Much appreciated, Steve.
Well, I’ll flesh out that Saturday night a bit, mainly just to share a bit.
It was the third day of the first Rollerderby World Cup ever. Everyday there was intense on the mind, so much impressions and so much emotions. This day my national team and another national team who I care about had both qualified to quarter finals. My team had lost one match that, if won, would have taken us to semi-finals against the US, which is as high as we could possibly hope for. Really, any single point scored against the US in this cup is a badge of honor for that skater to be worn to their grave. The US just is that good, out of this world. Anyway, I’ve had some joy and some disappointment and a lot of excitement. Went back to the hotel and changed for the evenings party.
Mones for the evening was what has become my standard: 3 drops of A314 on one side of the throat just under the jaw line wiped up to the side of the adams apple, and 3 drops of A1 mixed with jojoba oil (3 drops of the mixture which was 1:1 volume= about 1.5 drops of A1) on the other side in the same fashion. The residue of A314 is wiped under the nose for enhanced self-effects (I get much less than in the beginning). Two more drops of each wiped along inside of each lower arm, but switched sides from the neck. Ishine and Iopen on front/top of hair (I have a high hairline and trimmed to 3 mm), 2 spray each and I bring the ToGo’s with me to reapply if I feel like it.
That’s my standard, feels ok but could sure do with some tweaking in the future.
Dress was very ‘relaxed’: black propper bdu’s, comfortable sneakers and a tank top with my team logo on (and of course warm extra clothes). I did not have any romantic expectations for the evening, just hoped for some partying, some dancing and maybe a little social talking. On the bus to the party (Toronto is HUGE and we were in the suburbs, there were chartered buses for us) I didn’t see anyone I really knew. But this is derby, we all have a obvious subject for conversation..
So I was chatted up on the bus by a big US guy, turns out he knows the coach (and my old friend) of my team. Of course everyone knows someone who knows someone here, but this guy was nice and basically gave me a little instant status. Since I am only a fan I sometimes tend to have a little lower status than those who are actively involved, nothing strange with that. But this guy lifted me up from that.
The bus arrived, we went in and I bought a beer. I tried the dance floor for a short time. I like to dance, I admit. I have a pretty good feeling for rhythm, and I know more than just to move my butt from side to side. I did spend a couple of years in my early 20s in the techno/rave scene and became somewhat comfortable with dancing. I have also a couple of times gotten positive comments or looks from female friends when on the dance floor, but this also makes me a bit self-conscious which makes me tense. I really have a problem with other peoples expectations…
Anyhow, since no-one knew me I was more relaxed and had some fun and got some looks. A girl danced up to me and we tried to dance a while. She went in for the grind-her-ass-on-me pose and I really don’t do that, just not my type of dancing, so I bumped her butt with mine in a playful manner, but that wasn’t her thing so she left. Tried out a couple of other spots but didn’t feel right so I went to the bar.
Met up with the big US guy (BD7 from now, number 7 is for ppl I met on this trip) and we got a table. Two girls ended up at the same table, I don’t really remember how or why. One of which is the girl I mentioned in my post above.. BH7 from now on. We just chatted along a bit. She asked me about my age and was really surprised when I said 38, she thought I looked about 30. She herself is 26. At some time BH7 and me got to armwrestle, and I am not much of a gentleman when it comes to such things, I just feel I would act silly if I made myself act weaker that I am, so I won but I took it easy and didn’t “crush” her though. Got her a beer afterwards, jokingly as ‘consolation’ (at least that what she told me afterwards I did). We all chatted some more for a bit, she said that I should really come and see when her team was playing the next time (capital in different country, 320 miles apart, but sure, ok.). And then BD7 kinda beckoned me closer while BH7 talked to her friend. Imagine my surprise when this big guy in a low voice offers himself to be my wingman, obviously with regards to BH7. Ok, I have absolutely no experience with this wingman thing although I have an idea of what it’s about. I got a bit embarresed but politely declined, saying that I had as a general rule not to hit on girls in the derby scene on fear of messing up things and becoming the dreaded Derby Perv. This was actually mostly true, but just as much I knew that I had no idea how to play that game with a wingman at my side. However good he may have been at that, I was afraid to mess it up and act stiffly or unnatural, just because I didn’t know how to plays this particular game. Better not to try I thought. He didn’t seem to mind, luckily.
Shortly after this BH7 asked us to hit the dancefloor. We found a good spot on the dance floor, the music ranged from acceptable to good, but never great. But me and BH7 started to hit it off slowly and I got a little devil inside of me and started to swing loose quite a bit. I sincerly hope there is no video, I just don’t wanna know what I looked like. But I had fun and so had BH7. I just kinda ‘lost it’ there, you know, when you just don’t think anymore but just move, when inspiration turns to fluid action without missing a heartbeat or a drumbeat. I have actually never danced with someone seriously before this night (and I am 38 ), other times I have tried me and the girl in question just don’t click. But BH7 and me did. Now, she was not an exceptional dancer, very average. I was better I am not ashamed to say. Or maybe I was just slightly more insane and out of control, but who’s to say that isn’t better when dancing? As long as no-one gets hurt.
BD7 danced with us a while but then gave us some room. Damn, I owe that guy a beer if I meet him again…
No, what made me and BH7 click on the dance floor was that she had a lot of fun, she liked to se me dance with her, or actually more dance for her. I just picked up one silly movie dance scene move after another, like taking a small quick step forward and down with one drumbeat, ending up squatting just in front of her, and on the next drumbeat standing quickly up very close to her, slightly touching her body with mine front to front on the way up, then laying my hands on her arms and stepping back in rhythm, hands softly gliding over her skin til we seperate. That one really got to her. I just had gotten into this playful mode. I am absolutely lousy at flirting with spoken words. I can be pretty good in the written, but that is too low ‘bandwith’ to really connect. But here I was playfully flirting the hell out of her in the movement of a dance, while still remaining quite innocent and non-committed. It’s just a dance after all. Almost 2 hours of it, but still just a dance. All my focus is on her, but we’re still just playing, there’s no pressure. In hindsight I feel a bit like a kindred spirit towards the larger male birds like the Emu.
