Are you kidding? I’m eating peanut butter out of a jar, this place looks like a box factory gone awry, I have paint in my hair and spackle in my belly button, I’m sleeping on a pool floatie with a flashlight - but I’ll be damned if I turn off my internet and pack my laptop until the bitter end. 
I think I would have been sued for non-disclosure if I left this beast alive in the house. You dont understand - it cast a SHADOW.
If you really don’t wanna get close, and the chemicals aren’t doing the trick, then you can always flame the sucker! Literally. Get an aerosol can and a lighter, light the lighter and point the aerosol at the spider. Shoot the aerosol through the flame and instant toasted spiders.
I’m not actually sure how stupid or dangerous this method is. AFAIK, the can will not explode on you as long as you maintain high pressure and short bursts. Either way though, it’s a fun way to take out annoying pests.
But rather hard on the surface (carpet?) they are standing on.
No. Just, No.
Thanks for your input though. 
I just gotta post it.
Just gotta post it
Switch the sword for a bottle of Scrubbing Bubbles, and the light for some 409/Kaboom, give Samwise some boobs, and that’s EXACTLY what it was like last night.
Exactly.
Small price to pay for toasted spider legs. Yum! 
You’re a sick man… 
If I’m sick, it’s because of that barbecued spider I just ate. Anyone have a beer I can wash this down with?
Barbequed spider? Don’t you know anything Phya, spiders are supposed to be slow cooked. 
Moving day! Moving day! Yeah!
The carpet cleaners are here (…late) and I’ve had them dispose of the carcass of the spider. Yes, they thought it was huge too. Yes, they thought I was very brave for fighting it off armed only with Scrubbing Bubbles.
Yes, I’m totally wearing some IS/b/TAH/p74…