printans: Well, my sex life is probably not anywhere near “normal”, whatever that means, but I am making a conscious effort to improve it. We definitely don’t have sex as often as we did BEFORE kids, THAT’S for sure but it has improved. My sex drive used to not be a problem but I think that I let life be an excuse. You know all the excuses, I’m sure: I’m tired after working 10-12 hours a day, cooking supper, cleaning house, playing with the kids, lack of sleep, etc., etc. etc. Then of course, all of that LIFE stuff became an excuse to bitch at each other and caused all sorts of rifts in our marriage. We weren’t very good at communicating with each other. In fact, we SUCKED at communication! So, all of those factors, plus like I said, prolonged birth control use (medically proven to be a side-effect) negatively affected our marriage and sex life. At least, I LET it affect my sex drive. I think it’s really hard for a lot of women to stay sexually active with their partner when they aren’t feeling loved or secure in their relationship. Others, of course, are in overdrive all of the time (I could only wish! 
).
printans, I had an epiphany a while ago, that I may have unwittingly hurt my husband’s self-worth by rejecting him so many times, even though I thought I had a good reason 
or didn’t even realize I was doing it, and didn’t understand the consequences of such. I had my epiphany about all of this when I was reading a book about working with difficult people and the main thing that I got out of it was that you can’t change other people, but you can change yourself and the way you interact with them, which may result in the outcome that you are desiring. Deep, I know 
but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a lot of my husband’s behavior was REACTION to my own behavior.
That’s why I’ve purposely done the things that I’ve done lately to rectify that. I’ve been trying to be more understanding and compassionate and not so cranky about everything. Although if you had read my post a couple days ago about ruining an evening by bitching about little stuff, you’d probably think I was a hypocrite or something. I still have my days, as does my husband, but I think for the most part, we are moving forward, in the right direction. And hey, if pheros can help me feel calm and mellow, even cheery (like Instant Shine does) or can help things out in the bedroom department by turning it up a notch, then WHY THE HELL NOT??!! More power to ya!
I’m sure it’s not much of a comfort, but I’ll say it anyways. Your wife’s rejection of you probably had nothing to do with you as a person, as a MAN, but probably more to do with the circumstances around her. I’m only speaking from my experience, of course. The times I rejected my husband, I don’t remember thinking "I don’t want to have sex with him because he doesn’t pleasure me the way I should be pleasured, or because he’s not MAN enough, I was thinking “JUST LET ME SLEEP!!! I’M TIRED AND HAVE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF ALL FRICKIN DAY!!! LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE I’D RATHER HAVE SLEEP THAN AN ORGASM!” And yes, LOL, sometimes you are just that damned tired!
Or, at least, like I said before, it was easy for me to use this excuse to not be WITH him because we were having other problems too.
Sorry for the long tirade, but stuff just started coming out…and I’m not even wearing Instant Honesty today! 
As for IS, I have the TOGO version and sprayed one on throat, one on chest, one on wrists (rubbed together) and one on back of head/neck. Then I squirted a little bit of Turn Up The Heat on my finger and rubbed it under my nose and boy did that do the trick! BTW, I was not exaggerating about him lasting longer either. He kept saying, “Man! This is good! Is it good for you too?” And, of course, I reassured him that it was. Boy! Was it ever!!!
Sounds like you’re on the right track too! PM me if you ever need to chat…I’m a good listener!
~~River
)
, I was stupidly trying to feed myself in town…)