The Long Walc

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Journals
1

yeah, ok, I apologize up front for the thread title. I am however 6’1" which is slightly above medium.
Just so ppl won’t have to dig out my intro thread I’ll continue with a short self description. Scandinavian, born 1973 (=38yo), male, hetero (so far at least), 184 lb, slight build and untrained but has to battle body fat. Single, long time involuntary celibate (since 2004), total sex partners little over 10 ppl, no long term relationship ever. Have slight mental health issues (AvPD is one likely diagnosis), been through long term therapy which kinda helped but not enough, is on AD-medication. Has ok social circle, 2-4 close friends but I whish we were closer, maybe 20 ppl in wider circle of firnds and likely 50-60 ppl I say ‘hi’ to. I have a hard time letting men close to me, all my close friends are female.

My personality can vary from a bit drawn back to taking a bit too much place, it depends how I feel. I get nervous easily, one might even say that I am constantly slightly nervous. This is b/c of beeing afraid of ppl not liking me. I have low education but high intelligence (yes, as part of finding a diagnosis I had to do a WAIS-test), am verbal but talk too fast and slightly mumbling and if very nervous I stutter.

When speaking about my involuntary celibacy (is there a nifty shorthand for that? involibacy maybe? incel, thats it) to the two very closest friends I’ve gotten some interesting feedback. I probably give off a vibe as beeing a bit desperate even though I don’t really ‘do’ or say anything; that always seemed weird to me but now beginning to accept the power of 'mones I realize that the desperate vibe may very well have been my natural 'mones, ofc in combo with all the other non-verbal communication. I am not a ‘cool guy’ at all, I have no ‘bad boy’-part of me either. Also I have rather low status, at least when it comes to attraction (ofc they didn’t say that).

I am looking for both LTR and more short term intimacy. [edit: missed to state that I also want to improve on my friendship in a non-sexual way, and maybe, just maybe win back some friends that I lost that spark with.] One-night stands not so much I think, at least not right now. The girls/women I am interested in varies in age. The youngest may be 21-24, the oldest is at my own age. Most are though 23-27, the older women are more often in steady relationships.
Without exception all the girls I am interested in are in my extended social circle (well, if I extend it far enough y’all are in it…:wink: the world isn’t that big after all), and we are not mainstream. Punks, metalheads (omg Angela Gossow would <3 to date her.., derbygirls, and general weirdoes that I like a lot. I was by far the last one to get tattoes. Not getting me any piercings though, ever, I wanna be able to take up my MA-training again, someday. I guess by US standards we are far out in the left field (no, I will not discuss politics :roll_eyes:) The impact this has on the flirting game and all that, is that gender roles can not be expected to follow standard, although they in some cases might. So-called open relationships are quite common, mostly open on the sexual level but in some cases even on the deeper emotional level. I think that could be troublesome though, in most cases I know their partners also which would make it weird, for me at least.

I have ofc heard of pheromones many times before, I like popular science magazines and shows. I also have heard about using human 'mones to attract the opposite (or same!) sex, but like most ppl I just laughed it off, like the reporters did. For some reason I stumbled upon this site and after reading for 30-40 minutes I realized that this may well be for real. I like hard science, double-blind trials and all that and to be honest (as far as I have read so far) no-one here seems to do really that when you study the effects, but anecdotal evidence is not to be cast aside either, when it reaches sufficient mass it carries a weight of it own.
oh, well, now I see that this has grown from short intro to long… onward.

Friday I ordered my first set:
Turn Up the Heat (To Go, reg strength)
Instant Shine (To Go, reg strength)
Instant Honesty (To Go, reg strength)
Ammo (To Go, reg strength)
A314 Spray (1.29A) (To Go, reg strength)

I would have ordered Instant Openess also but it was out of stock. Instant Jerk is just not me right now, I think that I will have to be more experienced before even thinking about that one. Also it’s quite far from my natural personality so maybe just not a good idea at all. First I thought that Instant Gentleman was a bad idea since I am a bit older than the girls I’m looking for. After reading up more it may be ok anyway, and A314 may be less functional when it comes to dating. But A314 seems to have other interesting social uses though. And honestly, for some of these oh-so-cool girls a big part of the anti-macho posturing is just posturing, or maybe rather that the macho is not welcome but the alpha may well be. I guess we’ll see in the end.

So, I’m gonna go pick up my package tomorrow. DHL was blazingly fast in getting it overseas and to my city, but then locally they fumble, just like they have several times before. They deliver at my home adress at any random time between 08-17.30, refuse to call before and refuse to leave outside my door. I waited until 16.45 but then I had to leave. They refuse to send it to their own very close pick-up point so instead I have to travel for like 45 minutes to their central facilities… sigh. Must be some bad management at the local office. Anyway, just one day more is ok, and they shipped it over the weekend so I really shouldn’t complain.

I will go with Steve’s find your sweet spot-routine and I will start with IS, since it seems mellow and easy. I don’t expect any attraction-hits, when it’s time to test those 'mones I will think a bit about place and people.
Tomorrow tuesday is first test day and I really have nothing special planned. But there is a cafe where a bunch of nice girls work that I know a little, enough to sometimes hang out a little with privately. I sometimes help them out with stuff and this week is fixing-things-week at their job. So thats a possible test.
Or should I test with unknown ppl first? On one hand observing ppl I already know means I can see a change. OTOH ppl I already know have a set image of me and they may need several days of exposure before effect. These girls are ages from 20 to 27, mostly punks. Some of them have bf, one is pregnant (and may not be there b/c of preg.), one (adorable girl) I think is about to get serious with a guy that seems nice, one is probably lesbian but I kinda fell a little for her before I knew that :frowning:
On wednesday I will help another, older, girl I was quite interested in with moving. That means that I will not be able to expose the cafe-girls for three consecutive days which would have been interesting. But I promised and I really like this other girl. She has a bf but in a open relationship. I told her I was interested in her maybe 1½ year ago, she said she didn’t feel that way but she liked me anyway. I don’t think that 'mones will change that, but maybe we could get a bit closer anyway. She is my age, metalgirl, high status, smart, pretty. Bf is cool, a nice couple.
Thursday I will probably be back at cafe doing manly stuff with power tools.

So that’s the plan for the coming three days of testing, if I stick to it. I may re-apply the IS as it seems to disappear quite fast, was it 2-4 hours? But I will wait 4-5 hours so I don’t take too much, it is a test to find the sweet spot and to learn to see effects, so dosage should be precise.

