Usually, progesterones lower libido, not enhance it. But the synthetics can play odd tricks. Think this particular IUD might enhance libido in other women?
Some male fall out?! Questionable
So he fell in love with me and out of love with me in less than 4 days. I swear the more normal and promising a guy seems, the more of a psycho he really is. He ended up saying some really fucked up shit to me when I tried to open up to him and I ran faster than the wind. More analysis to follow, but basically this is a pattern with many “alpha” men who are intimidated by me and start criticizing me to make themselves feel better about themselves- hence the alpha in quotes Bc true confident men don’t need to put others down.
MX **** 2 sprays chest
White t shirt, jeans, gray zip up hoodie,white sneakers
Meeting a guy at a bar for a “date” even tho it was kinda last minute, a friend of his was invited, and we’ve been talking for some time but haven’t really advanced the process of dating. I warned him I was dressed super casually- so nothing fancy was on the table.
So the friend coming along actually helped Bc he was funny and totally got my inappropriate sense of humor- kinda egged me on. I probably would never have been as sexually disturbed if the friend didn’t open that door.
So my date- let’s call him 30 day Hubby- just starts declaring his love for me a few hours into the date and expresses his amazement that I’m
So fun, sexy, etc. (sound familiar? This mx clearly has some lust/love power for the guys kinda like the other mx has on me)
Not much physical affection at the bar- but def some eye locking and those “looks of disbelief” I get sometimes.
Him: where did you come from?!
Me: heaven eyelash batting- hair flip- devious smile
Him: so I have to die to see you again? Sign me up!
(I’ve clearly rehearsed that one^)
We end up going back to his place with a few of his friends to smoke - we’ve all had 4 rounds and 2 shots so we are DONE.
Basically I can’t resist his perfectly sized package and apparently it can’t resist me either- made the man go 5x! He was instantly hard after climaxing- my favorite type of man ever. And he’s 29- that’s right on the border where men stop being able to do this as easily. He even did the white stuff and that usually makes it impossible- I’m really impressed.
His proclamation of his love doesn’t stop throughout the sexing and he insists we get married. I agree to be in a 30 day marriage since I’m moving. He tries to convince me that I don’t have to move and he has enough money for both of us- I don’t need to work. Normally this talk freaks me out or turns me off- but I think since I know it’s just lust/fake it really turns me on. Like what’s inspiring his words is how badly he wants me- not a connection to my soul. When I told him that he can’t love me - he’s just in lust with me- he insisted it was the same thing.
In some ways- I kind of agree. I would only marry someone if we had this ridiculous chemistry- Bc contrary to what ppl say- that doesn’t actually fade with time. It’s the foundation that intimacy and love can grow from and is the glue for many relationships. The ones that “fade” I don’t think they ever had it off the charts to begin with or life has taken them through some crazy shit that got in the way (debt, children, loss)
More mx*** testing
2 sprays mx*** chest
Jeans, sweater, flats, no make up
I decide to give Mr Foreigner another chance- don’t ask me why- half of my gut says no and the other half says it’s so right. Anytime I’m torn- I always believe it’s better to try than regret never knowing.
We had called it off and then I decided to block him for my own mental stability- the things he said were so hurtful and honestly couldn’t be further from the truth. My friends I’ve asked about it all agree with me and this is clearly an example of guys just trying to criticize me to bring me down with the disguise of “improving” my overall character. But- there’s something there worth exploring.
He comes over- I pour us drinks. He tells me I look absolutely stunning and is so grateful we got together. He tells me he missed me and couldn’t keep his hands off of me.
We don’t really talk about the big elephant in the room which was our huge fight and when it comes up a few times- I quickly steer the conversation away and encourage him to do the same. I mention it left a big wound and was the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me- I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. He says it’s important for partners to push you to be better and point out when you’re flawed. I say it’s important to encourage each other to be the best version of yourself and do so tactfully and with grace. He agreed with that and said he would be more sensitive and mindful of his words- for me. I don’t think this guy understands how insulting he can be- it’s borderline high functioning autistic with his lack of social awareness.
Anyway- he keeps telling me how good we are together and how perfect everything is- all the while I’m just stepping on thi nice waiting for him to hurt me again. Sex has to be “lovemaking” with him the entire time which is already driving me up the walls- pull my hair, slap my ass, throw me around already! Never gonna happen.
