2011-09-01 thursday
dosage: IG 2x 1 bluebottle-spray to throat at home. At cafe IG 1x ToGo-spray to elbows inside. Plus even later at café added 1 spray IG 1x
set: some caffeine, but don’t feel wired
setting: first home then at café
noted self effects: at home none. Later: slight nervousness, moodiness
ppl exposed: ME3 & KA3 at home first, then ID2 and random ppl
noted effects on others: KA3 none, she is quite shy. ME3 opens up again a little after I initiate conversation, but seems more distanced than tuesday night. Ok vibe though. I think that ME3 and me could get along ok as friends on our own, while KA3 is unfortunately so shy and awkward that it’s a bit hard to connect with her.
If I was more 'mone experienced I might consider exposing KA3 to A1 (I got a bottle), but I would wanna have done sweet-spot testing first and maybe know enough to mix it also.
I always feel a little bad when I meet socially inept people, since it took me many years to learn social skills to the so-so level I am at today. But also I avoid them as much as possible, because I start to feel awkward also and get nervous and so. At this point in my life I really can’t be of any help to any of them, rather the opposite in fact.
— plus
yeah, and you might notice that I tend to plus up my 'mone of the day sometimes. I’m not sure if my reasoning is wrong here or not, but when I have a 'mone lik IG today and I get no reaction at all, I tend to add a little more after maybe one hour to see what happens. I have not seen any obvious ghosting yet, but maybe when it comes to people I already know I would have to OD heavy for them to ‘ghost’ me?
---- evening
well, at home now (and slightly drunk after taste-selecting whiskies to bring with me). ME3 and KA3 is out at the movies, will be home in an hour maybe, I will have gone to bed then.
I must say that I think I have some negative self-effects with IG, I felt this the first time I used it too. I feel slightly nervous, definitly not relaxed, not self-confident or any of the other postive self-effects I got with A314. So IG is out for the time beeing as a single 'mone.
Tomorrow I am travelling to another cuty over the weekend, to watch a torunament with my home-team. I know some girls in my home-team and some in one of the other team. I am looming forward to this very much. There will probably be a lot of partying, especially on Sunday. I will mainly wear A314, and/or maybe try out the more sexual 'mones AMMO and TUTH. IJ I think is still to advanced for me, expeciall with people I know. If I am going to try IJ I think I will do that in a setting with people I don’t know, so if I crash and burn I can walk away from it.
Since I’ll bring my netbook (lovely, lovely netbook) and there’s wifi at the hotel I can report on what happens. If I’m not terribly hung-over, which may well happen. I am bringing three bottles of whisky…
preliminary report, will update
2011-09-02 friday
dosage: A314 oil 3.5 drops, got 1,5 drops at the end by mistake
set:
setting: at train first
noted self effects: kinda relaxed first, then nothing
ppl exposed: german scouts, familys
noted effects on others: at train zero
I brought a ToGo of Ammo 1x and a ToGo of TUTH 1x also, will wait before using those. Will probably be helping setting up the game area today, interact with males and females.
One idea I’d like to pose to ya is trying a spray of ammo on the wrists, IS on the hair, and IH and IO on the wrists.. Ammo has none in it and it will give ya a stronger vibe.
a314 is primarily based on AndrosteRONE, I think it’s roughly 80/20 Rone to None levels or something akin. Instant Gentleman is almost all Rone, with some steering molecules, if I remember.
DONT FEAR THE NONE, MY BROTHER!
It’s the definitive sexual attraction molecule and it’s not really that hard to clean off with good soap, and if you’re afraid it will buildup, you can use some witch hazel or some lava-type soap to make sure it goes away.
Ammo is the most balanced of all of the instant line, and it’s like None, Rone, and Nols in 1/3rd:1/3rd:1/3rd proportions. It’s pretty awesome and that’s why I advocate using it so often… it’s one of the most consistant for hits - and considering your report cited you as being low in ALL three categories, this would escalate your confidence, ‘bad boy fun’ vibe, and sociality all pretty evenly, in theory.
