Hi,
I am a 58 year old guy that does not feel, act or look my age and, hopefully, never will. I live in West Virginia. I am in academia working at a small college in Academic Support and as an adjunct Mathematics professor. I am 6’5" and recently dropped 30 lbs. to weigh in at 240. My goal is to reach the weight I was when I graduated High School (222). I watch my diet and work out regularly on my Bowflex. I have some health problems involving hypertension, Type 2 Diabetes and actually had a stroke (CVA in the Medulla Oblongata) three years ago. It was very serious and I was partially paralyzed on my left side for most of a year. I have made a remarkable recovery, and no one can tell that I ever had a stroke, except for me. I still have numbness and weakness on my left side, about 10% in my hand and maybe 20% in my leg, but I am working on getting stronger than I ever was. It was a horribly frightful experience, but it definitely served as a wake-up call for me. I now try hard to be healthy, in my diet, my exercise, my relationships and my thoughts. It was not all bad, however. When my brain structure was altered, I found that my vision improved about 30%, I could actually think better, remember peoples names better, and express myself better, and actually do enjoy each moment of life more than I ever did before.
I have three beautiful and successful, adult daughters and four healthy grandsons. So, why am I here?
I have been divorced for over 30 years. My ex had some serious mental health issues and abused me mentally and physically for the 4 miserable years that we were together. The only good thing that came out of that nightmare was my wonderful daughters, which I would do it all over again just to have them, but thankfully, I don’t have to. What happened to me, however, was that I was so emotionally scarred that I have not, could not be in any kind of relationship with women. I have had and do have many very good female friends, but I have been very aloof and pretty much did everything I could to avoid any type of intimacy with women. And now, I find that coming home alone, every day, every night – is tiresome. As I said, I have many female friends, ranging from 30 y.o to about 50 y.o that seem to really like me, a lot, if frequent hugs and touches are any indication. Like I said, I do not look my age. But I cannot seem to bring myself to move things forward with any of them, although I really, really want to. I am so lonely. This is all complicated and compounded by the fact that I have had E.D. (erectile dysfunction) for several years, partially due to the hypertension medications that I must take, but I believe may be mostly due to my own psychological issues remaining from my nightmarish attempt at wedded bliss three decades ago. I think this is probably the case, because sometimes, when I awake, everything seems almost normal, if you know what I mean. But, actually, this does not bother me too much, because I though I often experience some arousal in my interactions with my female friends, I feel that I would mostly be embarrassed by my lack of ability to consummate. However, I feel that this could be a blessing in disguise because I am much more interested in bringing pleasure than receiving it. And I used to be very good at that.
Anyway, I am here because I want to take my relationships with some of my female friends to a deeper level of intimacy, beyond just being buddies. I often feel that they want the same thing, but that I am the main problem in bringing this about. I am so tired of being alone all the time and am ready to try anything to change this. Thus my weight loss, thus my Bowflex workouts, thus my interest in Pheromones, for my own mental and physical states, as well as hoping that I can get some more blatant signals from my female friends.
No experience with pheromones before. Got to this site just by looking around the web. I liked the honesty I saw on the forums and am hoping for a miracle, I guess.
Thanks for the opportunity to express myself, get some of this off my chest, and maybe have a better future. Any advice and suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Gary S.
