Wow. You’ve got it bad.
Excuse me, gentlemen, may I add my two cents?
I’ll try not to girlify everything all up.
You are sounding like you’re almost out of control. Hanging from a thread. And that bothers me, for many reasons other than your misery.
Nobody likes a desperate man who has lost his machismo. Yet you’re behaving as if all of your future is wrapped up in this one woman, as if she alone controls your destiny. You are sounding needy, clingy, whiny, desperate and a bit parasitical, all of which will conspire to drive her away. Far away.
Let’s just say for a moment that you did win her. How on earth would she ever be able to live up to your expectations? Because you have made her more than perfect, in your imagination. You have made her the prima donna of your future life, a magical keystone that will solve all your problems. Are you going to have a meltdown when she can’t deliver on that? When she has a hissy fit over some plans you’ve made without her, when she is completely unreasonable about your hobbies, when she doesn’t want to have sex, when she invites her mother to visit…for a month, when she’d rather be with her girlfriends than you, when she decides she wants (or doesn’t want) children, and you don’t feel the same, when she… golly, it goes on forever.
Okay, try very hard. Be objective, if you at all can. Try thinking of this as someone else’s heartache, and then read what you have said.
You did not come here for advice, not really. You came here to seek validation. Fortunately for you, the guys on this forum are for the most part a class act and would not just lie to you so that you would feel better. They really do see you headed down a path of heartache and destruction of your manhood and confidence. Do not go there.
If you %uck around long enough in this mess, you’re going to have a hell of a time getting back out.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. Ask these guys, they’ll tell you I’m not a cold-hearted bitch. But the truth is, there’s not much attractive in a needy, clingy, whiny guy. And most women do not have time for it.
Back off now while you can still do it with dignity. She is in complete control of this relationship, or lack thereof, because you will come running if she so much as crooks a finger. Make yourself unavailable, and at the same time desireable. This will put the ball back in your court. If she is attracted to you, it will tickle her senses like a scent to a bloodhound, and she will start trying to figure you out. Then you can make your move. With your dignity still intact.