I’m having a problem. those of you who read my last post about a problems would guess that it had to do with a guy, but A guy turned into THREE guys!!
I went over to watch a movie at this guys place and everything was going well. We were just chilling sitting on OPPOSITE ends of the couch but still talking and stuff (nothing cold or anything) the all of a sudden I notice that he is REALLY close to me and in my head I’m just wondering how that happened without me noticing it. THEN he decides to put his hand around me but it was done in a way that made me kind of iffy cause it was SO obvious and I don’t even know how to explain it. Then his hand started moving around! Like man! I thought I was going to die! I didn’t know what to do so I quickly kinda stopped his hand from moving about by adjusting myself a bit. Then he started reaching for my hand and this part was kinda cute, he started playing with my fingers…to cut a VERY long story short I left really late but nothing happened. He’s obviously NOT shy cause if he was he wouldn’t have placed his arm around me. But when I left there was nothing, no kiss nada! Which I don’t really mind or anything but it was just weird. Then he stopped talking to me, which I thought was weird, (for those of you who have read my other thread I’m talking about my iPhone guy) Anyway, I started thinking about what some of you had told me before about how sometimes it’s just that the guy has stuff going on so I just let it be and didn’t bother him. Then he contacted me and we spoke and whatever but then he stopped, MAN! this guy is so weird, he’s so hot and cold I can’t keep up!
The second guy is this guy who I always thought was my friend! I really did, like we would hang out and talk all the time. The he decides to tell me that he has REALLY strong feelings for me and that he knows he has no chance with me (I have no idea why he would say that) but that he will gladly stay my friend until I fall in love with him. And I mean he was saying ALL the right things but i was so shocked I started tripping out on him and saying that I’m confused (which I was) and bla bla bla. Anyway, we decided to talk about it when we have both digested the information that he gave out to me!
The third guy is my ex. We were together three years so OBVIOUSLY i will always love him but I’m not in love with him. But he always manages to make me feel bad about moving on with a guy. I mean the guy really cramps my style, so to speak! And he’s saying how he wants us to get back together and he still loves me. And I mean sure we could get back together but part of our problem was that we could never STAY together! our characters clashed. We are from different backgrounds so it was hard sometimes for me to understand some of his reaction and vice versa.
My problem: What do I do?
I’m so confused. I mean I’ve been in a relationship for so long and I never thought I would get approached by so many guys in such a short period of time, all at once. I’m not used to this. I think my iPhone guy is just a bit of a kid, a hot kid but still a kid, like he doesn’t really know what he wants or he does but he doesn’t know how to go about it, I think i’ll just wait and see with him, although I really enjoy his company and would really like to be his friend. What do you think about his “hot and cold” thing?
But what do I do about my friend. I really like him but ok I know this is going to sound bad but I’m no attracted to him physically I mean if he was in a different body I would be on his case! Do you think you can have a relationship with someone who you are not attracted to physically? Is there any way that the physical attraction will come later?
My ex: How do I get him away from me? He’s really coming in the way of me ever finding anyone!
Footnote, I’m not using any pheromones.
HMMM I am liking guy number 2. But the attraction part can be a problem. This is what you do. Tell him you need to kiss him.I know its hard LOL Just do it. Not on the check but a real one a open mouth tonsil tickler. If you cant do it or if you do and its just gross then you have a problem.
Guy number one sounds like he is unsure of what he wants. He may have issues or be just looking to get some if you know what I mean. At this point I would flat out ask him what the problem is. Maybe he felt like when you stopped his wandering fingers you were not interested. Read they guys forum they have insecurities to.
EX boyfriend Been there, done that, Kick him to the curb. There is a reason you broke up and people dont really change all that much. If you didnt mesh then you probably wont now. Be kind but blunt. “Your a great guy but I dont love you and I wont change my mind and that would not be fair to either of us”.
I noticed that when you spoke about #2 nothing bad was said. You were just confused and probably a little scared.
Out of the 3 who would you miss the most if you never saw him again ? This is the one to consider.
