good news?

[LTDshred]

Ok, this doesn’t really have to do with pheromones, but I wanna tell you guys a little story.

See there is this girl who is a friend of mine from church. Then we started becoming best friends, and then she wanted to share her feelings with me. Now, to emotionally help her violates every rule in PUA or bro code, but I decided to f*ck the books and help her. Her boyfriend was neglecting her, getting wasted on senior trip, and going to strip clubs. This deeply hurt her feelings and she wanted to tell me about it. I told her to ask herself the tough questions about their relationship and hoped she would make the right choice. She pondered on it for about a week and then more drama popped in her life, and then she came to me. We made casual conversation and I told her that this week has been a great week for me reading the bible (a book per day). She said, “you inspire me in so many ways”.

So one Sunday, she broke up with her boyfriend, and thanked me that I was there for her. She even told me that she loved me, and I said it back. Maybe this might be a huge slap in the face that she wants to be with me. She wanted to hangout and it’s scheduled to happen tommorrow.

Well what do you guys think huh? This may be my first girlfriend

[mikotorocks714]

I don’t know kid, sounds good and all BUT it could be a rebound. You were there for her, so she’s probably seeing you as something to lean on in the mean time while she’s all sad and whatnot. DON’T let this happen to you, now it could not be a rebound but it definitely sounds rebound like behavior so just watch out just in case it is a rebound.

I know you’re desperate for your first kiss and a GF, but if this is indeed a rebound it’ll not be a good memory of a first kiss if it goes that way because it’ll always make you remember of how you were used just for emotional support. Now obviously I could be wrong, but just watch out.

@LTDshred

Ok, this doesn’t really have to do with pheromones, but I wanna tell you guys a little story.

See there is this girl who is a friend of mine from church. Then we started becoming best friends, and then she wanted to share her feelings with me. Now, to emotionally help her violates every rule in PUA or bro code, but I decided to f*ck the books and help her. Her boyfriend was neglecting her, getting wasted on senior trip, and going to strip clubs. This deeply hurt her feelings and she wanted to tell me about it. I told her to ask herself the tough questions about their relationship and hoped she would make the right choice. She pondered on it for about a week and then more drama popped in her life, and then she came to me. We made casual conversation and I told her that this week has been a great week for me reading the bible (a book per day). She said, “you inspire me in so many ways”.

So one Sunday, she broke up with her boyfriend, and thanked me that I was there for her. She even told me that she loved me, and I said it back. Maybe this might be a huge slap in the face that she wants to be with me. She wanted to hangout and it’s scheduled to happen tommorrow.

Well what do you guys think huh? This may be my first girlfriend

[moonwhisper]

Careful, LTD, if she cared about that guy she’ll need time to get over it. If you rush in before she’s done mourning the breakup, then you will fall into one of two categories.

Band-aid - someone who can temporarily ease the hurt feelings and make her feel good again. We are talking about the typical rebound relationship. This is no good because who needs a band-aid forever? It is a temporary fix for her and will not last.

The Buddy - someone who she can talk to, complain to, vent to, cry on your shoulder. If you’re too much of what she would expect from her girlfriends, you will be in friend zone forever. It is good to comfort her, but don’t let it get out of hand. This should not be your primary role.

As an aside…yay! She broke up with him and will be looking again soon. Give her a little time, then put on your pheros and your charm, and let’s see what happens.

[msselva]

I agree with mikotorocks714!

Erk, please don’t toss the books away already.

You’re very young, you will get a kiss/girlfriend at one point, don’t force these things to happen, it happens when you least expect it and that’s when it means a lot.

[Carrie]

Eh … all of the above is true … AND my 2 best and longest-term relationships were both rebound relationships (the other person just broke up with a long-term lover). So it’s not the kiss of death every time!

For most people, their first love relationship doesn’t last forever. Is that a reason not to go there?

Love is a risk no matter what. Be smart, but be brave. Good luck to you!

[Wolfy]

I know of several people who are happily married to a rebound relationships, one couple for a very long time (my parents, who are still married after 38 years). Yet I only know one couple married to their “First Loves”.

@Carrie

For most people, their first love relationship doesn’t last forever. Is that a reason not to go there?

Love is a risk no matter what. Be smart, but be brave. Good luck to you!

with any relationship, communicate, let eachother know your fears, issue and problems, and you will be better than most.

Every relationship is a learning experience, some ladies are more like horse trainers, others are just jockies.

[msselva]

some ladies are more like horse trainers, others are just jockies.

oh my god, lol!!

[LTDshred]

@mikotorocks714

I don’t know kid, sounds good and all BUT it could be a rebound. You were there for her, so she’s probably seeing you as something to lean on in the mean time while she’s all sad and whatnot. DON’T let this happen to you, now it could not be a rebound but it definitely sounds rebound like behavior so just watch out just in case it is a rebound.

I know you’re desperate for your first kiss and a GF, but if this is indeed a rebound it’ll not be a good memory of a first kiss if it goes that way because it’ll always make you remember of how you were used just for emotional support. Now obviously I could be wrong, but just watch out.

Yeah I know, I was thinking that. That was the risk I took. I’m very well aware of rebound relationships, and I am giving her time to recover.

I could possibly be that boyfriend who got her through the tough times and then she dumps me to find somebody better. However, there is also another possibility that I could that boyfriend she holds onto for a long time.

Either way, this could be 50-50. It can either work for me or blow up in my face; I’m not exactly sure which way it might turn out. However, I am prepared for the worst.

