Sorry to bump the journal again. The fear-projecting refers to P75 right? I was talking about P74. More often than not I observe signs of DHV/status when I wear P74 around women. Part of it’s “fallout”-properties.
P78 + mx 274
5 mcg 1 spray p78 6% Neroli back of neck
2 sprays of MX274 (one wrist, one chest)
white sweater dress, brown tights, brown boots
Day 22 of my cycle, breast tenderness, crankiness yesterday, def bloated
Met a guy for brunch. He’s 6’4’, really buff, white, successful, musician(violin!), classy, but easy going, well educated good background in science.
I ditched the p74 and p96 because it just wasn’t working for me this week. I’m gonna have to put testing aside on that for now.
Ok WOW. This was the best date I’ve been on in forever.
We talked evolution, politics, judicial system, divorces, humanity, faith in love, monogamy, ex relationships, family stories, drug stories, college stories. We stayed at the bar for 3 hours after eating just to keep talking.
I did not expect to have an intellectual connection with him because he is a vain gym nut, but I’m a vain gym nut and look at that!
Observations:
– He couldn’t take his eyes off of me. He didn’t even notice the huge christmas tree right next to him.
– he absolutely forgave me for all my bad dating no- nos, accidentally talking with my mouth open one time, interrupting him, almost getting into an argument, every time I apologized for something or another, he just looked at me dreamily “No need to apologize, you look great” or “no sweat, you’re fine”
– As soon as I walked in and took my scarf off, the hostess got a huge whiff of my stuff and immediately said “what is it that ou’re wearing? Your lotion? What is it? I’m dying to know it smells amazing!”
– He agreed, “yes you smell wonderful”
– whenever, I’d make myself laugh at a ridiculous immature joke (I was kinda stoned) he would look right into my eyes and say “you’re so cute”
– I caught him smiling and starring at me on many occasions^
– he did the eskimo nose kiss thing after we kissed and shook his head, kissed me on the forehead and pulled me close (very gf thing to do)
– he chuckled to himself quite often after I would catch him doing that
– when he finally reached over to kiss me, he was trembling (awww)
and said “that was long over due”
– after we’d had enough to drink, he said “well I’d like to keep hanging out with you- what would you like to do?”
– we walked back to my house, his arm around me the whole time (ugh I love this, he claimed me)
– we are making out on the couch and I ask
me: do you like my body?
him: yes do you like mine?
me: yes, but men like you intimidate me
him: don’t worry, I’m nervous too
(gush) this made me feel so much better, I hate being bloated when I’m with a guy, I know my tummy can be flat.
we move to the bedroom and make out forever, clothes slowly come off. and Boys and girls, he does not have an erection the entire time.
Many guys get shy around me and this happens 6/10 on the first date. So I never make a big deal about it, I dont’ say anything directly about it, super subtle “Let’s just make out” Or “we don’t have to do this right now, let’s…”
afterwards he embraces me and says “thank you for being patient with me” (or something along the lines of “putting up with me” i can’t remember the exact words)
We talk more and more and the other deal breaker is he a complete cynic about love. He does not think real love exists and that people think partners make them better people but they really just destroy each other. woah woah woah, talk about some deep seeded issues.
What is great is he let me give him an analysis of his issues and why he is jaded. Why being independent and alone actually puts him in a perfect situation to meet someone because he wouldn’t need someone to fill some void in his life- they can just contribute it and make it better. The example I used before which I told him, “the man is the icing on the cake, but my life is the cake”
Anyway, we had a lovely day together. We learned a lot from each other and it seems like we both are willing to see each other again. Before parting he said to me (he’s only 2 years younger)
“Sounds like with the extra few years you have on me that you have a better understanding of all this stuff. I hope that when I get to your age I have as good outlook on life”
Conclusion: p78 did not make this inherently sexual. We created a bonding environment with our words, based on our personalities which came across as distinctly not wanting “cheap sex.” (hah, little does he know!) All the things we talked about, how much we trusted each other, the affection, the way we embraced, that’s the kind of bonding I’ve been craving big time.
oh and when can I buy gallons of mX 274 it’s my favorite thing ever.
P75 is very aggressive.
MX274 + p78 trial 2
1 spray MX 274 wrist
5 mcg in 1 spray p78 back of neck in neroli
skirt, leggings, boots, blouse
Met a tinder date at bar. He was there with his roomies (1 girl her gfs) and a few guys. The first thing he notices is my smell and says I smell irresistible.
We have great eye contact, really great conversation, taking turns talking, he’s being very gentlemanly, paid for food, really subtle flirting, nothing too overtly sexual or raunchy. We kiss once in the bar but ease off and behave. I definitely felt “connected” and that we were on the same page, involved with each other, or absorbed in each others presence I should say.
The girls want to go back to smoke and I do too (it was a really rough day in the clinic) and I kinda wanted to make out with this girl! lol
okay, so we are all in the living room, drinking, smoking. Everyone gets hammered. We had kissed in the kitchen at one point, but as soon as we are all getting fucked up, HE TURNS INTO A MEAN DRUNK. Except I don’t really pick up on it right away bc I’m hammered. We go to his room to mess around and he gets really hostile, violent, aggressive, and abusive WITHOUT my consent. Luckily, I get the fuck out before things get sour.
This is the first time I’ve ever consciously put myself in a “dangerous” situation like this on a date.
It’s one of those things that you can try to victim-blame all you want, but there were no warning signs. I do need to be more careful, but what would I have done differently? We were in a big group, it seemed safe. Am I just going to not sleep with guys until I’ve known them for a really long time? Bc that still doesn’t eliminate guys who get off on this type of behavior.
Updates:
- no news with the guy who was out of my league who I’m still crushing on big time. He responds to my texts when it’s pics but whenever I try to make plans, it’s silent. Obvious answer right there
- I texted swinger guy that I was sad that things didn’t work out between us. He said he was sad too but then didn’t really try to continue the conversation.
- The guy I went on a real date with the broken dick said he is sick but wants to see me again.
- #1 crush has totally disappeared. FUCK THAT GUY.
Bitches be crazy= Tinder edition
2 sprays MX 274
2 sprays of 5 mcg p78 back of neck (10 mcg total)
grey jersey dress, tights, black heel boots
Meeting a tinder date after work. All the trains were acting crazy, literally ALL. So I was running late, him know, did my hair, paid $30 to get in a cab, lots of traffic, dude starts losing patience and is convinced I’m not actually showing up so he leaves. He comes back, annoyed that I’m a whopping 20 minutes late, despite having given him hours notice. Mind you he has to go across the street from his apt to get to the bar, I have to travel 45 min.
Get to the bar, order drinks, make eye contact, conversation is smooth and easy. My bestie texts me “are you alive?” and our common courtesy to each other is to check in with each other when we are on online dates or meeting up with strangers. I apologize to him and excuse myself so I can text her back, put the phone away, pick it up 5 min later to see if she got it, and he loses his shit “It’s a pet peeve of mine when people check their phones. You’re being really fucking rude and disrespectful, so I’m just going to pay for my beer and leave.” JAW DROPS. He walks out. He wasn’t that cute. We are over it, but OMG THIS CITY IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
Ok. 3/4 of the way into this beer, I’m dressed up and dateless, oh well, I get to have the rest of his beer. So I text another tinder person and we meet up for dinner. Thank god. I haven’t been on a dinner date in too fucking long. Did I mention I’m over this city
So I cab it, fearing being late again, get there early, start drinking a glass of champagne, he enters, we enjoy an amazing 5 course dinner. The food, wine, and company was EXCELLENT. We both agreed it was such a good call that both of our dates flaked on us tonight.