Watch OD’ing though - a ton of ammo + TUTH together can get ya ghosted, but when you find the right amount youre the life of the party in any scenario and can find yourself being the slightly cocky, fun guy that has all of the women around ya giggling like schoolgirls.
Another thing… if you’re getting ghosted or agitated/nervous, adding some nol’s like IS, IO, or IH can fix or correct those effects.
A314 and IG have very little -NONE to begin with. They both contain primarily RONE. You can still OD on it, but mostly what happens when wearing to much is a lot of self-talk like you are questioning the amazing alpha-status. You also might get the ghost effect, but its vastly different from a -NONE OD.
Sorry for not posting for a while, been in an other town over the weekend and had a blast of a time, and I’m going back for another round of fun in two weeks. Had to sleep for 12 hours straight the night between Monday and Tuesday just to get back in shape.
But the main reason I haven’t been posting is that this weekend I met a girl and, well, I guess I am falling for her. No idea what she feels yet. Will post more later but the night we met I was wearing 3 sprays of AMMO 1x and nothing else. No idea if that mattered though, she seemed to like me but she liked my female friend also. I’ll meet her in little less than two weeks again when I’m going back, and I hope my female friend won’t be there so I can feel more ‘free’ to explore and act.
I have to say that this is not just attraction, I feel more than just that for her. I think I did some male-DIHL at her that night, but hopefully I hid it. We were a group walking home from the bar and when she walked in front of me I just found myself staring at her and slowly shaking my head in disbelief, not at her looks but disbelief at the sudden swarm of butterflies in my stomach. I think I got it bad…
o
Right now I am mostly going from on one hand trying to keep my mind straight, since I really should keep it cool now and when we meet again, needy DIHL guys may be a bit of a turn-off, especially since I am 38 yo and she’s about 26. On the other hand looking at her facebook pic’s and just smiling stupidly…
Just be careful to be congruent…You’re absolutely right about something that ya said - - - Don’t act TOO crazy about her initially or it could cause her to back up and possibly scare her, and remember that pedestalizing her (putting her on a pedestal like a goddess) will wind up with ya in the friend zone!
We’re not gonna let THAT happen, right Walc?
HELL NO WE AREN’T!
Admitting your feelings for her this early on or talking to her all the time wouldn’t be congruent with the mones signature, so make sure she does some of the work and wonders what you’re up to/how you’re feeling/where you are at/ etc… it wouldn’t hurt things to occasionally be a little cryptic, either! 
I’m sure that Astrea, or Tisha will chime in here with some awesome advice; they’re very blunt and vocal about what women want on a really deep level, because they’re kickass like that
Hi Walc, remember that everyone reacts to mones differently. What is true for some; isn’t for others. If your concerned with the self effects diminishing; keep in mind if you take regular breaks from wearing the mones (no panic, just a day or so to break up the applications) you may avoid that altogether.
If you search the forum, I’m pretty sure I remember people saying that the taking of breaks reset their self effects - though not to the original point - but does reset the effects.
I’m glad for you that you’ve found a useful tool; I personally use IO to keep myself in a mood to avoid panic attacks. It has also prevented a panic attack; and I get to experience previously stressful situations without my own personal stress reactions. Worth gold to me. 
well, I probably wont report for every day that passed until now, too much on my hands right now.
Planning trips throughout the rest of the year following my team(s) and visiting friend in Berlin (I <3 Berlin) and getting some aspects of my life in order. Have started new therapy with new therapist, on recommendation from my previous therapist. Probably will be more goal-oriented, getting actual stuff to actually happen.
Anyhow. On my trip last weekend I brought A314, AMMO and TUTH. I used A341 and ammo and not tuth, which was expected.
