Recently, I have become more confident when it comes to talking to girls. Just earlier today i was talking to someone, she asked my name and told me hers. I had to go because I was in a hurry. As soon as i started to walk away I realised that I should have asked her out. Is this acceptable? I was thinking what the hell if I see her tomorrow I will and if any other girl shows an interest I’m going to do the same. What is there to lose?
Why not? The worst thing she can say is no. This is how you can perfect and hone your asking-out skills, trial and error is always the best teacher!
How much time is not the issue, it’s more a matter of establishing the foundation first before trying to number close or confirm a “bounce/time bridge” (date) for a follow up interaction.
You’d be amazed at how often I see guys shotgun and steamroll in trying to score a number or date. This is funny because it’s not at all far off from what I see daily.
Now a better and more effective way is to just have a pleasant conversation and establish attraction and value first. Ask other questions first to show you’re interested in her as a person BEFORE you jump to the number date question.
Yes, definitely. The key thing, as RADMAN so astutely pointed out, is to let her know you’re interested in her as a person, not just as someone you are hoping to “get lucky” with. Nothing turns me off faster than a guy who is obviously interested in one thing, and really couldn’t care less about me.
Also, you have to truly want to know her as a person. If you pretend to want to know her as a person just to get in her pants, you may get away with it and get what you want, but you will also cause pain and trauma to her when she realizes that was all you ever cared about.
This is probably the toughest thing about meeting people when there are legitimate time constraints. Once a number is given it can’t be taken back. I know you’re talking about an actual date but if time is such an issue, obviously the numbers have to be exchanged in order to work out the details at a later time.
You want to see something funny?, go to a shopping mall and people watch. I see young guys walk up to girls very boldly (which is good) but they go straight for a number/date close. They ask for the name, maybe they ask if she has a boyfriend before going for the number, if they go for the number and are denied, then they bring up the boyfriend issue. If the girl claims to have a boyfriend (whether she does or not is irrelevant to their methods) they then usually ask how big he is…wtf? like being able to beat up the boyfriend is going to endear you to her?
Now I do see this method work, the problem is this…it doesn’t work very often, hence the shotgun method of approaching as many women as possible that the law of averages dictates at least SOME of them will respond favorably.
The other problem is that you will almost always hit some resistance because you haven’t given her any reason to be attracted to you, nor shown her that you’re attraction to her is for anything beyond her looks. When I see it work it’s usually because of persistence on the guys part. He simply badgers her and keeps working until she says yes. Which can usually lead to a fake number (not so much these days because women know you probably have your phone on you and may actually send a text or something right away to confirm it). It’s not that she actually likes the guy usually, but more that she’s just tired of defending her choice not to give her number or agree to a date.
The steamroller method of just plowing forward past resistance can A.) get her to get angry and make a scene where some nearby do gooder looking for brownie points will come in like a white knight and tell you to leave her alone. Or B.) simply takes so long that being able to close in 5 minutes is just not going to happen.
It’s tough to close in 5 minutes to begin with. I’d say that the number close would be a form of compliance test or asking for an IOI and the actual date would be part of the comfort stage. So you would need imo at least 15 minutes in order to establish enough attraction in her, and communicate enough of the right kind of interest from you, that she would feel secure giving you a number and or agreeing to a date.
Open indirectly, engage in some light and fun conversation where you flip some attraction/value switches, ask some screening questions, compliment her answers and express interest based on that, then explain that you’re short on time but would like to continue getting to know her and tell her that you’re doing blah blah blah on saturday and that she should come along. Then tell her give you her number so you can give her the details later.
The important thing to remember is to ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING FUN PLANNED…or at least make it up and then plan it after she agree’s lol.
If you say “Could I get your number so I can call you and we can go hang out sometime?” She has no idea what “hanging out” means, it doesn’t actually sound fun, and since you don’t have a plan, then for all she knows you could wind up calling her and spending two hours of her time on the phone repeating “sooooo, how you doing?” in as many different ways as possible in order to avoid an uncomfortable silence.
If she’s feeling some degree of attraction, and feels like you’re attracted to her for reasons she’s comfortable with…AND she knows you’re going to be doing something fun or interesting later, she’ll be more inclined to accept the invite.
Good point - never ask someone to “hang out”. I’ve been asked out that way before and it makes it sounds so booorrrrinnng, lol, zzzzz! It also makes it sound like the guy wants to just be friends. I mean, “hanging out” is something one normally does with their buddies, yes?
Haha, how funny, especially these guys who are so condemning of the “friend zone” don’t even realize they are inviting just that with their choice of words, lol.
