Something I tell chicks that give me shit before we’re intimate. “I don’t argue with chicks I"m not fucking.”
All her friends called her out today for dating him. She admitted that they are only fuck buddies, and even her friends (girls) question his manhood.
I guess my move would be to tell them to chill with that?
Your move would be to keep your mouth shut, you defend her, you just became the best friend.
And best friends dont (excuse the french) fuck.
Before all that happened, I saw her and hung with her for a little. I kept telling her “can you see? Is the lighting good enough for you?” (Read earlier posts to understand). So, I saw this as negging.
Anyways, she was running her fingers down my back, and continues to be handsy to me. I was in a girl’s room, so GLEE happened to be on TV. This heavy unattractive girl was on, so I said something like “hey, look, it’s you!” to her. Then I said something like, “I’d hit that.”
Still in the game? I think so! Can’t wait for the A314, AMMO, IO, and IH to come in the mail tomorrow. Gonna start with a drop of A314, spray of AMMO to the chest, and 3 sprays of IO (or should I use CTTM2? Been hanging with her for quite some time already).
If she brings up the guy and says how he “pisses her off,” (which, after tonight, I don’t think she’s going to bring him up), I’m going to call her out and tell her she’s got to make a decision on that and stop talking about it.
I feel like I can hook up with her in the future, but I seriously think she’s loyal to the bone, and I wanna give the relationship thing a try. Keep that in mind when you help me with my sig! 
Ok first off, just because she hasn’t had outright sex with you doesn’t mean she’s loyal, so you gotta stop putting her on a pedestal and making her out to be more idealized than she actually is.
A loyal woman would not badmouth her boyfriend behind his back…period, double disloyalty points for saying it to a guy she knows to be interested in her.
She’s looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal) and will continue to “be loyal” until she’s convinced that that’s you. Of course likewise if you get her, you already know that she has no problems talking smack on a boyfriend behind his back and tempting/teasing a guy that she thinks might have potential as his replacement.
By letting her be flirty and teasing with you you’re letting her know you’re interested and that you’ll accept her negative behavior so long as you keep getting an occasional vague IOI. She’s playing bait/hook/reel/release with you. This is why I said to “friend zone the fuck out of her”. Play the game from the angle that it’s up to her to impress you (which means proper respectful treatment, and cutting her off when she gets too flirty and intimate..tell her you don’t like chicks that act like that behind their boyfriends backs) All you’re doing now is feeding her ego…she knows she can confuse you and play with your mind and it will likely continue so long as you let it.
She may find you attractive in some ways, but so long as you’re so attracted to her that you continue to tolerate her behavior she will NOT respect you…and a woman is looking for a man she can respect for an LTR.
Thank you!
This is very good stuff. I have told her to stop sometimes, and she gets the most confused look on her face when I do. Guess I need to do this more often.
Today, I went to hangout with her at a little “party” the girls were having. Her boyfriend was there, so I stayed away. Last night, I told ALL her friends I would have more respect for her boyfriend (most of them think he’s weird too) if he stood up for her when other guys are hitting on her.
So, today, when I went to her just kidding around (not flirting, just playing around), he kind of walked away, and a couple of the girls said something like “you need to stick up to him. Now’s your chance.” I also think one of the girls asked him to punch me, but she denies it.
In other words, he pussied out. But the interaction between she and I didn’t really mean anything tonight. I hung out with other girls why she was there with her boyfriend. Maybe it was because we were in close proximity at sometimes, but her ass kept rubbing against my leg (could have been a mistake though). I just moved aside.
We’ll see what happens. That got me steamed though. I went to my boys, told them the story, and said if he laid a FINGER on me, it’s a big mistake (used different words though, of course).
I think your missing what RAD is telling you. He is correct your giving her all the power here.
For one painting and being quiet doesn’t make him a “bitch” Most Alpha males are very quiet and observant. Men tend to have the misconception that the Alpha is the loud guy calling everyone out. What women see as Alpha is far different then what men see as Alpha.
And that is it in a nut shell. How can she get her boyfriend to pay more attention to her ? By flirting and letting guys flirt with her. I know sometimes she is flirting with you when he is not around but how else can she get you to show interest when he is around if she doesn’t do that ? She wants you to pursue. Not only that but it strokes her ego. She said herself “I can get any guy I want” which indicates to me she was looking for confirmation from you. This statement may seem like confidence but in truth she is speaking from her fear.
Again she speaks from her fear. “Maybe all he likes me for is sex” He doesn’t seem to want to spend time with her and that bothers her. Her friends are doing just what all girlfriends do stoking her ego. I bet you if she did break up one of those girls calling him a bitch would be on him like white on rice.