2011-09-02 friday
dosage: 3.5 drops of A314
set: normal
setting: travelling
noted self effects: the usual: a little self-esteem boost, some relaxing
ppl exposed: random strangers
When waiting at the bus station outside my place going to the train station, I got a couple of good stares from two women. One was pregnant 25-30 yo and the other was 37-45 yo but quite good looking. They looked sort of alike, maybe sisters or the older became a mother at very young age 
Especially the older checked me out a gouple of times. Hard to ascertain what kind of interested, but it felt good anyway, which may have been me subconsciously picking up subtle clues that their interest was of the positive variety, or may have been that my mood affected by the A314 was coloring my judgement. And of course, there’s a feedback possibility: that they checked me out in a neutral state of mind, I picked up on it and felt good about it, and me feeling good about getting looked at conveyed DHV to them, which made them check me out again with more appreciation. Non-verbal communication is so complex…
On the train I got seated with a guy about my age and his two kids, guessing split parenthood. The kids where a girl ~6-8 yo and a boy ~4-7 yo. I got no obvious ghosting from the kids (is ghosting a word that could be used in regards to childrens reactions?) No obvious reactions from anyone actually, but us scandinavians are a bit reclusive on public transportation, anyone striking up a conversation may be regarded as weird, drunk or foreign Actually… that may be a pretty good test of 'mones and practice of social skills for me, staring conversations with strangers on public transportation.
I arrived at my hotel, unpacked and went to the arena to help out with preparations. We’re very DIY. Keep in mind that players are female, and that ratio of hetero to bi to lesbian is guessing one-third of each. The girl I mentioned in post above that I kinda fell for describes herself as the most straight girl in her team (a common friend told me that at least). The girl that I know from before in this team is lesbian and her girlfriend is on the team also (drama!). In the team in my hometown, of the girls I know about, half is lesbian. One ditched her b/f of many years for another girl at her team 
I got to the arena and started to help out at once. When pausing now and then I got some looks from some of the girls I didn’t know (most of them), curious looks, some came forward and introduced themselves. Felt very friendly, but may have been mainly because I helped out. But.. this just came to mind actually: a couple of them took for granted that I was one of the referees, even though there was no real reason for them to think this. I had said nothing, I had shown no particular knowledge either. I had said hello to the one girl in this city’s legaue that I know from before and she was one of the organizers, so me huggin her was probably a clear DHV. That plus the A314 may well have been the reason for some thinking I was a referee, I should probably view that as a possible hit.
For the rest of friday and saturday there isn’t much worth mentioning from a 'mones perspective. I kept to A314 at 3 drops on saturday. All focus was at the games for me and everyone else. I was too tired to party on saturday, went for pizza and beers with some of the referees and other officials, chatted about the game. I should mention that I was not in any way an official at this tournament, I just know some of them from before.
2011-09-04 sunday
dosage during day A341 as previous days, showered it off later. In evening AMMO 1x @ one spray inside of elbows, nothing else set: pepped to the gills on derby, also drunk in evening
setting: day - sports arena ; evening - bar and street
noted self effects: in the day @ A314. the usual - a little self-esteem boost, some relaxing. In evening @ AMMO party party mood
ppl exposed: random derby fans in the day; in evening crazy lesbian derby chicks and some friends
On Sunday then after the last game there was the serious afterparty when everyone can go at it as hard as they like since all the work and play is over. I had worked hard at breaking up the skating floor and went for a shower at my hotel room. The -mone for the evening was AMMO 1x @ one spray inside of elbows, nothing else.
Imagine drinking, dancing and partying with a big group of sweaty girls, mostly lesbians, in elbowpads, kneepads and hotpants responding to names such as Fistf*cking, Bambi BoneBreaker, FishEater von Fisty, Foxy MuffDiver, TheScreamer, Cuntasaurus Rex and Goldie ShoveHers (names are only examples, I don’t use their real derby-names, to protect the indecent), all high on adrenaline, endorphine and drunk as skunks. We had a bar opening and calling in bartenders just for us, good strategy as few bars would have wanted us to mingle with their less sweaty and debauched clientele.
We were thrown out at 01 am, a big group of debased drunken derelicts, aimlessly wandering up and down the streets, beeing redirected by two very friendly (and quite possibly scared) police officers towards a less residential city park. My memory falters around here somewhere, I had a almost full bottle of Laphroig in my pack which we finished collectively. As I also had a half bottle of Dalmore at my hotel room, a small group formed around me with that in our sights. It was during this journey that I laid eyes at TheScreamer (TS3 from hereon), the girl of my dreams that I kinda fell for. We tried out some judo-wrestling on a lawn (for real, not romantically) while a couple of girls where power-diving into a nearby shrubbage, wildly screaming when they realized it had prickly thorns. Took one of them three days to get them all out. And that’s with crash-pants on.
