Ladies or relationship experts: is it good form to ask her to be your girlfriend?

Lounge
1

assuming a real relationship that isn’t puppy love or a fling, taken on by two grown and mature people (20’s and higher, i know “mature” is fairly subjective)…

is it considered good form to ask the girl to be your girlfriend?

i’ll give the backstory to this a bit later once i have more time to type but let’s just say i goofed a bit on this. :o

mx203 DEMOLITION + honesty BACKFIRE = draw
2

I think it depends really… I would feel a bit like I was back in high school if a guy asked me to be his girlfriend :roll_eyes:

BUT it’s also nice to know that a new relationship is developing into something a bit more substantial…I reckon asking or talking about what the other person wants in terms of whether they want an exclusive & committed relationship, or a non-committing “fun for now” relationship is fine…
It’s pretty much the same thing as asking someone to be your girlfriend in a way I suppose, but with more mature language :slight_smile:

3

to a girl that wants the same thing you want,
there is no such thing as “good form”.

i dont believe you can go wrong.

if it feels more natural to state it in that fashion as a question, by all means do it.
when your natural about anything, its good form for you.

if it feels more natural to beat around the bush asking questions such as
" i know i want to be exclusive, with just you, are you feeling that way too? "
that wouldnt be wrong ,either.
either way she knows where you stand and thats a good thing.:slight_smile:

just my opinion.

4

the timeline of backstory events to help put the situation into perspective.

  • early 2008: i meet this girl i call sarah. she had a bf at the time i met her so we were just friends. they broke up near the middle of the year.
  • october 2008: hadn’t seen her from when we met until now, so we basically met again. she was single but not really looking; however, this meant that i could be more forward with her should anything happen. i helped her through a rough time and we considered ourselves good friends.
  • october - december 2008: we hang out occasionally, mostly at the same bar every week and sometimes at random events. still at the friend stage.
  • jan 2009: we celebrate new year’s together. first time she was around my new phero sig, which was fairly bombtastic. full story here: pheromone fried rice - #2 by jayarea took a big leap in our friendship stage by sharing the same bed. i think at that point we both decided to dip our toes into the water and see what could come about.
  • jan - present (march) 2009: gradually advancing our relationship. introduced the sexual aspect. getting to know each other more, spend time alone (date-style) outside of bars and meeting at parties. we’re no longer dipping our toes in the water; we’ve pretty much jumped in at this point.
  • mid - late february: spent some time alone (couple-style) during valentine’s day and on a random trip to really bond and make some memories together. (i.e. she had never tried a certain food before our random trip, thus she can associate that new experience with me. luckily she didn’t throw up or anything. :roll_eyes:) introduced non-sappy couple-ish “references” (for lack of a better word) such as “thanks babe” or “good luck honey.”
  • early march 2009: we were having a deep convo and she asked me if we were exclusive, and i said yes. (NOTE 1) she was very happy to hear this. we had been exclusive probably since october 2008 but now it was finally set in stone and affirmed. basically seen as a couple at this point. she’s been around my friends plenty and they all enjoy her company, and she started introducing me to her friends that weren’t part of the party crew. people know to put our rsvp down for 2, etc.
  • march 12, 2009: the event that brought about the question. full story here: mx203 DEMOLITION + honesty BACKFIRE = draw essentially she had been waiting for me to ask her and after some persuasion by her friends, i asked her and now we’re “officially” a couple.

NOTE 1: i thought at this point, we were “a couple.” we had been exclusive for a while (basically since we met the second time) and our feelings were of the same mindset. i know that you can’t assume too much in a relationship so i didn’t immediately go around telling people she was my girlfriend at this point. with previous relationships both parties used the title when it felt right. to me it’s like saying “i love you.” it’d be weird to ask a girl “hey, can we say ‘i love you’ to each other now?” same for the girl/boyfriend thing. establish exclusivity, get your feelings for each other straight and on the same track, and one day when somebody asks who that girl is, you just feel right saying “that’s my girlfriend.”

well, apparently this is not the case, at least with sarah. and to make things clear, i’m not holding anything against her or harboring bad feelings toward her for making me ask her. she wanted me to ask, i asked. i do see her point as well. she wanted to establish the fact for her peace of mind and to solidify a stepping stone in our relationship.

i find this interesting and while i know there’s not a right answer to this question, i just wanted to see some opinions on this. i mentioned “good form” because i wasn’t sure if i had been doing it wrong all along or if there was some sort of old school gentleman vibe i had been missing, like holding a door open or something.

in my post about this event, i mention talking to one of her friends about this whole situation. she said “look, you need to ask her.” i replied “well, we already established that we’re exclusive. is that not the same thing?” she said no and i asked about the differences. she laughed, probably because she could not give me a good answer, and said that being exclusive means we’re only with each other (duh). i tried a few more times to get her to explain the differences and she kept telling me to just ask sarah to be my gf.

oh, the intricacies of deep human interaction and attraction. :slight_smile:

5

Yo man, I’m no relationship expert, but I think you worked things through pretty well.

I like Lor’s answer, whatever feels natural man. I refuse to believe that it would be a deal breaker for a girl that’s into you.
I’m kinda like you, when I read ‘exclusive’ I thought ‘Isn’t that basically calling her your gf?’ But I guess for some there is a difference, and it matters.

6

I ask her to be my soul-mate…

As cheesy and silly it may sound, it all depends on the situation and the tone of your voice. I cant stress enough on either of those two.

7

Saying something along those lines does help make it clear what your expectations are. If you want a future together and/or want no others dating her, having her agree on that lets you know where you stand. It does not really matter how you ask, you can ask in a way that works for you. “I love you” can work too if she returns it.

Also, if she feels differently about you, better to know sooner than later. You have been seeing each other regularly for half a year, so she likely knows how she feels.

8

I agree with Butterfly. It’s good to find out if the person you are interested in is on the same page as you. Nothing is more hurtful than thinking that you two are exclusive and then finding out that your partner is “partnering” with others.

Pamela

9

Heh I asked my current LTR to “be my girlfriend” once I had cleared up everything with other girls (I.E. when I finished what needed sorting out for exclusiveness) - she thought it was rather endearing