I plan to just skip on the phero-baptism thingie, it seems expensive (yeah, I get that it’s not a serious thing ppl do). Also I never use scented deo, perfume or cologne, low to no perfume soaps and so forth. That is also the norm in my circle, no perfume or maybe organically scented shampoo and stuff. So I wanna be a bit careful since some of these products seem to have notable scent. I will apply and wait before exposing my ‘targets’ (don’t like that word but it’s correct), probably walk to where I’m going so that may help. I only got to-go-bottles so for next order I may choose other scent than standard if I feel I need. but as LOR wrote “its not that smell is unimportant, but your decision to like or dislike a smell may have something to do with whether you resonate with that signiture” i.e. if the 'mone works ppl will like the smell because of it. Kinda like how I learned to like whisky (mmm, ardbeg uigeadail…) Can I order 'mones with whisky-scent? I’d really like that…

Tips for the workplace: get the "pheroball" rolling
2

ok, call me an impulsive shopper but I saw that both IG and IO was in again so I placed another order. The impulsive part is that I ordered IJ also. All in togo and reg.strength. I will ofc wait with the IJ until I am at least a little experienced in 'mones. AD labels it novelty pheromone and I will view it as that in my case.

3

So I picked up my package tuesday. It had leaked somewhat inside the package, the courier guy asked me what it was and to check that nothing was broken. Nothing was broken and all the spray caps were screwed on tight but the cover cap had come off on some of the bottles so I guess that the spray cap on them had been pushed during shipping. It smelled a lot! When checking the package I got liquids all over my fingers, whick I somewhat stupidly rubbed off on my arms, thinking ‘why waste it…’ Stupid, since I had planned to do the 'find your sweet-spot’ [FYSS from now on] and having a witches brew of 'mones on me kinda made that impossible. Anyhow, got home and rubbed the bottles and my arms down with an alco-wipe tissue. There was some spilled liquid inside the cover caps and again i stupidly thought ‘why waste…’ and rubbed it on me. Some impulse control issues there… I could just as easily just unscrewed the spray caps and poured it back in each bottle. So I went out with a mix that I had no idea of strength, and I guess that it was IS + A314, and either TUTH or ammo. I also sprayed 1 spray of IS… So, pherobaptism anyway I guess

I then went to the cafe and spent some time with three of the girls there: VE4, JU4, YG4. I saw no obvious effects on any of them. Self-effects from IS were noticable but mild. Nobody commented on my smelling different even though I could smell the scents all day. One of the girls (VE4) is of the personality type that speaks her mind and can be rude, so if my smell had been too much she probably would have said something. But I just can’t believe that it would be non-noticable if I myself still noticed it after several hours, you’d think that my nose/brain would get used to and phase it out but no.

Wednesday I decided to stick with the FYSS, more or less, and took 2 sprays of IS togo on each side of throat. I should have gone with one to follow the program but I kinda forgot that. Spent the day helping my female friend JB2 moving, there were five other guys also one of which her partner (and I think maybe one her ex). Self effects were again noticable but mild. Effects on others were not obvious. The smell of the IS was quite apparent to me most of the day, I got no comments though, but I know these people only a little so they may just choose to not say.

4

In cafe right now with VE4. YG4 and IU4 was here before but left. EM4 and JU4 just came back from shopping stuff. No obvious reactions on any of them.

Self effects however are evident: I’ve had some minor clumsy accidents (which is normal ie prob’ly not self-effects.) but normally I often get irritated and frustrated, sometimes even fuming. When alone I may ‘boil over’, when in public I keep it hidden but I still feel it. But now (and yesterday) I just shrugged it off. At one point when I scraped my foot for the second time on the same thing I felt that anger boiling up, but just kinda looked at it, internally, and just decided that ‘nope, not gonna go there’. That was at home and any other day I would have just gone into a minor rage attack over it. So, evident self effects.
Too bad many ppl here say that the self-effects of IS diminish over time, this stuff does things that my AD-medication don’t, at least not at the doses I take my AD right now. So no, I will not use IS for self-medication. I do believe it has some therapeutic use for me though. I have read a little about neuro-plasticity and I think that one necessary thing to change your life is to have, or rather to create positive experiences of yourself acting and functioning more in accord with who you want to be. IS gives me that opportunity - I can experience myself reacting to problems and set-backs in a more mature and balanced manner, and from that experience I can slowly adjust my self-image and my schemas (no I haven’t read schema-theory, yet).

So set and setting and dosage for today was:
Dosage: 1 2/3 spray of IS at lower throat, this was due to me missing my own throat (!) with the first spray.
Setting: the cafe, indoors, ppl at distances from 2 ft to 20 ft.
Set (that’s me): caffeine, to the max, this to fight a hangover after the beers we had after moving stuff. Yes , the caffeine may well have lifted my mood. No, it does not explain why I didn’t explode at home after hitting my foot twice, if anything caffeine makes me a bit more unstable, likely to flip from forced optimism to anger in a snap.

Tomorrow I will go shopping power tools and then spend 2-3 hours having a tattoo. Only new people will be exposed, no friends and probably only men. Haven’t decided if I should try one or two sprays for the day… Actually one first and refill after 3 hours, before the tattoing may be an idea…

update: Just got my second package in the mailbox (DHL worked flawlessly this time, lightning fast). Thank you so much AD for the freebies in the first package (bottle size upgrade) and this (extra togo)! Stellar service! I ordered IG, IO and IJ, all reg.strength goto. I now have the complete Instant line. No leakage this time, all cover caps taped down. Some nice smell escaped ofc, instant jerk smells like giving head, if you pardon my frankness, and I love it. The smell and the practice both. Just smelling it makes me… randy. I do SO understand why this is recommended for those who wanna see a strong effect to start believing. I’m afraid I can’t help but try it out soon, just because I can’t wait…

Also, just before leaving cafe, a very pretty girl (SI2) came by. Known her 5 years, friends but not close. She wanted to get to know me, and I too but somehow we didn’t really connect enough. Also she’d worked at the cafe a little before, and at one rowdy party (the partys are all rowdy there) at the cafe she’d snuck into a backroom with another guy who worked there and had sex. Wasn’t ashamed either to talk about it either afterwards. Please understand that among my friends there s no such thing as slutty behaviour, this is a much read book. And a month before that at a party she’d started to talk with me about sex, recommended a book she just had read for women about learing to get orgasms better. Man, I am so thick, how could I have missed that one, open goal ffs!
At this time though, the IS had worn off but I still had caffeine speed-talking problems, not at my most charming although I made the best I could of it.]

