hates it, forget it. May be try Instant Gentleman plus p75 instead. I have also not used A1 before but it could be good in your situation. I hope others chime in. Lets try to help Austinn here. I wish I had gotten some help several years ago before my divorce. Although I am single and enjoying it. I have always preferred being in a relationship. I am much happier in a relationship. Good luck.

Consumer Line: AMMO, A314, Instant Shine, Instant Openness, Instant Honesty, Turn Up the heat, Instant Gentleman, Instant Jerk, Come Talk To Me Mix 2

MX Series: MX297, MX301, MX330, Project UF, Project UF2, MX412

Putatives: P74, P75, P78, P83, P86, P91, P93, P96

5

Hey Austin! I’m also in the ‘get them back/restore’ camp. Doubt my journal would be of excess help to you (It’s geared for homosexual relationships,) and I’m pretty inexperienced here but I would recommend testing hard to find your maximum effective dose away from home somehow, (I assume you’re living together still) to prevent tolerance buildup, and so you can utilize shock value of a sudden, strong, impression when you want to.

Time and progressing through relationship stages with combos of different mones seem to be important in my situation, and I think some social dynamics/pua reading might be useful too. Maybe look into marriage counselling, as traditional methods remain useful for many couples.

6

Asked and Answered

Austinn, I know you got a lot of advice you didn’t ask for, but I feel like you’ve already gotten the best advice specifically on pheromones this forum has to give mixed in with the rest in your earlier thread.

Not only from me but also from pheromone expert Tisha and many others. Androtics’ operations manager even supported your quest with a shout out and prize offering that, yes, brought out a lot of novices with nothing but relationship advice, but also brought out plenty more experts.

So it strikes me as rude that you’d ask again on this forum by saying “there is very little out there about how best to use pheros to increase the probability of saving a troubled relationship.” There’s plenty out there, you just have to read it and accept that pheros can only do so much.

If you want to just keep trying random stuff, try TAC, TAH, TAL, P75, and P114. By all means stop using P79 until your relationship is on very solid and positive ground. P79 is extremely tricky and will generally make a bad situation worse.

But as we’ve told you before, routinely changing your pheromone signature with someone you see every day causes problems of its own, even if all the different signatures are positive. The changes make you seem unstable, mercurial, and unreliable and cause people to get confused and scared of you over the long term. Changing things around is fine for clubbing where you’re meeting people for the first and only time, but it’s awful for rebuilding a relationship.

7

Thanks kSage. Wow was I duped. I was very empathic when I read the OP, going as far as to share my own personal experience. Austinn, there is a wealth of information in that thread that are real helpful, specifically for your situation. I am surprised you claimed that you could not find any help about your situation in this forum. Why didn’t you write a follow up to that thread instead, if you felt you needed more help?
I am now regretting giving you ‘Thanks’ for your post. Well everyone, continue with your normally scheduled programs :slight_smile:.

Consumer Line: AMMO, A314, Instant Shine, Instant Openness, Instant Honesty, Turn Up the heat, Instant Gentleman, Instant Jerk, Come Talk To Me Mix 2

MX Series: MX297, MX301, MX330, Project UF, Project UF2, MX412

Putatives: P74, P75, P78, P83, P86, P91, P93, P96

8

Austin

You mentioned you searched this forum for info so by now you should know I pretty much say it like it is so here go’s, you can read it or just skip it…Its up to you.

The reason you haven’t found much info on this is because as I told you before pheromones cant save a troubled relationship.

Trying to use mones to do this is like sewing up a stab victim while they are still being stabbed. I cant in good conscious keep suggesting mones to you knowing they wont fix those wounds your hoping they will repair. Only you and your wife can do that. Once those wounds have been repaired and the strong negative emotions she is feeling start to heal then mones can enhance the positive aspects.

You see pheromones dont make people feel something that is not there. They make it easier to express the feelings that are there.

The impression I am getting is that your not hearing what she is trying to tell you and this is the reason for her anger, bitchiness and resentment. This is why she is quiet and doesn’t want to work through problems, she knows you wont hear her. This is what happens when only one partners feelings are being considered in a relationship. When you say your “dead set” on saving your relationship are you hearing her or just hearing your own fears and ego ?

My advice to you, wanted or not, is to not just listen to her. Actually hear her and accept how she feels. You mentioned more then once you have to change the way she feels. You cant do that anymore then you can change who she is. The only person you can change is you. Work on that and then maybe she will see you in a new light.

Tisha

9

Austinn, when I first came to this forum, it was with an intention to find something that would get me my ex-gf back. Half a year or so later, and here I am, happy and completely over that girl. I don’t suggest you to “get over her” though, it was an answer for me, yours may be different.

Whatever your situation is, I’d like to recommend you a book, “The Way Of The Superior Man” by David Deida. Good, friendly and comprehensive read on how to maintain our masculine energy so our women’s feminine one keeps being attracted to us. In other words, how not to lose your balls, 'cause if you do, your wife can grow herself a pair, but she won’t need yours anymore :wink:
Tisha is right, as usual. If the relationship is falling apart, it’s not because the absence of pheromones. Therefore, adding them into the equation won’t help much. You need to honestly realize what was lacking on your side and work on it. If it helps you to make your wife willing to work on rebuilding the relationship, you need also to establish what you believe was lacking on her part, and communicate it to her honestly and lovingly. Somewhere around this time, the pheromones could be of good use, I think.

10

Interesting observation, Tisha. Let’s compare how I feel about Austinn based solely on his behavior on the forum versus how he wants his wife to change.