So he sleeps over- loves waking up next to me- make him coffee- and I walk him halfway home with the dog.
Later that day:
2 sprays mx*** chest
White lace dress tights boots jean jacket
Have a bunch of birthday parties to attend and they start day drinking. The guys at the beer store below me tell me I look nice while I catch a cab.
Guy next to me at the bar while we are waiting to order turns around and just blurts out “you smell really good!” Haha I love those.
My friend’s personal trainer keeps feeling up my muscles and asks me to have a threesome with him and this Cosmo model. (I had to take a 3 month break from the gym Bc of my knee and crazy shit in my life- so finally getting strong again feels amazing)
The trainers friend from out of town keeps staring at my ass and I called him out on it- he doesn’t deny it and I let him feel my glutes.
The rest of the night was a drunk shit show.
My latest perfect cock hasn’t texted me in a few days!!! Ugh so sad.
Control Night and updates
No products
No makeup
Conservative work dress, blazer, flats
I haven’t done another test night without products in a while and wanted to see how much attention I get. My commutes are good controls Bc it’s basically the same thing- no products, no make up, and boring work clothes. However, it’s only useful for glances and body language because the subway is not a social setting that encourages flirting.
I was meeting my couple friend that I’ve mentioned previously who “gush” about how much they love me when I’m wearing products. We’ve hung out two days in a row and they’ve been in a bit of a funk recently- but no intense affection, compliments, or attention from either of them. Very neutral. They were also really tired.
At the bar, the bartender was giving us all a hard time and was annoyed Bc the whole bar was trying to order drinks before happy hour ended. Bitch couldn’t count, Because I ordered a drink while waiting for my friends and then ordered them each a beer (2). I even said “my friends are on their way- mind if I get their round?” Some bars need to see the people before pouring the drinks so I was just checking. 20 min later, I’m almost done with my drink so I go to order my second before happy hour ends and she snaps “you don’t need to sit there and chug- really!” I had to explain that those other drinks weren’t even mine and I’m still on my first. She was friendly enough an hour later when I closed my tab and her idiocy was apparent when she only charged me for half of what I actually ordered.
Anyway: bartenders are rarely bitchy to me.
So we run into two locals, one I’ve met over a year ago randomly at the brunch place by my house and the other is a colleague’s very long term ex. I snitched to her when I saw him on Tinder and found out they had broken up. They are still trying to work it out but it’s been many months of their break up (after 8 years together!)
He has been one of the only guys I’ve connected with at work functions/events. I like most of my colleague’s partners way more than them (I pretty much hate them all).
So it was good to see him and hear his side of the story. He obviously needed someone to talk to and I honestly don’t mind helping guys figure it out with their true love or whoever. I just figure- someday someone might need to knock sense into my true love someday and hopefully all this good energy will be returned (not really a karma person but you get it).
So we are all drinking and having great conversation, when I decide I wanna smoke since I’ve been clean for a drug test I just passed (woooo!!)
Just me and the locals come over since my couple friend is exhausted. The Ex starts moving closer and closer to me and the friend keeps making these awkward jokes about us wanting to be alone and if he should go. The friend was acting kind of jealous and mouthing stuff like “I love you” until I got annoyed with him for being too dumb to follow our conversation.
He got on my bad side because he started with that bullshit about how pitbulls just “snap” which isn’t true- any dog can be unpredictable and any dog showing human aggressive behavior should be controlled or (put down). I’ve rehabilitated many pitbulls and I know that those who are dangerous show signs but no one pays attention to them-- anyway it’s a long story I don’t want to get into here. He eventually left.
Me and the Ex stayed up late talking philosophy and this made me so fucking happy. Many well-versed philosophers have discussed many of these topics to the ground so lots of people who can handle these abstract thoughts are too above my curiosity or too bored. Others are just too stupid to get it. He was the perfect match for this discussion about free will and consciousness which has been bothering me a lot recently. Maybe because I’m really starting to believe that my concept of “self” doesn’t actually exist and I’m fighting it really hard.
I tell him about the sex party happening the next night and he really wants to go. He tells me that I have to admit there is chemistry between us. He’s right- there always has been- even when we first met and it was inappropriate then and it’s inappropriate now. He keeps trying to kiss me and touch me and omg I was so drunk and ready for him but I’m so morally against this! I really like him and my colleague together. Their hearts still belong to each other and they’re trying to get back together. I cannot be the one to get in the way of that. Especially if it’s just a night. Or whatever it is. He ends up respecting my point of view and leaves.
