I know, I know, I’m usually the one dishing out the advice rather than looking for it! But this is a situation that is kinda delicate, and I’d like to get a few perspectives. I put it in the lounge because I’m NOT looking for advice on which pheromones to use. I’m pretty solid on how to stir things up in that area, though I will take input if you really feel like it.
So, for those who are familiar with my journal, I am very good friends with a girl that I refer to as “Fangirl”. Her family all lives together, two parents and the 9 siblings. She has a 27-year-old brother whom I think is super foxy. He really revs my engines. I first realized this one evening when i was drunk at their house. I was drunk enough to tell Fangirl how hot I had just realized her brother was. She was kinda weirded out by the thought of her close friend and her brother being an item, and out of consideration for her, I decided to forget about him. That was roughly a year ago.
I just saw him again today, and oh my gosh, he is every bit as fine as I remembered. I want to throw him against a wall and have my way with him. But also, since he lives with his entire family, I don’t want to be the drama bitch who causes strife amid the prying eyes. What should I do?? Should I just forget about him again to keep my friendship with Fangirl solid? Should I play the long game and try to woo the brother covertly? Should I just say “fuck it” and approach him?? There are other fish in the sea, so it’s not the end of the world, but I sure would enjoy catching this one!
perhaps she is Just weirded out about thinking about her brother being intimate or sexual ? Maybe her weird response isn’t so much about you personally.
If I were in that situation I think I would communicate more on that topic with my weirded out friend lol find out why it’s weird for her, ask her to tell me more about how she feels to get a better understanding. ive been in similar situations, asked my weirded out friend what was up only to find out that she had a crush on me. That changes the situation greatly. I decided not to pursue her family member and just treat her gently.
That is some excellent perspective. That really got me thinking. You’re right, my friendship with Fangirl is the most important element here. I’d need to have a good conversation with her before doing anything. And I don’t even know if the guy would be interested, so I don’t really want to crack open a can of worms with her before knowing if it would be worth it in the end.
Another tricky factor just arose; Fangirl just got her heart broken by a guy she’d been falling pretty hard for. She got sick of being strung along by him, so she finally asked him straight out if this was going anywhere. He said no, and now she’s devastated. So…not good timing to talk to her about if I can pounce on her brother.
I think I’ve concluded that I should take things slow for now. Whenever I see the guy, it’s usually briefly in passing while in the company of other people. I’m going to find little ways to engage him, and see if he’s even interested in reciprocating socially. If not, I’ll probably drop the issue. But if he seems game, I’ll give Fangirl enough time to mourn her situation, and figure out how to talk to her when the timing is better.
So wait a little linger, then bone-him - but maybe see if you can get to see him out of the family/friendship circle. That or being on the side whilst you get-in about her brother might be more what’s unsettling her?
Would that I knew how. He doesn’t go out much, and when he does, it’s usually with a few siblings around. But I think I’ll at least be more conscious about accepting invitations to something that he might be at. Maybe I can engage him at the fringe of the group or something.
Yeah, that might have a lot to do with it. At the first conversation, we hadn’t been friends for a year yet, and I had just vented some frustrations to her about a different guy. She is much more secure in our friendship now, and she knows I wouldn’t just chew up her brother and spit him out.
Just a thought, maybe you can ask fangirl and her brother out for a movie and coffee? Create an excuse to get them out of the house, do something together.
Then observe his reactions towards you, don’t do anything flirtatious, don’t use pheromones. And if you catch him stealing glances at you then you know he likes you too!
And if he doesn’t react to you, then you wouldn’t even need to worry about Fangirl’s feelings since her brother has no feelings towards you right?
I’m going to have to go with garygoh on this one. See if you can get him in a small group. How is Fangirl and fam with some of your other friends? The key is to get him in a small group with at least one or two people he’s familiar with, and maybe a few he’s not. That way if there is a moment when you two are alone it doesn’t seem awkward, it just seems like two people who know each other well are chatting.
Nose around and see what he likes. If he likes art, then see if you can get him (and some fam) to go to a gallery show with you and some friends. The key is to find something you know he likes, regardless of whether you do or not, that way he’s less likely to say no.
I would stay away from a situation with just brother and Fangirl though. Girls (as you know) are very intuitive, and she might sniff you out. She may even remember the comment you made a year ago, drunk or not. Assess his interest before approaching Fangirl about it, that way you don’t risk a friendship for nothing.
Hello love!!
I dunno about you, but if I ever feel like I can’t talk to my friend about feelings ( honest heart felt talking, not drama) then I would really question the friendship. Human emotions and feelings are natural and should be shared in my opinion. Otherwise what is the meaning of the friendship and where is the value ?
Everyone involved is an adult. . One thing I have noticed from mature women is that they highly value honesty, in all relationships, romantic, business or friendship. It is like a golden key.
If my friend came to me, telling me how she feels, asking me how I feel , I would value her even more because she would be showing me that she values our friendship (and my feelings ) enough to bring up a sensitive / scary topic.
Sneaking around ( even if I am an adult and have every right to be intimate with whoever I want ) would Possibly make my friend feel undervalued and disrespected. Its not the lustful act itself that can cause issues, it’s the lack of this golden key. Lust can make us act irrationally, driven by passion and desire, our filters for good manners and conscience are pushed further and further away as we cling and scramble with the powerful emotional lust. Feelings get hurt , people feel left out, storms brew and it turns to a tangled mess.
These are all thoughts that went through my mind when I was in a similar situation.
Play, treasure your friendships, bang to your hearts content and enjoy life, but remember respect and integrity.
That’s a good idea. It’s generally pretty tough to get any of her siblings to join in when her friends are around (with the exception of her 18-y-o bro who has a crush on me!), but I might be able to get them on board for a movie they’d like with drinks afterward, or something. I’m pretty sure st. Patty’s day will be sure-fire, but that’s kinds far away yet.
You’re so right about this. Fangirl goes fishing for drama sometimes. I don’t need her getting suspicious on me!
I agree with your perspective. I certainly intend to talk openly with her, but relationships are something she’s had very little experience with. She grew up in a rather closed community, and she’s just now figuring out the do’s and don’ts, and making her share of mistakes along the way. I just want to find out if he would have some mutual interest before I thrust her into another new situation she might not know how to handle. If he ends up not giving me any IOI, I don’t want to have opened up a new source of confusion and suspicion for her. I wouldn’t want her in the future to suspect that I might be using her to get to her brother.