Ladies, let me climb into your heads, and get your perspectives, please?

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

I would appreciate a bit of help and the perspective from a couple of the ladies in interpreting a situation with a girl, cause I don’t think it’s quite as simple as she suggests. She seems to be totally into me, but I just don’t see things going anywhere with her, as there’s a bit of physical attraction, but nothing more.

Here’s the deal: There’s a girl I met at my usual nightclub about 1 1/2 to 2 months ago. She is a 28 year old hispanic, and was married for 7 years. The first night we met she came on to me really strong, then pretty much ignored me a couple of times when other guys came over and hit on her. Toward the end of the night she was talking to another guy and says that they are going to go dance and she’ll be back, at which point I told her she should just hookup with him and that I was done.

The next week she was there again and came over and said she wanted to apologize for making me jealous last week. I told her that I don’t get jealous, but that I just don’t compete for attention. She started telling me how much she likes me and wants to be with me. I told her I’m not looking for a relationship. I told her that the club was my safe place and I don’t go there to hookup, because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or have to find a new club when things don’t work out. And I told her I don’t do one-night-stands anymore. Her responses were that she’s not looking for a relationship either, doesn’t go there to hookup, and isn’t looking for one-night-stands, but sometimes she just wants to be with somebody. She then goes on to say, but not that night because she was there with her mother.

The next week she’s there again and hanging around me all night. At one point she looks at me and says “Never?” and I say what? She says “You and me, never again?” ( I have no clue where the again came from, cause there was never a first) so I told her that I see her as a friend and it dropped. I saw her each of the last couple of weeks and she would hang out with me most of the night, but seemed content at a friendship. I’ve never seen her hookup with anyone else or even try to, and when other guys have come over she’d blow them off.

But, last night she started hitting on me big time again. I really wasn’t doing aything at all to suggest that there was a potential for anything to happen between us. She kept leaning against me, rubbing my thigh, and grabbing the side of my face and pulling me toward her when she had something to say. I did absolutely nothing reciprocal or to show any interest, but she kept it up and even went so far to say that I was turning her on and making her wet. The she sends me a text message while standing right next to me telling me she wants me. After the club closed and I left, I get another message from her telling me that she’s at IHOP wishing I was there, then another saying “OK! I do seriously wish I was with u right now. Good night u, kisses”, This morning she texts me a picture of herself with a note saying “Have a great day”.

As I said, I am not interested in a relationship with this girl, although I wouldn’t mind having sex with her, but not if it’s going to create an uncomfortable situation at MY club. She says that’s all she wants, but given that she could easily find someone else to sleep with yet she continues to pursue me, I am thinking that sleeping with her might cause the kind of problems that’s not worth one nights worth of indulgence.

Please give me your thoughts and opinions. Does this sound like someone who is really just looking for casual companionship and could deal with seeing me with other women. Or, does it sound more like if I slept with her it could become an uncomfortable situation quickly and that she’d feel that I owed her my exlusive attention everytime I saw her at the club?

So many tests So little time - My journal
2

I think you already know the answer to this.

My immediate feeling upon reading this, Mark, is that you should stay away from any kind of intimate relationship with her. She’s already exhibiting neediness and attention-seeking behavior with you, and I get the impression that would only escalate if things between you got any more serious (and by that I mean, anything outside of friendship). The “you and me, never again?” line concerns me.

She’s trying to push herself on you, despite the fact that you’ve made it plain that you don’t want a variety of things from her. She has agreed with you on those terms, but within the context of the rest of your post, I think she’s agreeing with you in order to create an opening. Once you let her through that opening, by having sex with her or going on a date or whatever, I think she’s going to try to force you into something you don’t want.

I think this woman is all-around bad news, sorry to say.

3

thats my gut feeling too. She is saying she doesn’t need a relationship so that maybe she can convince you that you do..or that you change your mind…thats my gut feeling anyways. I have been in those shoes long long ago.

4

From my point of view, this lady is not a very stable person to be around with, she seems to be jumping around, and everywhere.

Go with what your instincts say, cause most of the time we don’t really listen to them and then they end up being right lol. You don’t want to be in a relationship with her? Then don’t be. I don’t know about having sex with her either, cause she sounds like she could stir up some trouble (and it’s Your club) so I would totally stay away from her, cause you don’t want your business to be affected. Like in terms of having this person come to your club and make you feel awkward. That’s just uncomfortable.

hope it helped hugs:slight_smile:

5

Howdy Mark, ltns in the womens section.

If you were just planning to have sex with her you should have before you started getting pictures, text kisses, or said you thought of her as a friend, as you are now in the more likely to be an uncomfortable situation in your club zone. :wink:

6

I thought this too. That Mark’s denying her a relationship or ons presented a challenge that only a damaged woman would accept.

