Shyness...fwb to relationship?

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

This might be interesting to read. Treat it as if the target is a girl with a male mind…

I know this guy who just came to school as an exchange student (Brazil). He dresses kinda conservative (I would say “normal” and not effeminate but still has some clean-but style without the preppiness; he’s cute and looks a little young for his age. He’s shy and anxious, but I’m sure he knows he’s attractive. He’s also kind of “the new gay guy” at our small college, so the others talk about how good-looking he is. We have hooked up twice. Now, I have no idea whether he wants a relationship, friends with benefits, or nothing anymore.

He is very busy all the time and is very committed to studying, while I come off as much more social. He’s always at the academic commons, which is a place to study but also talk. He tends to avoid me whenever he’s doing work though, but will say hi if we pass each other. I don’t know whether he’s too shy, as he has told me he gets very anxious (and I noticed that while hooking up, although when drunk he is much less inhibited) and shy until he’s comfortable with people, or he just looks at me as someone to hookup with on weekends (which I don’t like), even though we haven’t had sex on either occasion. He has told me he doesn’t like feeling like a piece of meat before yet his words kinda contradict the way he comes off at times. Imagine shy in public but the opposite in person; it throws me off a lot.

He told me he has dated older guys but broke up with one because the guy was getting too clingy. The weird thing is that after we kissed at a party, he was holding my hand and has been so affectionate while in bed, but he doesn’t initiate any conversation anymore. I’m thinking maybe because we didn’t have sex and he expected it. He told me he hadn’t been giving me attention because he was busy which confused me as well.

What can I do regarding this? I kind of want something to increase his attachment to me. I have tried using two drops Alpha 314, two sprays ammo, one IH, and one p74 (that’s all I have). Am I doing it right? I heard a spray of p74 increases that crush feeling, but might the Alpha scaring him to make a move? I also hope I haven’t been self-dosing, since I feel like the confusion is making me attached to him…

2

He comes from Brazil. He doesn’t have share your own cultural background.
At the moment academics might be his top priority. When he’s studying he doesn’t want to be distracted by focus his attention on dealing with you.

3

LCuervo, how old are you? You may be using too much pheromones for your age. I noticed I was a bit intimidating with just one drop of A314. Would you try the same mix except remove A314?

4

I’m 20 years old, 5’11", 150 lbs. I would consider myself good-looking and dress very well (not to stereotype…haha). And wouldn’t removing the a314 make me less alpha though? Although that’s very good advice!

5

I get distracted very easily because I’m pretty much ADD. And yeah, I’ve been thinking that because he’s international, he probably thought “Okay, I’m coming to the U.S.; I have to work very hard because blah blah.” I grew up in Mexico so I can relate, but it still seems odd to me. He does that even when I’m not wearing the pheromones, which makes me wonder if they made a strong impression or he is just avoiding me due to being busy.

6

It might but you could also try using some IG instead if you have it. If not you could use my tactics, go to the gym get ripped and trust me alpha comes from there lol! But I would say IG if you have some would be the fastest solution.

7

I’ve never bought it, but am curious now. Thanks, haha.

8

Remember the A314 can also give a very serious/LTR minded feel (esp on younger guys) and after what you said about him and older/clingy guys in your OP, I could see how he may be getting the feeling you are on the same track.

I agree with ballzan - Less A314 or a lighter more carefree/sociable IG vibe might be better here. For the moment at least - it will still have plenty of status and you can transition to a more serious A314 sig if things develop in that direction.

9

Oh, that makes sense… I just hope I haven’t kinda messed it up by using pheromones the wrong way :confused: Do you think maybe that hardcore LTR vibe he might be getting from me will go away if I stop using A314? How about p74? I only spray that one once, but will definitively buy IG. I just ordered it, actually.

I just came back from an event which had about 100 people, which is not too big. He did not say hi to me at all and hasn’t texted me all night. I’m worried I might have given him the wrong impression from the A314…can I reverse this to make it go the way I want? Thanks so much for the help you guys have given so far.