At my hotel room we took it kinda easy, no loud music and after an hour or so all left, except for two old friends plus TheScreamer. Had we been more party-party maybe they would have stayed, I dunno, not my problem. The three girls slept for an hour in my bed while I checked my travel arrangements. Then I slumbered 30 min on the couch, woke up, spent 15 min packing and just looking at the beautiful girl TS3. Had to wake them up when I checked out.
Me and TS3 friended on facebook soon after and now when I’m going back in a week she gave me her cell number to get in contact there. Ok, I kinda asked for the number. And she’s not that active on FB as I am.
Oh, what sport this is? Why, Roller Derby, what else?
My plans for the immediate future is to go for plainly A314 in everyday use and 1-2 days a week replace it with something else. At this point I am at 4 drops of A314 and I have a slight feeling that I’m seeing some subtle ghosting here. Or it may just be incogruence since I’ve been quite beta pre-mones. If the latter I will probably be able to ramp it up later on. I will however do 4 drops for a week now, probably go for ammo on next saturday at the bout afterparty. Week after that I will try 5 drops of A314, kind aexpecting I will se more obvious ghosting then, problem is ofc that since that’s what I’m expecting I may cause it. A bit hard to do double-blind placebo trials on my own
Also I found some journal notes of my bout weekend, will integrate them in this post later on, wasn’t much though.
Hey Walc, I love that you’re having so much fun. Moon over The Screamers photo’s, by all means. But when you’re in public; remember how the first two paragraphs felt! Brotha; you’re living the dream for a few guys. 
Regardless of orientation; I know a few guys crushing on the Roller Derby girls up here. I know of one team, but I haven’t seen them yet. They’re the Rat City Roller Girls, and apparently they’re good. Lot’s of guys hot and bothered for them. So, just remember the mones and to be congruent, and confident when you see her. You’ve got an added advantage (mones) and have had some good reactions so far, and have a handle on your reactions, too. As PheroJack says in his sig line (Love yours, btw ): Focus on fun, not outcome. I hope I got that right and apologies if I misquoted. Have fun !!
Thanks for the kind words Andrea! I have this bad habit of living in my head instead of living my life, since it’s safer. I’m getting a grip on it, but it’s easy for me to drift away in romantic dreams of how me and a girl would be together. It’s kind of a poison for the mind, because it messes up my mind when I hang out with that girl for real.
She is of a personality type that’s very open and ‘in the present’, physical and direct, but still verbal and quick of mind. I’m not really an even match for her, at this point, I am not so ‘in the present’ and physical - unless I am relaxed and with someone I feel good with. Which is what I wish to be with Screamer. But I am there for the bouts mainly, I just kinda happened to book a 400 sq.ft hotel room with a big bed in the middle of town, just as I will just on a whim pack 2-3 bottles of quality scotch, which is her liquor of choice, as it is mine.
I guess it is a good thing that I am old friend with Screamers team coach, it may give me some basic DHV and I’ve already gotten some inside info on Screamer, not anything more personal than that she’s probably straight and single.
She´s gonna be playing, so logically her social focus during the after party would be to hang with her team-mates and the opposing team.
I’ve been thinking about if I had any IOI’s from her and I might have gotten some. As I’ve said she’s physical, which means she touches people she talks with, so I don’t count that as a romantic &/or sexual IOI if it’s on hands, arms or shoulders. We did that drunken judo, but I won’t count that either, actually I think it was a small mistake from my side, since it established a physical contact that was on the rough side (yes, she tapped out, she may have trained judo before but I’m bigger. And have trained other budo). I don’t think she is the type that likes to be really dominated, nor am I the type who likes to dominate. I’ll try to make sure that all kino is gentle from now on. I will try to initiate some gentle kino myself, although as she’s physical I doubt she’ll take that as an IOI from me.
