I did a fair amount of pushing limits myself. I did it in enviroments where I’m a regular. I actually risk something. Those aren’t the times I would consider myself outcome independent.
When I’m pushing limits I’m pursuing a woman.
You can hold the belief that in every situation you face, you will experience exactly the lesson that you need to experience in that particular moment in time.
If you hold that belief than it really doesn’t matter whether the woman rejects you or doesn’t. You are still learning exactly what you need.
If she rejected you maybe the experience of interacting with her for more time wasn’t right for you.
Unfortunately I’m not in that state on a daily basis. The few times I however was in such a state I was very effective.
When rohitiyer10 says “Basically setting yourself up for failure by pursuing women.” than he’s critisizing the kind of outcome dependency that PUA’s have.
You don’t have to judge the interaction with girls that ended in them rejecting yourself as negative.
I actually hate texting women and agree with Tish, however I notice that to be true with older women (late 20’s and up). The younger generation text all the time.
If you are going to text you must infuse some humor and not be bland. I got a date from a younger gal with a simple funny text. However I keep that to a minimum and NEVER text a full conversation (that’s just being lazy).
Well she is a year younger than me so she will be 20 in Jan and likes to text. But I think I have figured out the problem and this mass confusion I have been going through was all wasted.
She had texted me the night before lastnight and I never replied, I texted her yersterday and she didn’t reply. I had one from her this morning and we talked all morning and she said I should come over to her place since it’s her only day off for the next few days. Problem with that is I have to help a buddy with a project for photography and it’s a 40min drive so I told her I couldn’t today but she could come over here if she wanted while I helped him out so atleast we could meet. That is when the truth came out her answer was “Honestly I just really don’t want to drive”. Which she has never been to this city before and mentioned that she might get lost so I can understand that but seeing how our plans for our previous dates involved her coming here and me telling her to come up when she called me boring I think it all had to do with her not wanting to drive up.
If i’m so boring I don’t see why she started texting me first wondering what I was up to when i started to ignore her.
I think you have your answer: She wanted you to make the effort and drive to her. No biggie, you were helping a friend on a project.
She texted you again because you ignored her - WOMEN HATE BEING IGNORED. Just keep it cool and be nonchalant. You have your own life, if she wants in then she can make the effort to join you. If not - no big deal.
That’s kinda what I told her and if not that I could come see her next week. I wish she would have just said this in the first place. Hopefully if I do go see her next week my ammo/mx297 and IS mixture will make her want to come see me next time.
Maybe she just called you boring to get a reaction out of you? I often see women saying stuff like that to guys just to get their attention, get them riled up, etc. It’s like the reverse of the negs concept in PUA, where you basically put a girl down a bit to make her chase you and give you her attention.
Just my .02, not an expert at all, but sounds plausible to me.
Didn’t read the whole thread but in general if you find things are getting dry don’t talk about yourself. Instead ask and listen. EVERYBODY likes talking about themselves and if you really do listen and find the person interesting you will have no problem finding the right questions to ask. In my eyes this shows much more appreciation for a person than a shallow compliment about how good someone looks.
By the way this not just goes for pulling girls but also selling stuff or anything else where building rapport with people is necessary (I am a dentist and this is what you learn on communication seminars and it really does work that way).
She asked you to spend time alone with you and you said, she can come and spend time with you and your friend.
If I would ask a woman for a date and she would respond: “Well, I’m going shopping with one of my girlfriends if you want you can come along.”, I probably wouldn’t say yes.
It’s basically her saying: “I like spending time with you in a friendly enviroment but at the moment I don’t want to go on a date with you.”
Now your girl responds with: “If you want to meet me, you have to invest something, you have to drive to me.”
The exchange is about the power between you. There a good chance that it isn’t primarily about how she thinks about driving 40 minutes to a different city.
Don’t take things woman say at face value. If she tells you, “you are boring”, the communication is about more than an exchange of facts.
It’s about the relationship between you. It’s her saying: “You should do more to amuse me”
Ok guys, heres evrything you need to know to pick up women.
Forgot about all the Pua bullshit, i followed that stuff for a long time and i never managed to get anywhere. Here it is, the simplest,best way to get women to go out with you.