10

He has responded to you with some interest according to the events you have conveyed. That could be the mones or just you …probably a little bit of both. You want mones to do something they cant do though. You want them to change his priority, his goal… his thinking. Having a relationship is not a priority for him right now. He basically told you that in so many words. His actions and the few things you mentioned he said would indicate he is just looking for some causual companionship and fun that wont interfere with his goals.

Thing to remember is his wanting to keep it causual is not about you its about him. Its not a rejection its him filling his own needs.

Pheromonally your coming off with a serious vibe. IG is going to send you there as well. I think your better off sticking to things like Ammo IH IO Ishine and maybe a little TAC and TAL. Leave off the A314 and the IG for now.

Keep in mind pheromones change the way people feel not the way they think. That is two different things. Eventually our feelings do begin to affect they way we think though and our needs change. Give it some time and dont push it.

Tisha

11

Do you think the pheromones might be making me come off so strongly that they might have freaked him out? He had told me he didn’t like how others see him as a piece of meat, so I used the mones and I guess I came off as too committed or something, ha. I’m thinking of maybe stop using them and see how he reacts to me alone, or just use IH/IS, which is the only one I have out of the ones you mentioned. Also, when we were in bed, he told me he was going to another country at first but didn’t regret coming here instead. It almost sounded like it was about me…he also showed me his texts, which I guess shows that he trust(ed) me. Then he stopped talking to me and completely showing interest, which makes me sad. It really seemed like he wanted a relationship because he did like two guys but they hurt him. Then I came along and I just freaked him out.

But he did notice me deactivating facebook when I talked to him, which confuses me so much -__- It’s almost like he is waiting for me to make the effort, yet doesn’t want anything to do with me right now…I don’t think he can be that shy to simply not text me; we texted all day last week on Saturday night, since I had taken a flight home.

12

He wanted to study. You took his disinterest in having a conversation as a rejection. He might perceive your reaction as being needy.

Trust to do what?
It doesn’t signal that he trusts you not to mess up his studying.

You should also keep in mind that people think differently when they are alone than when they are with someone. Even if he felt like having a relationship with you, while he was with you, he can still reevaluate his priorities while being at home.

13

Very good point.

Maybe he is just sensing you want more then he is willing to give right now. What I am noticing from the information your sharing here is your analysing and reading into every thing he does. Like noticing that he noticed you deactivating facebook or him showing you his texts. That contributes to that needy vibe and if he is picking up on it and is not ready for a serious relationship he will back off. It has nothing to do with being shy. Just wear your mones… Ishine and IH and dont have expectations. Just hang out and enjoy his company.

Lots of people dont like to jump right into long term. They like to get to know people on a deeper level before they make that commitment but if your watching his every move and trying to interpret what it all means it makes it hard to get close to you and it comes off cling needy.

Tisha

14

The thing though is that I didn’t do anything about it; I just stopped talking to him. He hasn’t bothered to approach me either, so from my perspective, I’ve been giving him space to show him I’m not like that without words. I’m going to a party with him today, so we’ll see what happens there…
I tend to overanalyze things a lot and get paranoid about them easily but I don’t act on that because it would just end in disaster. I prefer to see what happens when I get there and then look in retrospect later.

Meanwhile, I wonder what effect IH and IS will give off without the others, and if I want to use Ammo in order to reel him in without a LTR-oriented vibe. My plan is to end up with him again (hook-up) and then kind of start over from there without making myself seem clingy. I also don’t want to enter a stage where he takes me for granted or as someone he can always to go for hookups though; I do want more than that but I plan on working on it slowly. I think sex would be good now because it can make him a little attached, and that kind of leaves people wanting more; it has worked in the past. Any suggestions on this?

I also wonder if the p74 had anything to do with that whole “Be with me now” feeling.

15

Okay, so Instant Shine, Ammo, IH, P74.