Yeah, you may notice that I name ppl $$#. I think it may be helpful (at least for me) if I list the friends I will be trying to keep track on. They get two semi-random initials, and a number to indicate group. Also a short description of personality for each and my degree of interest etc. I will only keep specific track of women at this point, this because I ‘function’ socially better with women and my desires sexual, romantic and/or for closer friendship all are with women. Effects on men that I take notice of I may note more generally or if interesting specifically.

group 1 is girls that I known for a long time
group 2 is girls that I know enough to hang out a little with but not talk real personal stuff
group 3 is people I meet regularly that I do not know as friends, ie therapist, supermarket cashier etc
group 4 is the girls at the cafe, they get their own group even though I am more friend with some.
group 5 is girls that I know from a sports team

I haven’t written full presentation of any of the girls I’ve met so far, but I’ll edit and add to this post when I’ve done that.
Other girls that haven’t been exposed yet:

ME1 : Little over 30 yo. Old good close friend that I was a little in love with 15 years ago, never talked about it but pretty sure she knows. Higher education, intellectual, verbal. Open to a degree but keeps inner part hidden. Quite high social status. Has child and BF, open relationship. We have drifted apart a bit since child. I think she’s not attracted to me, but at one time she said something that may have meant she offered me pity-sex but was very vague, I answered something general that was meant as a no, we’re friends. If she would become genuinely atracted to me, maybe sex would be interesting, though a little risk for me getting problematic feelings afterwards, unsure. Bisexual. Also likes older guys. Specific Candidate for A314 and IG, plus the socials. TUTH: not likely.

XK1 : About 25 yo, good close friend. Mature. Intelligent, somewhat intellectual. Socially dominant, sexually submissive. Quite high social status. We’re close, we can spend long time together. I am not her type at all, prefer cool guys with good sense of self-worth. I am mildly attracted, but not that much. Sex could be weird. Has bf maybe, some trouble betwen them. Open relationship, very sexually active. Only specific candidate for IJ. Will prob test IJ single, but guess results will be better buffered. General Candidate for all 'mones except TUTH, unless… hmm. no.

MI1 : Mid 30’s. Lesbian (100%), single. High attraction status amongst lesbians/bisexual women. Educated, highly intelligent (>130 iq). Socially dominant. Somewhat closed emotionally. I am not attracted at all. Old friend but we’re not close. Since I do not wish to be closer I will not try any 'mone on her specifically, but we hang around often enough that she will be exposed anyway.

RU1 : Early 30’s, old friend, straight. Low education, medium intelligence & intellectuality. No indication of attraction and I feel quite little attr. for her. Very socially talented, gets along with most people when in good mood. Sexually submissive, socially medium. Single. Candidate for social 'mones but no sexual.

CA1 : female close to 50 yo, friend since 12 years, she was attracted to me 10 years ago, I was and am absolutely not attracdted in any way and will never be. Good friend though. Very high intelligence, very stubborn, high education, very homely style. Has an 11 yo daughter, TO1, who I have a good contact with. Father out of picture.

other girls (this will be fleshed out and updated)
CA2 about 23-24 yo, cute, sweet and nice, maybe a bit too sweet for my taste
EM2 20-22 yo, cute but too immature (ie normally mature for her age)
IA2 around 30 yo, has bf and child, recovered from mental problems, nice as a friend but to unstable for a relationship
ID2 about 24 yo, very cute, slim, prob bf, works cafe but knew her b4, sometimes easily irritated
JO2 I’ve known for maybe 3-4 years, she’s a classic nerd/geek, high intelligence and education, semi-cute, when younger she had lesbian relationships but now she’s with guys, afaik. My interest is low to medium**
JS2 **my age, ten years ago we ended up in bed which I almost regret, she has mental issues and I find her not attractive any more
JB2 my age, has bf but prob open relationship, intelligent and pretty, metalhead. She knows I am interested and has declined in a nice way
YL2 ca 25 yo, has bf, she’s a slim rocker type, good looking
MA2 25-28 yo, has bf, intelligent graphical artist, so-so looks but attractive
MO2 25 yo, maybe lesbian, homely cute, cultural worker, warm but sometimes distanced. Seems to like me but we haven’t come close, maybe shy?
SW2 21-24 yo, prob bf, skinny to the point of emaciated, nice but I don’t go for anorexic girls
SI2 26 yo, single or not? (I put her in 2 cause I knew her b4 the cafe), very cute and seems sexually free-minded (more above)

CS3 physio-therapist, female mid-40s, I’ve only been there once
AL3 psycho-therapist, female mid-40s, I have gone to her since summer 2010
HN3 psycho-therapist, male mid-40s, haven’t met yet but will see him often enough

EB4 around 20 yo, has bf, gorgeous, intelligent, maybe a little drinking problem
IS4 about 22 yo, pregnant w/ bf, punk, sweet but when angry a bit childish
IU4 27-28 yo, south-american, has son, punk, not sure about bf, so-so looks but nice and somewhat attractive
IT4 21-24 yo, probably lesbian, no sex-exp w men. Almost fell in love with her b4 I learned that she’s prob’ly not attracted to men at all :frowning: gaah I just can’t get her out od my mind… almost wondering if this is my sub-conscious setting myself up to fail or what…
JU4 20-22 yo, boyishly cute, maybe little shy, feels young (maybe too young..)
LO4 20-21 yo, have modeled. Very pretty. A bit too immature though. I mean, she is normally mature for her age, just maybe too immature for me to be interested in. But I don’t know her much yet
VE4 25-27 yo, very boyish, has bf
YG4 23-26 yo, bf?, not so pretty but charming, can have a bit of a temper

MI5 my age, has ADHD or DAMP. Weird one, party animal. Single. May have come on to me while drunk or maybe just friendly.. I’m not sure what I want with her.