We have great eye contact, our legs rest against each other under the table, we close out the entire restaurant, I’m pretty sure they hate us at this point.
We go back to his place, listen to records, smoke (ooh my type of man!) and proceed to have sex for HOURS. I just absolutely love these men that can cum over and over and over. He would get hard seconds after his orgasm by anything I did. Is this the marathon boner p78 I’m finally seeing?!? I bumped up the amount this time.
During the session, I get INCREDIBLE compliments about my body, ass, hair, mouth, everything. He is devouring me and making me feel like the beautiful sex goddess I am.
The next morning, we can’t get out of bed because we keep screwing. He walks to the train with me, buys me donuts and coffee, we walk arm in arm, he kisses me on the train (I’m so impressed with these PDA in his local domain, isn’t he scared his neighborhood is going to see with him different girls all the time?)
We text that night and the next day, talking about how much fun we had and how we are looking forward to seeing other again. Then he’s been radio silent since then. UGH.
Last night:
2 sprays MX 274 wrist
7.5 mcg Mol L
Leggings, short dress, boots, long necklace
Meet up with a gf and her bf at a bar whom I haven’t seen in forever. I’m annoyed bc kink partner tells me he is seeing someone even though he told me he’s not looking for a gf (FUCKING LIES). Half of my dudes are not responding to me. It’s “cuffing season”- everyone is coupling up for the winter. This attitude annoys the fuck out of me because when guys say they are not looking for a gf, it may be true, but what they are really saying is “you’re not good enough to make me want to commit to YOU.” Because even if they are not emotionally/financially ready, if they are really into a girl, all that BS goes out the window and they’ll want to be her bf regardless.
So the Mol L is supposed to make me feel HOT. I’m over feeling rejected. The females I were hanging with/meeting were def sweet and friendly around me- I can’t remember if this made other women bitchy before? Because didn’t happen last night.
One gay guy in particular is obsessed with me, turns out he is not gay just acts like it. He won’t leave me alone and he’s actually a fun drunk so I amuse his entertainment. He says the sweetest fucking compliments to me and it’s actually what I needed to hear. One thing that struck me:
Him: You’re just so absolutely gorgeous, I just picture you breaking hearts all over town.
Me: no, not true actually, they are all breaking mine.
him: That can’t be, you’re the whole package, you are INCREDIBLY good looking, it’s painful to look at you and imagine what you can do to a man’s heart.
me: Well I can’t keep a man’s interest for more than 5 minutes or a night, and they are already on to the next one.
him: You do realize you’re the type of girl that can destroy a man?
me: I’ve heard that before but I think it’s a cop out.
him: Even if I had a chance with you, I’d run too because I couldn’t bear getting close to you and risk the damage you could do to me.
Was that just the most honest thing that I’ve heard? Does this explain the majority of my dating problems?
He had a gf and wasn’t trying to take me home/hook up with me, just enjoyed my company. Another guy recently basically said the same thing to me, we went back and fourth, with me convincing him that I can be trusted and I would make a great gf, but he wouldn’t let me in because he was so “scared of what I could do”- It sounded like an excuse the whole time. The last time we were supposed to cuddle and get close, he straight up said he was on his way over and NEVER SHOWED UP. Didn’t even write back to the mean things I wrote to him.
Swinger guy pulled the same move on me. Wanting to get close to me but being too “scared” to open up to me. #1 crush sounds like he went through the same bullshit, being completely destroyed by his ex and worried I’d do the same. The Guy out of my league just can’t be bothered, I don’t think it’s this reason for his lack of interest. But something I did learn with the whole guy leaving in the middle of his beer thing, is that a lot of guys are CRAZY INSECURE. Making themselves vulnerable by reaching out to a girl stresses them out to no end. Every guy I’ve told the beer/phone/walk out story to has sympathized with the guy because I made him feel like he wasn’t worth my time. They all said he was probably really looking forward to seeing me and it felt like I was going to stand him up and so he already decided in his head that I wasn’t interested, so he left with any excuse before I could do any more “damage.” WTF.
Anyway, back to me drinking my brains out with my gf to forget the stress that is happening with my career right now (problem with board scores, long story but won’t have more info until Jan 2015):
So another Tinder boy and I have been talking a lot and he seems like a stand up guy. His name is conveniently saved in my phone as “John Tinder” okay, I clearly need to change my system because you won’t believe what happens next:
I get a text from John Tinder drunk in the middle of the night. He wants to hang out. I am hesitant because our first date was supposed to be dinner and drinks and now it’s the middle of the night and we are both drunk (ie Booty Call). So I clarify that I still want to get to know him and hope that this doesn’t change where things might go between us. He promises it won’t and I go to his apt (also on the UES, I still haven’t figured out that this IS NOT the John Tinder I’ve been talking to everyday because they live in the same area and are saved as the same name in my phone.)
So I show up, the lights are all off in his apt bc his roomates are sleeping, so I still don’t get a good look of his face. I don’t even notice he is a WHOLE FOOT TALLER than the John Tinder I’m talking to and that instead of artsy film things in his room it’s all basketball shit.
So we start making out and having sex, and afterwards we are cuddling, and:
ME: So are we still going out on Tuesday?
him: no, why Tuesday?
me: Because you cancelled Friday, you said Tuesday would work because of your class
him: I don’t take classes, I have a job, WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!
me: oh fuck, you’re not john?
him: I am, just not the John you think I am.
OMG. So of course I look back at our texts, we haven’t spoken in over 2 months! We never met up and I totally forgot he even was in my phone!
So I apologize to him because he is way hotter than I thought from his pics- we probably have nothing in common, he agrees to forgive me and states he is not as upset as he should be.
So he says he doesn’t want me to stay the night because he’s upset and I try to explain, but I keep digging myself into a bigger hole.
I try to apologize again this morning but no response.
I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR TINDER. (<— crazy bitch right here)
2 days, 2 dates
Still testing this combo:
2 sprays MX274
2 sprays 5 mcg each p78 total 10 mcg in neroli
Date #1
It’s his birthday and he wanted to see me after his family dinner. I normally don’t make a big stink, but seeing as how so many guys have lead me down this “fuck n chuck” path even though it’s not what we agreed on, I felt the need to really clarify that he was actually interested in getting to know me as a person behind the body. He claims he is and that he would never disrespect me, blah blah blah. We shall see.
and I know what you are all thinking that if I just didn’t get sexual with the guy right away then he probably wouldn’t treat me like a whore, but it is not that simple. Either you invest more time and energy to get rejected after the sex anyway OR he is convinced that there must be no chemistry if sex doesn’t happen pretty soon to the first date.
So, we meet up, talk is easy, resists letting me pay a round for his birthday dinner, not much flirting is happening but some intense eye contact, stares are def being exchanged. No compliments. NONE. Fuck that’s my favorite fucking part. He’s a pretty stoic quiet man so that could be it, and don’t get me wrong, that is def the guy I’m most attracted to.
