Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds - Telegraph
Thanks for sharing. Having read the article, I would say that this is a very complicated area to look at (from the standpoint of psychology), and that the study raises a lot of questions. Of course, the most fundamental question is whether there is a causative relationship between sharing housework and divorce and-- if so-- in what direction it goes.
One thing that I found particularly interesting was a study the article mentions that suggests men are happier in relationships with more sharing of household responsibilities but that women are unmoved by such arrangements. This seems to confirm other findings that I’ve seen that state that men are generally more content (and easier to please) than women, in romantic (heterosexual) relationships.
Its my opinion that the divorce rate is not from the actual sharing of chores but the reason behind it. Marriage is a “team sport” each player has there position but when the game is being played they support and cover the other team members position when necessary. It makes the team move and live in harmony.
I think when you assign functions to one individual or gender you take the harmony out of the relationship. The give and take. Your life together becomes a job.
In my house we don’t have set chores assigned to us but we do have chores we tend to gravitate to out of conditioning from learning in childhood.
For instance…
My husband cuts the lawn 90% of the time. I cook dinner 90% of the time. These are not assignments we just automatically did it this way because our parents did.. If I work real late he steps in and covers my position and cooks. If I see he is having a busy week, is tired and the lawn needs cutting I will go out and cut it. Were a team and when one cant do the other picks up the slack not because its our job to do so but because we care for one another.
I think this is where the difference occurs. When you make a set plan to split the chores and assign each other with these tasks you turn it into a job, a responsibility and when the time comes that one of the partners cant for some reason fulfill that task or the task causes them so much stress, resentment occurs.
But when the sharing of tasks comes from a place of caring for one another’s well being and supporting each other it creates a harmony.
JMO
Tisha
The study doesn’t mention what % of people who do all the housework also have full-time jobs, nor what % of people who share housework have both members working full-time.
I would guess that most people who do all the housework don’t have full-time jobs, and that most couples who share housework have both members working full-time or about equal hours.
If my guesses are correct, then it would be just as plausible that money issues cause people to divorce, or that people who work full-time have enough financial security to divorce than those who stay at home.
All that aside though, my personal experience is that helping out around the home doesn’t make my wife want to divorce me. Imo, if you get bored or irritated dishwashing, you have only yourself to blame for believing dishwashing a task beneath you. Being bored or resentful about something is the best way to discourage yourself from doing it and becoming bitter, and I can see that eventually leading to divorce. Or maybe you could blame the dishwashing detergent, read the msds of conventional cleaners sometime, you’d be surprised how many nerve or brain toxins or carcinogens they can have. I highly recommend all-natural household cleaners whether or not you do the dishes ;p.