5

OK, Today I got my first possible hit. I have to confess I have gone for that pherobaptism anyway, I just hadn’t the patience for slow proper sweet-spot testing and I just wanted a reaction. I guess that it was kinda important to see for myself that there is something to all this 'mone stuff. I will test sweet-spot soon, I just want to see something happen to make myself more comitted to this.

dosage
2 Spray A314 neck
2 spray IG front of armpit
2 Spray IS elbow fold

set
no caffein today

setting/s
30 min after application I had some bank business to take care of. Here is where I get the prossible hit. The bank clerk is a young female (~25 yo), kinda pretty. 30 sec into my business she leans forward slightly and puts arms under her bust and thus create a rather stunning :slight_smile: clevage very visible for me, for a minute. I am however a bit cynical when it comes to these things, it may well be a selling move so to say. My case is a bit complicated and it takes some time. And here comes the other ioi, the hairflipping. This I feel is less likely to be calculated and more subconscious. She does at least 5-6 hairflips and other hair fidgeting in as many minutes while working my case and getting help from senior colleagues. Haven’t seen that many hair flips in such short time, could be something there.

After the bank business I had a small formal errand with waiting for 20 min and talking to some official. No visible response.
Then I met some friends (YL2, SW2 + two guys) for food and a beer, this is 1½ h after application, no response but this is people that I known for some time.
And back to the café and talking with the girls for some time. I don’t know if I should count hits from dogs:o but one of the café girls (ID2) has a beautiful little mixed-breed bitch, about 2 yo. The dog likes me a lot, but today she just looked strangely at me first. I tried a couple of tims to get her to greet me which she always do, but not today. However the third time, after 15 min, when I kneel to pet her she gets very happy and kisses me and all, and then she goes for the application points and licks them a lot.
Hmm, I won’t count that as a hit, I’m aiming for humans and what dosage makes a dog happy :stuck_out_tongue: is another thing. No reactions from the humans, but as with my lunch friends we’ve known each other for some time.

6

DL:ed the Phero Profiler 1.0 and got these results (idunno my blood type so I did the test twice with the two most common types for my country: a & o):

if type A:
Androstenol: Level = 3,76 :Low
Androsterone: Level = 3,93 :Low
Androstenone: Level = 2,97 :Low

if type O:
Androstenol: Level = 3,55 :Low
Androsterone: Level = 3,93 :Low
Androstenone: Level = 3,17 :Low

heh, so that’s my problem, right there. No sex for a couple of years and I guess this is the reason, right? OTOH most the questions were behaviour-oriented and because of my AvPD-issues my social behaviour is less than stellar. On the third hand, behaviour influences hormone levels anyway, so…

Stuff like this sometimes makes me wonder if I was even meant (in the darwinian sense) to reproduce, I have had my fair share of physical problems trough my life..

7

Well, after a week I’ve gotten enough results to ‘go all in’ and place a full-sized order:

  • A314 10ml
  • Ammo Full-size Double Strength
  • IG Full-size Double Strength
  • IH Full-size Double Strength {edit: heh obviously my brain melted a bit here, see below. Oh well, it’s gonna be put to use}
  • IS Full-size Double Strength
  • IO Full-size Double Strength
  • 3.5 mL Plastic Pipette Q: 5 items
  • Empty 5mL To-Go bottle Q: 5 items

No full-sized IH since AD was nice enough to upgrade my IH-ToGo to full-sized, no TUTH since I have two To-Go’s, and no IJ since I have one ToGo and it’s probably not gonna be something I use as a routine.
I took double strength for mainly one reason: to get less fragrance. I’ve tried the ToGo’s enough to think that my sweet-spot is 2 or more sprays. Also see the PheroProfiler results in the post above - I have low levels of, well, everything. The pipettes and empty bottles are for diluting if it proves necessary, I have access to 95 % abw ethanol from ‘local sources’:wink:
I like the neroli fragrance myself (a lot really), but it’s so uncommon for anyone of my friends or myself to wear cologne that I think it best tone it down as much as possible. I can smell the neroli from two sprays of IS even after three hours..
Ofc, ppl noticing the fragrance is mainly a problem in my established social circle, outside of that and into the mainstream that would be zero problem, but that’s not where I’m fishing… yet.

So, a little journaling then for tuesday (yesterday)
dosage:
A314: 2 spray throat
IG reg.strength: 2 spray chest/armpits
IS reg.strength: 2 spray armfold opposite elbow
(probably the last time I mix before I go back to more serious semi-scientific sweet-spot testing with single 'mones. As I wrote before, pherobaptism/bombing was a way to get a visible result to motivate myself, to have the Aha-moment that makes me committed.)
set: caffeine free
setting: the café for 2.5 hours, Indoors temp,
subjects: cafe girls and customers (and doggie)

Think I got slight ghosting from the cafe-girls (ID4, VE4). But hard to judge, if they are stressed they don’t waste niceties with me since I am somewhat involved with the place and not viewed as a normal customer. Maybe a slight deference. Before 'mones I was not really viewed as high status or ‘elder’ or whatever. I think that A314 single for 7-10 days will be an interesting test in the café setting. (And ofc the doggie still tried to lick the 'mones off me. Or actually only from the arms… she avoided the face, maybe A314 is too alpha for that)
Ok, I probably should mention that I have actually ‘been a part of this place’ far longer than any of these girls have. I have been slightly involved with other stuff in the same house for ten years and the girl that worked at the café the longest has been there for maybe 4 years. But the café is theirs. And they don’t see themselves as lower status or youngers or anything like that, they rule the café and we better stay out of the kitchen.

I tried a ‘reset’ before seeing my therapist in the PM; I wiped my throat, neck and sides of face thoroughly with a hygiene wipe to get rid of the a314 as much as possible first, then as below:
Added dosage: IH 2 sprays to side of neck for self-effects
set: had drunk a cola so slightly caffeinated
setting: indoors, small room. Therapy with therapist (AL3), talking
subject: myself and therapist
Hard to judge self-effects and effects on therapist, especially from only one exposure. Also this was first session since june. And in june she suggested to try another therapist, a collegue of hers (HN3), and repeated suggestion yesterday. We agreed that she should check if he’s available. I will try to up IH to 3 sprays for next session and be clean from other 'mones.

8

110817 wednesday AM to early PM
dosage A314: 2 spray sides of throat
set: lots of caffeine in form of yerba maté
setting: planned to go shopping but had too much to do
noted self effects: more focus, less self-defeating mind-chatter.
noted effects on others: not applicable
On caffeine I get positive but easily irritated. Hard to judge if A314 had any obvious self-effects through the caffeine, maybe a bit more self confidence.

