Very good replies.
Reps to everyone.
I’ve been apprehensive of making a post to this thread for two reasons:
- It is too revealing, and
- I could be flat out wrong.
However, in the interest of understanding relationships and trying to work out some personal difficulties I have in them, I will boldly go forth into the unknown with the hope it helps not only me, but others too.
I am a beta male and that is not going to change. Believe me, I have tried.
Most women want (or at least think they do) an alpha. This desire may be wiring left over from the late Paleolithic, so in considering a beta, it will take a lot of higher reasoning from both of you.
If I ever have to do it over again, I’d be looking for a beta female - one that’s intelligent with a kind hearted personality to the core. (And yes, I have what I think is one on the radar that I’ve been watching for over 7 years – and (internally I’ve been trying to squelch/suppress/repress/poison this long term infatuation from its beginning to no avail) it hurts to see her alone against the world and it hurts for me being locked in with an ltr that makes life cold, lonely and lacking of affection).
When I was in my early twenties, perhaps I was running a good emulation of an alpha. I was an arrogant know-it-all. I met a wonderful slightly older woman that was attracted to that. Our first conversation together consisted of her asking me a question to a post I had on the bulletin board. She asked it in a rather arrogant accusatory manner and I arrogantly replied that she obviously didn’t understand what she was talking about, but if she was truly interested I would be willing to educate her on such matters. In other words, I put her in her place as subordinate. I put myself on a pedestal. This lit her passion on fire and she was after me for weeks. She was a woman on a mission of conquest.
Eventually she did conquer – and just like the song:
“…. we’d steal away every chance we could
To the backroom, to the alley
or the trusty woods……
……
And oh the wonder
We felt the lightning”.
I was 100% committed. Zero to 100% in less that 7 days. That’s probably the nature of some betas. If betas understand this about themselves (especially if, like me, they had to learn the hard way) then the old adage, “once bitten twice shy” is an egregious understatement.
Her BF found out and came after me. He wound up in the hospital and while he was there, I was in a holding cell at the city jail contemplating all my possible fates and asking myself if she was worth it.
Nobody pressed charges. I was set free. (Story goes on – but I’m ending the telling here)
Eventually she figured out that I was a beta, she lost interest and left me for someone else – all rather planned ahead of time – she was gone when I returned from an out of state journey and I have never seen her since.
“I awoke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered
Started humming a song from……” [1974]
Ain’t it funny how the night moves”
I was so devastated and soured at what I could allow a woman to do to me, that it took me 7 years of looking before I was willing to risk anything again – and I did have women show a lot of interest in those years – but nothing quite like you, Bubbly, have with your TG.
Your beta male TG is truly trying to sort out issues. 2/3rds of all divorces are filed by women. Guys in a divorce in certain states with great incentives for the wife to file, where they cruelly rape a man’s bank account and put him into servitude for 18 years – well, DOH!, they have been betrayed, his reputation has been attacked and he is alone and miserable in his poverty and quiet possibly devoid of much self worth. Even though TG wasn’t put through the legal wringer, the same thoughts will go on in his head because he was pilliaged and dumped.
A woman that he loved with all his greatest passion and devotion did this to him.
This is his reward. Like me sitting in that holding cell asking myself if she is worth it, he might not want to trust any woman for some time. One bad apple might not spoil the whole bunch, but it can make you sick for quite some time. What he had may have been a good imitation, so it will be hard for him to sort out the real thing.
The Romantic Male must learn when to stop giving too much to the woman he loves and that putting a woman on a pedestal only results in being looked down upon. His love is so deep that the woman may complain of being smothered and she may perceive him as being needy or like a little boy, when all he really needs is your love, respect and affection. And it is a need, not a want – something few women in my experience are able to understand and can give as freely as the man.
If you sniff a yellow flower and get stung, it’s hard to sniff the next yellow flower.
But the true romantic will try again, knowing he might get stung, because he has love to give and only wants love in return – an equitable response leading to joint happiness.
He’s comfortable with you. Perhaps he needs to be more aware of the attraction that he already has for you. This can be tricky. Are you always there for him? Maybe a little absence will make him realize his attraction to you? “Oh, I’m sorry, my friend and I are going to see a movie. Kinda like a girl’s night out”.
He also probably needs to hear you say, “I am not the one that hurt you. Kiss me you fool!” and give him one before he can react. No, that’s probably not a good idea.
P.S. Alpha males reading this, go ahead and beat up on me if you so desire. I’m used to it. LOL!
) I’ve also told him I think he’s really cool, funny, like spending time with him, look forward to spending more time with him and that I’m really into him and want to see where things go.
