My guy joined this group on facebook last night. And, me having that overreactive out-of-whack syndrome that always pops up during “that time of the month”, I am trying not to take it as a roundabout way of him saying I make all these mistakes. I realized after reading it that he probably just thought it was funny, so I’m shrugging it off.
So I was wondering what all of you think of this list. For a few of those, I was like “Ouch… guilty.” But I never realized getting undressed in the dark was apparently a “mistake” (hey, I like the dark…). Some of these things took me by surprise (some, not all!), especially because they were apparently written by a woman.
Actually, I think it’s a good list! The advice to get over the romance & candles fantasies and basically be a down-to-earth girl have done more for me in forwarding (and enjoying, and balancing) my relationship than all the Cosmo advice I care to remember. If it’s written from a woman’s point of view, I’d say she has a good understanding of men who just want their sex uncomplicated and fun. Not to say “uncomplicated” means free and porn-quality and unscrupulous… it just means uncomplicated!
edit: romance, emotions, etc. absolutely have their place in sex, just not every single time. I like the part about undressing with the lights off because men are visual and being an active participant in sex and not expecting him to do all the work.
I can see where most of those things are true. I understand that men are visual, and I have no problem with the lights on in the beginning, but I prefer the lights off - I am one of those women who will, if the lights are left on, concentrate more on whatever else is happening in the room (not by my own will, of course…). In the dark I’m more easily caught up in the moment because there’s nothing else to distract me. Not total darkness, mind you, but very dim lighting.
I think we all make one or two of those “mistakes”, and I hope that there are very few women, if any at all, who make all of them. Their men must be very, very unhappy. :o
I have to find and post the 50 Mistakes Men Make… though I’ve only seen the first five, they were pretty amusing.
I’m very happy with your edit though chirimoya, for a moment there I was afraid you viewed sex from a very detached POV, which saddened me. I certainly think emotion has a place in it every time, just not romance and candles (which are nice once in a while, but obviously very unrealistic if expected every time. I’d think it’d lose its luster after a while, too!)
I remember reading an article that talked about Cosmo. They basically said that a lot of the articles about sex were bogus and written by the authors the way the editor thinks sex should be, not how they found works, or studies suggest or they overheard in a bar (i.e. completely made up).
Most of it sounds about right to me. Women need to cultivate a basic acceptance and appreciation for the way men are, and be an equal, active and openly communicative participant.
I’d add that you’re under no obligation to actually DO a threesome (or anything else) if you’re not into it! If you can entertain your partner’s fantasies, at any rate, that’s very good, giving and game of you (Dan Savage’s expression).
How you groom your bush is a matter of personal preference; there are a surprising number of men who don’t buy into the current hairless/odorless trend and like women natural (this is so out of fashion it’s considered a fetish now! and has its own fansites …) Before you remove your bush entirely, remember that it’s a great pheromone/copulin diffuser.
Add me to the list of people who agree with most of the ones on both lists (I’ve seen the Mistakes Men Make one, too).
The only ones that pissed me off were:
#15–Yeah, he didn’t cause my period, but if I’m in pain/not at ALL in the mood, he can wait 3 days for a blowjob, God. Most of the men I know get that and would probably take advantage of it to have a little “alone time” anyway. #18–You want to talk dirty, clear it with the girl first. Some of us are just not cool with that. If I get called a whore in or out of bed, a damn safeword is not going to help you (of course, this is why #21 is so true; if she doesn’t communicate that, it’s the girl’s fault). #23–I like the lights off. I think if he’s getting sex, a man can deal with that.
Truly spoken, rightfully so, from the male chauvinistic pig sort of view.
I don’t even want to get into discussing this, because I could have a 100 mistakes men make during sex.. and that ain’t pretty.