110817 wednesday early PM to night
dosage IS: 2 spray throat ; IO: 2 spray inner fold of elbow
set: still caffeinated ofc, took two valeriana to counteract a bit. Had some beers when met friends.
setting: outdoors rock concert, lots of ppl but not crowded
noted self effects: a bit chattery as always on caffeine but not too much, kinda relaxed.
ppl exposed: ME1 & MI1
noted effects on others: hard to judge
Some friends (ID2 & MO4) was gonna go to this outdoors concert with a big band that we know some of the people in. When I got there it was a couple of thousands in the audience and inpossible to search for anyone. I texted ID2 and she was not coming, the other one (MO4) I didn’t have the number to. But right then my two old friends ME1 & MI1 waved and shouted at me so I sat down with them, next to ME1. Now these are people that I have known for more than 15 years, so they are likely to have a pretty set view of me. And I noted no obvious effects either. ME1 and my relationshiop has been a little thin the last year and I really really wanna change that, so the socials are prob what I’m gonna use when with her. But I am curious to see what the A314 &/or IG will do too, if she may view me in another light, but that will take more time and we have to see each other a bit more.

9

I’m subscribed now…Great Journal!

10

2011-08-18 thursday (I’m going ISO here, US date system gets us scandinavians really confused.)
dosage: A314 2 spray sides of throat @ 11.30 AM
set: was slightly hangover this morning from yesterdays beers, did 100 mg of caffeine and some aspirin in the AM.
setting: minding bookstore at the cafe, 7 hours of surfing fun and eating nice good cheap food (mmm, homemade focaccia…)
noted self effects: self-confidence, relaxed - this is with caffeine taken in consideration (also I am normally constantly low-level nervous, goes with AvPD), can hold eye-contact much longer without feeling threathened/threathening/‘naked’.
noted effects on others: maybe a little, may be projected self-effects
people exposed: primarily LO4 (21yo, cute, some modelling, a bit immature - or rather normally mature for her age)
oh yes. oh YES. I will have a hard time stopping A314 when I sweet-spot-test my other 'mones, cause this is really nice. I guess I am ‘naturally’ low on these 'cause right now it just feels al right, like this is how it should be. Working at café today is LO4, ID2, VE4, YG4. LO4 came into the bookstore (we share entrance) and talked a little about a shop-thingie. I then asked her about her studying and we chatted for a couple of minutes. We kept eye contact a lot, which may be hard for me to do in a relaxed smooth way normally, and she seemed relaxed and liked to chat with me. She is one of the cafe-girls that I haven’t socialized with outside the café and also she doesn’t work there so much. Therefore we haven’t talked a lot. So she may have not have so chiseled out a picture of me in her mind yet, and so may change view of me more easy than other in the café. Though she friended me on facebook only a week ago and we have commented each others posts a little, so she may have decided to be more social before having been exposed to my 'mones. Any way, I probably made a better impression on her because of my rather strong self-effects from A314.I wish to state this clearly: for a person such as myself with a social disability, this self-effects of A314 I think I had on thursday is very good. I have ordered the oil and… well I started out writing that I wasn’t planning on using 'mones as a form of self-therapy. I’m not so sure now… I think as an additive to other therapeutic efforts it may have a place - for me. Note: keywords are additive and for me - I’ve been through a long therapy, am in another therapy now and is on AD-medication since four years. I can’t see that 'mones by themselves can be a therapeutic intervention (at least not at this stage), but as an additive it may well be that last positive straw that mends the camels back. Back to the report. Later in the afternoon the self-effects of A314 diminished, the effects of the AM caffeine did not. LO4 plus some of her friends went for a couple of beers at a pub a few blocks away, VE4 and her bf plus me went also after 20 minutes. I was a bit caffeine jitterish and felt that pushy talky edge inside me, that’s really not what I wanted to project. Went anyway, but when we came there VE4+bf changed their minds and went home. I left too as I felt I was not about to show my best side. I noted though that LO4 went for eye-contact a bit and big smile at me.
So, what’s interesting here? Obviously no ghosting at 2 sprays A314 with LO4, even though she is much younger than me, at 21 yo she’s 17 years younger in fact. That age difference is borderline creepy for me, although (or rather because) I can’t lie to myself about feeling some sexual attraction:o towards her. Maybe she doesn’t have know how much older I am. Maybe she is just friendly. Maybe I give off an older brother vibe.
Anyhow, interesting and I will try 2 sprays again both to see her reaction and others, maybe she has a high treshold or really like alpha vibes. She is not as tom-boyish as many of the other girls at the café are, may be a factor/clue.
– addendum –
Checked my DHL package and it’s at local airport, fast as usual. Probably won’t get it today but with a little luck… But I just realized that I didn’t have to pay any shipping this time, that usually comes to $23.95. The AD S&H infopage states that US orders above $60 has free shipping ($100 for free overnight), maybe for international there is a free shipping limit also even though it’s not stated. If so I guess it’s on a country per country basis. Nice surprise!
— update –
ooh, re-checking my DHL tracking, it’s addictive, it’s a curse, it’s a suspense. I AM getting it today. This package is faster than that girl that made out with me on my 21 birthday, but unlike her this will deliver.
---- updatest –
package in hand. That makes less than 48 hours from AD to me, DHL obviously has 1st class service, as does AD. Gift was IJ ToGO which is nice, I pro’lly will find uses for that (XK1). Sensible that I don’t get MX’s as freebies as I have too little general 'mone experience to give any meaningful feedback yet, if I had gotten that I would ofc have been curious and flattered but also kinda intimidated (right word? not native english speaker) since I don’t feel I could judge it well enough to give meaningful reports.