However, I have no moral dilemma with inviting him to this party where he can hook up with anyone else he wants. He’s been with the same girl forever and it’s not wrong- I know them- I can’t get involved.
LS Harem update:
-
#1 crush: a friend convinced me to reach out to his guy friend in CA to make sure he’s ok (he was drinking/drugging to hide his feelings about his ex and getting lost in the city without his belongings) since it had been 3 attempts over 3 months of no response. My last was a plea to just let me know if he’s ok- because I worry, it’s unlike him to disappear this long. #1 crush wrote to me the next day with this nasty text calling me crazy for worrying and to stop asking people if he’s ok- he’s just doing he’s own thing. So it’s obvious he’s not fine- but it’s not my problem- he can die- I don’t care. BLOCKED.
-
big cock non stop lover who can go over and over who didn’t bring his wallet to our last date: I thanked him a few days later saying I had fun and he didn’t respond. I called him out on it a few days later: accusing him of being a barbarian and I BLOCKED HIM TOO.
-
the artist: I reached out to him after something fucked up happened to me and he said he was sorry and then ignored me. The next day, I’m talking to some RANDOM guy who had been hitting on me forever and he asks if I want to be with two guys. I ask to see pics and then consider. He sends a series of photos and one of then was the artist. My heart stopped. At the time I was still really hurt about him and the thought of him organizing these gang bangs behind my back while expecting me to be “clean and virtuous” while were together infuriated me to no end. I committed willingly to him but it was a decision i made based on the fake fact that he was this “good” guy. I confronted him and blocked him too. He had some girl text me saying he really needed to talk to me but I said I had no interest in ever talking to him.
30 Day Hubby is still ignoring me.
The Foreigner wants to see me this weekend and hinted his roomie is out of town. Wooo. Can’t wait to make such heated boring intimate love with you. So excited.
In LOOOOVEE with these new mxs!
2 sprays mx*** to chest/neck
Pencil skirt, black low cut top, heels
Light pink lingerie thigh highs
You guessed it. Sex party for my big 30. Probably one of my last ones in a very long time- or maybe now this is my thing and I go traveling the world in search of the hottest sex parties?
There was a cake for me, someone made me cupcakes and there was a special hot couple just for me.
The week before was another one and I got cupcakes brought up to the room- and I said all I wanted for my birthday was for everyone to rub frosting anywhere they want on my body and lick it off. The looks on everyone’s faces! And how quickly I was surrounded! One of my favorite memories of all times.
This party was impromptu last night and wasn’t supposed to happen- so we ended up celebrating twice. Everyone sang for me and told me how amazing I looked in my lingerie.
Three different guys pulled me aside to tell me how good I smelled and how I always smell so good they can’t figure it out. One in particular asked me what perfume it is and said “Every time I catch a sniff of it in the air- I know it’s you right away- it just smells like you and no one else- I can pick it out in a crowd any day- what is it?” I ended up lying and saying it was a custom fragrance based on my skin profile- “oh good! Then it’s good! My friend just bought that for her sisters birthday!”
I really enjoyed parading around locking eyes with everyone and watching them drool over me. Everyone was talking about me - new ppl had heard of me before I had heard of them and it was all just exciting.
I got a lot of compliments throughout the night- mostly about my outfit and people wanting me. Then more girls showed up who weren’t cuter than me but they were new and new steals the show. So I suddenly realized how very badly I need attention. Is this about being 30? All of a sudden I need affirmation for my goods because I might lose them? I’ve never really craved attention and it’s never meant anything to me- now I’m obsessed with wanting to be the best and hearing/seeing people think that I am. wtf when did I become so fucking vain?
Anyway: the married couple for my birthday present was hot hot HOT. I love couples because they’re really passionate and so into me. Single people tend to be robotic with their fucking. He def got carried away with me and it was incredible.
He told me I had the most incredible lips he’s ever tasted. Sigh.
The next day I went to a broadway musical with the host and found out he’s having people over again- geez! And next week! I’m really going out of NYC with a bang- literally.
So take 2: 2 sprays mx*** chest -
It’s a small crew but the girls are super hot and one guy in particular is really tall and packed. We had hooked up previously (privately not in a party) and he was so worn out by me he wasn’t in the mood for anything at the big party. I saw him pounding a few ppl when I had left so I kind of took it personally. Then when I see him the next day- he’s completely enthralled by me. He can’t take his eyes of me and gives me these hungry piercing looks.