We talk about public policy, local government, reusable energy, different cities we’ve lived in, our families, my fucked up childhood, and at some point in the middle of one of our romantic eye lock moments he kisses me. And we keep kissing. and we can’t stop kissing. He whispers in my ear if I want to get out of there (Honestly, don’t think that line ever gets old) and I say “Well if you need more time to figure out how awesome I am, then I’d rather we didn’t.” He responds, “No you’re incredibly smart, I really like that and I don’t need anymore time to figure it out.”
So, to his house we go. We sex for a few hours, he cums 3x (UGGH i LOOOOOVE THIS) then says he needs to sleep, which is usually my cue to leave. So I suggest, “ok I’ll get going.” but he kinda fumbles “no you can stay if you want, you don’t have to go, I mean you can do whatever you want, but I wouldn’t mind if you stayed.”
He then pushes me over to “my” side bc he needs “his” side and warns me that he doesn’t want us cuddling. WTF how annoying is this. Not even a little? I don’t need you breathing down my mouth while I’m trying to sleep suffocating me, but come on, we just sexed for hours, I can’t touch you now?!
So he wakes me up with his hand on my crotch and we go at it again. Still not getting ANY compliments. Get up to leave, he walks me out because the door has to be locked from the inside to the building and I remark “oh and here I thought you were just being polite” so he says “that too.”
ugh so weird. So two days later we are texting, make plans for tonight, but he cancels bc he has to work late (which he already warned me about and I stayed until the building closed last night so I don’t need an explanation). He says he is really looking forward to seeing me when I get back from the holidays and wishes me a safe trip. Ok. We will see young man.
Date 2:
2 sprays MX274
2 sprays 5 mcg each p78 total 10 mcg in neroli
Meeting an OKcupid guy at my local bar. He seems like a total stand up guy, kinda nerdy, decent job, almost too grown up for me. Conversation is easy and he def has this old man in a young person’s body personality.
The sex party is happening again that night and my phone kept getting blown up with videos and texts from everyone trying to get me to go to it. I really didn’t want to see swinger guy, I was really crushed by things not working out between us and didn’t want to see it happen again. Also, I didn’t want to be put in the position to say no to him bc I don’t know if I could.
I had already told the host I wasn’t feeling well but I would maybe stop by to say hi. Last time I went, was right after my last boards exam, which was a fucking disaster (not my fault) and I kinda blacked out HARD. Swinger guy ignored me the whole time to fuck this other girl and I was totally over him and pissed about it. The host knew I didn’t want to see him again.
Anyway, the whole time I’m on this date, I’m trying to figure out if I can tell him about the party and if he’d go or not. and if he would go, if I’d be making a huge mistake. So finally, I drop the bomb and with some convincing, he agrees to go. I reassure him, I like it for the girls and don’t really like any of the guys there. and if he wanted to fuck another girl, it wouldn’t bother me, we would share her if I wanted to.
I also want to go to reassure everyone I’m NOT a huge blacked out drunk mess all the time, and I’m actually fun and sexy sometimes. The girls flock me to me instantly (they always do) but in a few minutes, they are circling around me, we are caressing each other while catching up about my life. I love how I’m always the center of attention at these things. They shower me with compliments and affection, which I so desperately needed.
Apparently, everyone was asking about me before I even got there. Swinger guy has not arrived yet. My date is clearly uncomfortable, nervous, and feeling out of place. I try to include him in as much of the banter/conversation as possible. He enjoys the attention. Our clothes never came off but we just groped each other and made out with each other, me with all the girls too.
Swinger guy shows up, pretends to see me but not see me, and keeps glancing sideways to catch my eye and then look away quickly. Him and his three guy friends are clothed. I’m the hottest girl there.
My date and I start getting a little more “Hands on” with each other on of the couches and I’m deliberately pretending like I don’t see swinger guy watching jealously. I’m obviously putting a show. It included a candy cane… in certain naughty ways…
My date gets too drunk and horny wants to leave with me bc he doesn’t want to do anything with me at the party. I get it, but isn’t that why we are here kinda?
I promised him I’d leave with him so I keep up my promise. Plus, I love the idea of making swinger guy jealous and not staying where I’d inevitably hook up with him (which is soooooo hot).
I kiss everyone goodnight and leave swinger guy for the last. He couldn’t hide the sadness in his face “you’re leaving? But I just got here” I kiss him again, very softly, on the lips, no tongue, touch the side of his face, grab his hand, and he doesn’t let go. I walk away, still holding hands, looking at him with my head turn while walking away, until we finally let our hands and eyes go. It was a really symbolic moment about us in general.
The next day he texts me first “thank you for the goodnight kiss”
The date and I go back to his place (which reeks of garbage, WTF) to get freaky. We go at it for hours and he cums 2x which apparently is a first for him. He says how sex is normally boring but I was doing everything right, just like he wanted, as if I could read his mind, and enjoyed doing it. He says, “I normally want to just get it over with, but with you, I wanted to keep going forever” (HOT!) More of p78? I’m thinking yes.
But here is another weird catch, HE ALSO DEFINES THIS WAR ZONE BOUNDARY BETWEEN US IN BED FOR THE ANTI-CUDDLING RULE.
I’m not a touchy feely girl, but I’m finding out really suddenly, exactly HOW MUCH I HATE THIS FUCKING RULE. It makes me feel like I’m not really wanted there and I’d feel more comfortable on my own in my own bed. He warns me he sleeps with ear plugs and a humidifier and then refuses to let me leave, insisting that he does indeed want me there.
I have to leave early for work and rush out, giving him a hug and kiss.
We are texting as normal, me teasing him for being an old man, and he apparently wants me to come over tonight. NOT if I have to sleep there like a still mummy.
Swinger guy and I message back and forth yesterday, I tell him I went home with this new guy I’m dating and he says “you’re dating? Come over.. Now” so I kinda give him shit for only wanting to fuck before I get a bf, on and on. I hope I get his panties in a twist.
him: show me the video you made
me: why should I do anything for you?
him: because you love me
Ugh, these assholes throwing around the LOVE word like it’s me talking about their perfectly sized cocks. I just thought we were going to be something. We were planning trips together. Talking on the phone everyday. Making all weekend long plans, convincing each other what great partners we would be. Then BAM. It just ended. Torn about it but slowly moving on. If only the guy out of my league would just decide that he loves me. I need a fucking vacation. 2 more days til I leave the country bitches!
Missing your adventures!
I’m back! MX*** news
Shortly after my last post, I left the country for the holidays. Had an amazing time. I’ve been slammed since I’ve been back with a million and 1 people to see and things to do so this might be a long post.
I return on NYE. The second I land, both of my marathon sexers text me instantly wanting to know if I’ve made it back into the country safely. WOW good memory! The key players currently are 1) swinger guy 2) old man (he’s not but acts like one) 3) marathon sexer with huge dick 4) anti-cuddler #2
In the background, there is this guy who gets to me who I actually haven’t seen in a long time, let’s just call him asshole. We fight like siblings and he doesn’t believe a word I say. He is the one that wanted to be my boyfriend, said he was on his way to my house, and then just didn’t show up. He’s back in the picture now (don’t ask me how, it’s a long story)
MX274 2 sprays chest
2 sprays of 5 mcg of p78 back of neck
So I’m jetlagged, kinda sandy and dirty from the beach, and totally disgusting from my 20 hour flight, but Marathon Sexer wants me to come over. I can’t resist. I show up after showering and getting myself together, he looks like a slob and his breath smells so bad I have to ask him to brush his teeth! but he did clean his room. We fuck for hours and hours and hours. Every time I think I’m never gonna fall in love with a better bigger dick, one happens to fall in my lap. I mean it’s my favorite. BY FAR. (how many times have I said that in this journal?) He tells me I can “take it better than anyone” and how much he loves fucking me. We go out to eat at a small diner, I was all nauseated from the turbulence and couldn’t really eat. He ends up staying home to stay in bed with me. We nap, fuck, and get ready for our respective parties. Total, I think he climaxed 8 times! Talk about the best welcome home party!