11

2011 08 21 sunday
dosage: A314-oil 2 drops at 13:00
set: slightly hungover, slightly caffeinated.
setting: the café
noted self effects: good mood as before on A314, a can-do feeling which is prob. mainly from caffein but augmented from A314. Felt emotinally ‘steady’. Everything’s good and nice.
ppl exposed: LO4, JU4, ID2
noted effects on others: still lots of smiles from LO4. LO4, JU4 & ID2 all friendly, no ghosting.
I went to the café to take care of some practical stuff I promised he day before. Also when there both LO4 and JU4 asked me for help with a technical thing. This I don’t count as a hit in the least, the thing they needed help with was somethiung they knew that I probably was good at and the were busy minding the customers. That has happened before many times, pre-mones. OTOH I asked them for help with a thing and was quite self-secure about it, in a nice way. This was probably self-effects as at other times I may be a bit insecure when I do that.
At about 19:00 I felt the self effects of A314 diminish, leaving me a bit jittery and feeling slightly insecure. I hadn’t anything with me to reapply, I’n not sure if it would have been wise anyway. I think that if I make it a habit to carry 'mones for re-applying or maybe switching, I need also to bring something to wipe the application pots clean from any residue. I guess not all 'mones are likely to change into other worse stuff, but I don’t know which are and I guess better to establish a habit. I wonder if alco-wipes or non-alcoholic hygiene-wipes are better?

Tomorrow may be interesting. I have planned to meet with XK1 who I get to meet rather seldom as she has moved from my city a long way. We are rather close, I count her as one of my very closest friends and I guess I rank as quite close for her too. I have confided my problems with finding a girl and that I just can’t get the flirting game too work for me. She has a thing for bad boys, not only them but still. She is also very outspoken about everything, very high social status, very sexually active and so on. So she is the only person I know that I’m really sure I wanna try IJ on. I am not sure if this is the time though. We haven’t seen each other for weeks and I just wanna have a nice good time with my friend. Don’t wanna risk messing anything up at all. It’s also a good time to take** a day off from A314** I think. So I am thinking about IG maybe, or just a social. I want to focus on single 'mones now to find my sweet-spots, to learn to recognize hits for different 'mones, and to learn to be congruent whic I view as the other side of the coin of ones sweet-spot.

I’m thinking that a sweet-spot is partly hormonal, to find a level of 'mone that works with what I already have. But also to find a level of 'mone that works with how I behave, with my personality. As personality is what I am but also what I choose to project, it is changing and partly under personal ‘control’. That makes the sweet-spot an equation with two factors which is complicated, especially as one is an unknown (my natty 'mones) and the other, my personality and what part of it I project, is something which I may be aware of and in congtrol of to different degrees. To make this easier I guess that it I will not try to act in any special way, just relax and be myself without any conscious projecting. Otherwise it would all be too confusing, too many variables to keep track of this early on my journey.

12

When you start being able to see what mone is doing what individually then when you do happen to wear a combo, you can really understand what needs top be amped up if you are not quite getting the exact results you want. The whole technology behind sweet spot testing really came to light for me when I met a lady and hit it right off. I attempted to duplicate the mix (which I really had no idea what I was doing back then) and I made some slight changes. It was like night and day because we both agreed there was no connection at all the second time. I learned a valuable lesson and ever since I have been sweet spot testing. I go as far as to sweet spot test every few months.

13

2011-08-22 monday
dosage: IGx1 2 spray on sides of throat
set: no caffeine
setting: walking outside plus sitting in a cafe
noted self effects: nervousness! None of the self-confidence of A-314…
ppl exposed: XK1
noted effects XK1: None, but isn’t to be expected when 1st exposure of long-time friend
Met up on the street, she was late (she usually is). Went to café that turned out to be ridicously expensive. She is kinda broke but I thought that if I offered to buy her lunch she would refuse. Talked for maybe 45-60 min, no special feeling between us. Sometimes we’re like this, friendly and chatty but not close, sometimes we’re a bit closer. I think it depends on both of us, how we feel at the moment. I was however nervous and I am never nervous when with her otherwise…

2011-08-23 tuesday
dosage: IHx2 2 sprays on neck, wiped some under nose
set: noting special
setting: in therapy
noted self effects: maybe slightly more open
ppl exposed: me and female therapist AL3
noted effects on AL3: probably none
Won’t go into details about my therapy, but I think I was a little more open that usual.

Tomorrow I am going to see a physiotherapist (CS3) for a bad shoulder. She is female and I am pro’lly going with A314 again, and probably at 3 drops, since 2 drops hasn’t shown any obvious ghosting. Since I have mainly met people I already know though it’s gonna be interesting to observe effects on someone I have never met before. I think that this clinic mainly have clients that train and are physically active (as I used to be before I busted my shoulder in february), so one could speculate that they are often exposed to the natural higher pheromones of the physically active and fit. So maybe she is not so sensitive and the risk of an OD is low..?
– new thoughts –
or maybe I should go for IG again and see how it effects me and her, to compare with the experience with XK1.

14

2011-08-24 wednesday
dosage: A314 3 drops on wrists spread along jawline and rubbed under nose
set: doing Intermittent Fasting now again, yesterday and today
setting: travel to physio-therapist and then there.
noted self effects: the usual feel-good, not very strong even though upped dose
ppl exposed: physio-therapist (CS3)
noted effects on others: probably none
I stayed CLEAR from caffein today to be cooler and relaxed, and to get a correct idea of the self-effects. Felt good but less “brightly” happy even though I upped the does by 50%. So I have to subtract that much elated happiness from my earlier reports where I always was to some extent on caffeine. Before someone says that I put to much into my use and un-use of caffeine I should point out that I am very sensitive when it comes to stimulants. As little as 50 mg (250 ml of Red Bull is 80 mg) makes me a bit hyper, 100 mg gives me hypomania by clinical standards :slight_smile:
Anyway, the physio-therapist was mid 40:s, very fit (of course) and mildly attractive. Very talkative but she said that’s the way she always is. Good meeting, very high competence. positive feedback etc. But no observable hits.
— update
I just came back from the supermarket. I had a couple of maybe-hits. When waiting in a sloow line to the cashier I noticed a couple directly in front of me. The guy who looked somewhat ‘alpha’ (fit, as tall as me, looks) suddenly became quite physical with his g/f, kissing her repeatedly and touching her a lot on the back etc. Now, I noticed it when
I saw it so I can’t be certain he hadn’t acted like that before. However, a minute later the exact same thing repeats itself with the couple behind me: guy getting a bit pushy with kissing and touching his g/f. None of the girls seemed to mind it, but it was obviously the guys who had a need to get physical and maybe establish and display ‘ownership’ of g/f. I had to stifle a smile. To me it was a display of uncertainty on behalf of those men.