The personal trainer I was semi-in love with who I had brought once and who has since been too busy to see me was invited. I gave the host permission to invite him knowing full well I’m bitter that he hasn’t been around and kind of rejected me. Well- he keeps rejecting me at the party- in front of everyone but has no problem fucking the other girls there. Doesn’t even kiss me. Fine no problem- my other big dicked god is even bigger and taller than you (but not as nice muscles). So I play with him for HOURS. No substances just pure sexual endorphins. At one point, personal trainer starts massaging my neck so I go down on him and he’s soft the whole time. Um excuse me- I’m the blow job queen you rave about- I’m always the only girl that can make guys cum from head who say that no one can. So I stop and he says “thank you” SO WEIRD.
A little while later, I go to see who is in the shower and it’s him. He opens the door and asks “are you really leaving in a couple of weeks? Time goes by so fast!” And i say “yeah it’s too bad we really didn’t get much time together at all- I’ll just have to send you to (state) to see me!” He responds, “well actually I’m going to be there this summer because it’s got the best rock climbing spot” So I hop in the shower with him- we don’t kiss, I rub soap on him- he doesn’t get hard- and we just catch up about work and what’s been new. He asks if we will actually get to spend time together and have lunch on the high line or something before I leave.
Is anyone else confused? There’s no reason to be polite to me- I guess all I have to do is tattle that he’s in asshole and the host will stop inviting him. But I mean- he clearly doesn’t want me anymore but is making attempts to be cordial? I guess I respect that but a transition convo would be very helpful “hey I don’t wanna get more involved with you Bc you’re leaving but I would really like us to stay friends” how hard is that?
I tell the girls how I was super insecure by the end of the night life last time randomly and realized I needed all this affirmation after feeling rejected. They were so shocked and told me that everyone was all about me, that everyone was talking about how perfect I was and how much they all wanted me. Well phew!! Must have been the drugs. Or the birthday.
Ok anyway - I finally got all that attention I’ve been craving. I told Tall Dick God that I needed it and he didn’t stop with the amazing compliments . To my suggestion- we played in front of these long mirrors for hours and stared really intensely at each other and me at myself (I love my ass in the mirror!)
He whispers in my ear “I never want to get the image of you sucking me off until I explode out of my mind” so I said “then don’t ever forget”
Me: I could fuck you forever- please don’t ever stop
Him: I won’t
Me: please don’t
Him: never
Ugh !!!
I bet your 30th birthdays weren’t as amazing as mine’
Update:
- foreigner called it off before our weekend date due to us “being too intelligent and stubborn for each other” lol ok bro.
- 30 day hubby pulled the disappearing act- BLOCKED.
- out of town soul mate got a gf and we didn’t meet up on his business trip ;(
That is fucking awesome! Literally.
Everyone notices this scent!
2 sprays mx *** neck/chest
Work dress, wedges
Meeting a guy for a beer at the pier (good view of the Statue of Liberty!) before a concert. The first thing he says is how good I smell. I’m quickly loving this mx over the others purely Bc there is a conscious awareness of my smell. I don’t get as many compliments (my favorite part) but I do get attention.
We make light conversation, no flirtation, no affection, until about his second beer where he puts a hand on my leg.
A group of athletes come in and sit in front of us clearly just having played a game and my eyes are quickly diverted from my too skinny date to these big buff men. One of them stretches out his leg on the picnic bench and starts rubbing out his quads— there is no way I could have played off that distraction. I had just worked out prior and took a shower- but I’m wondering how this recent exercise changes my signature. 2 of the guys facing me saw I was on a date and kept making eye contact with me- I didn’t resist.
I leave my date to go to the concert and kiss him on the cheek very close to his lips. I make it in time for the majority of the opening bands set- thank goodness Bc they were great! I was def eyeing the bassist and the lead singer.
The main band goes on and I’m surrounded by a few men. I’m clearly alone (I love going to shows by myself Bc I’m the only one of my friends who knows the music and can have a stellar time without worrying if my friends are having fun). One of them stays pretty close to me the whole time.
After the show he finally talks to me him: did they play the song you wanted? (I was shouting out requests) me: no! 12 yr old me would be crying right now.