So I go home for another quick nap and planned on spending NYE alone by seeing one of my favorite bands. I see that my package from AD has arrived and there is so much to explore, I don’t even know where to start! So I pick one randomly that I can take the tape off in a hurry and it ends up being MX***. (I wanted to go numerically but that didn’t work, so I tried 469 bc you know, 69, but mx*** won simply bc it was the only one I could open the fastest.)
1 spray MX *** on wrist
1 spray MX 380 chest
I’m having a great time at the show and was a little nervous that being alone would depress me. It didn’t. I danced, made friends, and at midnight was loving the song so much, did not GIVE A FUCK that I didn’t have anyone to kiss. I mean if you had my sexathon earlier that day, you wouldn’t care either. So I feel totally liberated that everyone is trying to fuck and I am just by myself having a grand ol time. It really proved a lot to me about my personal Independence and happiness. I couldn’t have felt more positive about myself starting off the new year. The crazy fan-friends I made standing near me snuck us backstage to meet the band. I do NOT enjoy this type of behavior and it embarrasses me to no end. So while I’m quietly trying to stand in the corner, out of the way, and not look like a total fucking groupie (Yuck) the fan-friends start calling me out about what a big fan I am and how I know all the words etc etc etc. I just about died.
One of the guys in the band makes eyes at me, steals me away from the weird fan friends, we start talking, taking tequila shots, and all of a sudden we are best friends. It was a privilege to get to know him, a really solid dude, and we partied the night away. We felt like we knew each other forever and even spent New Years Day brunch together. So I guess, thanks weird fan friends?
The next day, I have a date with Anti-Cuddler #2. He is really intelligent and good looking, we have the most potential of anyone in the mix right now. But he may be too into anal and that’s a deal breaker for me.
1 spray MX*** chest
We meet at a bar for oysters and drinks. He looks really handsome and I match him well. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation! He genuinely wanted to hear about my fight I had with my best friend and what it was like to see my family for the holidays. It’s very rare that a guy gives a shit about what you’re saying, but in this case he did. We go back to his house, it’s still early, we do our thing, and he has to sleep because he has to work on the weekend. Not only do I not want to sleep at 11 pm on Friday night but I do NOT want to sleep with anti-cuddler! it’s so awkward! So when I say “Ok, let me get out of your hair then” he doesn’t argue and walks me out. His friends/roommates were over and I was saying I was shy to walk passed them but he reassures me that he told them he was going to see me and that they know about me. hmmm interesting, what exactly do they know? Still no compliments from him, but sexy sex and amazing conversation.
On the cab ride home, I call Swinger Guy. Man am I the energizer bunny or what? He agrees to pay for my cab to come see him. Ugh I love this. So I go to his house, we watch a movie and cuddle. I’m determined to not make the first move bc I’m still annoyed with him. Our last conversation was more like “no I’m not coming over, but you can ask me out on a date” which he reluctantly finagled his way out of and since I wanted to see him, I lost my ground. (I got no cajones!) I end up sleeping over and he tells me that he likes me but he’s got issues about other people and does better on his own, basically a slew of excuses why we can’t date. Ok. Whatever. I’m not hurt about it. I think I’m partially in denial about this bc I know how much he actually likes me so I don’t really care what we do or call ourselves.
The next day, I have a date with Old Man. He is by far the one that is most committed to me and clearly wants something “real” with me. We talk everyday and have gotten quite close, even while I was out of the country. I respect him a lot and can be myself around him. He adores me and gives me the most genuine compliments. He has a successful career, I’m attracted to him, things are easy, but I can’t help but feel there is a spark missing. He enjoys comedy but our conversations are rather dry. He is extremely intelligent and open-minded but I keep feeling like he is very “run of the mill” and ordinary. Is that fucked up to say?
2 sprays MX*** on chest
tight skirt, high heels, sweater
He is being such an amazing date. He patiently understood that I was jet-lagged and almost napped through our date. I was 25 minutes late, enough to make most people angry but he was very patient and cool about it. We talk about all sorts of things, he tells me how much he admires me, what he likes about me, etc. It’s a really smooth date. He knows I’m annoyed with his anti-cuddling rule and promises to make me feel more comfortable at his home bc he likes me sleeping there. He’s been calling me “babe” non stop and for some reason it comes out so casually for him, as if we’ve been dating forever, that I don’t like it! He convinces me to stay for breakfast and we spend the afternoon together.
He wants to see more of me and is understanding of my work schedule. He’s a catch and I’m not throwing in the towel yet, but I can’t pinpoint what it is that isn’t getting me excited about him. What’s holding me back? bc the things I’m annoyed with are stupid things, like I’m searching long and hard to find things I don’t like about him.
So I have to be honest and say that I didn’t shower after him and I think the mones were still on me the next day at work. Also, I’ve been wearing the same scarf that lies close to my app points and it’s been smelling like MX*** (and TBH a bit copulin-y which makes sense bc they are “old.”) So all my patients gloat and brag about me to my attendings as if I’m the best doctor they’ve ever had. And trust me, I did NOTHING special. I wasn’t even that nice that day.
To re-test the “day-after” theory, I spray MX*** (2 sprays) on Tuesday night when I go over to my friend’s house. No change in her or her bf’s behavior at all. (I put it on just in case I visited any of my other boys in the hood but it didn’t happen.)
At work the next day, same thing! Patients talking my ear off, flirting with me, men and women alike, just totally loving me.
Ok don’t judge me, but I’m curious to see the longevity of this and IT’S ASS-FREEZING COLD OVER HERE, so I don’t shower a couple of days. Hey it’s science. I applied Tuesday night and Friday afternoon had the hottest patient ever who was totally flirting me. He was looking for any excuse to ask me questions, get me to touch him, finding out more about me and vice versa. I really wish I could have just asked him out but was way too scared to do it, you know professionalism and all. My supervising attending even asked me why I didn’t ask him out! It’s taking all my strength to not be a creep and send him a message on Facebook.
Another patient on Fri afternoon was interviewing me and trying to set me up with his “loaded grammy-award winning” nephew. AND! The supervising attendings were fighting over who got to work with me. There are 13 other interns they could have fought over but they wanted me! That’s one of the greatest compliments ever!
Friday night
2 sprays MX*** chest
Jeans, sweater, heels, same scarf
I have a date with the OKC guy from a while back who I was convinced was wearing mones. He started seeing someone this holiday (EVERYONE DID OMG I’M SO PISSED ABOUT IT) but I was really happy for him because it’s been years that he has let anyone in. I think I’m making a positive difference 
anyway he says I still smell incredible and it’s the same smell, but he’s wrong! He hasn’t smelled this! What he is referring to is Neroli/ p78 or MX 274, or my cover scent Diptyque Eua Duelle (very vanilla based goes well with the vanilla fragrances) He’s begging me to include him in this side hobby of mine but I’m being very stubborn about sharing. (sorry AD, I got my sister and my bestie to purchase from you guys!)