15

preliminary report, will update during day
2011-08-25 thursday
dosage: A314, 3 3 drops on wrists spread along jawline and rubbed under nose
set: caffeine (I’m an addict, I know), Intermittent Fasting till 15 o’clock
setting: at the bookstore and the café
noted self effects: none
ppl exposed:
noted effects on others:
Am debating with myself whether to go 3 drops of A314 or 2 sprays of IG. A314 has worked nicely, if LO4 works in the café today it would be interesting to see if she responds to a higher dose of A314, also that is the 'mone I’ve been wearing when I am there. OTOH I want to see if the nervousness I felt Monday with 2 sprays of IG was self-effects from IG or something else. No, I will go with A341, wanna get my sweet-spot straight, focus on one 'mone till I get it right. During off-days from A341 I think I’ll play with single socials instead.
– update:
at bookstore. Feel a bit jittery, I did have some maté so that’s to be expected, but I also felt some mellowing of caffein effects when I wore 2 drops of A314… or was that 2 sprays of A314? Hmm..
Girls at the cafe is ID2, IT4 and VE4. No LO4 :frowning:. IT4 (who afaik is lesbian) talked a bit with me when passing by bookstore, she was on way to work but seemed a but chatty and happy. I really like her… but I have no reason whatever to think she might ever become interested. So, aiming for friendship.
Am I ghosting today or not, that is the main question of the day, since I am going with a higher dose. IT4 didn’t seem to avoid me, but some of the café-girls seemed a little distanced… It’s hard to measure response from these girls, they may be stressed at times. I know that pre-'mones on some days some were stand-offish and other days more open and warm.

-edit day after- Oh I forgot! A female friend (MO2) came by that I haven’t seen for a while. I’m not sure but I think she’s lesbian, or maybe bi but just haven’t had much sexual &/or romantic experience with men. I really need to drop all romantic &/or sexual hopes with girls (MO2 & IT4) who probably are lesbians, that’s just meaningless and stupid. Anyway, she always seemed to like me but we also never talked that much, like there was a hope of friendship that didn’t really work out. When she stepped through the door I got the big hug as usual and then we chatted a while, maybe 20 minutes. I noted no difference from usual with her. She was warm and social, but still a little distanced. So, no ghosting or OD I guess.

Ok, one lesson learned today: if I wanna make meaingful observations I need to cut down on caffeine, to nil preferably. I get to jittery to make a good impression on anyone.
I met up with some friends later in evening: MI1 and JO2 (JO2 I’ve known for maybe 3-4 years, she’s a classic nerd/geek, high intelligence and education, semi-cute, when younger she had lesbian relationships but now she’s with guys, afaik. My interest is low to medium). Now it’s about 8 pm and I am not sure whether the A314 still has effect? I think I still smelled the fragrance on my wrists though. These two girls know me since several year, MI1 and me goes 16 years back… I had no expectacions of any hits with them, apart from maybe negative from OD’ing but that I didn’t see.

Tomorrow I am spending 9-10 hours with an old friend (CA1) and her 11 yo daughter (TO1) plus JS2 and NA2 and we’re going to the tivoli. I am thinking socials only here.

16

2011-08-26 friday
dosage: ISx2, starting out at 1 spray and total of maybe 8 sprays during 9 hours
set: slightly hungover and therefore I had to have some caffeine:/ when waking. Don’t feel much of it now though at 1:30 pm
setting: tivoli, outdoors, lots of people
noted self effects: mood lifting, smiling
ppl exposed: CA1, TO1, JS2, NA2
noted effects on others: hard to say

As I wrote I am going for the socials today, for several reasons. We’re going to a tivoli and it’s a birthday thing for a 11 yo girl (she’s already had her birthday but there wasn’t time then), it’s the kid and her mother and two adult friends. I’m going for IS 2x simply. Probably start out with one spray and bring a small spraybottle and ramp it up to observe effects. The 11yo kid will be hyper anyway so it’s the effects on the others I am interested in. As noted in earlier posts, CA1 had a crush on me about 10 years ago while I have never and will never feel any attraction towards her. JS2 and me had sex 9 years ago, which I think was a mistake, she’s weird and I don’t really find her attractive. NA2 is married, I think she’s attractive.

– update
back from the tivoli. I used a lot of IS 2x, applied at different times during the day. The mood of the group was from the beginning a bit low but became better over time. Hard to say if IS was a factor. It certainly helped me to get my moods up even though JS2 was moody and affected the rest of us badly.
Unfortunately effects on them was harder to say than I anticipated, too many other different things happening that also affected them. Tivoli was not a good testing ground for someone inexperienced as me. Had I been there with one girl only it may have been easier: just one person to observe, easier to keep in close proximity and so.

17

So.. there may have turned up an interesting opportunity to test 'mones for me. I’ve been asked to house two girls I’ve never met before for a couple of days next week. They are friends of a guy I know loosely, when I was in NY some time ago I couch-surfed at his and his friends place for a week.
I guess that they are between 20-28 yo. I have no expectations of anything sexual or romantic, but I will try some 'mones on them if and while they are here.
Focus on some status-hightener and opening, lightening socials. I’m really not experienced enought to mix 'mones yet, so I will use them single. Only four days though and I don’t expect to spend a lot of time with them, unless they want to.
I guess that 2 drops of A314 is a good starting point for first impressions, from what I’ve seen so far that’s not OD for me. That could establish status and value. I may then switch out that to IG to be more approchable. I am unsure if it’s a possibility to get both of those into one day, by cleaning off in between? Androstenone is hard to get off, right? Hmm, bad idea I guess.
Or I could go for socials only, they are at my place after all and I am older, putting A314 or IG on top of that may be intimidating? Otoh I am (still) a low status guy and has probably low natural 'mone levels. And I didn’t OD at 2 drops with a 21 yo girl..
— add
I have just been asked and said ok, it’s not certain that they will stay here, they may get a better offer. I wasn’t that peppy about it either, mostly because I had to clean up my apartment (which actually was a good outcome), plus I have no idea who they are at all, maybe they’re evil or someting.
---- adder
I’m thinking socials only at first meeting, establish openness and positive relation. IO &/or IS. Actually, when I think about it, that works out fine in regard to testing and sweet-spotting also. I’m at 3 drops of A314 right now, but that’s something that I already expose my friends to. I wanna test socials also, and having las chicas americanas staying here is a good opportunity.
----- adderall
I think I’ll go for IO with las chicas americanas, I haven’t tried that really yet. Got a little inspired when skimming through Astrea’s journal and her positive experiences with IO. It seems like a logical choice when meeting younger females in a setting that in a way puts them in a position of dependance on me. It’s just that A314 makes me relaxed and smoothly self-confident which also are good things. An option could be to put a small amount of A314 just under my nose and no-where else to get the self-effects without exposing anyone else, and then go for IO. But it kinda feels like cheating, I think that I should get my sweet-spot figuerd out first, and I haven’t really. Not even with A314, which is what I’ve used most, am I sure about my sweet-spot. Hmm.