What you see as cowardly I see as the Alpha. He is indifferent to her bullshit. He wont stroke her ego by starting shit with you. You are no threat to him. It doesn’t matter if your bigger or can kick his butt. Alpha is a state its not just the size of a man. I bet you when he walked away she hovered for a minute or two then followed him. He didnt walk away from you he walked away from her. He was clearly displaying his higher value. “You want my attention then give me yours or I am walking” He doesn’t care what you think he is not there for you although the minute she followed he sent a clear message to you… Mine. He doesn’t care what her twittering girlfriends think he is not there to impress them. Only the Beta could be influenced to react by these girls thus proving he is the bitch they claim he is. Betas will try to challenge the Alpha if he chooses to lose his cool he risks losing his alpha status even if he wins. It depends on the reason he loses his cool. He doesn’t need to be the alpha in the room to be her alpha though. There is a difference. He only needs to lead her.
Humans are animals but we are intelligent thinking animals. We are instinctual but we dont just act on instinct so you only see alphas butting heads in the wild for supremacy. In the human social structure the Beta is the one throwing the punch. What you see as “bitch” she see’s as her Alpha male.
Sure she likes you. Like doesn’t equate to sex or you being her man. You give her what her boyfriend doesn’t. You pay attention to her and stroke her ego. She has a certain power over you not because she is smarter stronger or pretty but because you gave it to her. Listen to Rad and stop it. Next time she bitches about her boyfriend tell her “you made your bed and you keep getting in it so its no ones fault but your own” “Maybe if you spent more time with your boyfriend instead of pursuing me he would pay attention to you more.” In that moment you turn the tables on her. “Pursuing me”. Suddenly your not her “bitch” anymore. Yes you heard me right. Her boyfriend is not the bitch. She gave that job to you and you took it along with a few other guys who are stroking her ego. I am sorry I know its rude and its not a reflection of who I think you are. I am trying to tell you how she is looking at you in this particular situation. I am sure your plenty Alpha in your own right.
The fish never takes the bait that is dangling right in from of them. They go for the bait swimming away. Why ? Because the bait swimming away is healthier, stronger more vital thus better nourishment for the fish. The bait just dangling there flopping around saying pick me pick me shows its weakness thus the fish when given a choice will go for the more challenging bait.
Reread what Rad is telling you and learn from it.
Tisha
Tish gets it. What I’m saying is that the situation as it is is working just fine for her.
By not kissing her ass and acting clingy her boyfriend is DHV’ing, she sees him as being alpha because he’s not acting like she’s the center of his universe…this serves her needs by giving her the security of knowing she’s with a high value male.
By allowing her to lead you on, tempting and teasing you like she has been she gets the ego stroking he isn’t giving her so she still feels she has some value herself.
Women will say they want this type of guy, and a guy that treats her like such and such and what not…and it’s true, women do like being put on a pedestal but it won’t create attraction. Next time she’s rubbing her ass on you, even if you’re not sure if it’s incidental or deliberate call her on it and inform her that she hasn’t earned the right to touch you like that yet…then walk off and spend time with some other girls.
She’s not going to go any further with you than she has up until this point because she doesn’t need to. You’re trying to appeal to the logical side of her brain (she SHOULD like you better because you give her the attention she wants) He’s appealing to her more emotional based side by always leaving her wanting more. With him she feels like she has to work to get his attention…which translates to his attention having value, you’re giving your attention for free. If you have two mystery boxes and one you can just take for free and the other would require you to do some hard physical work for a full day in order to get, which box do you think will have the more valuable prize inside?
You’re giving away for free what he’s making her work for. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Why dump her BF when she can get all the validation and attention she needs from you now with things just as they are? As for kicking the guys ass…I have NEVER…and I DO mean NEVER seen a situation where a guy beating up a womans boyfriend worked as a means of getting the girl. Besides which, do some self evaluation about your own ethics and morals. You are after this guys girlfriend, if he did do something would he be justified? Would you if it was your girlfriend and some guy was making moves on her? As humans we tend to want to think we’re the “good guy” in any situation, but you’re trying to break up a relationship and already contemplating hurting a guy physically who’s done nothing to you save for having something you want and seem unable to get. He’s not holding her against her will. You’re trying to steal his girl, and she’s playing games with you and to a degree she’s trying to play him…if you’re honest with yourself he’s about the only innocent one in this situation.
Tish is totally right about how people misinterpret what being Alpha truly is. The biggest, strongest and most aggressive may be Alpha within their small social circles but the more Alpha you truly become the more it’s a matter of intelligence and social skills.
Consider the biggest, strongest toughest Special Forces guys and Marines…Alpha, yes, in their small circle, but they get sent by the thousands to other countries to risk their lives on the decisions of politicians that don’t have anything remotely resembling a six pack but have appealed to the largest group of people possible to gain that power. If being an authentic Alpha was about size, strength and toughness pro body builders and UFC fighters would be the ones running nations and multi billion dollar companies.
Ok, just wanted to add something about respect since you mention that you would have more respect for him if he stood up you.
By my count this has gone on for a few months.
In that time how many times have you had sex?(rhetorical question)
How many times do you think he’s had sex?
According to her, he gives her no attention, but she still sleeps with him.
You’ve been after her for a few months with no payoff.
This means that she puts him in a higher value position over herself, and you’re putting her in a higher value position over yourself…you don’t respect him much?
Dude I hate to tell you this but when he’s fucking the girl your chasing, I don’t think he respects you enough for your respect to mean much to him.
Focus on respecting yourself first and cut off her validation and ego feeding supply.
Everyones got it right here with their assumptions. I can tell you though that, she is THAT girl that manipulating her social circle to suit her needs. To really look at it, she’s being smart. Women know how to toy with men’s emotions, this is why you need to do you first, and that when red flags go up, you stop wasting your time. There has to be congruency with her actions, meaning that if she’s showing/telling you one thing and doing something else contradictory to what she’s sending, then there is a major issue that you should really look at on why things aren’t falling into place and why they aren’t happening.
I recently got smacked in the face with that and I kicked myself for not noticing the red flags that came up, and quite frankly wasted my time. I know how you’re feeling because of the conflicting signals, we tend to want to see the best outcome for our needs.
Its not until you realize that will you then know what you HAVE to do.
And dats the troof
I think maybe I’m coming off to you guys as someone who constantly is saying ‘WHAT A BITCH’ to her, not the case.
She took his virginity (SHE took HIS), and I’m a MUCH more desirable guy than he is. No question about it.
If she dumped him, no one would be on him. Trust me on this one.
And for the ‘paints’ thing, I have nothing against that, I’m a music guy myself. That’s simply something her roommate said (her roommate CONSTANTLY knocks him in front of her, sometimes reducing her to tears. Saying things like “has his balls even dropped yet?”)
When it comes to value, this guy isn’t half as me. 10 minutes with the guy and 10 minutes with me, and if you see the girl, you would be confused. Just take my word for it.
How its perceived and how it really is for HER REALITY are two different things.
Dude I’ve dated girls where you would literally look at me, look at her options and be like WTF?
You know why, cause whatever I was doing, she loved it, no matter what she said. That’s the whole thing, she would already be sleeping with you on the side if that were the case, but she isn’t, nor is she breaking up with him. He for whatever reason makes her feel a certain way and she doesn’t care what everyone else thinks or perceives, it’s how he makes her feel, and apparently nothing you guys say or do makes a difference in her book.
I don’t get it…why isn’t she sleeping with you? LOL, just kidding, I already know
I feel like part of it may be b/c her friends said something to me a couple of weeks ago, and I replied, “I turned her down once, I have no problem turning her down again. And again. And again.”
Stupid move.
Actually that’s about the smartest thing you could have done, the stupid move is saying it and then showing her that it was all talk by taking her behavior. Truth is, she knows you want her no matter what you say. Actions dictate value perception you may think that on paper if you listed his qualities and yours that you win…but he’s ignoring most of the time and then fucking her. You’re pursuing her and getting nothing but confusion.
Telling yourself that she SHOULD prefer you over him can preserve your ego, but it wont get the girl.
You have to ask yourself “is what I’m doing getting me what I want?”. Obviously not…and how long have been trying? Stop going by why you think she SHOULD choose you and start dealing with what is.
And what is, is that what you’re doing ain’t working, ignore her, friend zone her, have boundaries both for disrespecting you and for flirting, stop feeding her ego for free.
I’ll let you guys know how this goes.
Yes, I do want her, but don’t NEED her. Her best friend is the only one of her friends weary of me because I think she knows that I’m the only guy that she may cheat for.
Morally, I don’t want her to cheat on her boyfriend for me. And my mentality is if I get with her, great, if not, no skin off my back.
And I don’t know if she knows that I desire her. Actually, I think she’s clueless. Sometimes, I’m obvious about it, and sometimes I tell her to chill out (stop touching me, stop laying down on my lap, etc), but I ALWAYS get my touches in.