And another IOI: when I offered her a sip from the bottle of scotch in my bag she said that when she comes to my town she wanted to visit me and we could drink some whisky. Or did I just imagine she said that? Well, just one more thing to ask her.
re: roller derby - I always thought beeing a sports fan was silly and especially rooting for a team and all that. And then I fell for RollerDerby It’s just so different, the distance between players and fans is very small (at least yet and I hope it never changes), it’s amateur sports in a good way. Serious enough to be taken serious, to earn your heart. Playful enough to be enjoyable (in spite of some stretchers and casts).
Seattle’s Rat City doesn’t seem to have any players for the World Cup, but that doesn’t have to say anything about quality of players or team - it’s an amateur sport and ppl have lives and bills, no matter if they’re Baryshnikov and Bruce Lee rolled into one. I’m going with ‘my’ team to Toronto in december and we all know that USA, Canada, UK and maybe Germany are the most likely winners - it’s an US sport after all. We’re all psyched up to go see how Derby is played on the highest level, by the best players. That’s what’s so great with rollerderby - it’s still fun and love. After the players come back from the hospital they will drink with the girls who put them there…
Be careful with the ‘gentle from now on’. She’s a roller derby chick; if you’re too gentle you can also annoy. Timing is important of course, appropriate responses, but gentle all the time can be read as tentative, unsure, and insecure. Like a limp handshake. Because I don’t follow roller derby; I hear the Rat City Roller Girls are good; I don’t know how good and I also don’t know if the guys jonesing for them actually follow the sport either. I’m happy you’ve got something to be enthusiastic about. The way you’re having fun; almost makes me wish there was a guys team or something similar. Would that be hockey? No real hockey teams here.
you have a point Astrea… thing is, she also works on a hot-line for abused women, and I know, from my limited experience in supporting an abused friend, that kind of work can put pretty bad images in your head sometimes. I don’t wanna come across as potentially abusive and judo wrestling her to a tap-off might have been a mistake. OTOH she’s a tough girl which is what I like…
Guess I should be gentle, but not limp ?
A little reporting then, that’s what we’re here for:
2011-09-09 friday
dosage: A314 oil 4 drops, washed off in evening and same dose reapplied
setting: first café then party
noted self effects: the ususal, but it’s weaker than before, even at 4 drops.
ppl exposed: LI2 (new aconym, friend since 5 years), stranger on subway
Was at café hanging out, met some old friends. Got invited to sit with group of ppl I know most of. LI2 was there, haven’t seen her for couple of months. This is a strange girl, quite pretty and almost a hottie, warm most of the time but fierce at other times. Seen her do some pretty insane stuff that for legal reasons I can’t disclose 
. Fortunately she likes me, at least. We chatted a bit, felt ok but nothing out of the ordinary. Went home after an hour since there was a party I wanted to go to.
A woman 30-35 sitting next to me on the subway asked me how to do a thing on her cell since we had the same brand. On one hand she actually needed help right there and then, otoh I had my headphones on so I wasn’t the most approachable right then. I helped her, but didn’t follow up. Follow up is a problem for me, I got a bad case of L’esprit de l’escalier, I always know what to say afterwards. This makes me pretty witty (at least in swedish) online, since I have that extra second to formulate a nice come-back and no-one can se my face frowning to think of good words. IRL it’s a problem, at least when I’m nervous which is with strangers and if some girls does or says something which may be construed as IOI. I have a mental list of missed chances going back to 1991, all in vivid detail.
At the party I don’t know anyone besides the sound technician (EB4 who is a really hot girl, but only 20 yo and has b/f). I drink two beers and decide to go home. It is a queer-party so many there are gay or bi. I had some looks and the doorguard seemed to keep track of me a lot. Purely speculating, this was a openly gay gig and a good guard on those kinds of parties always keeps an eye out for straight macho guys who could make trouble, either picking on gay guys or beeing frisky with gay girls. I might have given of a vibe that just didn’t fit in.
2011-09-11 sunday
dosage: A314 oil 4 drops. 3 to throat 1 split on wrists
setting: at café
noted self effects: usual as above
ppl exposed: LO4, two american artists 1 male+1female, ca 35-34 yo
noted effects on others:
LO4 might have been a little intimidated, I’m not sure. Looked at me a bit but less warm smiles.