Anyway, there is ZERO flirtation on our date because he is really hung up on this girl who isn’t on the same page as him apparently. For the record, if a girl talked this much about another dude on a date, the guy would have sent her flying straight to the curb. But I’m kinda more of his friend at this point and I enjoy being there for him. It’s obvious he needs me about this topic and he’s totally falling apart. I really want to support him making himself vulnerable. We do our thing, I sleep over and leave in the morning. OH and I HAD TO PAY. To be his therapist/friend and he stopped going down on me right before I was about to go. He’s fired for reals this time. I just really wanted my necklace back. Which by the way, I’ve left a necklace at every guy’s house this last month, the jewelry is totally declining rapidly and I wish I didn’t lose my two favorites
Conclusion: MX*** has longevity. Not as much sexual for me as much as it is bonding. People opening up and talking to me who already know me and flirting/trying to open up from new people.
Hello!
I’ve temporarily had to place your journal post into moderation. Since one of the MX Packs you’ve reported is a new MX, our policy is that the first-run tests shall be blind experiments. Which means both the customers and staff won’t speak upon specific results during testing.
What I will do is simply manually remove the MX number. All else will remain as the same. And I will copy the post into out official MX report thread upon your approval. I should ask though for data quality at least one report upon each of the sprays in the MX pack just by itself. We’ll need to see how the spray does at this dose on its own.
This is some rather new technology. As we prepare restock plans, we’ll need to sort if the current MX is dosed too high or low. However, it would seem in your occupation this newly test MX is safe for work. Not MX274 of course the new Mix.
I’m so sorry! I had no idea about this policy. (Face palm)! I’ll re-edit the version for the mx page- and by data quality are you referring to the reporting template?
I will have it sorted for you in a bit. You needn’t do anything. I simply copy the post into the MX thread. You’ll still have the original here. It’s exactly as before just the MX number struck out for now. Then after the blind tests we’ll take the redaction off.
By data quality we’re attempting to see if the phero dose per spray of the NEW MX is effective and what it may do on its own. When combined with other mones we’re not able to say whether the effects are MX274 or the new mix. You may make tests of combinations. Ideally we’d love one test for social effects of each new MX bottle. More would be great. So if you use 1/4 each bottle for testing of the product itself only and the rest for your own mixes that will be fine.
One feedback per bottle meets our expectations for Reporting User.
Too much to report!
MX 274 alone
2 sprays wrist
Went to Old Man’s house for a date except he felt tired and wanted to stay in. He complimented me immediately (this is my fave part of 274) and took my coat. We hung out on the couch and he does all sorts of cute BF things, like pausing the movie while I’m talking to hear what I’m saying, telling me how interesting I am about certain things, complimenting me for my interest in his work, being patient with him, telling me I’m “perfect” and have an amazing body, etc. Except he has a difficult time climaxing more than once, he almost never does unless I use p78. So no exception here. Same thing with another test MX***, lots of affection, but no increase in sexuality.
(Charles, see Post from 4/20 and 9/23 for more MX274 testing alone)
MX274 2 sprays on wrist
p78 10 mcg total, 5 mcg each back of neck
If you can’t tell this is one of my favorite mixes. I’m crushing extremely hard on a new guy, let’s call him Artist. After a drunk filled late night meet up, we go home together, pass out, and wake up having morning sex that lasts all of 2 seconds. We fall asleep, second go, same thing, just a few seconds. I’m convinced he is either faking it to end it or he just has this problem. He said it’s only happened with one other person that fast, but I told him I liked him enough not to give up just yet “practice makes perfect”- the next time I just had MX *** and he came 4x, but not nearly as fast. He was def impressed and said his ex could only make him climax a few times ( can I believe a word this guy says?)
MX274 2 sprays on wrist
p78 10 mcg total, 5 mcg each back of neck
Met a tall handsome hot dude at a bar. He goes home with my sister and I (she had the bed) so we cuddle on the couch and listen to music. He doesn’t judge me AT ALL for being wasted (sorry sisters!) and agrees to see me again. Our next date, 3 days later, I used MX 274 2 sprays alone. We went out to a movie and drinks. We cuddled in the theater, no kissing, but some sweet hand holding. We talk at the bar for HOURS. He kept postponing when he was supposed to meet up with his friend and we chatted about families, politics, history, friends, relationships, our future, his past, everything. He was extremely lovely to talk to and I totally have a soft spot for him, even though he was no future/direction/career.
MX274 2 sprays on wrist
p78 10 mcg total, 5 mcg each back of neck
Met a guy at a bar by flipping over his baseball hat at a big football bar during the games last Sunday. He invites my gfs over to his table and within moments his hands are ALL OVER ME. Like feeling me up all over me. He tells me he lives around the corner and we should go back to his place and come back. So we ditch our friends for a bit, go back to his place, and he has total um.. substance soft dick. I tried everything to no avail. He kept making me try which was EVEN MORE awkward. When we go back to the bar, he starts hitting on another girl and he’s off my radar. I’m going to go with he was just embarrassed that happened instead of him being A TOTAL FUCKING PRICK. but hey what did I expect at a football bar with a guy we offered a bump and left to his apt 15 minutes after knowing him?
MX***
2 sprays to wrist, rubbed together, then wiped to neck
Numerous dates, different guys
I Love this smell! It is my favorite thing ever and can stand alone, no cover scent needed. I would wear ANYTHING in this scent, just to have it on me! It’s the vanilla I have been trying to get but keep getting the other vanilla- I really wish I could figure it out.
Guys love this smell too!
Date 1: Old Man at bar
He compliments me immediately (only other time I get that many compliments is with MX274) and we are doing a lot of BF/GF play fighting/flirting. He puts his arm around on me on the train ride, holds my hand on the way to the bar, takes my coat, pulls out my chair, pulls it closer to his, etc. Except he made bunch of insecure statements like:
“We can’t go into that bar, someone else will try to steal you from me”
“I know you want to be hanging out with someone more fun than me, so just know that you can, I won’t care”
“Everyone’s trying to talk to you and you’re here with boring old me”
“What’s the oldest guy you’d approach?”
He was feeling sick and being A TOTAL FUCKING BABY. I’ve never been more annoyed with anyone whining and crying over something so small. Worst part was he was so upset, he was yelling and taking it out on me when I was just trying to soothe him/take care of him. I was NOT having it. I will not put up with this behavior. His true asshole behavior showed and how he deals with stress is extremely unattractive.
Date 2: rando coke-head finance guy at a concert
He’s super affectionate and sweet, but talking a mile a minute, won’t let me get a word in, and is taking EVERYTHING the wrong way. I’m literally walking on egg shells with him. At a diner, he accuses me of lying to him continuously throughout the night, but then won’t tell me what he thinks I’m lying about or how he knows I’m lying. When I try to prove it to him, he just gets angry and hostile. FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. I knew better than to trust my life with this person, so I GOT THE FUCK OUT of that date.