“Would you have lunch (coffee, a drink, go to the beach, anything really)?” sounds way better and more confident than “hanging out”. It shows that you are a “man with a plan” which is hugely attractive (to me, at least) and shows that you are not a wishy-washy guy with no guts and no imagination.
Rad, how is it that you observe men doing that all the time? Does it have to do with your work?
I suggest checking your local paper or online sites regarding your home town to stay up to speed on upcoming events. If you have a smart phone you can get an app like poynt for this. What might surprise some guys is how many women that you would expect can’t imagine anything other than bar hopping and clubbing to be fun, jump at the chance of going to an art hop, or a brewpub where local artists play blues, salsa night at a club, wine tours etc. Don’t get me wrong…“Me and some friends are going clubbing this saturday, you should come along.” is good and can be fun but if you get the number that means you’re past the initial attraction phase and are ready for comfort…why take her someplace where conversation is going to be so difficult? Besides which, the more unorthodox the date, the more interesting you seem to her.
I have said (more or less) on a bunch of previous threads that RADMAN’s advice is awesome and he should bring himself up here and educate these guys in the state of ambivalence.
The advantage to doing something like an artwalk is a lot of those go from daytime into nighttime. No stress, just walkin’ and chillin’, laughing and looking or doing some fun things. Also a great way for mutual fun discovery - if you’ve never been to a particular event and want to check it out - hey, I doing this because I’ve never been - wanna go with me and check it out? This way when you’re eating snacks and such, if she’s an open mouth chewer you find out before a restaurant 
:D. Movies, as far as I’m concerned have even more issues than clubs - because you’ll get thrown out for chatting.
As to the boyfriend question - don’t ask it. If you go there, there’s a bunch of learned responses that she’s been “educated” into. The boyfriend question is best left alone. She will bring it up, if that’s her reason for saying no. She will invent a boyfriend if she’s feeling threatened or cornered. Doesn’t take much to feel threatened, either, btw. Just a guy who won’t leave you alone in a public place - wtf? You will not get a genuine response if her body language and language is telling you no. GUYS decide in a couple of seconds what and how much they want from a girl. GIRLS take a bunch of time, and one of the considerations is: How considerate are you?
As RAD and Sillykitty said; 5 minutes is not enough - and don’t let multiple targets see you hitting on another target. I just figured out what was “wrong” with a game plan on a previous thread. No girl wants to be just one in a line up. If you approach one girl with her friend beside her; if your target says no - in the name of common sense DON’T ask her friend “what about you, then” - I’ve seen this enough times to tell you NOT to do it.
Remember only the most shallow of females is going to be stoked about being asked out or pursued on the value of looks alone. So, after you’ve done complimenting her looks, what would you do for the next few hours? Take the 15 and see if your target can string a few coherent, intelligent sentences together. If you walk away from 15mins with a smile and number - awesome. What if you walk away from 15mins with a wtf face, no clue if she speaks more than 100 words and a blank on what to do for a bunch of hours before you get to ‘close the deal’?
Spend a minute or 15, it will pay off. Better than being bored with a gorgeous girl, who doesn’t have a brain and still won’t let you get there. But hey, I’m only a fem and my advice isn’t RAD. lol
Take his advice and Sillykitty’s - I know that guy could get a number, date and close on a phone call. 
Sorry I missed this, while I know I’m responding to somebody that’s been banned I still think answering the question may help some people.
It’s simple social awareness. Before I seriously decided to study attraction and seduction theory, I could watch and look at interactions all day but I couldn’t SEE what was actually going on. As I learned more and more from various “guru’s” I would suddenly notice a lot of “holy shit they’re right”.
I remembered things I had done in the past and the women reacted almost exactly the way the instructors said they would. When by sheer coincidence I had done things they teach, I had good nights and women responded a certain way, when I was doing the wrong things, I got blown out.
Watching people (men and women) became something I started doing with open and analytical eyes suddenly. I SEE things all the time because when I’m out, I pay attention. I go shopping at the mall and if I decide to grab a bite at the food court I’ll see dozens of attempts of guys opening set on a group of girls, these are usually kids ranging from HS to college age. I go to a bar or club and I’ll eyeball interactions around me, one guy doing everything wrong will effect the mood of a set and their openness to a follow up approach by somebody else. (if the guy gets blown out but the group is still in good humor they’re MORE likely to welcome an opening from somebody that knows how to run game, if the guy manages to piss the group off, they can be almost impossible to open after that)
Men are meeting and trying to build attraction with women around you all the time. It’s just a matter of opening your eyes. When you really get into PUA stuff you’ll begin to notice that the successful guys are doing what the PUA instructors are teaching (either because they studied, learned from hard experience, or like in my case just happened to do things right at that particular time).
LMAO!!! I’ve seen this in action… a buddy of mine got slapped for it!!! xD