A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
‘Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?’
The operator said, ‘I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?’****
The grandmother, in her weak tremulous voice said, '‘Norma Findlay, Room 302.’
The operator replied, ‘Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.’
****After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, ‘Oh, I ****
****have good news. Her nurse told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work is normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.’ ****
The grandmother said, 'Thank you. That’s wonder ful! I was so worried! ****
God bless you for the good news.’
The operator replied, ‘You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?’
The grandmother said, ‘No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit.’
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do you
determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub.’
‘Oh, I understand,’ I said. ‘A normal person would use the bucket
because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.’
‘No.’ said the Director, ‘A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?’