Him: well there’s always next time
Me: yeah but I’m moving to a place where bands never play
Him: leaving NYC?! Why would you do that?
Me: it’s for a good reason.
We introduce ourselves to each other and he leaves. You’d think he’d ask for a drink or number but I guess the moving thing through him off.
I buy a record from the opening band and as I’m walking away, the lead singer stops talking to a group of girls/fans to stop me and say hi. I was t even looking his way and didn’t even notice he was standing there. We talk about a bunch of stuff and I’m just so flattered Bc I’ve never been hit on like that before by someone admired by other people. He even hugs me goodbye! It totally made my night!
Leaving NYC with a bang - or a few
Mx*** 2 sprays chest
Backless mini dress
No bra no panties
Stilletos (straight hooker shoes)
Yes what do you know. Another fucking sex party. You really want me to say no to these hotties that love me in a gorgeous loft with a giant balcony overlooking manhattan before I leave to the country where I’m abstinent forever? You’re crazy. Not gonna.
I go with the colleague’s
ex who swears he is going to get all this out of his system before committing to her for reals. Whatever. Children these days.
When I’m all dressed he starts singing “Cherry Pie” it was hot.
I show up and everyone’s faces light up to see me and it’s like the party doesn’t start until I show up. Physically I don’t think I’m the hottest girl there but I def get the most attention. People cannot stop talking about my dress. Everyone takes turns grabbing my ass and kissing me/ touching my hair- it’s great.
I’m standing there pouring my drink making eyes at my Greek god with the giant package and his eyes just twinkle- I fucking LOVE the way this man looks at me- like he wants to devour me- with this sensual mischievous look that I can’t describe. Like his naughty wheels are spinning but he’s also blushing Bc I’m staring back- I give him the once over straight up and down. He full on calls me out on it :
Him: what???
Me: what?
Him: you just looked me up and down!
Me: yeah so?
Him: so nothing that’s all
Me: what? I can’t stare at you? I like what I see- I’m not gonna apologize.
Him: you can stare- that’s fine. I want you- don’t apologize.
Me: good because I’m not gonna.
(This whole thing is him smiling and me playfully being a bitch)
At one point, I’m sitting next to the personal trainer (who won’t hook up with me at these things FUCK HIM- even after swearing he wasn’t rejecting me and was sorry for making me feel that way)- this guy I dated for a hot second that randomly showed up on my right, the colleagues ex that wants me across from me, the greek god on the other side of him- and I realize I’m having the ONE fantasy I’ve ALWAYS WANTED.
In my head it plays out like this:
All these hotties want me and are fighting over me trying to out-alpha each other by flexing their muscles and talking about their jobs and trying to see who can make me laugh the most/get my attention the most etc. Then when things get heated, I simply say “ok boys- let’s settle this the old fashioned way! Drop your drawers and the one with the biggest hardest cock wins me!” And they all drop their pants as I carefully inspect each package and pick my favorite "You win! he picks me up and we start fucking standing up.
In real life, it wasn’t actually quite different! The boys mock each other about each other’s muscles (literally comparing how much they lifted that day and flexing in front of each other - sexy but barf!) and sharing tinder profiles (yes how and why did that come up I don’t understand)- every time someone made me laugh the others would give him an evil stare and he would pat himself on the back “you like my jokes?” It was actually really fucking entertaining. I don’t think I really understood all that was happening at the time. Two got into it a bit and I had to ask them to hug and make up. Eventually my Greek god (god he’s a fucking ADONIS) carries me out into the balcony to look at the skyline and we hook up on one of the beds out there.
We go at it forever but it gets chilly so we go back inside- I get a massage and sit down next to this sexy girl and start rubbing on her. This guy next to her then says the one compliment that made my night “your bottom lip girl- it makes my knees tremble- ugh I just wanna” so I lick my lips and blow him a kiss- he just rolls his eyes shakes his head and looks away.
The lovely lady and I go at it (69!) for a bit and then the random guy I’ve dated before goes down on me like a fucking champion and makes me climax twice in a row! This is a feat and a half because I never do there and especially not while drinking. It’s crazy!
The lovely lady tells me I smell nice and points out it is vanilla- none of the other guys have said it’s vanilla. I’m curious to know if she can’t smell it the same way. Another guy smelled my perfume straight out of the bottle and says “this is the smell! This is what I smell when I think of you- it turns me on” I’ve only worn that once around him- the rest was just mx*** by itself. So this has a really powerful aromatic connection.