7

Thanks ariadne, queenie, msselva and Inkling. I guess we’re all on the same page. My gut feeling has been to keep her at arms length, which I’ve been doing. One of the things that made me question my instincts though and ask for your perspectives was that last night she told me that she was hurt that I keep thinking she wants something more than what she does. But, it seems to me that she’s putting in to much effort for it just to be sex.

In the past I’ve been the rescuer, and I’ve pretty well learned to see the signs and avoid relationships and situations that I don’t need to get myself into. Her words and actions just haven’t been gelling right with me. I don’t know whether she’s trying to convince herself that she doesn’t want anything more than companionship or is trying to convince me, but my thoughts have been that I don’t need to find out.

It’s not actually MY club. I called it mine because it’s my favorite club and I’ve been going there for 9 years. And, I go there religiously twice a week.

Agreed! The text messages just started last night.

8

Ugh. That makes me think you may be in for problems at the club no matter what you do. :frowning:

9

Mmmmm. Yup. You’ve stirred up a drama queen (not to blame the victim of course!). See now the more you try to hold her at arms length, the more of a challenge to her womanly wiles you’ll become. Sleeping with her will not make things better.

Your best bet is to let her know that although you are not interested (cite compatibility or say you are into redheads or something, so you do mean “never”), she is a seriously hot commodity and you’d be happy to be her wing man. Compliment her a lot and it will take the edge off her embarrassment of being rejected. Tact is sooo difficult in situations like that.

Glad to see you posting in the women’s forum!
XO Kitten

10

Thanks Kitten. I don’t know about the wing man part though. I told her that we were friends and that was it, and that worked for little awhile, but then she tried again and pushed harder than ever. I’m thinking that if I tell her I’ll be her wing man, she may take me up on it just to try to make me jealous or wanting of her, which at this point wouldn’t work and would just put off when things became uncomfortable.

I’m not a stud by any stretch of the imagination, but the few girls that continued to pursue me after being told that I wasn’t interested who I did try to be friends with, only stayed friends cause they thought they could change my mind and would do stupid crap to try and make me jealous, then get mad because it didn’t happen. And in the long run the friendship was only a facade and ended in a lot of animosity.

I agree that being tactful is the best way to go, and I’d already tried that route. I believe that she either doesn’t know what she wants, is trying to convince herself that she wants something less than what she really does, or doesn’t think that I know what I want.

11

No offence but she didnt happen to see your new car right before she started hitting on you again did she ?

I think she may be more clever then you think. I dont think your relationship is based on feelings as much as it is based on wants for both of you.

I am sure you like her well enough but your instincts are screaming no. Listen to them they are usually right. :wink:

Tisha

12

No offense taken Tisha, and no she has never seen my car, nor have I mentioned it to her.

As far as a relationship goes, we really don’t have one and never will. She is someone I know in the club and only in the club. And you are right about the instincts. She just threw me off a bit and got me questioning myself by telling me that she was hurt that I keep thinking she wants more than what she does. But, that didn’t strike me right either.

I knew that by asking for the ladies perspective here, you all would be able to tell me if I was reading more into the situation than what was there, or if my gut feeling was right and letting anything happen would only be trouble.

Thanks ladies!

13

I have 10 very close girlfriend each so different form the rest I have been their unofficial love/guidance councilor. I feel something is missing in your story.. I find it odd when women keeps getting the cold shoulder and sticks around… usually women who do this are
a) X girlfriends or close girl pals they think they know you.
b) Very drunk women, women who find confidence in a beer bottle.
c) Very very confident/stubborn women these women are not used to rejection

If (a) “You and me, never again?” and the fact she has your cell number sudgest to me you guys know each other slightly beyond only speaking in a public bar. Have a finally conversation, if it dose not work begin to ignore. Remove her number don’t text back.

If (b) Contact her friends girlfriends, we ladies always take care of girlfriends.

If (c) Just ignore she’ll go away eventually, make sure not to give any wrong impressions when you begin the ignore process. Don’t respond to be nice, don’t smile no texts. Showing no interest works the best.

Hope this helps, like many of the other ladies have already said drop the drama queen she is needy and sex with her will only lead to her falling in love with you.

When woman reach orgasm the brain becomes flooded with Oxytocin the chemical of attachment, leading to feelings of intimacy and affection.

14

In a odd way I wonder if you use phero around her, causing her to want your attention more. I have a girlfriend who been using pheros around a male friend she met a club. He is happily married and has a child yet he longs to be with her and was very possessive of her when he is around. Anyhow I helped her drop him.
I believe its our job as phero users to be responsible for the people we attract. Sometimes peoples natural desires get the better of them our job is to make sure we dont hurt them.

15

I was actually surprised by the text messages, cause I don’t remember giving her my phone number, although I guess I must have, and it had to be the first time we met at the club. I have never seen her outside the club, and nothing has ever happened between us.

