…dude, please don’t take offense to this. You guys went shopping and picking out nail polish while she vented to you about her boyfriend. It’s very common for guys to mistake this as a good sign but it’s not. You’re being friend zoned and not in the legitimate friends way but rather in the exploitative emotional tampon kind of way.
I used to think it was a good idea to try and fill all the needs a woman has that her boyfriend might not be meeting. To try and be the guy I thought she wished her boyfriend was. So I’d go along without complaint on whatever she felt like doing. It never works my friend. Some men are so desperate for approval from women in general or even one woman in particular that they assume any positive feeling will equate with sexual attraction and romantic love…it doesn’t work that way.
You’re working your way into a part of her life reserved for her girlfriends and gay guy friends.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking that her taking negatively about the current guy is a good sign…it’s not. If a girl you just met is talking poorly about her boyfriend that’s usually a strong sign of interest, if however you know the woman well and she’s talking smack about the guy, it means fuck-all. You’re her therapist now, she’s using you to vent during a time when she’s thinking logically.I used to have girls tell me all sorts of shit they hate about their asshole boyfriends and I would throw some solid logical reasons why they should dump the guy. They would always…ALWAYS agree with me. But when they get alone with the guy logic fails and they act on emotional response. She vented to to because talking about what she hates makes her feel better…but she has no intention of changing the situation regardless of what she says.
If I’m interested in a woman, I won’t listen to her venting about a current relationship. Doing so turns me into the emotional tampon, which actually HELPS the other guy and makes it easier for her to keep things the way they are. He fills one set of needs, I would be satisfying another set and there’s no reason to change.
DO NOT LET HER TREAT YOU LIKE ONE OF THE GIRLS!
Have some boundaries, don’t be a dick but don’t be a tampon. If she doesn’t like her current guy, well she’s a big girl that made a big girl choice and she can either live with it, or choose to walk away from it. If she knows you’re still interested in her, then talking to you about the guy she’s currently with is disrespectful and inconsiderate. I’d suggest establishing that as a boundary and refuse to get involved in any conversation about her current relationship or what she doesn’t like about it. Tell her if she has issues with her boyfriend that he’s the one she should be talking to about it.
Next, consider your own likes, hobbies, interests, goals etc. And do THAT stuff when you hang out with her. Even show her you’re being fair about it. “Well we went shopping for nail polish for you last week so this week we’re doing something that I like” Show her you have a defined identity, solid boundaries and the confidence and assertiveness to be your own person. If she refuses and says she doesn’t want to do something for you in spite of the fact that the last “date” was alll about her, show some backbone and assertiveness and call her on it. Tell her she’s being a self centered brat, that you are not interested in hanging out with somebody that inconsiderate and that this is what you want to do, what you are going to do and it’s up to her if she comes along or not. Then just go do whatever it was you had in mind…even if you wind up spending the day alone.
That you would rather spend a day alone doing something for you, then capitulating and spending another day orbiting her is a bold statement.
Without knowing all the details and going only by the couple of posts you’ve made I’d guess that the very thing you’re doing to try and get her back is exactly what drove her away in the first place.
You’re wanting her to the point of needing her and making her more important than anything else in your life. While women may swoon when the male lead in a romantic movie does this, it almost never results in attraction. For one it does nothing to establish the positive masculine energy she needs in her life. And for another…being made the center of a persons universe it too much pressure and responsibility…it would feel smothering to anyone male or female.
Attraction is about value and while I don’t know how well the other guy is conveying his value, I can tell you that having your attention and approval there for her to take when she wants with no effort on her part is not communicating much value.
Look at it this way…Indiana Jones opens the door of his house and there is a box on his doorstep. Before he opens it, how valuable do you imagine the contents are?
Now, two hours later he comes across a chest only after traveling to various locations around the world, killing numerous bad guys that want the same thing, solving a few puzzles and riddles and avoiding deadly booby traps…now before he opens it, how valuable do you assume the contents of that chest will be?
You’re presenting yourself as the package on the doorstep when you should be the priceless treasure chest that the whole plot revolves around.
I know this sounds counter intuitive but if you want the girl you have to make yourself HARDER to get, not easier. YOU have to realize that even a temporarily bad emotion is better than no emotion and stop being afraid of making her angry. By being a challenge you establish your attention as having value…YOU have value. By having a solid core identity and strong established personal boundaries that are more important to you than a little bit of attention from her you convey the strong solid masculine energy she needs.
jk…) and that this is goodbye. She broke down in tears dude, freakin fountains, 4 yrs and she has seen me cry more that I have seen her!!! She begged for me to stay and everything that she did was wrong and that I can call the shots from now on! and Our relationship has seriously feels like the first few months when we starting dating, it is like perfect bliss!