Yeah…my sincerest apologies JC!:o I was thinking the same thing but couldn’t help myself.:o :o
Wow. I really opened Pandora’s Box with pointing out the respect issue.
My apologies, too, to JC.
The floor is yours my friend. I shall haul my luggage to another thread. But, as I think you and I do share similar frustrations, I’ll drop the thread URL in here so you can take a peek sometime.
River, Boss: admittadly, I am not putting forth 100%. A lot of resentment has built up over the years which has inadvertantly manifested in an emotional seperation. In January 2007, we had officially called it quits. and for a brief moment, she did experience that epiphany and said the words “I need you”. I crumbled. Doesn’t take much for me, I don’t ask a lot, just to feel like I’m more than a paycheck.
well, enough of my crap in JC’s space. Besides, my first (and hopefully not last) supply of Phero’s arrived.
Instant Honesty
Instant Female Magic
Turn Up The Heat
And a bonus Ammunition
My neighbor is in the exact same situation. So I ordered 3 empty atomizers and we split the product. So, my goal is to post results of both of us.
Well, off to my science project.
Not really pandora’s box as I think nothing but positive came out of the discussion and recognition about how imprtant an issue it is in marriage.
He did not seem to mind but …
I think most guys in your situation probably feel the same way …
Good luck and really cool that the two of you are cooperating like that …
Let us know when you can …
Well I’m a little late here, but all this sounds too familiar, and just like my second marriage, with the exception that my ex saw me only as a meal ticket and a way to a better life. The marriage lasted all of 7 1/2 months before she got everything she wanted from me and left.
In that 7 1/2 months we had sex all of 4 times, and that was only when she was drunk. She didn’t respect me, resented the fact that I made more money than her, was having an affair that had started before we were even married, and made her lover our best friend.
Within 2 months of being married, it had spiraled so far downhill that I was absolutely miserable. I obviously didn’t know about the affair and was clueless as to why things were so bad between us. I had tried everything I could think of to improve the situation, but nothing worked. I tried to leave her twice during the time we were married, but both times she would break down in tears and tell me that she loved me and needed me, and I would cave.
It got so bad after about the 4th month that when we’d go to bed at night, I’d get a peck goodnight and she’s roll to the far side of the bed. We had argued about sex to the point that I’d just given up, knowing that sex had pretty well been taken off the table. I should have known something was up when she had her birth control implant replaced, and I thought things might finally start improving, but still refused to have sex with me.
It then got to the point that wouldn’t even go to bed at the same time, and my way of coping with the marriage was to have 5 or 6 beers every night to numb myself before going to bed. And that only made things worse. She’d bitch at me that I’d rather stay up drinking than to go to bed with her, and I’d fire back that if going to bed with her meant rolling to opposite ends of the bed and being ignored, then she was right.
After she left and the marriage ended, I was even more miserable, for all of about two weeks. Then I put everything together, and decided that I needed to get as far away from her and her other lover as possible otherwise I might end up doing something stupid. So I packed up, moved to Dallas and have never looked back.
My stories obviously a little different, as my ex never intended for the marriage to work, and I don’t believe that she ever did love me. But, I can vouch what lack of sex and respect will do to a man and to a marriage.
In my case I really didn’t think I wanted all that much from my wife, just for her to respect me as a person and her husband, and a little intimacy every now and then. And when I got neither, I didn’t look to cheat on her and never did, but I gave up and stopped trying. I lost my motivation, slef-esteem, became snappy toward everybody and was all around unhappy.
She was out fulfilling her wants, needs and desires elsewhere, but even so, she had put on quite a bit of weight (she was 5’ 3" and 105 lbs when we got married, and put on over 35 lbs by the time we split up), started having medical issues, probably due to the stress, and was a pretty miserable person herself.
