Without giving you every shred of my life story (we’d be here for hours)
Over a year ago, I proposed and she said yes. It went very well for the first few months until she began to stress over the wedding rather than be joyous in it. Long story short, I think I was ready to settle, and in theory she was, but not in practice.
The months leading to our end she had cheated on me with a female friend of hers, but asked me if she could do it before it actually happened. I initially said Yes, but then told her I wasn’t ready to emotionally deal with that and I asked her to wait.
Months later I found she did it several times anyway. First time she has ever cheated on me.(This was her first experience with a member of the opposite sex, and frankly she liked it).
It was an amazingly positive & loving 9 or so years, but year 10 is when it all began to fall apart. I don’t think she was ready for the ring or to settle down so to speak, and I think the very act of proposing and having her say yes skyrocketed my love for her to the point of being needy.
I always wanted to be with her, or involved with whatever she was doing. I think I forgot to let her breathe and have her own life. Getting cheated on made that even worse because I got worried and went into “save my relationship overdrive” mode. (never helpful.) She probably saw how needy I was being and started to feel suffocated. I let myself go some, so she probably wasn’t feeling very attracted to me physically, but I began hitting the gym before things hit rock bottom. She even came with me afew times, but I think it was too little too late.
I have used tuth on her once years ago when she, and it was a very intense sexual experience. But again, this is when we were in very positive standing and she was probably still physically attracted to me.
Her best friend (my friend first, so I trust that my information with her is confidential) has been telling me “I think its reasonable that you two will end up together once shes feeling more confident and like herself. You treated her well, and she will remember that for a very long time. But that has less to do with you, and way more to do with her as a person.”
For now, i’m working to improving myself. Signing up for 5k’s, joined a fencing club, trying to rekindle old friendships that i’d lost.
I’m not sure if its wise to believe we will be back with each other one day, because i’m not my ex, and I don’t know if time apart will get her addicted to freedom, or realizing that she wants healthier & happier versions of us to meet again.
Is one month to end NC enough? I don’t know. The relationship was a great one for so long, and a bad one for a relatively small amount of time.
What i’m making myself believe (because I imposed NC, and if I contacted her today I know she’d respond.) is that I treated her well. And there is a possible shot for us in the future, but I need to improve and find who I am again, just as much as she needs to.
Maybe mones can help with the initial meetup, just to make me shine a bit more.
I know they wont fix whats underneath, but I don’t know that they’ll hurt either.
EDIT: The only situation where i’d bump into her is one that would be unnatural and clearly staged unfortunately. Unless I legit see her at the grocery store near our house, or at our apartment (I moved out and told her to stay). But I think I should avoid that apartment for awhile even after NC ends.
) and as a result in some ways, she’s looking for a way to let you down gently or at least legitimise/share the responsibility with her. Caution needs to be exercised from here-on and if you do reconnect, you are going to need to ensure she invests herself strongly before you get back-in any deeper.