I feel like the way I’m playing it I can touch you, you can only touch me if I give you permission to. IDK, you guys don’t seem to agree, but I feel like I’m in control of the situation most of the time. When her boyfriend is around though, I leave them be. Trying to be SOMEWHAT respectful.
I was wondering when u will get rid of your real pic, lol. Did someone from your school found out who u are? Hehe
Anyways, go lakers!
HAHA nahh. My roommate was just wondering why I had a picture on a cologne site. It made for an awkward conversation.
And in all fairness that may very well be the case. Bear in mind that none of us are actually in the situation or even witnessing it as it happens, the only information we have to go on is what you actually tell us. Now as I said going by what you tell us, I’d bet money she knows your interested. If her friends know you’re interested..I’d bet the house, women talk my friend and their favorite topic to talk about is relationships, peoples emotions, who’s fucking who and who wants to fuck who…if you have any doubt of that go to a book store and look at the mens magazine section and see how many headlines and cover blurbs are about the private lives of your favorite celebrities and then go look at the magazines aimed toward women. If her friends even suspect you’re interested they’ve likely shared that info with her.
Now I realize we’ve thrown the term “value” around a bit and I think you may be confused on what it means. Value in these terms is not fixed and definable, but rather relative. When somebody says to DHV or Demonstrate Higher Value it doesn’t mean to “show off” or brag about the qualities you possess that you think she should want, and that the other guy lacks…this is attacking the problem from a logical angle and women are not logic based when it comes to relationships, they’re emotion based. I’ve tried to get the girl by outright comparing myself to the other guy and practically breaking out a checklist to show her logically how I’m the better choice…it just doesn’t work that way. It actually is counter productive since by trying to compare yourself to the other guy, you come across as insecure and needing validation.
A true DHV rather, is demonstrating social status relative to the target, any obstacles and the peer group as a whole. It’s when your mannerisms, body language, and behaviors reflect the attitude that you’re the prize she should be seeking and not the other way around. YOU DO NOT OVERTLY SAY THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY! Saying anything overtly engages the logical conscious mind and makes it a matter of choice and as David D says “Attraction is not a choice”. So you want to DEMONSTRATE that you have a higher status and social value in relation to her relative to your mutual peer group.
You DHV by having boundaries…she touches you in a way that is sexual or overly flirtatious, and you casually but firmly cut her off and tell her she hasn’t earned the right to touch you like that.
By gaining compliance. A lot of guys will equate compliance with the escalation ladder, I don’t like that since it still frames the woman as the prize, I prefer to look at the ladder as ways to reward escalating non sexual compliance. IE: Have her hold your drink while you do something that requires your hands. Later hand her some money and ask her to go get your drink for you while you do something else (be sure to actually have an excuse not to get your own drink)
Demonstrating a willingness to walk away, communicate THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS that her ability to get attention from you is contingent upon her “good behavior” She acts bitchy, call her on it and walk away to go have a pleasant conversation with another woman.
Having standards and displaying them by asking screening questions. Since you want this girl, during a conversation ask questions that would be related to the kind of behavior you would expect from her if she was your girlfriend and reward answers that are positive, punish answers you don’t like by taking your attention away…not in a mean spirited way, simply act like she’s losing your attention by not saying what you like.
You’ll notice none of these things are about communicating hard defined qualities like “Well I’m bigger and stronger than the boyfriend.” or having more money than he does, or anything like that. Bringing up those issues and outright describing them only tells her that you’re interested and that you see the other guy as competition. It’s a DEMONSTRATION of value, not an explanation of value. You know how if you have to explain a joke, then it wasn’t really funny?, well likewise if you have to explain your value then she won’t see you as actually having any.
But your actions have to reflect your words. See like how you told her friend that you have no problem turning her down…ok that was all well and good, but I have no doubt that word of that got to her and she probably started with the tempting flirty behavior just to see what kind of reaction she got from you…if you allowed it, then she knows you liked it and she now thinks you’re all talk.
You should realize that as a survival skill women learn at a very early age how to get men to not only do what they want but to let men think it was their idea in the first place.
Again, and I can’t say this enough…do not talk about the DHV’s, don’t say “I have standards.”, just have them and act like you do. Don’t inform her verbally that you have no problem walking away, just walk away so she feels the freeze out. Talking about it is like overtly telling her that you think you’re better than she is, which will engage her logical mind and she won’t respond to you because doing so would hurt her social value. Simply act like you have high value and she’ll FEEL it and respond.
As I said, all any of us have to go by is your description of the situation and going by your description I get the impression that you will occasionally pull a DHV, but tolerate enough DHV’s from her that she feels in control over the long term