No.1 for example: If you don’t have a raging hard-on whenever I need it, I suggest you take viagra. I ain’t doing nothing to that to make it hard, espessially for any length of time. If the visual/tactile is not enough, change your diet, get some exercise and get yourself weened off of the porn sites so that you’re sensitive enough to real people.
hahaha! I probably felt the same when my partners were younger. The reality, though, is that it does take more physical stimulation to achieve an erection as men age. Women have a similar decline in sensitivity and responsiveness with aging … though supplemental hormones help and an understanding partner is much appreciated, too.
No, totally, I agree with you there, if you’re talking about a true partner who respects you and loves you..
but just from the perspective of the writer of this “list”, I doubt that he’s talking about the aging male partner..
I mean, he says, just because I stuck my hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha, it doesn’t mean we are having a relationship! Do I really want to “work” with THAT?
"16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you’re having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like “I stubbed my toe” “I ran up the stairs” or “I was putting up drywall”.
The tone of the writer is very unusual in a woman but I’m pretty sure she is one, since she talks about wearing a bra regularly. The original poster says:
“I forgot to write at the top… found these on a woman’s website blog… She wrote it to combat the alter “50mistakes a man makes in bed” from what I understand anyway.”
I thought so too. The tone seemed a little to… well, I would say vulgar, but sex is sometimes hard to talk about with a clean mouth. It just didn’t seem convincing as written by a woman. I would buy that a woman TOLD a guy what she thought the mistakes were, and he added his flavor to it. It really just sounds like a guy who is tired of dealing with poor sex has written these in response to his frustration. (Why would a woman sound so angry about it…?)
I think the men’s mistakes are more informative, whereas the women’s are… slightly derogatory, I feel. I would agree with more of the list if it weren’t written in such an… angry way. If one were to say “don’t do such and such, instead do this” I would be much more open to it than “I suggest you get some kneepads.” That does sound a little chauvenistic to me. The men’s list does have its low points, I know, but they seem less serious to me… maybe it’s because I’m a woman.
And for the record, I think a girl has every right to be even just a LITTLE bit upset if she is approached for a threesome, at least if she is in a committed, monogamous relationship. Or maybe I’m close-minded in that regard. I know that I would be a little ticked.
As always, whether or not something is a “mistake” varies from person to person, and there are going to be some guys out there who actually don’t mind if a girl has stubbly legs (actually, I have warned mine that I didn’t have time to shave that day, and he pointedly said “I don’t care”, so case in point) just as there will be some women who don’t give a damn about the order in which he removes his clothes (really, if you’re giving a striptease this is about the only time I’d pay attention. Most times you’re in as much of a hurry to get your clothes off as your woman is to get you in bed, so who cares whether your socks come off first or last, or at all?)…
The best and overall theme that I got from the list would be the fact that just because I’m getting sex doesn’t mean a woman’s job is done. This comes out more in long term relationships I think, but is still true. Too often I’ve seen women concentrate too much on themselves and expect the concentration to be on themselves because they think they need to to get as much satisfaction from the act as possible before it’s over all too soon. Even though history has proven otherwise time and time again I’ve seen this behavior persist and dominate.
Okay, I read a little more of Tweekerchick’s blog and she can be pretty funny. I think her “50 mistakes” post is at least partially tongue-in-cheek. Check out this post, where she contradicts some of what she wrote in “50 mistakes”
Hmmm interesting ideas. After giving it some more thought, I wondered if perhaps the tone of “50 Mistakes…” is inspired by a woman who’s had too many guys who were immature or narrow minded in their tastes for women. E.g. guys who want women to look and act like porn stars. Living in a major city where I frequently interact with men (and women) in the 18-34 demo, I can tell you this IS something that men (and women) subscribe to. Have you seen some of the pics on MySpace? Guys (and girls) frequently have a kneejerk reaction to long hair, display of T&A, tough talk, etc. Maybe she’s just met too many guys like this, or it’s this type of man who inspired the post.
Which is a whole 'nother convo, but how does the mainstreaming of porn affect our choices as women (and men’s expectations).
I realized after reading it that he probably just thought it was funny, so I’m shrugging it off.
(of course, this is why 
and an understanding partner is much appreciated, too.