Date 3: Artist at bar then dance party
Amazing eye contact, big hugs, lots of physical affection, and a lot of opening up. The more he tells me about himself the more I totally fall for him! But there are numerous red flags, the biggest being he is completely aware of his wounded heart and how he rarely has gfs bc he gets bored after 2 months of seeing someone. He also freely talked about his struggle with depression which I was extremely impressed he felt comfortable talking to me about that. He wanted to know if I drunkenly go home with guys a lot (yikes!) I was honest but I also made it clear that I really liked him and would do anything to gain his trust including not seeing other people. I also told him I’d liked him for a while now, (he ignored me for a bit, claims he never saw my text) and think he is really awesome. He told me he thinks I’m “fucking hot, smart, fun, artistic, really smart, genuine and sweet” (not all at the time but throughout our convos) and whenever I respond with “thank you, you’re making my heart skip a beat!” or something along those lines, he says stuff like “get used to it!” or “There’s so much more” and “i want to see you again and again and again.”
We went out to pizza and then met up with my friends to go dancing in BK. He fingered me on the cab ride there!! Omg so hot. All my guy friends loved him and I was trying hard to includ him and my friends without being all over him. (first time I’ve brought a guy around them and it was kinda stupid move bc one of the guys in the group and I have chemistry but won’t do anything about it, I’ve mentioned him before in earlier posts, he kept his leg on my chair while his back was turned to his gf one night, but they just broke up 3 weeks ago)
We mess around all night. When we get home, in the middle of the night, twice in the morning. It’s so hot. There is a lot of snuggling and play fighting/wrestling/tickling in between and I’m totally swooooooning.
But he also had some insecure things like “if there is a next time” and “is that what I need to be more attractive? tattoos and muscles?” my response “please don’t do anything, I can’t handle you being more attractive, if you were, I would never have the courage to stay and talk to you, it’s hard enough as it is”
We are still texting but it def feels it’s more about the sex for him. Which is weird bc why else would he make a big stink about how many partners I have and such? Also today he tells me about how he sex brags with a friend of his and was bragging about me to her. She responded with bragging about a huge dick (bigger than his! how does she know? hmmm) she had and this orgy with her bf. Our convo:
me: Your dick is popular!
him: *Your dick is popular!
me: oh so it belongs to me now <3
him: lol, I just feel bad for her BF, he had to watch her get pounded
me: maybe he liked it?
him: she said he was bummed
him: but I was bragging about our 4x and that was her one upping me
me: glad I could give you bragging rights 
him:
me: so you’re still thinking about it?
him: yesssss
me: I’m really looking forward to seeing you again
him: and again and again and again
Call me crazy, but my gf thinks he dropped this “Poly sad BF” business to kinda hint that maybe he is not into it either? But we clearly talked about us not being in a committed relationship, he even mentioned how I made him use up all his condoms and now he has to go buy more (for whom?) So I dunnoooooo.
Updates:
#1 crush: Never heard from him again. Sent him a “have a nice life, nice knowing you, you won’t be hearing from me anymore” text with no response.
Marathon sex guy: never heard from
anti cuddler: dismissed me after sex one night so I wrote him a really nasty message about how disrespectful it was and how he won’t be seeing me anymore, took him 3 days to respond with some fucked up insult. Fucking JERK.
Swinger Guy: still texts me but just wants me to come over, not dates.
Its okay these new boys are keeping me quite entertained
Hi LS.
I just spent an hour maybe more reading your journal, when I actually should be getting some work done! Luckily I work at home and was able to.. I am addicted to reading this! I skimmed thru the last page or 2-3 and will go back and read more slowly another day.
I only meant to read a bit but it was like reading a novel that you just can’t put down until to get to the very end! Amazing stories.. I was sad to read about traveling love bunny, I thought that was going to turn into something there! Reminded me a very close guy friend I have - well had - as we do not talk or see each other much anymore.
I am in a LTR and don’t go out much. I now live thru you!
Can’t wait to hear what you have been up to the past few weeks? 
I’m A MESS!
Sorry I’ve been MIA, I’ve been interviewing for fellows next year and was matched!!! Don’t want to reveal the next place because it is tiny as fuck. But I’m finally leaving NYC and I couldn’t be more excited about it. Gonna have to change my Journal title.
so here is about a 1.5 months worth of good stories:
I’ve been experimenting with the new MX*** (when can I say what it is?)
There are so many new ones, that I’m sticking to one so I can keep the results in my head from blending with each other.
2 sprays MX *** chest
Pink silk dress
Brown heels
Sex party
I know, why do I still bother? I was smitten with the artist and had no intention of actually hooking up with anyone but the host and I are quite good friends now. This really good looking guy (so hot, he must be gay) joins our conversation, and wait, he is polite, charming, sweet, and funny, oh he is most definitely gay (sorry straight guys, but you do realize that half of your specie ruins it for you guys and we doubt that a good looking guy can be all these traits and straight?)
Turns out he is not. We kiss. It’s crazy sexy. He’s from out of town (explains the kindness) and has never been to a sex party before so is quite nervous. We leave to his hotel. Have the time of our life. Agree to meet up before he leaves to have another adventure.
2 sprays Mx*** chest
Tank top
Jeans, boots
He admits he got tipsy because he was nervous for our date! Tells me he wants to see me get up and walk to the bathroom just so he can see me walk back. Ugh so hot. This man is built, tall, and so All-American, sigh such a dreamboat. The chemistry between us is to die for. I honestly haven’t felt this connection since #1 crush. (and yes, still cry over #1 crush, and no he hasn’t contacted me)
The compliments I’m getting from this guy are ridiculous and what I’ve always wanted to hear from a man like him. I was so wrapped up in him, I joked about us getting married at the court house because I couldn’t stand him living in another city. Something about this mix makes me fall in love and lust. While I’m having sex, I want to say “I love you, be mine and only mine, take me wherever you go and don’t ever stop fucking me” I can’t describe it but it’s happened again.
He left and left me completely broken hearted. Once on the plane, he didn’t write. I was trapped near his town due to a snow storm a month later and wrote saying I could spend the night, but he didn’t get back to me until the. next day. UGH. DREAM. BOAT. THAT ONE.
Before I go out of town for 3 weeks, I invited artist over for dinner. It’s romantic and sweet and just right. During the love-making, he gets super worked up about making sure I climax and it stresses me out to no end. It becomes this “job” he has to do instead of something fun he wants to do, and I can’t focus. So we had this awkward no orgasm thing for me and BAM, he goes MIA. It isn’t until I’m back in town, he is blowing me off for weeks that we finally have a heart to heart (THROUGH TEXTING NO LESS fuck this generation!) about sexual expectations making him feel inadequate etc. We agree to be friends and it just crushes me. I cry all weekend about it, delete him on all social media, and try to move on. It wasn’t going to work out, but he was the first guy in a while who I respected his mind/creativity/work and body in a while. So it hurt more than I planned on it hurting.
MX***
tank top, jeans, boots
going to a concert with tall, buff personal trainer (what is this like the 3rd or 4th in my series?)
What’s great about him is he is kind of a dork which attracted me to him in the first place. But he is also built and sexy and packing a huge night stick. The night is a big mess because we had originally planned on having brunch the next day so I was with my gf getting drunk when he decided to come meet us. I was not on my A-game. I kept apologizing profusely (he didn’t like that) and worried he was not having fun (bc he wasn’t wasted like I was). Thankfully we had amazing sex in the morning and he agreed to still have our brunch. We got along really well, but no compliments, no eye fucking. I really felt like I botched this up pretty badly. He texted me all week and seemed into me, but then went MIA after a week. It’s too bad, his night stick was perfect.
