The mistaken attribution of attraction to visual stimulus

[PheroQuirk]

@tisha23

I know you are talking about visual response in women but this is just an observation that me and some of my girlfriends once talked about long before I discovered pheromones and I would like to get the mens take on it.

About half of us are married the other quarter are involved with someone and the rest of the group are still looking.
We noticed and talked about how women tend to gravitate towards men who are much like there own fathers in Personality, Morals, Build, and Authority or Power. We wondered if this is why you often find that women who come from abusive households as children often (not always) end up with a abusive husbands.

My friend who inspired this discussion was in a abusive marriage at the time and also had a abusive childhood due to her father. She often said that when she met her husband he was so different in personality from her own dad that she didnt understand how she ended up with someone just like her father. Those of us involved or married noticed the same thing after talking about it. Each of us has a SO that is in alot of ways similar to are own fathers in personality morals ect… Some of us that are married mentioned that we didnt perceive our SO to be anything like our dads when we first met them but after being together for a long time we discover that they are very similar. I know in my own marriage my husband is very much like my dad. I am lucky enough to have a great dad.

Another friend had a abusive father as a child but he passed away when she was pretty young and her mother found another husband and he was much nicer. Her husband is much like her step father and not her abusive dad.

Do men notice they look for women with quailtys like there mothers. I dont mean looks but values, morals, habits ?

Do you think this is just conditioned or learned response ?

Do you think that Pheromone signature could play a part in why these men dont appear to be like our dads at first but ultimately end up being very similar ?

Do you think this could be why visual cues vary so much ? Why I girl could go for a Bad boy or someone who dresses like a bum or the unlikely guy others cant figure out why your attracted to?

I dont know the anwsers and I am not saying that all women who have been abused gravitate towards it. I know that for women who have had abusive dads some of them do find better husbands but the ones I know usually had a strong male presense as a child other then there fathers.

Women are all different so I dont mean to offend anyone who reads this and is going through a Bad situation. I am just curious as to everyones opinions.

Tisha

Why Good Girls Love Naughty Boys

A question of degree… think of a spectrum instead of a simple black-white division… I’ve asked clinical psychologists about this matter, the rough consensus is that “equivalent emotionals” are attrracted… this is big business and appropriate budgets are set to market all manner of things based on various scales of evolved vs. unevolved… not the least being Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs… the bulk of marketing, advertising, selling IS framed on post-Maslow theory… and good people, when you’r…

@tacitus

A question of degree… think of a spectrum instead of a simple black-white division… I’ve asked clinical psychologists about this matter, the rough consensus is that “equivalent emotionals” are attrracted… this is big business and appropriate budgets are set to market all manner of things based on various scales of evolved vs. unevolved… not the least being Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs… the bulk of marketing, advertising, selling IS framed on post-Maslow theory… and good people, when you’re out there in the mix you’re also ummm… marketing, advertising, and selling your bill of goods…
…
Don’t think women who grow up in rich, competitive, zero-sum family systems don’t come out of these dynamics loaded for bear ? There is a well funded divorce industry that caters to exactly this type, as thoughtfully marketed as the Bently or Rolls… errrrr… “marque”… ech… at that mmmm… “rarified level” they don’t have brands… brands are for the potato eaters, they have marques… or something even more mysterious, something you will never know… and only those with the Ytterbium Card can gaze upon the Unctuous Plasm… you go girl !

Not for me, thanks… anything that unbalances my serum cortisol or raises my blood pressure is no fun… alpha head games are just more bad theater, I mean, if you want to go contemplate bent out of shape alpha there’s always Neil LaBute and David Mamet…

Those guys observe and report on social patterning in some depth… not alwys the prettiest sight…

So what’s with this Nice Girl meets Bad Boy thing, is it as easily reduced into some form of oversocialized meets undersocialized… your swaggering id seeks my prim superego, or is you desperate need for structure meeting my desperate need for release… down to the nitty gritty, to what extent can offsetting differences be a turn on and a shot of growth energy, and where do they become distracting, tiring, annoying and not one’s life path ?

In my model of things, whatever your personal style, it can be evolved or unevolved… and two evolved people can be coming from really different perspectives… or more like, the greater your state of evolution (or emotional development, or psychic growth… ) the wider range of people unlike yourself you can hook up with, yet paradoxically the fewer one feels the need to hook up with… in plain english, the emotional simpleton wants to bang everything in sight… I suppose an achiever feels the need to do this out of achievement demends, out bagging trophies for the collection… and the experiencer will be looking for… experiences… “she hung me up by fuscia rabbit fur cuffs”… damn if I know what
Idealists do for kicks… earnestly write ther congressmen, chant Vedic things, bathe with glycerine soap ?