18

2011-08-29 monday
dosage: A314 3 drops one on each finger and rubbed along jawline and then under nose, then one on middle of inside of one forearm and rubbed together with other arm. I don’t like to use the wrists because when I wash my hands I feel I will wash it off by mistake.
set: caffeine (slept 3 hours this night, really gotta get my life in order), stomach trouble
setting: horrible meeting, outdoors but shielded. Then hanging out with MI1 and RU1 at MI1’s place, chatting and drinking some wine.
noted self effects: not so much, calm maybe
ppl exposed: at meeting - a couple of old farts and an obnoxious ogre with DAMP. Later MI1 & RU1
noted effects on others: at meeting no effects, but feelings were bad at meeting so that may have overpowered anything. Also I was pissed and that ogre-guy pushes many of my buttons, so I can’t really be the alpha when he’s like that. At MI1’s place - I felt maybe some vibe from RU1 of recognizing my high status.. From MI1 nothing. Was tired also, just slept 3 hours.

19

2011-08-30 tuesday
dosage: IO 2x, 2 sprays in inside elbow. Bringing togo’s of IO 2x & IS 2x
set: caffeine free, and I had a good nights sleep too
setting: first light training, then café, then home
noted self effects: bright mood, a little chatty
people exposed: CS5 (physio-therapist), the two american girls
noted effects on others: social, chatty, opening up

Am going to see physical therapist now, there will easy exercises for building up shoulder stability again. Sometime this day I will meet up with las chicas americanas but don’t know when. I had planned to go to the café to help LO4 with a decoration thing there, but decorations must probably be done another day due to old farts stupid planning. Haven’t gotten hold of LO4 yet so I must still go there to meet with her.
– update
Physio-therapy went well, CS5 is chatty but she claims she usually is. I don’t find her really attractive though. When I did an exercise I she stood close to check my form. At the end of the movement the back of my hand touched one of her breasts lightly and she just said something like “that’s what she gets for standing so close”, she didn’t move though. So it accidentally happened a couple of times more, without comment or movement from her. I just wore IO now, so I don’t know if that’s expected and a hit off the 'mones or not. When I go to my dentist once a year and she starts probing around in my mouth, one of her breasts often touch the side of my head. I guess that’s quite common? If it’s just unavoidable due to ergonomy or if it’s some kind of jedi mind trick to calm patients down, I don’t know. I just am not surprised anymore when in some kind of health care situation a boob sometimes gently comes into contact with me. YMMV
Anyhow. After physio-therapy I went to the café to eat. I upped the 'mones with one ToGo-sized spray each of IS 2x and IO 2x. Hung out there for a while. Had a semi-warm vibe from ID2, she can be a little distant otherwise. Nothing else really. Yeah, LO4 came by just as I was to leave and I rescheduled the decorating thing till the day after (ie today). She may have had slightly slightly less of a warm smikle towards me, but I was in kind of a hurry.
Went home since I was dead tired, even though I slept well. This is just at 5 pm, so a little early to be sleeping for me. When at home I didnät rest though, did some fixing and stuff. Then just before I went back to the café to meet up with las chicas americanas I took some ALC (acetyl-L-carnitine) to pick me up, which worked, and a capsule of theanine to lessen social anxiety, which may or may not have worked. I think I did one spray of IS 2x also. Went to the café and met up with the two US girls, who I will call ME3 and KA3. KA3 is a bit heavy-set and shy, doesn’t talk all that much but sometimes when she does she gets kinda lost in her train of thoughts and it gets hard to follow her as she trails of. A slight stutter also (I myself has a stutter that only comes when I am socially nervous). I don’t find KA3 attractive, and not so interesting either. ME3 is slim and cute and talkative. Both are quite intelligent and has studied computer science.
We chatted for a while at the café, and then left. KA3 went to another apartment where they had stayed before and picked up her stuff, while ME3 went with me to my place. Me and ME3 got along quite well, talked about different stuff. Later we picked up KA3 at the bus-stop. At my place KA3 seemed to relax after a while and talk more, but still much shyer than ME3. We chatted along for a few hours, I offered them a beer but they declined, I drunk one anyway. At 10 pm I was pretty sleepy and went to bed. They get the living room and I keep my bedroom.

20

2011-08-31 wednesday
dosage: IO 2x 1 spray; IS 2x 1 spray
set: well rested
setting: home
noted self effects: open and easy
ppl exposed:
noted effects on others:

We all woke at about 8 and they left to go sightseeing. Didn’t talk much before, just enough to see that ME3 still seems friendly to me. She asked if I was gonna come to a party that night that they are going to. I said maybe, not sure yet.
They have their own key so they can come and go as they wish. I put my trust in the web of trust provided by mutual friends, but mostly I just can judge people really quick and I am often right, and these girls are decent.
Have no plans for the day, on the late afternoon I will go to the café and help LO4 with that decorating thing.
I’ll probably keep to the socials IO and IS today, to make better judgements on effects. I haven’t seen any clear effects yet on these, but I must admit that when I socialize and talk (pre-'mones) I may not always come across as the warmest and most inviting guy… :frowning: I try, really I do. One on one is much better setting for me. Party with some alcohol may work also.
— update
spent about two hours with LO4 when she did decorating, I helped only a little. She told me I could leave if I wanted, I said that I was waiting for a call bout that party later. We chatted along nicely, no strain in the mood but not really close either. Then I got the call about the party and it turned out it was off. So I just stayed at the café till LO4 was done. I don’t get any ‘vibe’ of obvious interest from her, which is kinda relieving since she is 21 and I am 38. Now, even if she was interested she might keep her distance cause of age-difference and since I don’t (and wouldn’t) show any interest in her. When it comes to IOI’s I am not so good at reading them, but I didn’t see any anyway.
Went home and ME3 and KA3 was already there. We didn’t chat much, I had some stuff do do at the computer. Some feeling of distance between us maybe, maybe even between them? But I was a bit tired and so may they have been. Went to bed early.