So as of right now me and my new TG (target guy) are really falling for each other.
I’ve known his for about a month, maybe more and we both hit it off the first night, talking for hours. It’s so comfortable talking to him. We can always have a good conversation, and the chemistry between us is amazing.
So now he’s hesitant about starting a new relationship. We were about to get into one about a week ago, but decide it was going to fast and waited another week, but still no go. Today when I decided to make it official he told me we should wait a bit.
We both talked in person and since he hasn’t been in a relationship for over 2 years it’s weird for him to make things official, especially because his last girlfriend was really obsessive with him.
He asked me to hang out at his place tomorrow so I guess I’ll be over there for a bit.
My question is how I should go about making this easier on him so that he’ll feel more comfortable with making it official.
He said that when I told him I wasn’t looking for anything too serious yet that it helped ease him a little, but is there anything else I could do?
I don’t want to rush him, but any advice on what I should and shouldn’t do would be nice. Thanks.
I say don’t rush it, I know you like him and want to make it official but from what I’ve seen in your posts you kind of seem to fall for someone a little easy. Not your fault, everyone likes to be with someone and have that feeling of having someone who cares about you and whatnot. However, it’s better to stay the way you are so you can get to know him more each and everyday. Sure you’re going to say that you already have a good handle on him, but do you really? Not saying that he may be a bad guy, but it’s always better to dig as deep as you can for the sake of your heart and it’ll make things better once you two do get together officially because you both took the time to REALLY dig in deep and get to know each other.
By the way, NOT trying to put bad ideas in your head but I do hope he’s not ignoring getting deeply involved with you, because if he’s a secret player it’ll ruin his chances of getting with girls behind your back since he doesn’t officially have you as his girl (or have you to answer to.) Unless he’s with you 24/7 and you know for a fact you have no reason to doubt him. I’ve just seen this before is all, guys trying to use this excuse so they can have that “distance” from one girl (girl A) so they can have that “free” time to fool around with (with girl B) since he doesn’t have to be with girl A since they’re not “official.”
Guys can be pretty sneaky, even a friend of mine went as far as faking his own death from cancer and even took the time to research it just for some “free” time.
If you want to date him, just accept that he is not ready for anything serious right now and adjust your behaviour to it. If you treat him like a boyfriend; that is spending a lot of your time with him and doing physical things, you will get frustrated if he keeps delaying the official part. Assume he may be dating others and that he may be doing with others whatever he is doing with you. Just treat him like a friend and keep your head cool by focussing on college, your friends, sports, hobbies etc.
You can’t control what he does or feels, just give him the opportunity to decide for himself if he really wants to be with you. If he does not, it is a million times less painful to find out when you just acted like friends than if you focussed on him and bonded with him without getting the same in return. An added bonus is that if he does want to be more than friends and get the benefits of a relationship, he is not able to get that without actually calling you his girlfriend. If you let him dangle the carrot while getting many of the benefits of a relationship, he may have more incetive to keep dangling. But just focus on protecting yourself and keeping your head cool.
Another thing is that it is a good idea to get to know a man really well before you commit to him. You also need to be happy with the way he treats you right now before you decide to date him exclusively. Realise that making it official does not really change things. A lot of girls think a man will change for the better after he becomes her boyfriend or after sex, but it is very unlikely. You need to be able to trust him if he goes on holiday for a week. Let him prove his love. Let him lead the relationship. It is all much easier and much more natural this way.
The last two responces are great. They convey pretty much exactly what I was thinking while reading your initial post.
Look, this cat might be telling you the truth, but I dont know. When I was younger, I used excuses like that all the time to keep woman I knew were interested around, and still be able to keep my options open. throws himself under bus If your TG was really into you, he would be trying to pull you closer, not trying to gain space to “see what happens”. “See what happens” in my book is “see if something better comes along”. And if 2 years isnt long enough after his last relationship to be able to commit, then how long is???
“He said that when I told him I wasn’t looking for anything too serious yet that it helped ease him a little”
When women say this it triggers the “OOO I don’t have to commit” or F buddy trigger in our head.
Like Miko said, we can be pretty tricky/deceiving sometimes. Be on your guard. You have become one of the forum members who’s posts i read regularly, and you seem like a really big hearted person, just be careful who you give your heart to, and make sure they are deserving it. I hope for your sake he is a good dude. Good Luck Happy, I hope you get what you want.
Totally agree with my bud jesse here. Mind you, I also read your posts although not as much as others I’m sure, and I feel that just by reading those few posts of yours that I can pretty much already tell by now just how you are with guys. You’re really sweet, and love to be loved and just that feeling of having a guy to make you feel that way and possibly protected as well. I also think you swoon pretty easy from what I’ve read, but it’s only because you have a big heart just like jesse said.
We want you to just be on guard, think of jesse and I as big brothers who know just how guys are. Yes, we can be dicks so I also hope that he’s not just using that as an excuse. So please keep us updated! In the mean time, just patiently wait it out, but also watch out.
You say this with your actions, by keeping your own life going and not spending every day with him, not calling too often. Also by not giving him the opportunity to be a friend with benefits or something.
Yep, don’t give him lip! That’ll show him! If he really is courting with others undercover, and you’re giving him play like kisses and such he’s getting his cake and eating it too. But as I mentioned, hopefully this is not the case.
Well I talked to him and he thought about it for hours and decided he wanted to be official. Of course I was the dummy and told him now I needed time to think. UGH!
I told him “people” thought he might be a player and he literally laughed his ass off and told me that if he had told his best friend that that she’d probably pee herself because apparently no one can see him as a player.
Anywho…I now need to decide what direction I’m gonna take with this.
To be honest, this might look kind of weird. You first have 2 conversations where you try to convince him to commit. Then, he asks and you say you need time to think. Then you tell him he has a reputation.
I think the guy is thoroughly confused by now.
Why did you feel the need to tell him people think he is a player?
Yikes if I was dramatic I wouldn’t get anything done and guys would run away.
Hate dramatic people. >.>
I lived with a few so I always have to be the level headed one. If I seem a bit dramatic it’s because I was keeping stuff in for a while and needed to spill it somewhere aka here.
I knew he’d get a kick out of it because it’s been so long since he’s really done anything (hang out) with a girl and he is a virgin.
He didn’t take offense (which I knew he wouldn’t) and honestly thought it was funny. I bet his fraternity brothers would find it funny too because it’s so far from what he is.