MX*** 2 sprays chest
black wrap dress
black pumps
garters
lacy lingerie underneath
fancy sex party
This is a different sex party. Why did I go to this one? well because some guy paid for my ticket (it costs money that is weird) and was supposed to be really fancy. Also, I really needed some sexual attention after personal trainer and artist rejected me.
The guy who takes me is lovely and a total gentleman. I couldn’t have asked for a better date while my emotions were a bit raw (oh thank you PMS, didn’t realize you were behind all this self-hatred). I’m a hit, as always, and it’s nice and reassuring to know I can be desired in this way.
The couple that catches my attention is so classy they almost look uptight and boring. But they are the perfect combination of naughty and nice. SMOKING hot. The guy looks like young Jude Law and she looks like Natalie Portman, smitten. They have incredible bodies and I just go to town with them. I spend the whole night with them and don’t let anyone steal my attention or their’s. This is where I have that “I LOve you please take me wherever you go” thing again with the guy. He kisses me extremely passionately, grabbing the back of my head, telling me I’m wonderful, and pushes me really hard against his face, and I die. Like my soul dies in his lap and I’m putty. I just want to be his. I want him to own me. I want to adore him and tell him I love him forever. it is so fucking weird.
I seriously had crazy jealousy sad withdrawls from this couple the next day. I wanted to BE THEM. To be that hot and attracted to each other after so long and still love each other made me so sad. I don’t know what that feels like and I can’t even imagine. It broke my heart to pieces.
-
Out of town soul mate: texted me while I was writing this!! He must have felt his ears tingling. I am dragging that man to the courthouse next time we meet. NO joke. He is mine. He promised I can go on his next work trip so we can have another sexcation. He said he’d figure something out to get to nyc soon too!! UGH please please please please please.
-
artist. I can’t shake him. he makes me cry. I need to move on.
-
#1 crush, I gave in and told him where I was matched and that I was moving. No response. I’m sure he blocked me at this point. I just wish he would throw me a bone. we were so good together. One day this will stop hurting. Today is not that day.
-
guy out of my league finally wrote back some time in Feb saying he had a gf. Told me he thought I was smart and fun and lovely, blah blah blah- but why was I never gf material?
** you guys may disagree with this completely and that is fine but something I’ve noticed big time on the east coast: the white guys I go for who say they don’t want a gf, then get a gf after me, their gf’s are all white. I don’t know if they are consciously making this decision or it is so imbedded in their sexuality that they don’t even realize that it is part of the decision making process. I think inter-racial couples are a challenge on this side of the country, I think families aren’t as open to it and I think many people have misconceptions of mixed raced non white tan babes like myself. My skin color was never an issue in CA because everyone is diverse and the more exotic looking girls were actually more desired-- people were very over the typical blonde babe (though there is still that rush and desire I will never experience). I would never change my race and I would never date a man who saw my race as an issue, but I can’t help but see it as an obstacle to my future. Now that I’m moving to a place in America where this will be a bigger issue, I need to start accepting it as part of the problem.
Hey LS, Long time! Glad to see you back. And congrats on your Fellowship. Good luck with that.
It seems, to me anyway, that you are ready for a change of scenery. Embrace it!
Re the race thing, you will run into closed minded people wherever you go. I just don’t have any time for them. As far as the white guys that you mention…their loss! If they cant see that you are a catch, then F them..
Oh and dont pre judge those “Tiny as fuck” places…For instance up in rural North Dakota, they have trouble getting doctors to stay and practice there. Lets face it, its bum fuck nowhere and not everyones cup of tea. So they get a lot of foreign docs (of color) to come there and practice because its not as competitive as say Los Angeles, and some of them stay there and marry the local girls (White, blond, farm girls). Its not as “backward” as you might think.
As far as an east coast/west coast thing, I think that some east coast folks can be a bit cold, until you get to know them. Just walking around NYC, I try to make eye contact on the street and they immediately avert their eyes. It becomes a game for me sometimes. Look them in the eye then say “Hi” when when they look away. Most ignore me. Whereas here in Minnesota, if you get in an elevator, its almost like it would be considered rude if they didn’t comment about the weather or whatever. LOL. Actually I’m not kidding. They call it “Minnesota nice”. Now put them in their car on the interstate hwy, and it is a completely different deal! (Shitty aggressive drivers here..)
Re the sex parties, that sounds pretty wild..Cant say I’ve ever been to one. Sounds interesting though. Ive been to a couple parties that have gotten pretty out of control though, but not the same thing I suspect
Anyway, glad to see you back. Don’t be such a stranger! 
JustaGirl- Thank you so much for reading! and the support! hope you enjoy whatever crazy bullshit I’ve been spitting out.
and hold your horses CP- no one is prejudging anything! I said I’m not revealing it- I never said I didn’t like it! I don’t want anyone to ever figure out who I am- which is very possible if I say where I am going. I’m very excited about this small town! It’s a completely change of environment that I’ve been craving- I love the country, the people there are sweet as pie, most are actually surprising intellectual and progressive (what in bumfuck USA?!), it’s gorgeous, and is known for its medical community.
I’m looking forward to being around other health care professionals, enjoying the outdoors, driving in a car with my dog (she misses it so much), being in a town where people remember my name, and not feeling so invisible.
I always said I would leave this city before it started crushing my soul- and oh has it started! The people here have been pretty fucking cruel to me and I’m done with it.
and you’re right- where is this all american man waiting to pick me up? In this tiny town hopefully
LS, No I get it. I know exactly what you mean about NYC. I’ve never lived there, but I have spent a week or two at a time there on business. After day 3 all I want to do is get the heck out of there. A true “two dinner town” IMO. No offense to you NYC lovers, its just not my cup of tea. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
Good luck on your new adventure!
more submission with this mix!
MX*** 2 sprays to chest
business pencil skirt, low cute top
thigh highs, pumps, lingerie underneath
Yes again, I was convinced to go to a sex party. (okay okay this hasn’t been “my thing” recently, but I’ve been so busy with research and my state licensing exams that I haven’t gone out much, so these have just been hard to say no to)
I went with the personal trainer who apparently is talking to me again and I’ve promised him I’d give him his first threesome. It’s convenient to make that happen at these parties.
There are new hot girls there this time! Which I’m excited about. Mr. Sex party who blew it with me bc he never took me out on a real date after promising me one is also there. He is looking at me like he regrets his whole life.
Since it’s my date’s first party/ first threesome, he is pretty nervous and uncomfortable. So I work pretty hard to make sure he is okay. Alpha men naturally make me very submissive, I’ll hang up their coat, open their beers, get them more beers, check on them, cater to their needs, sit on their lap and just “serve” them in multiple senses of the word. But this guy, I already respect a ton because he is very smart, tall, has a huge night stick, is humble, and is there with me. So the servitude is exaggerated.
I follow him everywhere he goes, checking in on him periodically to make sure he is doing okay. He doesn’t like this about me because he’s so quiet that I misread it as him being bored/annoyed.
So I start the party by making out with this blonde girl with fake tits and we start three way kissing this really young skinny brunette girl. We drag my man into a room with mirrors (my idea! i love mirrors) and he gets 3 girls on him, not just two
Mr. Sex Party leaves very shortly after I arrive and my clothes come off exposing my lingerie. I didn’t even notice.
I run down to a bar to quickly meet my non-sex party friends for a drink, leaving my man in the hands of the fake tits girl, bc they were vising from out of town and it was my last chance to see them. Saying “Make sure he is well taken care of ”
(can I just get an applause for my security in this situation? How confident am I?)