Another girl said my clit tasted better than the chocolate cake we brought to the party but that could have been her just flirting. The guy who went down on me said it was the best part of his night.
I end the night by tag teaming my Greek god but he was too tired ;( he promised it wasn’t over and we vaguely made plans to screw this weekend. Ugh I hope so.
Where have I been!
Ok in all honesty- I use the journals to keep track of what I’ve been using and how they’ve been working. but since having to be censored with new products (I get the reasoning don’t get me wrong) I’ve been getting a lot of the data mixed up!!!
My system was I’d write them in Word with the numbers in, then copy it here and block out the numbers. But I get so used to writing them on here first, then forgetting to write them in Word that I just kinda lost track.
But LUCKILY. I went super conservative and acting like a forgetful grandma over here, tested one at a time for a period of time. MX269 is AWESOME and flirty, pulls people in. MX271 is a mild social if anything, not much here. MX266 very horny sexual. And that’s all I’ve really played with.
I do have a story for the ages!!!
One of the girls from the sex parties said there is a guy who can make any girl squirt and she could probably introduce me to him. She mentioned this back in October and when she sent me pics of him, I thought “damn he is so hot, he’s probably a dick” and kind of put the whole thing off. Before I left NYC, I felt I should cross him off my bucket list and HOLY hell I am so glad I did.
I was super hungover, I put 250 ng enone on my neck and I think 2.5 mcg p78 on my wrist and that’s it. I knew I was going over there for a threesome with a girl, purely sexual, not trying to fall in love, so no bonding, perfect combo.
The girl was the first the flirt with me, sat on my lap, we started kissing, went to the room, took each others’ clothes off, and started going at it. I had to call The Big One in to come play. He was magical. He did everything right and felt incredible. He is 6’6", muscular, carrying a huge rod, and the best part is, he is a total gentleman. Feminist, intelligent, humble, funny, sweet- I had no fucking idea I would be falling for this guy I was supposed to be using for my first squirt experience.
but yes, he made me squirt. Twice. and no they aren’t orgasms. but they make you tremble like one. and I honestly couldn’t really tell that I did. I was riding this wave of pure ecstasy the whole time, like one endless continuous orgasm. It was incredible. The girl got pissed about something and left in the middle. I tried to see what was wrong, but he insisted that we keep going and forget about her, we ended up going at it for 5 hours straight.
Fuck this is the second guy who has raised the bar so high that I’m forever screwed because no one is going to come as close to perfection as he will. and I know all you guys shaking your head because I barely knew him and blah blah blah- You can’t be more wrong. It was like universes colliding. If I met this guy back in October, I wouldn’t have moved out of NYC. I would drop anything to be with this guy. I’m not kidding.
We agreed it wasn’t over and we’ve been trying to see each other in whatever way possible but it just hasn’t happened. He has family in CA (in the same city that I do) and his hometown isn’t too far from where I am now- so this CANNOT be it. I need to make this man mine. I just can’t stand these fucking teases of perfection coming into my life for brief seconds just to be taken away. I won’t allow it. and it seems the feelings are mutual?
So I’ve been living in small big town USA for little over a month and doing just fine. The doctors all love me and I’ve been fitting in kinda fine despite being non white and not married with a ton of kids. I’ve had a few bad experiences with the drunks and the thunder scaring the shit out of my dog, but other than that- this place is turning out to be exactly what I hoped it would be: a gorgeous sanctuary with dire needs of my services.
Updates:
- I mowed a lawn for the first time and understand exactly why we pay ppl to do this shit for us
- I’ve decided that free Maxwell coffee from the hospital is not that bad
- I still haven’t unpacked completely (clothes, art, chandeliers not hung)
- I’m this weird ironic broke as fuck doctor because I don’t get paid yet and this move plus my license cost 6K, and fellowships pay shit
- no one understands the difference between friendly and flirty
- I shop at a grocery chain not a little mom and pop produce store/farmers market- though they do have farmers markets here, but I’ve yet to experience it
- I drive a car again! I had to find my CDs!
- Nice guys all still have small dicks except for The ONE
- There is one hot single surgeon in my dept who talked to me- but I rarely see him. cross your fingers.
- I take my state law exam and get my state license next week! I’m almost official!
