18 months ago I ended a long-term relationship. That was with the third guy I’d ever dated. I use “dated” loosely, as with each of those three I’d just “fallen” into a relationship with someone I knew through friends. So I’d never actually been on a single date before August 2010. (I was happily single for eight months before I decided I needed to be proactive about dating.) Also, each time I thought that was the only person who could be interested; my only option, and so did not make a choice as to whom would be a good partner for me.
No one believes me, since I’m tall, fit, attractive, bright, and sociable. (Few people believe I’m a nerd when they meet me.) However, I grew up as a tomboy and a nerd (in the sense of bright and science-minded) in a tiny rural town. If that wasn’t awkward enough, I was a C-cup at age 11, when I was still very much a tomboy. Boys were idiots at that age, and I don’t get the “games” so I assumed their acting like jerks meant they hated me. That led to me doing nothing, not even kindergarten-handholding until I was 18 and a junior in college. I’ve never been asked for my number or a date, or given a number in real life, to this day. I’ve had classmates tell me my students were hitting on me – I was that oblivious. (I also have ADHD; a common symptom of this is missing social subtleties.)
I’m now in grad school, where most of my classmates are partnered or juvenile (I actually had one try to grab my breasts at a party), so I signed up for an online dating site, and have been on close to 100 first dates in 10 months. (I will go on a single date with anyone who asks, provided we’ve had some witty and serious conversations first. I have forced myself to do this, to learn about dating, to “practice,” as awful as that sounds. I don’t really have time for it, but I can’t leave it to chance anymore.
Now, I’m great at getting first dates, but I’ve had fewer than 10 second dates, (and with three people I’ve had 3 or 4 dates) even though I’d say ≥90% of my first dates were hours of interactive talking and laughing past when the food is gone, ordering of more drinks, or moving to additional locations. I get a lot of “You’re too amazing,” and “I don’t see long-term potential.” I’m not sure how this happens after all the hours of online and phone chatting that lead up to the meeting, when it seems to be going so naturally. (I’ve turned down second dates from maybe 5 guys, as I understand it takes time to ascertain compatibility.)
I don’t think I’m cut out for the modern dating scene – I’m too nice, i.e., not a “bitch” with “Rules,” and I’m not into “casual,” as I actually prefer to know someone before sleeping with them, but this can’t truly be done in a single date. What I want is for the guys I meet to want to slow down and see me more, to get to know each other, do things together, and enjoy the time together, because few successful relationships are built solely off of sex. (I’ve never accepted a drink or a date from someone I didn’t like.)
Most of the guys I date, and all the ones I truly click with are fellow undercover nerds (sincerely nice, but not meek) guys. I’m not into jerks or the “ripped” or sullen/loner types. (I like “active because it’s fun,” playful, happy ones.) I would like to get fewer emails from these types of guys, suggesting I “come over tonight” as their first message, and even deter the ones who are more “let’s just have fun” that I do meet (and can’t tell). I’m also nervous about getting into things too quickly, as I get too many guys who just want to see what “F” looks like, and I’m hypersensitive (in a very good way), as well have a “drive” stereotypical of a redhead. I want something real and rewarding.
A geographically-distant friend suggested Androtics to me as he uses them, and I ended up reading these forums to learn about products for women. I’m naturally happy and gregarious – I joke with strangers in line, on the train, etc. I’ve been known to sing and or dance in public (but not enough to bother anyone else) – I’m usually that happy. In fact, few people believe I’m shy, but I am when it comes to anything risky like letting someone know I’m into them. I do thus think the products that increase my openness might help me overcome this discontinuity in my flirtations.
I am unnerved by the number of products and the possible permutations. As a grad student, I do not have funds for superfluous items, but I do value quality, effective goods, so I’m looking for advice on an efficacious combination before I invest.
Also, I am a science student, so documenting parameters and results of experiments comes naturally to me – now, if only humans were that easy to correlate. 
Thanks!
I would suggest that you keep a journal- this helps you document your experiences and get the best results. Plus, from reading your intro I think that you journal would be really interesting. I’d read it.
Looks like you not only know what your intentions and strategies are; you also got some great advice from Clint. Read around the forum at the journals; have a look at the science abstracts and have fun participating in your own experiment. 
)
Who knows? They do and they didn’t share.