So when I return, I take off my clothes and get on top of my man. He’s thrilled to see me again and I have that feeling again of “I’ll never leave you, take me wherever you go, I’m your girl, I’ll be your love slave forever, I want to be yours forever” This love lust thing I have felt before now I have felt 3 times- all with sex party guys but still it’s nuts.
Without this MX, I can’t honestly say when I’ve felt this before. There was one guy I was this crazy about who was just a lover that I felt this about, no mones. He moved to London and I never heard from him again. We could have been soul mates. (He went to MIT and was by far one of the hottest guys with the biggest dicks and sexiest sex of my life- and we love the same music/parties/art- match made in heaven). I think there were drunked/high times with #1 crush I felt something similar, but not to the extent of the passion.
2 sprays of 5 mcg p78 behind neck
125 ng 1 spray wrist enone (or erone whats the one I always confuse)
This is my sexathon mix and I haven’t seen this big dick lover since I came back into the country (new years day). He’s on the top 5 favorite lovers of all time. He’s huge, can go again and again, and is super into me, the chemistry is off the walls.
We go out to dinner (HE CONVENIENTLY FORGETS HIS WALLET WTF) and was supposed to have a sleepover, but he changed his mind before the dinner and decided to not stay the night. Angry about that. But all is forgiven bc I needed that hot sex so badly. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
We go at it for hours, we both O numerous times and he leaves. I’m still in heaven thinking about it.
The past few months have been weird for me. My sexual interest was declining, I kept turning down guys I normally like and want to see, I was very sad about the lack of love in my life, changing futures/life goal decisions make me very uneasy about love and it all hit me kind of all at once. I’ve been avoiding my friends/loved ones and have just been hanging out with boring guys that I have no sexual interest in bc I have no sexual interest.
Then BAM. It was time for me to change my Mirena IUD (small hormonal T shaped birth control contraption in my cervix) and TA-DAH, I’m normal me again. So it’s good to be back
Funny you should mention “massage gets me 99% the way there.”
I’ll sometimes send my ladies to get a massage (on me) before an assignation.
I call it a “happy beginning.”
Does your IUD have methyl testosterone (or similar) in it?
Ooops- someone fell in love- with ME!
Whitehall- no it’s Levonorgestrel, a progestin class of hormone. “morning after” but extremely low doses (time released)
2 sprays Mx***
chest
tshirt, jeans, blazer, flats
Time to try a new mix! and maybe I’m just the right person for this guy and this mix is just a fluke, but WOW 
Ok. Let’s start from the beginning. Online match, we talk on the phone. Turns out we live down the street from each other. I find out later that he was really turned off by the phone conversation bc I seemed shallow, self-centered, and stupid (lmfao, this is important)
We decide it’s silly to chat on the phone instead of just meeting (he just moved to the country and has a sexy accent OMG, my fave- I mad Siri have this accent fyi)- He’s brilliant- a scientist, an engineer, and has traveled all over helping people in need. so dreamy.
I show up, he’s impressed that I look “drop dead gorgeous” in less than 10 minutes after getting out of bed in my pajamas.
We end up talking about how we’ve both been involved in different health outreach programs and find it pretty amazing that we both have such deep-rooted passions for philanthropy. The whole time he is looking at me like he is in total disbelief that I exist. Compliments throughout the night:
“It’s so refreshing to listen to you- you’re so intelligent, so passionate, you have this brightness about you, it’s so lovely”
“I can’t believe you’re so incredible AND so beautiful, how is this possible?”
“I never expected to meet anyone like you- this is so unreal. I’m so glad we met”
“You have this sparkle in your eyes- I don’t know how to describe it, but you just glow and twinkle when I look into your eyes”
“What aren’t you capable of? I’m sure you’re perfect at everything”
“I adore you- I’m so taken back and moved by your optimism and outlook on life. You impress me to no end”
“I really like you, you can’t leave! I’ll never meet anyone else like you”
“I’m not moving to {—}, come back to nyc”
“I want so badly to hold you in my arms and cuddle, listen to everything you have to say, stay up all night getting to know you, but I don’t want to mess this up, I want to do this right” (so we didn’t go home together)
“How do guys you date handle you?” (they don’t)
“I bet! Good. You shouldn’t be single! I’ll take you! Can I have you?” (yes)
He walks me home. We kiss goodnight. The next day, he asks me over for dinner, promising he will be a gentleman and coming over doesn’t have to mean anything more than that. So I agree.
Same MX! 2 sprays to the chest
White tank top, jeans, flats, blazer
(hey, the outfit worked so well the night before, why not?)
I show up, he looks great, tells me I look absolutely stunning. Earlier that day, I took offense to something he had said over the phone and called him out on it (it felt condescending, but he actually thinks the opposite of me )- he completely panicked and turned it into this HUGE fight/discussion that it def did not need to be. We later discussed how we were both probably self-sabotaging it and creating problems that didn’t exist.
Anyway- We have this really romantic evening in, drinking wine, listening to a playlist I made (he loved it) and talking about everything. This is a man that completely embraces intimacy- craves love, is looking for it, and has no fear. I cannot relate at all!!! I love love, and I want to feel it, but it scares the fuck out of me. I described the feeling to him like getting to the top of a cliff, looking down ready to jump in the water, wanting to jump, but just standing there staring, legs frozen and numb- scared shitless, knowing that once you jump, it’s going to feel great, but you’re just standing there. That’s where I am with him. Scared to jump. Hesitating. It’s what you want, you climbed all the way to the top, you know you’re gonna do it, but you just need a second to gather your courage.
At first, I blamed it on the fear that he’s so perfect that he’s got to have a small dick (right?) and then it would be easy to run away. I could never stay with a man that was not packed (I really am shallow but I do know my needs)
So over the course of dinner and a bottle of wine, my secrets slowly start pouring out. All the secrets I never tell boys- mostly because he was prying- and we were also sharing equally about our wants/past stories, etc- but every secret he could basically handle!
From me not wanting to be governed by the government, to not believing in conventional marriage, to not wanting children, to attending sex parties, to practicing S&M, to role-playing, to wanting to serve an alpha-male, to my deepest darkest sexiest romantic fantasy (he’s super into it!!), he was totally okay with it all.
Of all the things that would normally scare a man away- the one thing that makes him nervous is my recreational drug use! Mostly because he can be slightly jealous and worries that I would go off and make out with a bunch of strangers- I told him there was more likelihood of that happening blacked out drunk than on drugs “that doesn’t make me feel much better”
so I even confess that I was worried about his “size”- which I probably shouldn’t have said at all- but we’ve obviously connected in such a way that most ppl have not in less than 24 hours. Turns out- it’s completely fine and there’s nothing to worry about- his stamina on the other hand… we might need to work on that.
We talk all night- trying to go to sleep but finding more to discuss and not being able to resist touching each other.
He tells me that I have this way about me that he can see why so many people love me, that I have a way about me that makes people become infatuated with me- that he fell victim to the same charm and can see how people get carried away by me.
He asks me if I believe in soul mates (GASP!) and neither of us do- but he politely explains how he’s been with enough women to know that I’m incredibly special and that he never imagined someone like me could exist.
We talk about the future and he jokingly states that he’s going to impregnate me in my sleep in 10 years. I agree if he pays for all my plastic surgery after and all the luxury vacations I’m going to need.
so. That happened this weekend.