Hi!
You can send to me via PM any post that contains an MX under embargo. Simply inform me which is to be edited out.
What I’ll do is to post both the original and the edited version, and I will put the original under moderation so that no one can read it. I’ll simply put it out of moderation (and the edited one under mod)if the molecule is declared out of embargo. 
And good luck for the number 10!
Happy pheroing!
Wow great story by far. So the whole embargo thing that is what I have been doing to is writing everything on paper and then posting them in the MX forum and then copying and pasting them in my journal and erasing the numbers in my journal. It is work I agree. So I have to ask what does P78 do for you? I didn’t have any luck with it and it made my wife sick for some reason. P78 and one of the MXs on embargo is the only 2 I cant figure out.
What a fascinating journal. Subscribed.. Hopefully, you update soon
I forgot to greet you during the Holiday Seasons. And so to take amends, I’ll make sure to be the first greeting you a Happy Valentines.
That’s me trying to say how much I miss the LS.
Hope you’re doing fine both professionally and personally.
Fingers crossed in the new year. I hope you find all that you have been looking for and LOL yes I learned as well we hire people for the lawn…smh
Yes, yes, we can only hope that the LadyScientist will grace us once again with her presence and phero chicanery.. I for one know how life can get in the way of my phero testing and reporting. Hopefully it is just a brief hiatus??
yes, please do come back and regale us with your tales! I wish I were as brave as you!
wow I was missed! <3
My apologies! It’s not as fun to me to post without the numbers (like I said, I understand why, and if I could navigate the private forums better I see how it would work, but can’t you have a “testing members view access to journals”? numbers would automatically be blocked for non-testing viewers?
Anyway- boring town USA has had its ups and downs. Clinically, I’m growing exponentially and meeting all my goals in ways I never imagined (main reason I made this move.) The female docs I work with are incredible and have really surprised me with how strong we can be when we work together, even as friends. The friends I’ve made outside of work are pretty great too, not as unique or “independent-thinkers” that I’m used to, but they have solid hearts and have quickly become my family. I’m not working out and it is killing my soul. I work 60-70 hours a week, working on research outside of patient hours, catching up on paperwork when I’m not seeing patients, and doing mundane grown-up shit like laundry/cooking/cleaning with the few hours I have to myself. I still treat myself to one night a week of going out. But I hate not lifting. I hate my body. and it’s making me hate sex. It’s the weirdest fucking thing.
Enough boring!
2 sprays MX*** chest
White short flare dress, gray t-buckle pumps, jean jacket
I’d been crushing on this surgeon at work. He’d been openly flirting with me too. Almost embarrassingly so. It was only a matter of time before we progressed from the casual walking down our clinic hallways together and texting during rounds to actually hanging out.
So I get a group text going and invite out a bunch of other Drs. He’s the only one that shows up to meet up with my other friends. While I’m out, a guy who is crushing on me shows up, another guy starts hitting on me, and the surgeon finally gets there. There are literally THREE guys fighting for my attention in a tiny town where most of the time no one fucking talks to me.
So we get drunk and he insists that I let him crash and we drive to work together since he’s so much further away (not true). At some point, I go to the bathroom and he tells me to leave it unlocked. I remember thinking- is he just fucking with me or is he actually gonna come in here? Well one way to find out! So I’m out to pee when he barges in and pushes his cock in my face. I kinda swat it away in awe that he would actually do this. We start making out- he lifts up my dress and turns me around and we bang in front of the mirror in there with the door locked. HOT. Naughty and hot.
We go back to my house and fool around some more and I drive him to work the next day. We are texting in the middle of a meeting when I take something he says totally the wrong way. I ignore him all weekend and we end up having this long heart to heart where I end things with him before it even starts (biggest mistake ever) over something that I was super wrong about. I don’t realize that it was a misunderstanding until over a month later when he is already seeing someone else, over me, and I have to apologize for being such an idiot.
He’s impressed I apologize and we are on “good terms.” Things end with his lady and he is back to hanging out with us fellows again. He is hanging in my clinic hallway. Texting me outside of work hours. Sitting in my computer desk. Finding things we have in common to talk about. Coming to my friends’ parties. Texting me during Grand Rounds about the cute girl in front of me. Showing up to my lectures (not invited, wasn’t even on the email list). But I’m kinda seeing someone. And I’m over him for being a pig- he is a pig, and I can’t shake it. Part of me still likes him. Part of me is not over him. Part of me can’t move on with my new guy because I’m still in to the fucking surgeon.
