my attitude is my biggest problem so far ive had two relationships the first one i screwed up cause i was young and stupid and the 2nd one she was a leech and clingy and from those two i have derived what i want out of a relationship. and i have learned alot about myself over the years as well. im aware of my attitude and im trying to change it and its kinda hard cause ya know what they say feel the same way for so long and its hard to change but i think ive made improvements to myself but im still working on it
but as for knowing what i want i do know what i want from a partner and i know what i want out of life its just the getting there thats the hardest part. i know doing the thing that fails over again is destined to fail but its not like i do it on purpose.. thats why im not trying to rush it with her because thats what ive always done thats ended in failure
Please give it an attempt - I’m not trying to convert you to buddhism (I am not buddhist) - neither will these sites (especially bad buddhist… his podcast throws away all the spirituality of buddhism and looks at the practical application of the teachings - which is essentially the wisdom gained by monks thinking about life over the last 3000 years).
You sound like someone who is burdened by a series of limiting beliefs in yourself - “I can’t rush it because I screw stuff up (because I am a screwup)” is one that I hear resounding loudly in your posts. Another is “Where I like sucks, so I can’t do anything about not having much to do”.
yeah i am burdened by limiting beliefs i agree.. been run down so much im as far in a hole as i can get and i need a ladder.. loosing 40 pounds so far has helped me some but not enough i guess but ill check it out
I’ll tell ya I’ve definitely been there myself and was able to crawl out that hole… And while I’m not were I want to be just yet the journey has been far more enjoyable, trust me if a stubborn tool like myself can change his limiting beliefs and attitude ANYONE can!!! Hang in there buddy
found the thread on loneliness on urban monk. seems like im one of the few who feel cut off and alienated from everybody else who is unconscious of their true feelings >.>
personally ive felt so unwanted for so long i just want to feel like im wanted for something other than helping somebody out, and then getting shafted in the end xD
holy crap! at least now i know why i enjoy sitting on a beach and watching the waves or the sunrise alone. or sitting on a breaker and just listening to the water.. O.O i feel so stupid…
you don’t steal kisses, you give them!! haha
you sound like you have self esteem issues. been there done that lol. it’s ridiculously ironic but you really have to get to the point of where you don’t need women in your life before women will be attracted to you.
Here’s a though experiment that i use on myself to guage where i am…
I ask myself that if i never ever hooked up with another chick again, could i still be happy with my life? If the answer is yes, then i’m ready to talk to chicks, if the answer is no, then i need more work.
Exactly… until women become a compliment, rather than a supplement, you will inevitably come off as desperate. Nothing turns a lady off quicker than desperation.
Personally I was on the edge of the friend zone. How I fixed it was with a long nice home cooked meal, and then I offered her a massage.(with clothes on of course). I feel that it really allowed use to connect on a more inmate level. I would start personally with the shoulders and if she leans back on you and you have a opportunity to kiss her do it, because she is in a relaxed state and not a uncomfortable state.
This is just what happened to me and we have been together for 5 years.
it seems like a lot of people are having issues with being in the friendzone lately. i don’t have any issues with this because i don’t give women that option. i live by the following verse:
“i don’t conversate with chicks i ain’t gonna hit”-ice cube
i am very aggressive and fast with women, if at anytime they give me any of that let’s be friends stuff, i just drop them and move on. the easiest way to solve a problem is to never allow it to happen.
i know its been a while since this thread was started but i feel i have to close it. she was a bust. she had no intention of being anything but friends .. and the fact her best friend kept jumping on me when i commented on her facebook status and insulted me constantly just pushed me over the edge because she had never met me nor knew me and had no right to do it. and i dont deserve that kinda crap. if i wanna be insulted by some skank i dont know ill just tick my brother off which is pretty effortless. anyway ive cut her out of my life. think i mighta found somebody else tho.. she feels the same way and im comfortable with her and we both hope it is gonna go the way we like as we both havent had much luck and we feel the same about eachother.
OK bro the best advice I can give is to study some PUA stuff. Before anyone flips out on me about being fake or insincere, I’m not suggesting that you try and become one of those guys that goes around seducing women nightly, unless that’s what you want which from reading your posts I don’t think it is. But learning how to smoothly transition from safe friendly conversation to a more romantic and sexual mood without coming off as needy or creepy is very important. Also without knowing every minute detail of your dates together I’d almost be willing to bet that at some point she probably was throwing signals that she wanted a kiss and got annoyed/bored waiting for you to make a move. You just seem to be so plagued with self doubt and self consciousness that you’re either missing the signals, or picking up on them and dismissing them in your own mind as wishful thinking…I know because I used to do that myself. Women don’t want to be forced into anything but they DO want you to step up, be a man and take responsibility for the interaction.
Mystery Method and Rules of the Game are the best books out there for learning how to spot indicators of interest and how to react to them.
Her friend flaming you on facebook is getting to you more than it should. it’s the internet dude, and even if it was face to face you should maintain your own frame (sense of reality) and be unaffected by that shit. If her friend busts on you, very calmly ask “who are you?”…if she does it again say something like “I’m sorry what was your name again?”, or “You seem familiar, have we met?” It sets up the frame that she is insignificant to you, and the more she tries to say hurtful things to you the dumber she winds up looking to anyone watching/reading the convo.
oh no its not that i missed a signal.. she never gave me time to get one.. we hung out 3 times and she made no signals and even when i got a little close to her she said she felt uncomfortable.. and never had time to talk to me or hang out with me. but anyway i dont think i could deal with her friend, honestly, shes just like my brother, no matter how you play it off she wont stop. trust me. shes one of those impossible people. but the girl im talking to now likes me for who i am and i meet her on the 11th.. she even paid for one night at the hotel.. so i have a good feeling about it. and she asked me to come for Easter too and ive actually talked to her sister in law about it xD so im just worried somethings gonna happen to screw me over as is with my luck. if nothing happens then i think its ment to be
. Im happy and i cant wait for the 11th