Well, from the Emu to Cinderella. The clock struck 2.30 and the last bus to my hotel was leaving. She was staying with friends downtown. I knew we had connected but I didn’t know how far to take it. A dance, however great, may not be enough to go straight into making out. Oh, but had there been a slow song… well, there wasn’t, unless you count the half-assed wanna-be-dubstep pop they finished with slow. It was time for goodbye I realized and we hug and I kissed her on the cheek, maybe a bit clumsily, and for some silly reason I also kissed her on the hand. Gestures that was probably a bit out of my league, just my awkwardness showing again now that the music had died and the lights were turned up bright.
When back at my hotel room I checked the facebook-name she’d given me early and friend-requested her. And did that which I shalt not do: write a PM to her. Oh, didn’t I just do the same with Screamer just a couple of months before? And how did that turn out, hmm? And before that? Oh, several times. Facebook-pm’s is the courtship of the awkward coward. Well, I did anyway. I sent her a pm. Since this is afaik a closed section of the forum where googlebots are not allowed I’ll give it to you:
“wow, I just had the most fun on the dancefloor with you!! Thanks, you were awesome!!
You don’t have to take the kiss on the cheek too seriously, I just didn’t know how to express all the joy I felt right then in a verbal manner, especially with me having to run to the bus so suddenly. Really, I’m not always that outgoing, guess everything today, including dancing with you, brought out the little party animal in me! And I liked every minute of it.”
Ok, maybe not that bad. I put in that part about the kiss just to ease off a little, while not totally closing the door, by putting the decision with her: she doesn’t have to take it too serious. But I’m not saying she isn’t allowed to… Does that work? Is it just me being a bit too particular and literal with phrasing? My mind works a little different from most in this regard I realize, I do not have Aspergers but I have some personality streaks that come close.
Well, the next day, last day, at the arena I saw her from a little distance and looked at her smiling a little but she didn’t see me at all. This happened 2-3 times. She could easily have missed me in the crowds and shouting, or maybe she avoided me. I decided not to think too much about it. I had a wonderful night with her and if that’s all it was, then so be it. That slight disappointment wasn’t gonna take the good of that night away, I tried to convince myself. Also I was very tired for lack of sleep.
Well, the rest of the cup went by, I stayed two days extra and hung out with parts of my team I didn’t know so well, socializing a bit with them.
Back at home a week passes by, I check my facebook-mail a little too much maybe, and re-read what I wrote her, just to get what I wrote wrong. And one day, suddenly I get a pm from her:
"I have no idea why, but your message got lost in my messages - under other - really weird..!
Anyways I had sooo much fun dancing with you, I like your party animal alot
https://s-static.ak.facebook.com/images/blank.gif
No hard feelings regarding the kiss, I totaly get it
https://s-static.ak.facebook.com/images/blank.gif
Write me next time your going to a bout or to Copenhagen, and we can meet up again and dance dance dance
https://s-static.ak.facebook.com/images/blank.gif
take care for now - hugs BH7"
Wow. We chatted a while, I played it a little cool but not cold. When rechecking the chat she asks most of the questions, I mention a game in March in a town pretty close to her and acceptable from me, I was gonna go there anyway. BH7 gets very interested and asks me to find out when and let her know and all. She shows no distance, just seems very glad she got in contact with me again. OK, text is low bandwith compared to face 2 face, but it’s there, she’s actually looking forward to seeing me again.
I will not nurture expectations of sex or romance. Sure, there’s a part of me that hopes for that, but that part also hopes for sex &/or romance with the kind-of-cute cashier at the food market, and my fit milf dentist. And the town we’ll meet and see the bout, yes, it’s the same town where I met Screamer, and I will meet Screamer again then for sure. No matter. All I have to do is not to focus at Screamer and focus on BH7, nothing is as unattractive as if I seem as I want to make anyone jelaous and I really don’t want that. It’s just a small world this derby world. Not that I will be cold towards Screamer, I like her. But BH7 will have my attention when I am with her. If Screamer wanna hang out with me, well… we’ll see. I still like Screamer, I actually think that I could’ve fallen in love with her - and I don’t really feel that way with BH7 right now to be honest. But me and BH7 had sooo much fun, it’s worth a lot to me and I really really hope we’ll connect as well again. And whatever happens will happen.
But this little town I’ll visit in March has more to offer. A girl (DL2) that I was hoplessly deeply in love with back in 2006 lives there now, with her two kids, her boyfriend and the kids father still works up north. We lost contact, this girl and me, because I loved her so much and she felt we couldn’t be friends because of that. And she was right. A couple of months ago when Screamer said she didn’t feel for me as I did for her, I became really sad and thought a lot about relationships and lack of closeness in my life. And I decided I would not let the possibility of friendship with DL2 just fade away. I contacted her on facebook and told her I missed her and wanted to be friends. And she answered and we write a bit to each other from time to time. We’re not close, but at least we have contact again. I will ask her if she would like to meet up in March when I come there. Maybe come to the game, or maybe just meet for a walk or a cup of tea or whatever.
I feel good about this, I really look forward to it.
. A1 and jojoba oil doesn’t mix by itself at all, I had to use a needle to swirl them together on the surface of the table knife blade. And oh g*d the smell… not nice. But no-one mentioned it at the party at all.
plus jojoba to neck..)
, so I will test the mx297 first.