Reduce feelings of resentment. Well I resent Austinn asking for help, getting a ton of it from the forum, then starting a whole new thread asking for the exact same help claiming he didn’t get any the first time around.

Make them more agreeable to working through problems rather than throwing in the towel. I feel burned by Austinn and not only want to throw in the towel on helping him, I want to stop others from wasting their time responding to his post.

Trust you. Respect you. Based on his behavior in this forum, I neither trust nor respect Austinn.

Which I suppose leads me to being bitchy, unfriendly, less suggestible, and less submissive, all of which are issues Austinn says he’s having with his wife.

So I have to say it seems to me Austinn is the problem in his relationship and the troubles he’s having with his wife seem more to do with her growing up than anything else.

Still, I recommended some pheromones in the hopes that the self-effects might shake something loose. And to placate him so he’ll go away and stop bothering us. Everyone else, please review Austinn’s earlier thread before chiming in here.

11

Well I cant say I feel that way about him LOL. I dont judge people really, its not part of my journey on this plain. My advice was not meant as a judgement. It was given in a hope that he could see his situation with more clarity and in doing so change not his wife but himself. That is how change occurs. Its not through changing others but changing ourselves and our own perspectives that will have the most effect on her. When we change, everything around us has no choice but to change along with us. It is how reality is created. It is how we manifest everything in our lives.

I dont feel resentment for him because he asked again.

I dont feel burned by him because he asked again.

Some people just need more help in seeing things clearly then others. Time spent helping others is never wasted time to me. I always learn something about my self in those moments of reaching out to others whether they listen to me or not.

Trust and respect, well I dont know him well enough to have those feelings nor to withhold them from him. I understand that he doesn’t know me well enough to trust what I am telling him so repeating myself doesn’t bother me.

To really see others with clarity you need to turn off your own emotions. Being a clairvoyant empath I can feel what he is feeling and what his wife is feeling without letting my own emotions become involved.

Now Ksage I will challenge you to ask yourself why a persons request for help would make you feel those feelings you indicated. Your feelings are always more about you then they are about those around you. :wink:

Tisha

12

Tisha, it’s not that he asked again. It’s that he showed a complete lack of respect or gratitude for the answers he’s already received and the people who have already responded to his request. He came to our community and asked for support and received the biggest outpouring of generosity I’ve personally witnessed on this board. His response was not to say (on the previous thread or this new one) thank you, I have more questions, it was to say “Having spent months searching this forum and others, there is very little out there.”

Beyond that, though, I wanted to illustrate that how you do anything is how you do everything and that his behavior on this board shows how it is likely that his behavior with his wife that is causing the problems he is having. Just like you, Tisha, my response was not meant as a judgement. It was given in a hope that he could see his situation with more clarity and in doing so change not his wife but himself.

13

This is an old thread. I do not apologize for posting on it, but I just felt that this info may help someone in the future.

The list from above is indicative of a relationship in which the wife is Avoidant attachment type and the Husband is Anxious attachment type. This is powerful stuff, and is real, diagnosed, scientific, proven, and hard to change.

Avoidant attachment types are formed between birth and 3 years old. Their parents didn’t pay attention to them in the healthy way. They will always desire to be independant. The more you try to “soul bond” with them, the more they will become anxious and want to pull away. There is a subconcious fear that if they get too close there will be disappointment, let down, and pain. So trying to get closer in a relationship or romantic way will have an effect that will sabotage the closeness. The Avoidant attachment type symptoms will only exhibit after a “closeness” threshold has been passed, they will seem totally normal to anyone who is not in a close intimate relationship with them. I did not see the huge symptoms until after I was married, dating was fine, the symptoms did not appear until after we tied the knot, and they appeared immediately, like on the wedding night.

Anxious Attachment types (also called Preoccupied Attachment) are the opposite of the Anxious. Only Anxious types will stay in a relationship with a Avoidant type. Secure types will not stay in a relationship with an Avoidant. Avoidant types will not even start a close relationship with an Avoidant. Anxious types will “chase” when the Avoidant partner withdraws. Anxious types will “go the extra mile” and “try to make it work”. Anxious types will want a relationship to “go to the next level”, and want to be “closer”.

If you want a deeper and more intimate relationship, you must understand what an Avoidant wants and doesn’t want. It is totally different from your Anxious wants/needs.

There is also another type called “Disorganized or Anxious-Avoidant” these are the most messed up and it goes back to abuse & trauma in childhood.

My wife is in the Avoidant and Disorganized regions. I’m going thru a divorce right now, and it is plagued with aspects of the Avoidant Attachment type. My wife also has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) Subtype: Covert. (Covert is also referred to in literature as: Fragile NPD, Vulnerable NPD, Hypersensitive NPD, Shy NPD) Covert NPD is different than the Overt Narcissism associated with Vanity and Nymphomaniacs. There are many things that line up with her ESTJ Personality & Avoidant Attachment & NPD. They seem like different facets of the same stone.

Openly discussing the Avoidant Attachment stuff with my wife did not work. It made things worse. This may be the NPD aspect, because my wife saw the Label of Avoidant Attachment as me calling her flawed or broken. This snowballed into our divorce. I love her with all my heart, but she sees me as someone who must be discarded from her life because she thinks that I see her as “flawed” or “imperfect” and she can’t live with someone who cannot be fooled into seeing her as perfect.

Be careful. Never discuss these aspects that can be seen as flaws with your wife/husband who has NPD. Never discuss Narcissism with someone who has Narcissistic personality Disorder. It will spiral out of control, and they cannot forget the insult.