I was wearing pheromones last night. I always do when I go to the club, and I was wearing a new mix that one of the forum gurus sent me to test with. I don’t even know the exact ingredients, but it’s a powerful mix and I had some great hits. I definitely plan to continue testing with it.

As far as this girl goes, the pheros probably had something to do with how she was acting, but I still don’t think the behavior could be considered normal or healthy.

16

Any person that recently leaves a 7 year relationship can be psychology unhealthy.

For her sake I hope this is a phase she is seeking most likely just anything to feel love again to be held again ect. Or perhaps it was her that lead to her own downfall in marriage.

If she is throwing herself at you night after night seems to me she is seeking something. There is no dbout that would wouldn’t mind intercourse with you but you know when happens ’ attachment ’ shes already clingy as is. Unless your an expert on women dealing with a mentally unhealthy women can be a challenge far more than what you want to deal with. IE: One of my girlfriends had a sexual partner who was just a fling but he managed to help her restore her self image and encouraged to seek out a man she desired. He helped her in a way I couldn’t you know some people just need to be cuddled at night, in only a way a man and woman can hold each other.

You said your not attractive looks have nothing to do with how she may be attracted to you.
*I have a girlfriend who like like muscular build men.
*I have one who is only attracted to then goth type men. (the freakier the better)
*I have one who only dates men who look unique anything but your average Joe.
*I like guys with jet black hair. :stuck_out_tongue:

I am a major freak when it comes to the Studies in the Psychology of Sex was something I’ve been studying our of pure interest and a open mind. Having so many girlfriends with relationship issues it drove me to want to understand human needs and desires… why we do things we cant explain.

17

test 123

18

Anyone who has been in a 7 year marriage is likely to be psychology unhealthy.

For her sake I hope she is only going though a phase. I do believe it is possible for you to maintain a relationship with her but not a easy one. I did have a girlfriend who left a long term relationship with a man. She didnt miss him but she missed being held loved cuddled. If you are a ‘expert’ on dealing with women you can perhaps have some kind of a relationship with her. She ended up meeting a man who was just a fling, he restored her self image and convinced her to seek out a man she desired to be with. They are still great friends to this day. However if you can not handle her I don’t recommend you being in any sort of a physical relationship with her, sex will only lead to attachment.

You say your not as attractive as other men that has nothing to do with it.
*One friend only likes skinny goth men
*one friend only likes muscular
*one friend like men who dont look like average joes
*I like men with jet black hair.

I a freak when it comes to the Study in the Psychology of Sex.

19

Sorry so late to this, cowboy. But you know I wanna put in my nickle. :smiley:

Yep. I agree. You’ve been straight up in expressing your feelings. Now you’re a challenge. Hello, and walk away every time. Yeah, she may try to cause you some grief, but my bet is she’ll get bounced outta that club before you will.

Forget it. Give her a one way ticket on “The Adois Express”. Dump her. The cold shoulder is best. F*ck the friend business. That’ll never work out. She’s a mess. :roll_eyes: :wink: Let her mess up some other guy 'cause whoever is next in line is gonna get it. I’m not saying to run over her or be cruel. You don’t really know this girl. Simply be polite and walk away from any potential/further contact or conversation.

Where’s that hot blond MILF from Houston? :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh, he knows. That’s why he’s he’s backin’ away. Been there done that, right cowboy? :wink:

Bella

20

Now wait a minute. I didn’t say I wasn’t attractive, I said I ain’t a stud. :wink:

Thanks Bella. The MILF is probably in Houston. But, I got to talking to this really cute girl at Red River last night, and when she told me her name I realized that I had met her before, but hadn’t seen her in about 3 years. She had come to the club just a few times and I had developed kind of a crush on her, then she just disappeared. Well, the reason she disappeared is that she moved to Houston. We exchanged numbers this time around though. So now I just may have a reason to head down to Houston.

As far as the “Oh, he knows” goes, YEP! Dated several girls with low/no self-esteem. As soon as they started feeling better about themselves, they decided they could do better and I got dumped.

1st wife: Low self-esteem, compulsive liar and according to her father, in need of psychological help.

2nd wife: Narcissistic, and the mentality of a 16 year old. She was born with hydrocephalus (water on the brain), and had been through 7 major brain surgeries as an infant and child. The constant attention is probably what caused the narcissism. I knew about the hydrocephalus and the surgeries early on, but only found out about the stunted emotional growth from a conversation with her Neurologist, 3 weeks before the wedding. She was 24 when we got married, 7 months later she left me for a 62 year old married guy, after having made him and his wife our best friends. After she left I was able to piece everything together and see that the affair with him started even before we were married.

Yep, I have NO interest in dating damaged women anymore, only to fix them and get dumped. :smiley: