I really don’t know what to say to you here. When you truly care about someone, you will run interference when you know they are making a big mistake. Sure I have my personal desire too…it’s really not possible for me to separate that and if you were in my shoes, you would not be able to be so detached either.
The most you can do is tell her that you dont think its a good ideal and then step back and let her make her own mistakes. Keep in mind I dont know her and am going by what you have written.
She wont listen because she knows how you feel about her and will see it as your attempt to interfere for that reason. I do find it interesting that she is attracted to a man that she knows will in all likelihood not lead to anything. He is married therefore he is safe. You dont have to give to much of yourself to the relationship and there is a easy way out. I think she is holding back from bonding with others, perhaps from something in her past that has hurt her so she forges relationships that she feels are safe and keeps personal matters to herself. She dosnt share anything of herself so she dosnt have to risk anything. I dont mean this offensively but your not a Alpha male in personality, she knows she can steer the relationship so she feels safe but when you pursued more she immediately pushed you away. You cant get past her problems till she gets past them.
As for interfering in her currant choices…
Your a spiritual person, look at it this way. God has given her free will to choose. He has taught her right from wrong but he wont step in and stop her from sinning. Only she can do that. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her, it means he loves her enough to give her that free will. When she falls down he will be there to pick her up and forgive her.
I think your personal feelings for her may interfere with your rational thought. Your not going to regain any ground this way. Look at the qualities in yourself you would like to change or improve and work on that. Maybe down the road as you grow and improve as we all do, she may reconsider but dont wait for that to happen. Get out there and experience the world god gifted you with.
Again I will mention you dont have to be a player or become sexual with anyone . Whats wrong with going out to dinner and a movie with some nice ladies. If she does have any feelings for you nothing will make her stand up and take notice as you being interested in someone else.
Tisha
Well you are the first here that seems to have a Christian perspective and I am greatful for that.
I also realize there is nothing I can really do to stop her from doing this if she really wants to. I made the mistake once of commenting on this guy being “too familiar for barely knowing her” and I wont be doing that again. She’d love it if I did as it would give her a great excuse to “show me” and plunge right in…she’s that spiteful.
I have ordered a course from David Deangelo called Deep Inner Game that seems to be what I need. It’s my positive response to my heartbreaking situation. I hope it can help me regain my former position, but I’m not counting on it. I’m counting on it helping me to avoid pining over this this loss of a most incredible lady.
I dont want to mislead you, I am not Christian and will refrain from telling you my affiliation because most Christians dont take it well.
This will help, anything that improves your confidence and helps a person grow is useful in my opinion.
Other books that may benefit you… You can probably get it at the library if you dont want to buy it.
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
Tisha
Deep Inner Game from David will only cause you to see the relationship, or lack of, for what it is. You wont like what I have to say, so I wont say it.
Go ahead and say it…how much worse off could I be?
BTW What does David think of pheromones? I asked him but never got a response. He doesn’t mention them in the one book I have.
Tisha, I have been told that a woman wont stay with a man that wants to wait for marriage to have sex. Isn’t that true?
Hmmm I dont know who told you that but they dont know women very well.
You cant say that of every women, we are all different with different beliefs and needs. I would not say they wouldnt “stay with a man” either. Yes a majority of women want sex before marriage when they are in a relationship but we are not going to leave a guy we really care about just because he wants to wait. Thats the key point to, " someone we really care about" it applys to men and women. If you really love someone waiting may be frustrating but you do it.
Frankly its rare you find a guy who wants to wait.
In your friends case I would say she is in the “do not want to wait or ever get married” catagory.
Tisha
I’d say you’re right. Trust me, I love sex as much as the next man. Being a Christian is hard. Orthodoxy is the hardest, and if I didn’t really believe it was the truth, I couldn’t do what I have to do. I fail a lot. I admit to sleeping with a lady once after becoming Orthodox. It was a one night stand.
I want to thank you for being so caring. Everyone here has been. This is supposed to be a forum about pheromones, and I have hijacked it to whine. Sorry about that.
I’m hoping being an alpha male can be learned. It’s my new goal. My life has not been especially conducive to developing into this kind of man. I was sexually molested for years as a child and I spent 4 years in therapy. If you met me you wouldn’t believe that this happened because I have worked on myself so hard. I don’t normally tell people this of course but on a forum like this I feel it’s safe. I do get angry at times that life seems to have passed me by because I have had to spend it working on myself, but I still have hope that I can have a few fulfilling years.
Seraphim (my baptismal name btw)
Jeez I am sorry about what happened to you as a child.
Situations like that can leave emotional scars on us in adulthood. We deal the best we can in life and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. You are actively looking to improve your self and life and that proves you are stronger.
I know you came here looking for help with your lady friend but mones are good for alot more then attracting others. Alot of people dont know that.
I suggest maybe looking into A314, Its the Alpha respect mix. It ups your status. Gives you a strong alpha leader aura. People tend to treat you with more respect, trust and are more accommodating when you use it. It can also have some nice self effects for some people. You should read up on it in the forum as it may be something you want to consider.
Tisha
Yes I have checked out A314 and liked what I read. There are so many good products and so little money that it’s difficult to choose. I had thought A314 would be a good starter for me as I can probably only afford one to start (rents due next payday lol).
PS: A314 says “great for daytime use”. I work nights. Does it matter?
A314 would work anytime for you. I think Deep Inner Game would work fine too.
Thanks Stevo 
Am already seeing my lady “friend” in a new light thanks to David D’s ebook. She’s a nut who I’m better off without! Can’t wait to get the course (shipped today).
Planning to order A314 Friday when I get paid.
Tisha I forgot to tell you…the person who told me this IS a woman!