I recently lost a lot of weight (and I mean a LOT) so now that I am not invisible any more (in fact I think I am getting rather attractive) I’d like to get out and make some new friends or at least chat with some people. I don’t work in an office environment so I don’t come into contact with very many people as part of my day.
So I have to go out and look for people. Where do 30 something people go to hang out/meet people/socialize? Is it all about the bar scene or is there somewhere else I could try?
I have a small arsenal on 'mones I want to try out and see if I can develop the social/fun side of my personality.
Congratulations on loosing the weight. The fact that you’re recognising your own attractiveness should be great for confidence.
In terms of locations. I suppose in depends on where you are geographically. For example where I live, 30+ year olds don’t do nightlife outside the center of London. As they are earning more money than the 20+ boys, they party in more attractive and expensive locations.
A good place to start would be coffee shops, clothes store, book stores and cafes. Depends on the kinda guy you want as well. While you’re at the places mentioned above, why don’t you ask a guy who you think you’ll like. He’ll hopefully tell you the kinda places he and his mates hang out plus you’ve started a conversation. Two birds with one stone .
I guess that all depends where you live and the local areas and also the people you wish to attract or meet.
You go to a metal concert you’re going to meet people with that interest in music and possibly piercing and tattoos etc, you go to a hip hop gig you’ll possibly meet people into that sort of culture etc
Think about what you like to do? Local sporting events? Maybe even try speed dating?
Here where i live in brisbane they have magazines in the local music stores promoting festivals and events that are on.
But like you said, can’t hurt to start at a bar and meet a few people.
Dont be shy, just put yourself out there and be yourself is always the main thing!
Google “bars for 30 somethings” I believe yelp.com should have some reviews for it. It depends on where you live. Out here in the city there are a lot of places downtown that a lot of 30 yr olds frequent and has been fun places from what I’ve heard.
What about friends or acquaintances? Could they somehow point you in the right directiom?
salsa dancings, community events, activties.com and meetup.com wharever … I went to this meet-up that my friend dragged me too, and a few 30 soemthing wanted to take me home. Some were actually alright! Where are you at? Maybe, I can take you out on some dates and even introduce you to some peeps, if you are near DC
I’m only a few years older than you and I still hit clubs and bars. You could look into taking a class, a lot of people meet through adult school classes. Since you lost some weight and seem to feeling good (congrats btw) maybe buy something sexy you can wear at a gym. One thing to consider is having a good social network of female friends. I encourage men to get a good circle of friends of both genders as they can meet people through their social circle. As silly as it sounds you can find a lot of women to befriend via a womens self defense course. You meet some women close to your own age, either single ones you can go out with in a pair, or even attached ones who’s husbands/boyfriends have single guy friends…for some reason women are always trying to get their husbands single friends trapped, I mean involved
Community events? (dont really know about that one maybe not the right place) concerts if your into music, you can go to the gym there are lots of people there, and what guy would turn down talking to a women who cares about her body… no guy would. Girls that hit the gym sexy. you could also try other small things such as shopping, the mall for example. You can go to the beach if you live near one. you can take a dance class, cycling class etc.
The gym(especially in your circumstance) would be a great place. If you have a pet, then walking them in popular parks wouldn’t hurt. Becoming a frequent customer in shops, pizzerias, stores etc…will allow you to make a social connection with owners and employees. This has been the case for me in many instances. If you do work on your computer or own a labtop, and of course have the time, find a place with free wifi. Starbucks and local coffee shops are good places. Getting a job may be in your best interest as well. Even if just part time. This will allow you to make friends(to go out with), meet new people and possibly a date. If drinking isn’t something you do, bars always have bands playing, themed nights, karyoke, ladies night; all great alternatives. Maybe make some friends in your neighborhood and start from there. It’s all about networking, but the most important part is getting out there a doing it. It’s hard at first but eventually pays off and becomes routine.
You know, the best guys hang out here. You all are so nice and helpful.
So in this vein, if I was going to approach a guy to be his friend, what would be a good way to do it without sounding like a total dork? I’m quite sure it doesn’t go “Hi, my name is XXXX, what’s yours?” because I’m not 12 anymore.
So how does it go? If you were looking at books or something in a store would it be reasonable to expect you might be happy if I spoke to you? I mean, that isn’t intruding?
I feel like quite the dork asking about this, but since you all are being so nice I figure I will let my inner insecure dork out and see if I can learn to be smooth and “socially intelligent”. I’m thinking the mones will help me give off a better vibe, now I just need a few lines to go with it. If you need help with your calculus, or training your horse or dog, I can return the favor!
Try pick something of the moment, all you need is an opening line to get the ball rolling then just be yourself and don’t try make things up to sound cool or whatever, not everyone will like you, not everyone can be friends.
If you’re in the book store for example and you see someone pick up a book you’ve read say something like “ohh thats a good book i really liked it because xxxxxxxx, you should totally get it”
Or in the coffee shop someone orders something you wouldn’t normally order yourself you say “oh i haven’t tried that before, whats it like?”
Just general everyday things to break the ice and get the conversation started, then go with the flow!
If you’re only interested in making friends with the guy, find something in common you can talk about. For example, say you see a guy in a bookstore (A HIGHLY underrated place to meet people imo) Comment on the book he’s looking at. Ask a couple of questions (men love to feel like the authority on something).
