So, every thread i have read is followed by intelligent well-thought out replies. So i figure i’ll drop a question thats been bothering me and see what comes up. I was in a very serious relationship with a girl. We dating for six years from age 18-24. Well, as in every relationship we had bumps along the road, i always attributed this to our immature ages. Anyways long story short…she broke up with me thru a text message and has not tried once to contact me since then. I have talked to her on facebook and from a few ill concieved drunken calls/texts. i never bothered her aside from the first few weeks when i was an emotional mess. There was no glaring reason to end it, i mean yes we had a rough stretch for the last month we were together, but nothing i’d ever consider ending a relationship over. We even got a dog together a couple years back, to which we were both extremely attatched. Basically i can’t understand how a woman who i believe was in love with me can just flip a switch and not care to interact with me? I mean she hasn’t talked to me once! its a total confidence downer. I truely thought i would spend my life with this girl. I can’t seem to aknowledge the fact that it is over, i mean its been four months now. I see her car driving and i instantly am come over with anxiety and sadness. She was my first love. I’m lost as a person without her and don’t know where to go or what to do.
can anyone imagine why/how she could just totally forget me after six years?
Any ideas on helping me over her? i’ve been with a couple other girls already with no ease of the pain.
thanks
PS- i don’t mean to seem like a whiney emotional little bitch, before this happened i was extremely confident or not overly emotional.
I’m really sorry man… i just went through something that rattled my world too… seriously… didnt eat for like 2 weeks… really sorry to hear what happened. Usually these things tend to start way earlier than when the break up actually happens. It’s very possible that she had been feeling this way a little bit before the break up, which might be part of why the last month was bad. I guarantee you she hasn’t forgotten about you… but women are a bit crazy (sorry ladies). There’s not one thing that will help you get over her, the pain will be there… one thing that helped me a TON is to keep yourself busy, and always be around friends. It will get way better after some time and keeping busy and not being alone for extended periods of time helped me more than i ever thought it would…
Oh and don’t feel like a pansy… I kind of felt the same way, part of why I don’t talk to people much about my problems… but most people have been through things like this and will understand… the hurt is indescribable… just hang in there.
again, really sorry for your predicament, but things will get better. STAY BUSY!
wierdest part is she called me from a wedding she was at about a week and a half before the break-up saying how it made her realize she wanted to marry me…talk about a dagger in the heart. it has gotten better, it just seems like there are some days i just can’t get her name out of my head. i have taken some zanax from a friend and it really seemed to help, i have been thinking about going the medication route just because it has brought my quality of life to an all time low. thanks for your input.
I’ve been there myself. The two weeks after my wife (now ex) moved out were spent painting the entire house just to keep me (relatively) sane. I totally agree with lethalchead that it is incredibly important to find things that keep you busy. It still hurts, though. You never really get the sort of closure you hope for. I still don’t know exactly what fell apart in the relationship but I do know that 10 years later I’m much better off than I’d have been if we were still together.
oh and concerning the prescriptions and stuff… they can do a world of good… but once your head is straight get off that stuff… i’ve found that it can help a lot but i just kept up with the prescriptions (when i was younger) just thinking that i had to… i quit all of them and felt way better… so just use it when you need it then quit it..
Yea staying busy and surrounding yourself with good friends really saved me… before that i was still outgoing and loud but would often keep to myself except for weekends… that was making it waaay worse… keep busy… with anything
It is hard to imagine that anyone could just drop a six-year relationship and not look back once. My thoughts on that are,
she is romantically involved elsewhere and that has captured her full attention
she has shut you out completely as a way to ease her own pain
or
she’s just crazy. I’m sort of leaning toward this theory now that you’ve said about the wanting to marry you one week before breakup.
Whatever the reasons, this sucks. It hurts like hell, and there’s not much that will heal that kind of pain other than time. Definitely do not isolate yourself, it’s too easy for the pain and grief to fester into bitterness and cynicism if you’re alone a lot.
Get together with your best buddy and hash it out a couple of times, too. Even if it takes several drinks to get you to the point where you can talk about it. Venting it out is cathartic and important for healing.
So sorry for what you’re going through. ((((((360life))))))
I have known women to go from completely hot and horny, to frigid in 30 seconds after hearing a noise, it really depends on the woman’s mind. And from my years of dating most are not wired correctly or something.
How long has it been since you split? She either got cold feet or has a new or another love interist. I would bet that in a few weeks she would start to miss you. no point in beating your head or body into it, and drunken calls/texts etc will likely do you more harm than good. I would not suggest calling her parents or friends asking about her either(although this can be a good way to figure out her mind set and why she dumped you)
I would say-
1 - she has matured and wants different things in a relationship, or misses the romance you had in the past.
2 - she found or suspects you are doing something different and wanted to test you.
3 - she is nuts and you need to move on anyway.
A friend of mine (female) was in a relationship for 5 years, was engaged, had a house together for less than a year and she ended it, and got with me a couple months after (and no, it wasn’t because of me) though that was short lived (rebound Im guessing).
Anyway, For her a lot of it I believe related to stress. I think the stress of getting a house, becoming engaged, the fact the relationship wasn’t appearing to be too great underneath the sugar coated topping (she apparantly was the one doing everything) and the realisation that she wasn’t really having a life (5year relationship, don’t think she went out down town drinking with friends once) put her in a compleate 180 degree spin.
She also had a really bad attitude aswell because of it. She’s obsessed with the colour pink, and she was going on how she’s going to get everything pink in her new flat whereas most peoples reactions would be ‘urgh you dont wanna do that’ She took it personally and got moody, blabbering on about how she put up with people trying to control her life.