[mikotorocks714]

Yeah, just as long as you remain aware at all times you’ll be good. I mean who knows, maybe it’ll workout. So just try to be there as a friend, and that’s it (for now at least.) After that just let time make you and her see where you’re both going with this, if it seems like she’s indeed rushing in with you in a possible “more than friends” way I suggest asking her if she’s really doing this for you. Not for convenience or any other excuse, but a genuine emotion she feels for you (all while asking her to be honest of course.)

@LTDshred

Yeah I know, I was thinking that. That was the risk I took. I’m very well aware of rebound relationships, and I am giving her time to recover.

I could possibly be that boyfriend who got her through the tough times and then she dumps me to find somebody better. However, there is also another possibility that I could that boyfriend she holds onto for a long time.

Either way, this could be 50-50. It can either work for me or blow up in my face; I’m not exactly sure which way it might turn out. However, I am prepared for the worst.

[Wrlprchnx]

I gotta LTD, it seems to me like you are setting yourself up for serious disappointment.

You’ve approached this relationship with an expectation that you will acquire her from it - eventually she will catch on to that and suddenly she will start to suspect your help. Second guess her decision because you helped her make it.

The best case scenario if that happens is that you end up becoming friends who don’t really hang out except for specific reasons (like sitting together at Church).

The worst is her going back to her ex AND harbouring negative feelings towards you.

---

This is the essential problem with having a girl that you allow yourself to be attracted to as a friend… even if your advice is correct, once you’ve given it you can’t really move in on her for a LONG TIME after it’s been given.

---

IMO you really only have two options:

Straight up tell her that you like her, you liked her for a long time now, you still think her ex was bad for her, but you want to be with her.
In other words, be brutally honest about your expectations. At this point if nothing happens between you two you will end up feeling bad around her and the friendship will not be a positive one for your personal development anyways.

The other option is much more difficult - give up those expectations of it going anywhere with her. Hang out with her not expecting ANYTHING to EVER happen, just simply being with her because you genuinely enjoy her company.

The danger here is lieing to yourself, harbouring a secret wish that maybe something will happen. Believe me when I say that is dangerous to your own mental health… and will undoubtedly end up in heartbreak.

This is one of the biggest problem guys have, they try to sit on a fence with girls. Pretend to be their friend while they secretely wish that they could be more. A relationship built on expectations is NOT REAL. Real relationships are defined by actions not expectations.

So yes, this means either man up and be honest with what you want, or choose to not want it.

BTW - If you do choose Path #2 and later decide that you really can’t do it DO NOT PROCRASTINATE IN TELLING HER.

Think about your relationships with men… do you ever make friends with a guy because you hope that you will get something from him for the friendship (other than the benefits of being friends). I don’t and the only example I can think of where men make friends with men for that purpose is brown-nosers at work.

We all know how well those relationships typically work out for brown-nosers (TV actually gets this pretty right) - Yes the brown-noser maybe gets what he wants… but at what cost to his integrity?

Be decisive and polarize your relationship. Humpty Dumpty is the world’s most famous fence sitter and we all know how well that worked out for him.

[LTDshred]

@Wrlprchnx

I gotta LTD, it seems to me like you are setting yourself up for serious disappointment.

You’ve approached this relationship with an expectation that you will acquire her from it - eventually she will catch on to that and suddenly she will start to suspect your help. Second guess her decision because you helped her make it.

The best case scenario if that happens is that you end up becoming friends who don’t really hang out except for specific reasons (like sitting together at Church).

The worst is her going back to her ex AND harbouring negative feelings towards you.

---

This is the essential problem with having a girl that you allow yourself to be attracted to as a friend… even if your advice is correct, once you’ve given it you can’t really move in on her for a LONG TIME after it’s been given.

---

IMO you really only have two options:

Straight up tell her that you like her, you liked her for a long time now, you still think her ex was bad for her, but you want to be with her.
In other words, be brutally honest about your expectations. At this point if nothing happens between you two you will end up feeling bad around her and the friendship will not be a positive one for your personal development anyways.

The other option is much more difficult - give up those expectations of it going anywhere with her. Hang out with her not expecting ANYTHING to EVER happen, just simply being with her because you genuinely enjoy her company.

The danger here is lieing to yourself, harbouring a secret wish that maybe something will happen. Believe me when I say that is dangerous to your own mental health… and will undoubtedly end up in heartbreak.

This is one of the biggest problem guys have, they try to sit on a fence with girls. Pretend to be their friend while they secretely wish that they could be more. A relationship built on expectations is NOT REAL. Real relationships are defined by actions not expectations.

So yes, this means either man up and be honest with what you want, or choose to not want it.

BTW - If you do choose Path #2 and later decide that you really can’t do it DO NOT PROCRASTINATE IN TELLING HER.

Think about your relationships with men… do you ever make friends with a guy because you hope that you will get something from him for the friendship (other than the benefits of being friends). I don’t and the only example I can think of where men make friends with men for that purpose is brown-nosers at work.

We all know how well those relationships typically work out for brown-nosers (TV actually gets this pretty right) - Yes the brown-noser maybe gets what he wants… but at what cost to his integrity?

Be decisive and polarize your relationship. Humpty Dumpty is the world’s most famous fence sitter and we all know how well that worked out for him.

Yeah, you’re right about it. I’m going to be straight forward with her next saturday. I’ve taken the advice and gave her about two weeks after her breakup, and now saturday its all or nothing. I’m going to be on vacation from this sunday to thursday, then that saturday we are going on a walk in the park. I’m going to be as straight forward as I can because now she had time to herself, and cleared the majority part of her memory of her last boyfriend.

I believe she is attracted to me though; last saturday she couldn’t wait to see me. Here’s the text she sent me before I arrived:

“ooo ian! ur silly! im so excited about this!! ahhhh =)”

either she’s a good actor or she really meant that.. she also said that she had a lot of fun and she would love to go to the park.