I have a date on Sunday with a 30 year old guy. I am 47, but I don’t think he knows how old I am. I think he thinks I’m around his age.
I’m not particularly interested in him (at this point anyway) and don’t know him very well. I’ve just seen him around town (and I guess he’s seen me, obviously) and spoken to him only a few times. Seems like a decent guy.
He actually came over to my house (its a very small town), asked my daughter-in-law for my number (she wouldn’t give it, and instead took his for me to call him to see what he wanted). To my surprise, he asked me if I wanted to “hang out”. I guess that means he wants a date, right?
I thought it would be good to practice interacting with guys again, since i have been with the same person for the past 8 years (the one who was supposed to come out here, and instead suddenly decided to start seeing “someone else”).
But now that its right around the corner, I’m scared. I don’t really care about getting in a relationship or anything like that, I’m not really ready yet. What if he asks how old I am? I’m not going to lie, but I am afraid he might freak out, and that would really suck
What do you have? If you have Instant Shine, I would start with that, to give you the fun, youthful vibe. Not saying you don’t already have it, but IS can help to reinforce it.
Maybe a bit of Instant Openness, if you have that as well. Maybe stay away from Instant Honesty for the first “hang out”. It might be too heavy.
I would stick to the socials if I were you, but if you feel confident than by all means step into Instant Sexiness territory (if you have it).
If he asks you how old you are, ask him how old he thinks you are, and laugh. Don’t make it a serious question. I think this could defuse it and hold the subject off until later. I don’t think he’d freak out, but with that sort of age difference, it might take him aback enough to rethink whether he wants to pursue you or not (unless he’s got a solid pair of cojones). If you let the subject ride long enough for you both to get a good feel for whether there’s chemistry, by that point it may not matter to him (if it was ever going to).
I do have Instant Shine, well actually, what I have so far is listed in my signature now (I just added it). And I just ordered some other stuff (including Instant Openness) but it won’t be here til Monday
My last bf, the one I was just with for 8 years, was 29 when I met him (I was 40). I thought he was older than he was, and I guess he thought I was younger, and the subject of age never came up until he was in too deep and it was too late
I was actually thrilled to have a bf only 11 years younger, I was like, yay, an older guy. Because, my bf before that was 14 years younger. And no, I’m not a serial cradle robber. They come after me. And its hard to say no, especially when the guys my age are all (okay, not all, but have a tendency to be) bald and wrinkly with pot bellies and sit around watching TV, etc.
Now this one is 18 years younger, ack!!
Also, I didn’t like how he asked me to “hang out”. That actually sounds boring. I like a man with a plan!! But its too late, and I don’t feel right about bailing on him at this late date.
Well now, i dont see the problem here… you’ve mentioned not being particularly interested in the guy (as of this moment), so he sounds like the best practice guy you could ask for. I know that sounds harsh for the poor guy, but he DID just cold call ya… can’t be expecting a relationship off the bat.
Use your chance and just hang out with him… brush off your single’s clothing and go test out how your flirting is these days. If he gets thrown off by the age, then so what? It was a fun experience and you got a chance at some practice. But go for the earlier suggestion and maybe hold it off for now or make it into something less serious.
I’m rambling a bit (been studying for… oh, 6 hours?), but my point is this: You’re not going into this thing deeply smitten with the guy, so take it as the learning experience it should be and get back into that dating pool. Some people like to jump right in, but the pool just begged you to dip your toe in it… well, it asked your daughter, technically, but close enough.
Well he did say “hang out” so just think of it as that, something casual.
You dont really care for him one way or the other, and you arent ready for a relationship anyway.
I know if someone had a bad reaction to my age in front of me while “hanging out” it would totally crush my ego, but then Id be like man he’s a real dick and I dont want a relationship much less w/someone like that!
You are who you are, it’s not right or wrong, people either accept you or move on. Not that it would be “hard” to accept you.
He is obviously attracted to you so that says something right?
Just go for it. Like you said, you are not ready for a relationship. That does not mean that you can not have some fun though. Expect nothing and see how it goes. A little fun might be just what you need. Look at it as a chance to use your pheromones. He went out of his way to get your number so there is some attraction there.
I still have no information on time, place or what we might be doing. Do I wear shorts, or jeans, or a dress, or a bikini? Hiking boots, or stilettos? Will it be in a hot humid place, or a cold, chilly one? (this island has just about every single ecosystem that exists, everything from alpine snow to rainforest to desert and everything in between). Will we be skiiing, or sunning at the beach, or toasting over candlelight dinner with expensive champagne (yah, right!)
Its hard to look forward to something when I have no idea what to look forward to…
Island? Wow, this place sounds really interesting!
I typically just wear what I usually wear on a first date, my girly tight jeans and a flattering top, but Im a total jeans girl.
Maybe you could call him and see what he says? How else are you going to know unless you ask, I mean since he hasnt said anything himself.
Don’t over think it, which is funny coming from me.
Hmmm… a 30 year old asking you if you want to hang out with him… that’s pretty vague. I’d more expect that kind of request from a 20 year old. In a 30 year old it could mean anything. Who is he, and where do you know him from? Is he a collegue? A friend of a friend?
What was his tone when he asked? Do you think he has romantic intentions? Does he want to just be friends? Does he want to pick your brain? Does he want to scam you out of a fortune?
I guess, I’d be puzzled in your shoes, and I would have asked more to get a feel for what his intentions are.
Why are you scared? And what do you want to project on this date?