Maybe go to a place that plays sports games on TV and strike up a convo about the team or game with a group of guys that’s there.
Now be careful, a lot of guys will assume that you’re hitting on them so have a safe disclaimer to throw in and nip it before it becomes an issue. A disclaimer might be something like “You seem pretty interesting, you know I have a few single friends, you should give me your number and maybe I can introduce you to them” On the one hand it prevents him from mistaking your friendship interest for sexual, BUT it still offers him something as you’re essentially telling him that being your friend might work to his advantage later on down the line. Don’t worry if you don’t have a lot of single girlfriends…that’s what a social network is. Imagine yourself as the host of your own party. You’re job is to meet people and make them feel good about themselves and kinda keep a mental file on each one. You’ll meet more people through them and eventually the guy you met can be matched up with the best of friend, of the girlfriend of some other guy you met and his best buddy could be hooked up with a girl you met etc. In the meantime as the circle gets bigger and more intricate you’ll be meeting more and more single men via friends and friends of friends and deciding for yourself if you want to set this one up with a girl in your network, or if you want to keep him as a potential for yourself in the near or far future.
you would not sound like a dork trust me any guy loves a girl that will start a conversation with them. Just like the way you feel(happy inside) when a guy talks to you and you think he is attractive the same goes for us guys. when a women starts talking and shows some interest we feel good inside.
Also i want to tell you. your profile says your in your 30’s it might be a little more difficult. guys can tell if women are only interested in them because they have established a life.( career, savings, etc ) many guys know how to tell if women are just looking for a “man” just to settle down and get married with. The majority of the of women that do this are in their 30’s and men know the signs. that will scare him away. So you do not want to come on strong at all. show your personality, be fun, and just let it flow
I’m not looking to be a ball and chain, I’m looking to breathe a little life into my social life. I mostly hang out with my clients, and they are lovely people, but it would be nice to have some straight up friends, that don’t have the complications of a work relationship. But thanks for the heads up. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.
The disclaimer sounds good too. I’ll remember that.
So it really is just as easy as all that? Walk up to some guy and comment on his book, or coffee, or whatever? That I can do.
So if it’s going well and we seem to be friendly, how do you get connected? Do I give out my card? Is that too formal? My mom has very formal manners and her style is too awkward for my age group these days, but then I feel so rude just waltzing up to someone and talking to them. But that sounds like the way it is these days?
I really appreciate all of your help. It is always best to get answers from the source!
I want to back up for a second. I think everyone here has give you great advice, but we are missing a piece of the puzzle that would make the whole thing collapse without it. What do you like doing? What are your current interest and hobbies? Here is the deal, guys like women that have their own life. It makes you more interesting and fun, and we don’t have to worry as much about you getting clingy. When I met my wife, she was the busiest person I knew. She had a huge social circle and guys were always asking her out. This of course created a great challenge for me. Plus when you have a life and many interest, you will meet more people.
I have a sister-in-law that got divorced about 5 years ago. She moved close to my wife and I and we plugged her into our church and salsa dancing. She’s a bit overweight, she’s in her mid 30’s, and she’s only 5’1, but she does not have a problem meeting men or getting dates. She goes dancing 3 nights a week and the other nights are usually a party or some other get together. Guys have to schedule time with her which of course starts the chase.
Well, I currently own my own business, I train horses for a living. I also run a monthly seminar for riders and a book club about horse training. I’m kind of a workaholic.
Training horses is a kind of solitary job. It is mostly me, the horse and the horse’s owner, who in this area are mostly older women. And they are very nice people. I also do some volunteer work, but that hasn’t put me in contact with other people who have social lives, they are mostly busy with their families and kids.
I was in a car accident a few years back, not long after I moved to the area and so I never really got to making friends outside of work, as it was all I could do to sit upright for an entire day and keep teaching enough to stay in the black.
Now that the pain has mostly resolved, and I have lost the weight, I am just trying to get a more well rounded life.
I kinda missed out on this due to some factors and I’d like to make up for it. I am a nice, normal person who has a life, but just lacks in the social confidence sector. I’d like to make some local friends, since I moved, all of my friends are long distance. And I never really had to go and seek people out before. I met people in college because I was where they were. Same thing before I moved. But now I am not where other people are because of the type of job I have, and even though I have lived here a while, because of circumstances it is like I am new in town.
I promise you aren’t unleashing SNL’s Mary Catherine Gallagher, or Pat on guys in my area!
I will definitely be looking into dancing, I never really gave that much thought. I took ballroom dance in college and always enjoyed it, so salsa or swing sounds very appealing.
I think you will get exactly what you are seeking. Honestly the ratios are more in favor for the guy in most dance places, however with mones the odds will definitely be in your court. Good luck.
I mean, I don’t know about anyone else but I will talk to anyone that attempts any form of conversation with me, especially a woman. I think that if men in general tried to remove the stigma of immediate rejection away from woman that more women would approach men.
What works for me a good deal to break the ice is just as simple as,
“Having a good day?”
or
“You look like you are having a good day.”
Such a neutral question and who would be opposed to answering. If the guy wants to talk then I’m sure he will elaborate with either a follow up question or a open ended answer and not a simple yes or no.
Either way, nothing lost. No rejection in such a question.
.
