My coworker who is also a pretty good friend of mine threw a party a couple nights ago. He recently broke up with his girlfriend a couple days prior. They were dating for about 4 years. I met her because of him.
Anyways, i was completely wasted and pass out one of friend’s room. In the middle of the night when everybody was gone, my friends ex came in the room and started kissing me. I had on ammo and TUTH (maybe this had something to do with it). We made out for about an hour until I said I could not continue.
I feel so shitty. I am not the type of guy to do this and this has been eating me up all week. The bad part is I know my friend would never do anything like this to me. I feel like I betrayed him . Should I tell him? It’s so hard because I work with him and i know it would turn out bad.
Wow difficult sittuation, I think you should be honest with him, Honesty for me is always the best. Explain him the situation, and how bad you feel… If he is your good friend, he’ ll probably be mad at first but things will get better.
I would say I was half asleep and I didn’t have a focus on reality (which you didn’t at the time). However, I wouldn’t tell him I was drunk. Tell him you had such a massive hangover you had no idea what was going on and was basically helpless. Also mention she approached you, and not the other way around, and say you’re sorry.
Like PheroWolf said, he might get angry at you initially. But he will soon come to his senses and everything will work out in the end.
Because no matter what the circumstances, no matter how he might have hurt her and vice versa, no matter how much the guy may say she was a…well anyway. Regardless, there’s possibly a small part of him that might see it as a betrayal from the OP and a stab in the back from his ex. The old saying “bros before ho’s”. Not that I’m condoning the OP’s actions, if he’s so worried about his friendship with his friend, then take the high road and admit the truth. If the guy is his friend, he might be pissed but he shouldn’t take it too badly. Guys are just as fucked up in the head as women are.
I like you dude…but this question betrays your age. While banging each others girls within days of breaking up might be ok in high school where long term means you met first day of class and made it past homecoming…in the big world out there where the dynamics of relationships go much deeper. To do something like sleep with a friend or co-workers girl within days of them breaking up will cause many more problems than a quick lay is worth.
You bang a girl, but you have to see your friend or co-worker day in and day out for however long you stay at that company. Your integrity is shot with him and amongst your fellow co-workers when it WILL get out.
What’s her motive behind all this? Maybe she just wants to create more pain. A good friend of mine, me and his girl were just chatting one night about relationship problems and she just flat out told me..“.we women like to see how much pain we can cause some times. Even if for no reason other than to cause pain.”
You could just be a pawn in her game to hurt this dude. Now if this had been a relationship that broke up a year plus and he had dated someone in between, then I wouldn’t be too bothered by it. I would definitely tell the dude…“hey, if there’s a problem with me seeing XXXX let me know, otherwise I think I’m gonna ask her out.” Or something like that.
I think you should tell him the truth. Even though I think sleeping with your friend’s ex is a no-no, you were drunk and she initiated. You stopped it before things went any further.
I agree with thegentleman that there’s a good chance she did this to cause jealousy and if you don’t tell him, she might. And if he hears it from her and realizes you kept it from him, he’ll be less understanding.
Hey guys, I don’t think he actually had sex with the girl. While making out can get pretty hot and heavy it’s not exactly the same as doing the deed. While I think honesty is always a good thing, I also think that it can be a minefield in these sorts of situations.
I think the situation also depends on who broke up with who and if it was amicable or not. If your friend broke up with this girl, it is possible she had some petty motive to make a move on one of her ex’s friends. In this situation it is advisable to tell your friend the truth, and make a sincere apology explaining that you have been really torn up about it.
If the girl was the dumper…this is where it may get tricky. If you tell him the truth but he still has feelings for her, it could be a very messy situation. He may or may not forgive you depending on how strong your friendship with him is. I don’t like saying it, but maybe it would be best not to tell him while the wound is still fresh. But that could just come back to bite you on the ass later.
I hope I’ve helped a little bit. Best of luck with your situation!
Sometimes, it’s just best to leave secrets in the dark. This is one of those times. If you value the friendship … KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
No need in feeling bad … she came to you, which is probably something she’s been thinking about for a looooong time. Cleanse your thinking, and see what’s behind DOOR #2.
And just in case you didn’t know it … THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPENS ALL OVER THE WORLD. :o
The bad part is that she might tell her ex about what happened i.e. if she gets mad and wants to hurt him and that would leave this guy in a very bad position if he’s been trying to keep a lid on it.
I think it’s better to tell your friend right away. Let him know how shitty you feel and how much you regret it, because the longer you hide this the bigger the betrayal will seem to him once he finds out.
It’s a role of the dice. Some would understand … some will not.
Craps or 7 - 11? Will he roll the dice, crap out, and repeat those famous words … I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN; or will he hit 7 or 11, and his friend understands it all through his moment of being pissed off because of the break up, and not think they’ve been at it behind his back all this time?
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of ‘SHOULD HE HAVE, OR DID HE DO IT?’
But what if she tells your co-worker/her ex/your buddy?
May I kindly suggest that you take the honest route and tell your friend about it. It’s not like you *#&$#? her all night long. You were vulnerable, passed out and in no condition to see what was going on You’re a victim bro.
The HONEST ROUTE is telling the truth when he’s questioned, if you asked me. There is no victim in this story … he made out for an HOUR, so he KNEW what was going on. He will be damned if he tells, and he will be damned if he doesn’t.
She may have done it to hurt his friend. It happens ALL THE TIME.
Hand him the dice, please.
Good luck, whichever you chose to do. I guess you can tell him with the thought, “I CAN FIND ANOTHER FRIEND.” Not!
It looks like the pheromone may have seeded desire in the woman. How much did you talk to her earlier in the night before you went to bed? Did you notice any IOIs from her earlier in the night?
I really wanna thank everyone here. I appreciate everyone giving their advice and opnions. I will own up to what I did as soon as I see him again at work. I know it will be hard, but I could not live with myself. thank you guys!
A wise decision, I believe. If you’re good friends, it will turn out OK even if he may initially be pissed off. I’ve been in similar situations and far worse. With age one learns to not risk true friendship by foolish stunts like this, but shit has to happen sometimes or there’s no lessons.
If this is a friend at work rather than outside of work, I would not tell him unless you are prepared for messy consequences. Depending on work politics he could turn others against you and it could make your life miserable.
If you do tell him, at the very least, wear A314 to raise your status to help with the fallout.