Hello…
I IS BACK…
Well at least jsut to tell you that I am still there, I am just going along with my experiments… I will come back when I have enough data…
But I really appreciate all your comments/advice/opinion… I share some of them, disagree with others but always feel that comments/advice/opinion given freely in good faith are respectable. Thank you for these my friends…
As I said, please bear with me, you may have a lot to read in a week or so…
(well… I hope…)
I was gonna say.. -None is pretty sticky… you might have been building up ALOT of -none if you were applying in increasing amounts every day - could be part of the OD
I have the same problem with some pheromones, A314 especially tends to make my throat feel a little tight - I never had it go further then just a tight feeling however.
I’m going to offer you a suggestion. I understand that your wife wants to spend time with the children, but why not offer her a night off without the children? From my experience, I’ve seen mothers who work at their careers, work at home and work at raising the children.
I understand that you’ve eliminated one of those for your lovely bride, but what about suggesting to her to have a ladies night out with some of her friends one night while you tend to the children?
I’d also be interested in what could be stressing her out at work. It’s going to require you humble yourself and not think about sex; you’re going to have to listen to her as she opens up and NOT try to solve her problems. Ask questions and listen to her answers. Be compassionate and not a problem solver. This is a tough deal for us guys, I know…
Stress, in and of itself, can create all sorts of relationship and health problems, and it would be prudent if you two could at least acknowledge exactly what the concerns were. From there, you both could devise a plan to deal with the stress. Once that weight is taken off her shoulders, she’ll instantly open up to your…desires.
Very good ideas - especially paragraphs 2 & 3. My wife has never been into the ladies night thing but I do know some moms who do like to go out from time to time with their female friends.
Boss,
You can easily substitute “ladies night out” with whatever she places high value. So, let’s assume she loves to shop. Tell her that you’ll watch the kiddos (give them baths, feed them, etc.) while she is free to go shopping. A four hour burst of shopping without any stress or concern about coming home to cook dinner or take care of the kids will be a welcome relief.
If a gentleman even were to tell her to pick the day that she wishes to do so, she could even plan out all that she wants to do. This eliminates the issue of her coming home and you springing it on her. While it may sound nice, she may be too tired to bother going out, or may not want to fight the traffic, etc. Sometimes it’s just easier to go straight from work to the mall.
Or, suppose that she wants to do some sewing, scrapbooking or something like that. Letting her know that you’ll take the kids out of the house – go to the zoo or airport and let them watch the planes land – anything to get them out of the house and let her have some peace and quiet.
The point is to allow her to have a block of time where she can just pamper herself…no noise, no stress, no worry about what am I going to fix for dinner. I’ve mentioned this to husbands before and the wives overheard. They’ve all smiled and said “that would be nice” without fail.
Just a thought…
Sorry - my bad - I did not expain myself - I understand and am in complete agreement - my observation was the ladies night out thing only.
Given our situation my wife actually looks forward to time with the kids so I try to help set up situations where we can be by ourselves just as a family or give my wife time to do some some mother-daughter things. One of her favorite is doing some baking with the girls.
But you are right - one of the best things a husband can do is to create time for mom to have some time just for her.
That WOULD be nice 
Hmmmm…if only MY hubby would think of these things…
I have been starting this, I watch the kids, take them out while she has a bit of time for herself (mainly during the week-end).
Well this is being addressed with a counselor as we speak… She broke down totally last week and has found herself in what has been described as a mild depression… We are obviously tackling the problem together and hopefully beating it.
I suspect, that state was partly responsible for some of her erratic and inconsistent behaviour (I thought…)
Recognizing it was on her part a great achievement, she took two days off work to stay at home on her own and have a bit of time for herself… (I was doing some on-site jobs in Somerset these 2 days) And it went well…
Even had a last romp the night before I left (which is usually rare…) As goooooooooooood as always 
…
I think you had it pretty much spot on my friend… Thanks…
jchirsch,
I’m overjoyed to hear that you two have found a cause to the emotional detachment and are working on solving that cause and not the symptoms. I wish you two the very best on the work you have before you.