If you want to establish that you aren’t interested in romantic stuff, wear some MX300 (MX134) and some Instant Openness to tone it more social. If you don’t have IO, then a couple of sprays of Instant Honesty with the MX300 instead.
I first met him at the small hospital where I work, he was an outpatient. I would see him around town, and wave, or acknowledge at least (normal, appropriate behavior for around here).
Next time I actually spoke to him was walking into town. We chatted for a minute or two, during which time he said he did computer repairs. I mentioned I was having some trouble with mine, and he gave me his number (in case I wanted his services), I never called.
Maybe six months ago, I had a tv set that I put on Freecycle, and received a call from someone who wanted it. The person showed up, and to our mutual surprise, it was him. So now he knows where I live, but I live in an old abandoned plantation house that looks like its ready to tumble down, and he didn’t come inside either, it was on the porch.
Then, about a month ago, my truck broke down on the highway, and I was waiting for someone who was on the way to rescue me. He happened by, and asked if I needed help. I waved him on, and told him thanks but I’m all set.
About a week later, my daughter-in-law tells me that he stopped by, and you know the rest.
When I called him, his tone was a little shy and nervous, as though he didn’t ask girls out much.
I guess I’m scared because my social skills are a bit rusty. I don’t know what I want to project, I don’t want to go to bed with him (not yet anyway, if ever).
Yes, the “hanging out” thing is a bit odd, and a bit of a turn off. But its too late to back out, and I still need to call him to find out if he has a plan (I like a man with a plan, then I know what to look forward to )
Blech, how did I get myself into this anyway? Sunday I could be reading my library books, or chatting with you guys here, which I really enjoy!)
I’m not even going to attempt to pretend I know anything about a situation like this, Sillykitty. So many of the other girls are so much more qualified than I am.
I would definitely give him a call first and get a plan going - then just dress accordingly as long as you do it casually. Perhaps at this point, the less stressed you are about this, the better it’ll go. It helps to keep the mindset you had when you accepted the proposal - " just practice". You seem plenty intelligent and headstrong enough to go out, have some no-strings-attached fun and not be willed into being a part of something you didn’t want to be in.
( if all fails, maybe a great time to try out the social pheros you have )
Are you creeped out at all by any of this at all? Sorry to seem so suspicious. It is just that this seems like a lot of coincidences to me.
'Course, it is a small town, so that makes a difference, I guess. I’d still not assume anything and find out what he wants to do if I were in your shoes. And I’d do a little checking up to see if anyone knows anything about him.
Might I suggest that you go into things with no expectations. If could set yourself a goal of making his experience pleasant and memorable, and figure that you are successful if he leaves with a smile on his face and a light heart, and that you know each other a bit better than before. It could be a great success even if you both just find you enjoy each other’s compay but don’t want to explore a more exclusive relationship for whatever reason. You will also have expanded your social network. Who knows, maybe he’ll think you’re so neat that he’ll fix you up with some wrinkley old rich guy with a pot belly and a plan!
He’s apparently a bit nervous too, from what you said.
On the clothes I’d suggest unpretentious everyday wear. Perhaps jeans. If he suggests a fancy restraunt or exploring ice caves on the local glacier, you can either suggest a local burger joint instead, or stop back by your house for a change of clothes.
I finally called him today, and asked him what the plans were. He asked if I had much time tomorrow, and I said I had all day. He said, “How about we get something to eat?”, and I replied, “Sounds good to me”. He is picking me up around noon, and taking me to Waimea (the closest “real” town) for lunch.
He also sounded slightly nervous, in the way that a guy who likes a girl can be.
He actually moved to Hilo, about 45 minutes away, recently, because, he said, there’s not much to do in Honokaa (true, but I’m one of those people who is never bored, no matter where I am). So, he’s driving all the way from Hilo to take me to lunch in Waimea.
I did ask one of the doctors (forgot who his doctor was) if he knew anything about him, but no luck. I do know that he has no idea about my circumstances, I think he just thinks I’m cute, and live in an abandoned house, and work at the hospital.
The coincidences are just that, coincidences. My job and the fact that I live right in town (and walk to work and walk to the store, etc) makes it pretty hard to not regularly interact with many of the people in this community.
This town is so small and cozy, people even go to the grocery store in their pajamas sometimes (even me, but I throw jeans on and a jacket over so nobody knows, lol)
Now that I know what the plan is, I do feel a little better. At least I can be more “mentally prepared”.
I don’t feel creeped out at all, just a little nervous about the age difference, which doesn’t bother me, but might bother him (he is only 4 months older than my son). So if I did get to know him better, and he asks me who are those people at your house,then I’ll have to say, thats my son and daughter-in-law and grandson. I’m afraid to like him too much, because then I’m putting myself at risk of being hurt.
Now, for phero wear, of course I want to appear attractive, and not old. I guess Instant Shine, but the few times I’ve used it haven’t done too much for me. Maybe because it was pretty much at work only?
Or, maybe I can bring my pheros with me, and sneak myself sprays of stuff here and there. But which ones, and in what order?
I know you look and feel younger than what you are, but I reckon a few spritzes of IS would be a good one… Both to boost your own confidence (if you’re still a bit nervous about the whole thing) and to give you that extra youthful glow
Then how about a dash of Mx300 (for the confident flair) and a good dose of Mx135 (for that centre of attention feel good vibe) Maybe stay low in dose with Mx300 as he seems a tad nervous…you don’t want to intimidate that poor fella
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