Well I consider a lot of the people here pretty intelligent and together so I thought I would ask this question here.
What do you guys and girls do to move on from your ex and get over them completely?
For me its been a month and I now need to move on completely as she has a new boyfriend and has moved on, plus I have no interest in getting back together just want to work through the pain.
I would say this is a pretty common issue and I have never seen it asked here (correct me if I’m wrong)
So what tools do you guys use to move on?
I am assuming that you mean a girlfriend and not a wife. I had to ask because a wife is a completely different answer because there is more than just moving on from a broken heart.
I’ve had 6 girlfriends in my life that I considered serious and long term. Some were easy to move from, some were hard, one was excruciating.
I can give a stock answer and tell you to go keep busy with activities to keep your mind off of her, but in my case that did not speed along the healing. You will have to go through the mourning process no matter what. It’s not to say that getting involved in new activities wouldn’t be a good thing for you, because it would, but if her memory twists your gut and you would rather be alone one night instead, it’s OK. If you want to cry, that’s OK too. If you want to go to the gym and punch the crap out of the boxing bag, do that too.
In the end, time will be your best friend. One day you will wake up, and the hurt will be gone. Trust me.
Thanks dude,
Yep long term relationship not wife thank god 
My one relationship that’s been longer than a year actually.
Cheers dude.
So far for me its been
- Talking it out with family and a therapist
- Getting back into the gym
- Working with a mens group to learn how to grieve and deal with things properly and heal old wounds
- Catching up with lots of mates
- Actively working on self esteem with the HPP Cd’s that Steve recommended
The thing I worry about is that I didn’t move on from her last time and I need to this time. So just looking at other ideas that people used to get them over a girl
Yeah, all those things you list are good things and will help. I caught up with my neglected friendships, went to bars and met some new girls, and got laid occasionally. But at the end of the day when you are lying in bed and waiting to get to sleep, you will know when you are getting over her is when she is not what you are thinking about at those times every night.
One thing that did help me was to make a list, either on paper or mentally, of the worst times I had with that girlfriend, of all the irritating habits, of the ways she had hurt me, and other things I could not have lived with for the rest of my life. After a breakup and some time has passed, for some reason it is in our nature to think about only the good parts of the relationship and forget the bad. Focusing on the bad and reasoning that you can do better with the next girlfriend had helped.
Hey TwistedOstrich,
I am glad you brought this up. My soon to be ex wife is a borderline, and it took 19 years of marriage and not knowing what the hell was going on before somebody came right out and told me it sounded like she had BPD. I read and read, and everything fit to a tee, from her background to her symptoms. Facing the Facts, one of your links, is one of my hangouts for the last 4 years. Were you involved with one?
jimbobday, the borderline normally moves on quickly, leaving a trail of emotional destruction in her/his wake. Their greatest fear is being abandoned and alone, and that is rooted in their childhood experience. As they move on to a different partner, they often leave their old partners “hooked” in some way. It’s best explained by saying that they have a backup plan in case their current relationship does not work out. Let us know if any of this applies to your relationship with her. This is a completely different animal than the normal breakup.
WG
I’ve been recovering for a year.. shes still there in my mind like in the movie Inception. She knows this forum too…
Its interesting I remember her saying she was training me to deal with her, as if she knew things weren’t quite right and a storm was coming.
I had sent her a list by email, a lot like the one with 40 items above asking her to stop doing those things. She replied I was right and she was sorry… It become my fault a week later and I was crazy for sending her things like that. 
Thanks all,
WOW these almost fit her to a tee. The only things that don’t is that she doesn’t abuse drugs or alcohol and she keeps coming back to me but as you said this is usually after another failed relationship. She always is the one to leave them except with me I was the one who left her.
very interesting and I can relate a lot to the emotional intensity. It all makes sense as I have not had to much trouble dealing with other breakups before her.
So how does one deal with this?
TO,
You need to join us on the FtF site. I am a senior member there of the same forum name. There are a ton of people on that site going through what you are. It literally saved my sanity.
Peace.
WG
Thanks dude whats the address of the site or something I can google to get to it. So glad I figured this one out explains so much
Of the nine established criteria for borderlines, only 5 of the 9 is needed for diagnoses ( my soon to be ex-wife has all 9, and it took 22 of the 23 years before she revealed the 9th. )
Like I said to Ostrich, recovery from this kind of relationship is in it’s own league. You cannot save her or change her, but you can change YOU. Come visit us on FtF 
I don’t know if I can give a URL here, but Google “Facing the Facts” and it will give you the URL. You will see me there often.
Good luck.
Cheers man just had a look at a list of all the behaviours that was in the link Ostrich posted and out of the 50 behaviors I could literally only find one that didn’t fit her :S
All this time I thought there was something wrong with me :S this has helped me so much.
Sorry man whats the website address or what can I google to find the site?
Try a Google on what I posted. If you cannot find it still, please send me a PM.
Oh, and please post an introductory post. The welcoming ambassadors will direct you to the appropriate forum to start with. Like I said, you will find me there with the same name. Looking forward to seeing you!
Thanks man. I’m over there look forward to getting to know other people dealing with the same issue and really appreciate you and ostrich bringing this to my attention
I delete their number from my cell phone, I don’t text to say “Hi”
Once I end the relationship, I end it - I think both men and women should do the same.
Finally I remind myself there are more women out there that have plenty to offer and I fill my time with hobbies or going out meeting women.