By the way what is it about number 2 that you dont find attractive?
Go for the second guy, the one you thought was your friend. He is the one for you. He loves you, the others a just out for fun or looking for a chance to get things going.
Forget the first guy, and your ex. If the spark isn’t there with door number two, just go shopping - don’t settle for something below your expectations. Go for what you deserve!
The problems is I’m not attracted to my friend. I mean he is really not my type physically. He’s not like BUTT ugly or anything but he’s a bit fat and, I don’t know, I don’t want to say anything bad about him but I just don’t see myself being physical with him. I see myself being romantic with him and happy but then the physical part comes and I get like a “ugh” feeling…
Can I be with someone I’m not attracted to? Tisha said I should kiss him… I don’t think I can even do that…
I’m not on any pheromones and the way things are going i’m not sure I should wear them around any prospective guys in the near future.
I’d say date 1 and 2 very casually and see what else is out there. If things feel weird with #2, you might have to draw a line and chuck all the romantic stuff. There are bazillions of amazing guys out there who will want you; and you don’t need to settle for a flake or a guy who you aren’t attracted to. Put yourself first! And #3 sounds toxic. Stay awaaay.
The best advice I’ve seen here was Tisha’s read the mens section. But not for her reasons, more so to get an idea of what you’re dealing with. And Kitten’s #3 is toxic. She’s right, guilt tripping is not healthy. You may want to be wary of stalking like behaviors from him too.
I say none of the above if you aren’t enjoying their company or personalities. 1 may be “hot” but he read to me as a vapid. 2 may be in love but if you’re not interested there is no reason to possibly damage his self image. Bitter guys suck, and end up like 3.
If you really want someone who cares about you, #2 is obvious but also be aware of your own feelings. The reason why so many guys are drawn to all that icky PUA stuff is that, unfortunately, it works most of the time. iPhone guy is attractive to you because he keeps you guessing. Tater would bet good money that #2 genuinely loves you but hes not going to play games and youre likely to find him predictable and eventually unattractive as a result. Thats why youre just friends right now. Most likely youll end up hurting him because #1 is the guy who draws your attention right now. Otherwise why would you spend ANY time trying to figure out a guy whos just trying to shake you up enough to get what he can get?
Ive become convinced that unless a guy is exceptionally lucky, and it may even be impossible, you just cant share every heartbeat with a woman. Im close friends, even the best friend of nearly every woman im open with. But the ones i keep at arms length go nuts trying to get me, get jealous about who im with and even stalk me. This is very disappointing for those of us who want an ultra-romantic relationship.
If i change my behavior by acting erratically, even seeing someone only once, i can get a close friend to act romantically. I acted moody one evening at the movies and one friend walked through my open door, followed me into my bedroom and kissed me. Ever since shes been flirty with me. Absolutely no signs of interest before then. A similar pattern has accidentally turned a happily married friend into a savage flirt.
Also keep in mind that #2 is likely idealizing you and you may not be able to live up to his ideal. Watch out for signs that he worships the ground you walk on. That means youre going to hurt him, its only a matter of when.
So i guess Tater is saying that if youre relationally aware, go for #2. If you just want a boyfriend, go for #1…or find #4.
Its very important you understand the message of the story.
Then you will know which guy to choose.
(personally its number 2 you should go for)
Your confusing Lust with Love. Love takes time and is not always sexually motivated it can be personality, Lust is entirely sexual and it comes and goes, you may find the guy to be boring or an ass. then your stuck cos you just lost the best guy, cos you were not physically to him attracted. Besides why you thinking about sex. Be romantic with him, then when the right moment comes you will feel that you want to kiss him anyway.
Habi has a point there. I have been married a long time to a man that was my friend from childhood. Friends really do make the best partners but lust and attraction in a marriage is important.
If you are totally unattracted to him then I suggest keeping it friendly. But if there is a little attraction you can build Lust from that. I would explore this further start trying to think of him in a sexual way. You will soon discover the answer.
