We all know being over weight is a confidence destroyer. I am 5’10 221lbs (down from 264lbs) so I am starting to feel a little better about myself. I still have about 21-31lbs to go before I will feel acceptable in my own skin.
I know in all of the books / seminars etc. they say its not about what you look like its all about your game. My question is how do we compete with the natural pretty people. You know the guys I am talking about, the ones that can eat fast food 6 days a week for 3 meals a day and not gain an ounce. I am not hating I am just jealous. To quote big daddy “If I have a chocolate shake my ass jiggles for a week”
I have never had a problem landing 5’s -7’s but always end up the plutonic friend with the 8-10s. How do I break that cycle?
i too used to weigh alot…im 5’7’’ and i was 286 at one point, im down to (juggling) between 207-209 now after about a year and a half and i still wake up feeling like i look the same as i did when i started my diet, i just think that when you spend so much time looking a certain way a drastic change in appearance is tough to get used to and takes time. as for competing with naturally pretty people, i think that if you play your strengths (works especially well if your funny because the BETTER looking people have a reputation for being so self centered that if you can raise a womans spirit with laughter you are seen as almost one of a kind to them) and i hate to say it but be a jerk every once in a while, im not saying tell her she looks fat or that shes ugly, but make fun of her in a playful way it works for me. just be confident above all, looks dont matter unless your expecting a girl to approach you. its all in how you carry yourself. hope i could help.
Being overweight only destroys your confidence if you actively let it destroy your confidence.
I’m the opposite end of the spectrum - 5’8" and a natural 135-140 lbs. I don’t gain a pound that I don’t have to work my ass off to gain. At that weight I’m a pretty scrawny guy (which is at least as unattractive as being overweight (not obese))
I could let it bother me, let doubts stemming from being scrawny destroy my confidence with girls and leave me sitting on the sidelines watching other guys get laid.
I consciously choose to not let that happen. I have a distinct memory of hitting on a girl and she flat out said she didn’t like skinny guys. Instead of letting that throw me off I challenged her on it instead… she replied with something about it being sexy to be with a guy who could carry her up the stairs or some shit… so I picked her up (without asking… of course). She was fun.
You are finding yourself buddy buddy with 8-10’s because you are not letting yourself believe that you are attractive enough to be with them. You end up sabotaging your interactions such that you overemphasize creating comfort, and under emphasize creating attraction (because subconsciously you don’t believe you are good enough for their attraction, and try to protect yourself from failing at creating it).
Whenever you are about to interact with a HB8-10, affirm you attractiveness - Consciously tell yourself “I am hot shit, I will blow this girls mind. I can have anybody I set my mind on” - or some similarly positive message about your attractiveness.
Thanks.. both were helpful. Its hard to get that confidence because like you said. I see the same thing in the mirror as when I started. I know I am a great catch and a great guy in general. Its that initial attraction I have to work on.
5’9" 225 down from 265…I work on my weight because of my health. If it’s interfering with your game it’s a game problem not a weight problem. Look around, you won’t have to look far to see a 9-10 with a fat guy. If YOU can’t wrap your mind around the idea that you are attractive, do what you have to do to get there. Loosing weight may get you there, but I doubt it…you have to believe. Scratch that…you have to KNOW that she can like you just as you are. Now get out there and get what you want, you big ol’ sex bomb you!
I’m between 5’11" and 6’ and I am close to 300#. My girlfriend is beautiful (5’2" redhead who is MAYBE 110#) but even more than the physical appearance and phero use is the fact that I can make her laugh (with me) and at the same time be caring without being a doormat.
It took me a LONG time to get to the place I’m at where I am healthy (believe it or not), happy and I’m comfortable in my own skin.
I myself am a big guy with some confidence issues because of it. I’ve always been big. Right now I’m 5’10/5’11’ish and walking at between 260-265 which is a drop from 295-300 at the beginning of the year. I’ve always had really good looking women around me though regardless of size (I was up around 320-325 at one point). I play to my strengths and let my personality and positive traits shine as best possible, and this is highly attractive to the women I’m around. I’m also 30 years old and have no problems with getting hit on by 18-21 years olds on the regular (I’m a dj and play in the underground scene and this is the median age of the females).
Find something about your social demeanor that you’re confident in and work to emphasize that. Maybe you’re good at telling compelling stories or have a solid sense of humor. Build on those and realize that a lot of women are not as superficial as they are portrayed to be.
If you do think you need another push I’d suggest Christian Hudson’s “The Unbreakable Man” program. It’s built more around creating a mindset that you are ‘unbreakable’ and that mindset when outwardly portrayed correctly is really attractive. I’ve used the program to help me feel better about myself and it’s done a lot of good things /sales pitch haha
You have all the tools to build yourself into the best possible person you can be. If you tell yourself that you can have anyone you will start to believe it and it will portray in your actions and demeanor. I have a LOT of females around me. I choose not to really pursue things with any of them because I don’t feel the need to. I guess with receiving the attention from multiple sources.. it’s kinda hard to narrow it down since each one provides something unique, and the combined package is the most enjoyable thing I’ve experienced in a long time. I still am not 100% content with my body but I do my best not to let that stop me from enjoying myself to the best of my ability. Make sure you do the same.