2 sprays mx *** chest
Pink low cut long sleeve, black knee length pencil skirt, patterned fish nets, black wedges, brown leather jacket
I am going to see this Seattle based indie band play by myself and I’m super excited that they’re playing in my town instead of me driving hours to see a band (as has been the usual since the move). I get there early to drink and turns out the venue has no booze! So I’m standing there pondering my next move, when I see a gorgeous man enter. He buys a ticket and walks pass me. I’m thinking “please look at me please look at me” he does and we lock eyes and smile. He walks by again and I’m thinking “please stand next to me so I can talk to you” but he walks out of the waiting area. Well we are kinda early. So I go on a mission to find a drink- I walk to three different places before I find a place that may be able to sell me a beer. As I’m walking in, he is walking out! I tell him I recognize him and was about to have a beer before the show and he volunteers to join me. We sit down and bond over everything. This is the first good looking man I’ve met in my tiny town that is creative, intelligent, successful, funny, and cute-- IE fucking dateable!
So we agree to sit next to each other during the show and we are telling stories, making each other laugh, talking about math, music, philosophy, love, culture, all the while leaning in close and giving each other incredible body language. He asks for my number after the first song. We say goodnight. He texts me 5 minutes after we leave. He sends me a snapchat. We become Facebook friends. Facebook says he is in a relationship.
EXCUSE Me?!? Did you not think that was important information to divulge to the girl clearly flirting with you?!
So I flat out ask him, while subtlety apologizing for coming on to him since I didn’t know, and he confirmed the truth while emphasizing he had a great time. So maybe they’re on the outs? Why wasn’t she there? Who knows. So he’s on the back burner.
(update: finally met her! she’s from CA and awesome, but they are both dorks, they can be losers together)
I’m still using my favorite mones regularly. I can’t have a booty call without p78 or erone- they cum over and over! Haven’t played much with mol C- will give it a go with my new lover I’m working on. I get hit on so often with products I often forget it’s because of them! The typical- stares, compliments on scent, people opening up, bonding, girls and boys alike. The girl friendships I’ve made have not been negatively impacted by my use of these products! I haven’t played close attention to the differences between most of the mixes but feel like the new love pack is way better than my previous love for 274.
2 sprays MX *** behind neck
(multiple dates, new guy)
He’s 23 (why are they always 23) tall, sweet, quiet, smart, open-minded, funny and reeeeeeally likes me. It’s hard for me to believe that a young person’s feelings are real because they are just young. He brings me flowers to every date. No one has ever done this and it melts my heart. He cooks for me and replaces things in my house/kitchen that need replacing or fixing.
He is extremely supportive about everything I do, my dreams, goals, ideas, friendships, etc. My friends like him. He works very hard to please me (and he does! 6 times in a day!) We have sexy chemistry and flow together well.
So why am I not gushing?
Because when he snuggles me, I feel like I’m suffocating.
Because when he wants to hang out every weekend, I feel like I’m trapped.
I know I have issues with relationships. I want one, but when I have one, or put myself in a position to be in one, I panic. Him and I have talked long and hard about why I run when there are real feelings involved.
It is not fear of commitment.
It’s fear of loss. It’s fear of ordinary.
I don’t want to fall in love with someone, that I could fall out of love with just as easily and vice versa.
I don’t want to fall in love with someone, and then get bored because we are stuck in a routine.
It’s only been a month and a half and I’m annoyed by “how was your day” texts and us figuring out the same plans every weekend.
When you are dating multiple guys, they all want different things; to go away for the weekend, to go on an excursion, to build something, to lay in bed, to learn something, to try something new, to read a book, to go wine tasting. So every night/weekend is different. But with the same guy; you’re stuck doing the same thing.
I’m not ever happy because what I want is always changing.
I do know, that sometimes I want boring. and sometimes I don’t.
I need someone whose heart and mind changes as rapidly as mind does.
KEEP UP BOYS!
Lady S is back.
Or at least I hope so
OMG! OMG! OMG!
She is real! And she is back!!! 
This is my favourite journal! I almost got a heart attack when I saw it had been updated…
Anyway, glad to know you are doing alright and that you are still the same… :*
Love the update!!!
I’m tuning in too, for sure.