How do I attack? I’m going to a party with many gay males so things will get interesting :wink: but I do want that one. He tells me he has dated older guys in their 30s so he does like them older, but he also messed around with this one guy who looks younger than his age..I’m thinking of not wearing any mones and just going with myself but some advice would be much appreciated. He’s drinking and I’m not.

16

Sometimes we overrate others ability to understand ourselves. Sometimes we underrate them.

If you get paranoid and hide it, your emotions are likely to affect the other person. They might be unable to tell exactly what’s going on. A person with empathy will still feel that something isn’t quite right.

Hiding strong emotions inside yourself might even trigger him to say that he doesn’t like feeling like a piece of meat.

Neediness and paranoia are issues that you have to solve inside yourself. As long as you don’t you will produce project that vibe even if you consciously try to control your actions.

How about just interacting with him and having fun? Letting it evolve naturally?

17

Okay, so we talked. We went to a party and it basically ended in him getting kinda jealous over me touching my ex in the leg (I was drunk and did it on purpose; my ex and I are just friends and that’s it) and thinking I wanted/was with said ex or something.

I hadn’t talked to him in days, and then I get a text. After me telling him how I felt, he told me this:

“Well, look ___, I don’t know what to say, you’re a very nice guy, I love talking to you, but I just don’t feel like we have chemistry, I didn’t know how to tell you this without hurting your feelings. I’m not gonna say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ because I feel like the problem is 'us”. I know, I’m sorry, I really am, but I couldn’t keep it going."

I hadn’t used mones in days, but I had seem him and just said hi, especially today, when he gave me an awkward/uncomfortable-looking “hi” smile. However, we were talking and then he kept insisting to talk in person, so I said okay and he came to my room. I wanted to do something with him (ha) but he sat on my roommate
s bed and just looked kinda guilty and kept talking about people. To be honest, there was some stupid drama between people that I think interfered with him and I, but I’m thinking maybe me using pheromones might have given him the wrong signals.

I think the fact that he used the word “feel” with “chemistry” and saying that it was “us” means he felt an incompatibility, but to me it says me using pheromones f’ed things up. Do you think maybe if I don’t use anything and just have my natural scent, I can get him to be with me in the future? He did come clean, and has told me I’m one of his best friends at school (which surprised me as I did not know that). Apparently we can talk normally now, but I still like him…he also said he dropped one of his classes, which means he has free time.

However, I think he is trying around to get a boyfriend, and there is this kid who I got a really bad impression of who he is showing interest in. I want to let it go but I still want this guy so bad…I know it can work and I can see it working. I just feel like I used pheromones wrong and am now in some sort of weird friendzone. Please help me, thanks.

18

You have been around him with them on and with them off with the same outcome basically and you said you had seen them but hadnt worn them for days so its not likely its the mones. I dont want to be harsh or mean but sometimes personalities just dont click on the same level and I think this is the case. Mones enhance they dont change what people think or feel. They dont erase your natural chemical signals either. Its up to you whether you wear them or not but to me it seems he is just not that into you in that way. He has repeatly told you he wants to be friends.

Tisha

19

Well, the thing is that when I went to a party full of gay men, I was wearing Instant Shine and he was noticing me. He definitively finds me attractive, but then I started sort of touching my ex and he got jealous. I mentioned this other guy from Brazil I went out with to a guy (also from there) and my guy goes “Wait who? Oh, nevermind…” I had told him I dated a Brazilian. However, he seems to be fishing around for a boyfriend and…not to sound like I’m bragging but he doesn’t know what he is missing; I am a really good boyfriend :confused: I had not spoken to him nor passed him though, just seen him away with the mones.

I find it so strange that I apparently got superfriendzoned now. It had never happened to me. I’m thinking he likes that other guy, but I hope nothing happens between them two or it will end badly.

Maybe I’ll give it time and let him see me without the pheromones, or I’ll eventually use TUTH after talking to him for a long time. I hope I have another chance or he will start liking me.

20

Maybe he likes more effeminate men? Maybe wearing female pheromone products may be what you need.