There seems to be a widespread misconception that pheromones are mainly useful to cover up, to deceive, to get someone in bed … when in fact they are often used (at least by many of the more experienced men and women here) to enhance aspects of personality/behavior/interaction, and to increase enjoyment. If personal congruency is absent, they are ineffective! If you really believe they are a cover-up or a smokescreen, why would you ever feel ethically comfortable using them?
On more than one thread today I see this idea expressed, that if you’re trying to get laid and need help doing so, you should use pheromones. Otherwise, if it’s a “real” relationship you’re after, you should avoid them. This shows a basic misunderstanding, I think - both an overestimation of their power over a target’s perception and free will, and an incomplete understanding of all the more subtle effects that pheromones can yield. There is quite a bit of this information available on the women’s forum, but if you want to hear it from the guys, read some more posts by Sigma, PheroQuirk, Tacitus, MHarris, and Taoistbiker, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
I had someone yesterday berrate me for wanting to use pheros with an existing relationship. I feel it to enhance a relationship, subtly. Thanks so much for this post! Thumbs up!
It’s funny in life how eager people can be to give definitive advice to a relative stranger based on limited personal experience and knowledge of their world rather than offering suggestions to be explored. I’m as guilty of this as anyone (I say you should wear the pheros if you want to) but human nature can be a funny thing.
I am only beginning to realise just how helpful tacitus’s perspective of pheromones as emotional growth accelerants is. As he says, there are four participants in every dating interaction - boy’s subconscious, boys rational brain, girl’s subconscious, her rational brain. If the subconscious and rational brains were more fully integrated, ‘game’ and pheromones would serve no purpose. It’s because they aren’t that pheromones are useful for seduction and influence and that properly used they allow one to reach emotional places and develop relationships that enrich the lives of both people but which would have stayed bogged down by life’s frictions and insecurities without the benefit of pheromones.
This is also why the idea of online dating sites being all that helpful at establishing prospective compatibility is a silly one. People don’t have very much access to the parts of their minds that establish templates for what they want in a partner, so how can they possibly explain that to a computer using cold hard text.
Maybe it’s just a question of language, but pheromones can have powerful effects even if there is no observed change in behaviour on that occasion. Some people are good at hiding their responses, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see changes to the way they treat you in subsequent interactions. So pheromones can be very helpful even if you don’t plan on sleeping with someone till marriage.
as I get older it has dawned on me that a formal date is a difficult way to get to know what somebody is really like! and given that one is in that situation, pheros can be effective in bringing out the true person. when I at a social event with people I don’t know, i feel that i am more genuinely me when mellowed with p74, instant openness etc than when exposed to the novel situation without any softening benefit from mones.
I don´t know if I am to post this. I may have misunderstood the whole thing. If so please disregard this okay. Thank you. Maybe I am not strong enough to be here. I don´t like backbiting etc. I am more for warm open communication without “evil” projections or hang others out. I was just sharing. And also since my last post I stopped reading but this morning some had written and so I post this post.
I don´t know if it was me who said something wrong or if the responses that came after was to me?. Someone wanted to blog a response, not mine (I wouldn´t allow it either as I am being totally misunderstood) but I am suprised that apparently some just take what is written to be what it is, on the surface.
What I mean and what I wrote was also with reading between the lines and also its a subjective experience and difficult in writing words to convey 100% the absolute truth. Anyway I am thinking about leaving the forum. I made 5 posts. I feel that I have been attacked somewhat. I feel that the persons? haven´t tried to see things from my eyes, with all the new beginners ignorance and lack of experience I would have. Reading my introduction would give a better view of who I am and that would give a better sense to give a whole round picture of what I wanted to say. Of course I stand by what I said but thats my view based on what I know up to this point. Why can´t we newbeginners share without being chopped down from those who have been here for a long time. I found it very uncomfortable to open my inbox to read the responses. I thought oh boy what I did do now. I am soft warm person and I mean no harm. Pheromones are not magic but a nice “toy” for us grown ups to re-kindle the flame of excitement of living and intimacy as well as social interactions. Any yes I do believe that 99% of everyone who learns about pheromones at least think about the oppisite sex and think that perhaps pheromones can help improve the chances to meet someone for something more than a cup of coffee. It may not be true, but I do think most of us have that thought, at least once! I have never said that pheromones can be used as a cover up. Who would even buy pheromones thinking that it would help cover something up? be with that person and sooner or later his/her real character begins to surface. No pheromones will be able to hide any “flaws” a person would wish to hide. Better it would be to just plain say whatever and then the other person is being given an honest chance to know whats going on. No need to cover up anything.