I have another question for you: do either of your parents live close by or do you have someone in which you both entrust your children? I’ve met families who have the grandparents around and those that don’t, as well as families who have someone that both parents trust to watch the kids and families that simply don’t trust anyone with their children.
What I’ve noticed is that the families that were able to tap someone to watch their kids while the parents were able to take a few hours to themselves helped immensely. It works best when a couple can plan regular “dates” with each other – go to a romantic dinner for two, visit an art museum, catch a movie, go play frisby golf…whatever the couple enjoys doing as a couple. In fact, I’ll pass along something I routinely help out with: I have a group of friends that consists of about ten families. Each of those families have come to an agreement whereby they watch each other’s children for free once a month. Here’s how it works:
- The families divide themselves up in thirds.
- Each third agrees to watch all children every third month. So, you basically get to have one date night per month for two months, and then you watch the children on the third month.
- A nominal fee is collected for food. Usually it’s just pizza and drinks for the kids and adults doing the babysitting. I think they each put in $2 or so per child. I’m not sure if the babysitting adults also put in $2. But you get the point…
- They all use a designated area to drop off the kids and pick them up. For this group, they use their church building, but it could be someone’s home if they’re willing, or some other location.
- I think they go for about three hours or so.
I love kids so I generally drop by just to play with them and run around like a crazy man. The kids laugh and chase me all around, and we basically wear each other out. It’s a fun deal, but I think the idea of what these couples have come up with is fantastic. In fact, one family where the mother hasn’t trusted anyone to babysit her kids actually uses this group and goes off on dates with her husband alone. I guess she doesn’t trust one person alone in her home with her kids, but six adults in a common place is enough for her to be able to trust. In any case, she’s able to go off and have a date with her husband, and that’s the important part.
Maybe that’ll give you an idea, or perhaps you have grandparents around that are more than willing to watch the kids for a few hours while you two rediscover each other. In any case, remembering that it’s just as important for you two to spend quality time alone as it is for you two to spend time with the children is extremely important for a healthy relationship.
Good luck to you!
Good to be back !!!
So will you tell me… What has been happening since the last post ?
Well, I have been trying Instant Female Magic on & off for almost a month now and I can’t say I have seen definite results…
I am now trying to apply it when I know the situation might be tense and see what happens…
I am also betting on its soothing. mild desire building effect…
I have also found out that as it is unscented, it seems to be accepted more easily by my wife.
We had a ‘discussion’ about these new ‘smells’ the other day as she definitely not like the neroli scent - so there it goes for my Turn Up The Heat and P83 
… I told her I was trying some aromatherapy stuff and put the word pheromones in it. She kindda bought it with a mild worry for what it could do to our daughters, and by the fact that this is still chemical product… (she is very ‘natural’…)
Anyway, I have some cologne coming from France (Emporio Armani, and some Drakkar Noir, to cover it up a bit…) I’ll resume the experiment then.
Anyhow, as I said before, the depression thing is being addressed, and some changes in her work life will be in order, hopefully for the best (both financially and morally…)
On my side I have also been interviewed for some part time position to go along with my tutoring activities. I hope it is working out! The interviewer, and potentially my future boss, was a young woman, and I came prepared loaded on IS and Instant Gentleman… let’s just say I felt very relaxed, I even think she was more tensed than I was ! I got asked for a second interview, where I have done a presentation in front of her and her boss. She finished the interview on her own and again seemed very friendly but kindda tense… ( I don’t kow what was the part of the pheros in this, but I am pretty sure she hasn’t been recruiting a lot of people before…) I am now waiting for the outcome… fingers crossed…
Sex life is back to the usual weekly (good) encounter on average. But we are both physically knackered (haven’t had a proper holiday since last christmas) and it shows… My parents are coming for 10 days, and I have planned a WE trip for just the two of us in a nice hotel/spa to resource our energies and hopefully get rid of some excess bodily fluids … - Eventhough Red Storm is rising, I hope for her irregular cycle to help me a bit there… otherwise we’ll have to find some alternatives 
Speak to you later guys, thanks for following my desperate adventures.