As much as I want to hangout with her alone my friend had his girlfriend break up with him lastweekend and then again this weekend after he spent $100 on her so he has been pretty depressed the last few day! I told her I would come down Monday and when I told him I was going to the city he asked if he could come to help take his mind of stuff, so of course I asked her if it was okay if we just met in the mall for the first time and saw a movie since we had talked about his gf being a slut and breaking up with him the day before. She was fine with it completely and said it was up to me.
I do get what you were saying though, she was alone and wanted to see me so it could be just me and her where as if she came here it would have be me her and my drunk depressed friend, lol I see her point.
girls are different. some like talking about themselves, some like to listen more. read her language, if she seems bored, then ask her a question. make it a bit personal, but not too personal…but you have to actually be interested in what she says. Value her input when she gives it.
I’m not saying that you are somehow wrong when you propose to the girl to meet you while a friend is present.
I’m just suggesting that you keep in mind what it communicates to the girl. It can help to understand the girl.
You are making assumptions about her. She could be disappointed but unwilling to show you her disappointment.
In that case the fact that she says that it’s up to you means that she like seeing you enough that she’s willing to accept your plans even if she would prefer the plan to be different.
First she played hard to get by calling you boring. For her perspective you might now look like you are playing hard to get.
That might make you more interesting to her.
I don’t believe much in playing games for the sake of playing games. Understanding the power dynamics of a situation can still help you.
I don’t want to make you uncertain about the situation. If you know that your friend needs help and you give that help, that’s good. Do what you think is right.
That makes you attractive.
You are correct on that I should have put it more like she said she was fine with it so I assume she is. You are making some really good points here and I would never have looked at it like that so thanks. I did make the point to tell her that I didn’t have to bring him and that it was her choice but like you said she might think I won’t come if he doesn’t so not wanting to risk it by giving me the option. Plus this is just the first date so if it goes well I’m sure she assumes we will get plenty of time to hangout alone.
Schulz von Thun made a nice model. Schulz von Thun is a German and you come into contact with his theory frequently when you deal with training communication skills in German. For some reason his theory is largely unknown in the US.
Imagine the following scenario:
You are visiting a friend at his house. You say “I’m a bit thirsty.”
What are you communcating?
You are a bit dehydrated.
You feel comfortable with making your desires known.
He’s not higher status. Given that it’s his house it’s his job that
his guest aren’t thirsty.
You make an appeal to your friend to give you something to drink.
Matter layer
Self-revealation layer
Relationship layer
Appeal layer
Most communcation happens on all four layers. Some guys think that only the matter layer matters. Girls are often able to understand communcation on all layers.
This can frequently lead to miscommunication.
If a girl with whom you are flirting says: “You are boring”, the matter layer isn’t the primary layer. The information that’s expressed on the other layers is much more important.
Telling a girl: “I want that my friend comes along to our first date” also communicates a bunch of stuff besides the matter layer.
Yea I am starting to notice this. For example we talked about hanging out today and going to the movies like I said, and of course with the friend coming along but when I asked her what the plan was she acted like she had no clue what I meant. So I reminded her that me and a friend were going to be in town. Her response being Oh so were you wanting to hangout? I said sure if you want to, expecting a yes and got well I hadn’t really planned on it. So I simply said ill be in town so if you want to you can and if not then you don’t have to and again the unexpected response was “well I planned on catching up on homework tonight..since I am so behind”
I’m starting to get confused by her mixed signals here, slightly going out of the confusion zone to just being pissed off and finding someone else to talk to. I do understand that it is partly my fault but it’s over an hour trip and im doing all the driving and the one putting everything into it and it kinda seems like she just keeps blowing me off.
From her perspective taking your friend along with you isn’t “putting everything into it”.
She may have told you that she’s fine with it, but given this reaction I’m pretty sure that she wasn’t fine with it.
The next time you ask her for a date, ask her for a date with only the two of you.
It’s better for her. Being able to focus your attention on her will increase your chances with her. It’s also good for you.
Well that’s kinda what has been pissing me off about her. Not only does she keep bailing she always makes up excuses why she bailed with out actually giving me the reason. I’m more of the type that can’t stand to text a girl for 2 weeks like we have been and never get to see her in person, I lose interest. She works all the time as well and goes to school so it makes the days i can see her limited to once or twice a week and when she bails on me every time it doesn’t really help.