I somehow had gotten responsibility for setting up the stage room for these two experimental artists so I did that, had to mop the floor and move some instruments and equipment since those who should have done it night before skipped on that. But I was in a good mood so no problem. I was a little bit nervous about these two artists though, I had a feeling they wouldn’t get much audience, but I decided that was really not my responsibility, and more or less managed to let those feelings go.
The artists were nice and so, but as I guessed only about 4-6 ppl came. No hard feelings though, at least not towards me.
2011-09-12 monday
dosage: A314 oil 4 drops - 3 on adams apple, 1 split on wrists
setting: meeting
noted self effects: a bit short in temper, also a little dominant
ppl exposed: cafe-girls, bookstore guys, the Ogre
noted effects on others: maybe LO4 a bit intimidated today too
Meeting was as usual when the Ogre is there, less than meaningful. At times I told him off and he didn’t challenge me, but he doesn’t do that much anyway since I gave him a ass-chewing once ten years ago. He barks a lot but seldom bites, but the barking is bad enough for everyone. I think he has DAMP. I pity his three children and also wonder who on earth could have wanted to have kids with that… thing.
I took some responsibilities on myself I actually don’t want to, it’s just that I feel (too) capabel a with A314 and no-one else will do them. We have a bad thing going on in this work group…
I may have gotten to the point where I OD myself - i.e. I get not wanted self effects. I feel like I have a short temper and get angry at silly things. Which is a bit funny - one of the obvious self effects on lower doses was that I felt so self comfident that other people just couldn’t get me irritated or anything…
I think I will use three drops for now. I do not get strong hits on A314 but from what I’ve read it’s a bit subtle anyway, and also has effect over time. Also, when those that get exposed are ppl who know me, I guess it’s gonna take a little time for them to adjust their image of me.
Also I gotta headache now and I recognize this kind of headache, has gotten it with -mones before, so 4 drops is to much for me, for now I think. I may be able to go up to 4 drops in the future, but not now.
This means that I will start testing with another -mone and I think ammo is the one now. Since I have ammo at 1x (ToGo) and 2x strength and have tried 1 spray 2x before without OD I will start with 1 spray 2x for a couple of days. And then raise the dose to one spray 2x and one 1x. I know that Togo spray is smaller (0.85?) than bluebottle, I’ll just keep that in mind when I judge the results. It is likely though that I will decant the ammo 2x into ToGo… maybe I should do that and start with 2 sprays of that size.
I had a good connection with Screamer on Ammo. I think I will statr wearing ammo tomorrow tuesday, to get the feeling for it before I see her on friday. Also if 1 spray 2x is OD I may find out that before friday.
You got it on the first statement.
OMG, Walc, forget those, please! Let it go and don’t sabotage yourself with those details. Focus on developing skills with your new weapon: Mones. 20 years is a long time to focus on something that you don’t want; and only perpetuates the cycle. What you focus on will be the end result.
Get that sweet spot found. Then go have some fun!
Ammo is a Godsend to me and definately one of my favorite mones… it boosts everything all around - social, confidence, sexuality - without beaing overbearing (unless ya OD of course, hence testing,) and it plain out kicks ass IMHO.
Im 34, and I can usually wear 5 sprays of 1x ammo togo without seeing negative effects… your mileage may vary, but us being the age that we are, it’s generally harder for guys in our age range to OD on lower amounts of androstenone than younger guys, 1 or 2 sprays should be fine, (plus help intensify ya as a ‘sexy beast’,) but definately test to make sure.
Something else I’d say would help ya is checking into some social dynamics stuff like Carlos Xuma or Gambler
Ochris, that’s a wonderful idea! An edge for the edge! That would so help with the fine details of congruency - well I think so, anyway. Btw, love your avatar pic.
Gracias And yep, I think that the whole thing is the best of both worlds. I used the Xuma and Gambler style social stuff before researching mones, long before discovering mones… the two things work GREAT to compiment each other!
gonna listen to some Xuma on my ipod now. Have an update for the weekend coming, but short story is no luck and probably did something stupid. Still on my training wheels here… really need to get my head screwed on correctly.
Post! Post! Post! xD
Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!