Does anyone know how to erase what one has posted or is it eternally here to be. I apologize for any wrong I may have written. I never meant to harm anyone. I was just sharing. Thank you to those who inspired me. I will most likely not post again as it is too time consuming for me to re-explain or go over he said, she said, what I a meant was. Etc etc. To write on a forum can quickly lead to misunderstandings and I will be the first to apologize for any misunderstandings that may have arosen due to english not being my native tongue and also I have never been to America (I would really like to see that spendid country so to really understand where you all are coming from compared to my own cultural upbringing properly leaves some gaps to be bridged to reach a more complete understanding. I don´t know.
Where were you attacked actually? Nobody referenced your post as far as I can see. Did anyone disagree with you?
What was so uncomfortable about the responses?
I found everyone said something worthwhile, something interesting at least, even you did.
Don’t go away for just nothing.
Hi Scentman! I feel that your response was balanced and reasoned; my post was in response to several posts in this thread as well as some in another simultaneous thread, and also a general attitude I’ve seen expressed by some men here and on another phero forum, that women don’t “need”/shouldn’t wear pheromones. It was certainly not directed at you in particular, although your use of the phrase “no need to cover up or smokescreen” is in fact what motivated me to post, because those words sum up the fears that I’ve seen others express - not that YOU have those fears about pheromones. I do realize that your message included the idea that ‘wearing pheromones is fine, and there is no need for cover-up or smokescreen.’ I enjoy your thoughts and your warm sensibility and hope that you will continue to participate in the discussion here.
and by the way, your English is lovely and I wish I could communicate so well in another language!
Maybe I misunderstood too. The whole thing may just be a storm in a glass of water. But re-read the post and its as if what I said has been de-valued as just use pheromones and then you will get laid etc etc. I could never that and would never do that. Also I may understand pheromones better than I am getting credit for, I am thinking about writing a post about that. Its true I don´t have so much experience with them but that does not leave out that I do know to a great extend what their purpose actually is.
As for the bitterness in some of the posts regarding new beginners, I was reading just browsing around and I can see there are some not so nice (dosen´t have to be nice of course) answers and that may be part of a forum as there are all kinds of people. And this forum is actually my first, I never went on any bulletin boards before. I read many post in various places on the net to learn about stuff etc. But the tone here at times seems a bit too edgy. We should be careful not to hurt others. Just because we all are far away from each other, we could ask ourselves how we would conduct ourselves face to face. Of course nothing is in perfect order and it would be boring if it were. Some sparks of enthusiasm I tell myself, thats what they are conveying to me, they are not out to “get” me. They are just voicing the opinon and thats perfect. But if in doubt of what I wrote or any other, kindly double check with the author before putting words in my mouth in this case. Ask me directly if I meant so and so, get clarification instead of me having to open my box and see a rally of yes I agree, me too, I second that. Felt a bit like I was getting myself into trouble and thus wondered what I said set it of. Is properbly nothing, and besides, if others misunderstand what I write, thats fine, but what they then continue to build up on is based on a misunderstanding And that! is very very important for me to make clear. Because anyone can take something that is written and turn the author into something he/her is not. And thats just plain wrong. Other people see the posts as they also wanting to learn etc and then they read something and then they may think this person is domeone who jsut wants to get laid (whatever) and its not at all what the person is. He/her just got misunderstood intially. It can happen of course, but its unfortunate. Of course I could I just have kept my mouth shut and so I may have contributed to the whole thing. But I do still stand by what I wrote. Also I meant what I wrote in a cheerful kinda a way with a warm glimpse in my eyes and friendly smile etc. The whole expression as a person is simply from just writing. I learned something very important. So I thank you Phoenix.
Thank you Carrie! that absolutely helped! Thank you for making that clear to me. Sure I´ll stay around
And thank you for your warm words. they warm my heart. A warm smile right back to you
I can´t see the icons on the right?, do you happen to know how to make them appear so I can insert them. I love to add icons. Maybe its the firefox browser that wont take them but its works when I receive private messages and sending private messages.
