when the boogeyman goes 2 sleep every night, he checks his closet for CHUCK NORRIS.
when CHUCK NORRIS shows u his middle finger, its not a bad gesture , it how many seconds u have to live.
chuck norris died 2 years ago but death is afraid to tell him.
the girl from “ the ring ” watched a chuck norris film a died 7 days later
Chuck Norris jokes are so overrated…
…
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-D4
Do you guys know ‘Barry Dawson’ aka “The cougar”? (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=barry+dawson)
When Barry Dawson goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Barry Dawsoned.
Barry Dawson counted to infinity - twice.
When Barry Dawson does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing
the Earth down.
Barry Dawson gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Barry Dawson can slam a revolving door.
Barry Dawson once visited “The Virgin Islands”. They are now called “The Islands”.
Barry Dawson’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Barry Dawson.
Barry Dawson’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of Barry Dawson pyjamas.
Barry Dawson owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out
of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card
from the game Uno.
Barry Dawson sleeps with a night light. Not because Barry Dawson is afraid
of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Barry Dawson.
Barry Dawson doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when
they touch his body.
Once a cobra bit Barry Dawson’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain,
the cobra died.
Barry Dawson divides by zero.
Barry Dawson is always on top during sex because Barry Dawson never fucks up.
When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Barry Dawson doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
Barry Dawson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Barry kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The
devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.
Barry Dawson once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
Barry Dawson once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression “shitting bricks” wasn’t just a figure of
speech.
The only time Barry Dawson was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Finally, The 6 Answers We Have All Been Waiting For:
FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for “suck here.”
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but “down under.”
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN’S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose
Here…I got one…
So there is a monkey sitting up in a tree, smoking a bowl. High as a kite. This lizard walks by and says,
“h..h..hey monkey! Watcha doin?”
“not too much lizard, just smokin this bowl to myself, you want in?”
The lizard replies..“hell ya man”
So a good 2 hours go by, the monkey and lizard are just blazed at this point.
Lizard: Damn, I got some cottonmouth like a motha.
Monkey: theres a pond like 50ft back there, go get a drink, but hurry back im about to cash this.
so the monkey goes to the pond and starts drinking. A couple minutes later an alligator pokes his head up out of the water and says, “hey lizard, watcha doin?”
lizard: not too much man, just getting a drink. I been smoking in that tree with that monkey for like 3 hours.
Alligator: no way man! Is there any left? Do you think he will spot me?
lizard: hell ya man, hes a great guy, go check him out.
So the alligator makes his way to the tree the monkey is in while the lizard finishes up at the pond. As the Alligator gets to the tree he looks up and sees the monkey…
Alligator: h…hey monkey! you there, monkey!
Monkey: Holy shit man…How much water did you drink?!
that’s a good one!
A penguin got a flat tire while driving one hot summer day. He managed to get the car to a mechanic and, while waiting for them to fix the tire, he wandered over to a nearby parlor shop and had an ice cream cone. It was messy eating, considering that he was a penguin, and by the time he was through there was ice cream all over him.
The mechanic came over to him a few minutes later. “Looks like you blew a seal.”
“No,” the penguin said. “It’s just vanilla.”
ohhh! Thats bad! hehe, great joke!
