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Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

I’m that guy who was looking for advice about the girl who used to hit and run text me out of the blue after we had dated awhile, and basically you all said just drop her like a bad habit. :smiley:

So I did! Lol since that day at her apt. when she put up all kinds of red flags, I just stopped talking to her altogether and haven’t looked back (it’s been about 2 months).

I also just recently deleted her from my phone and have been on 2 dates with this other chick who I’m really into. That is today’s topic of conversation.

I met her online, and used Ammo on our first date, and she seemed super receptive to it. She wrote on my hand, and made eye contact with me alot, occasionally giving that quick glance to my lips.

Of course we kissed in the parking lot and it was amazing. There was an immediate connection, and I was left shaking upon re-entry into the car. She is an Aries as well (I’m a sagittarius) and regardless of what you think about astrology, supposedly they make an instantly great pair. I’ve read quite a bit about it. We just seem to be on the same page about everything, from God, to age, relationships, dating, etc. And she’s my exact type.

Anywho, She’s not that much of a texter, and I kind of am which makes it a little hard to read her sometimes. When we talk on the phone it’s great, and seeing each other is even better.

I went to her house on friday the 13th to watch scary movies (5x ammo) we made out all night, cuddled, and fell asleep in each others arms.. and it was awesome. Here are some of the things she said:

  • aren’t you intimidated or nervous? because I am
  • we have a lot of chemistry
  • I love kissing you, I could do it all night
  • I haven’t felt like this in a long time
  • you smell soo gooddd
  • you smell like a boy huge grin

it seems as though all the signs are there, and I’m really into her. It’s just she’s kind of distant over text. We were never huge texters from the start, but it has diminished a little. Like I said before, phone talk is really great, so maybe I should just call her more?

My point is, I don’t wanna f it up and/or step on one of those landmines that I always step on.

Should I wait just as long to text her back as she does me? Last night she texted me a short answer to a question with no segway into anything. So I didn’t text her back and then she texts me later at around 10 (5 hours later) saying:

“Hope you catch up on your sleep tonight grandpa :wink:”

So i text her at 5 am (when i’m just walking in to work) blah blah and then “you should send me a nice text later, I’ll need it” So she sends one 12 hours later at around 5 ET:

“Your cookies are AMAZING” (I brought her some cookies from work that I took from the bakery :smiley:)

I’m kinda starting to hate texting lol. Should I play the wait/text game? Not really sure at this point.

We’re supposed to do something Tuesday as well. After each date I’ve told her I want to see her again, and we agree on a day. She told me she wasn’t a big texter, but it’s still really annoying because it just makes it seem like she’s always preoccupied. Part of me thinks she’s doing it on purpose. She is an RN (has 2 jobs) and works crazy hours, so there’s that.

I also think she tried to provoke something out of me the other night by saying that stuff, to see where I stand.. but I played it cool and didn’t tell her much of anything. I’m trying to just let my actions speak more.

What are your guys thoughts? Advice on how to proceed? Any phero suggestions? Should i use some TUTH? lol..jk It’s funny because as attracted to her as I am, I’m not trying to lay her so quickly. There are no feelings of lust at all. I’ve also been having trouble eating these last few days :o

Thanks for all the past and future advice!!

-Seymour

2

I would say add a little bit of TUTH in your mix. I am sure it will do wonders :slight_smile:

And for the rest: It sounds like you are having a good time! It really sounds like you are on the path of getting a good and wonderful girlfriend :slight_smile: It really sounds like my relationship in my younger years. Being distant over text is natural.

I would say: Do what you think is best, just add a bit of TUTH (1 or 2 sprays) and let her do what she thinks is best. Don’t force yourself on her, let her take the first move. If she is just into cuddling, you won’t see any reaction from the TUTH. If she is into you, then you will see more skin. What I always do is spray, relax and let her do what she wants. Choose the way of the least resistance. TUTH is really great to get her out of that cuddly zone and more into that “i just desire you” zone.

3

TUTH is overkill. You should get those hands working while you’re kissing. Lol!

Give the AMMO one last chance before you TUTH her. I think her inhibitions are gone, guard loose when you’re with her. Kissing and cuddling is not for bestfriends, so, I think you’re on the right track. Stop the “not trying to lay her so quickly” justification of fear of rejection, and go on, slowly.

Get you’re one hand to working as you are kissing her. You’ll know if she don’t want it if she’ll parry it with her own. And when this happen, don’t apologize. Just say, “okay” and keep on kissing her. Be persistent, and gentle. And then if you think she’s aroused again, repeat the hand probing – gentle movements, and if it met no resistance, advance slowly as if you’re telling her you are waiting for her body to say no. And don’t stop kissing her – she said she can do it all night right?

Oh wait… what kind of kissing are you talking about? Is this the one seconder smack, or one seconder lips to lips, or a looooong frenchie (you know, that kiss that girls don’t do with some regular guys)? If it’s the frenchie, then take my advice. :smiley:

Otherwise, you should be patient and wait. Watch for that perfect timing to TUTH her. And yeah, the “there are no feelings of lust” statement bothers me. What’s the point?

Regarding texting, don’t give any weight on her claim that she’s not a big texter. She didn’t say you can’t text her, right? Text her with the right messages and don’t demand an answer. You can text her with messages that’ll make her smile quietly, and get back to work, the phone will make a sound once it receives something right? Don’t guard your phone. :smiley:

A simple “I love you” text to my gf during her break time always do wonders, I think it’ll do the same for you. :slight_smile:

And always make sure you cover your tracks. Always see to it that you are the first one to text in the morning after you ignore her last text last night. There are some little white lies around that’ll help you make her disappointments disappear (low batt, fell asleep, phone is mute etc).

Anyway, great hits. :slight_smile:

4

Aim for gradual escalation on the number of texts sent. Also try phone calls occasionally. Content is not important, just volume. Focus on emotions, don’t let it get too rational.

Find out what her schedule is and plan on going out places when she is free. Invite her to join you and pick her up. When together, take her by the hands and waist, lead her from place to place - around the dance floor, from room to room. Take control of her person and be in control of what she’s doing and where she’s going. Always be the man with a plan. At the same time, be sensitive and responsive to what she likes and what she wants. Accept her influence in all areas, just also find out how amenable she is and make use of that. If she feels strongly about something, you are going to make it happen for her. If she doesn’t feel strongly, make sure she’s deferring to your plan. Which one of those it is depends on how strong her emotions are about something - which requires investigation. The better you know her, the easier this is. You want to come from a place where you have something better to do if she is not going to play along the way you’d like. At the same time, you want to move towards her depending on you for things she values. You want to be displaying some control and dominance over situations generally.

A314B spray would be most useful if you are looking at forming a relationship - 1 spray, for someone looking at a commercially viable product. For casual dates all you really need is 1 spray of Ammo, if you don’t need things to get too serious. If you want more lusty impact, I’d add 1 spray of TUTH, rather than adding more Ammo. More than 2 sprays of anything is probably counter-productive. 1-2 sprays of IS would be a useful addition. If you are interested in tweaking things with experimones for a particular effect, send me a message with how you want to come across.

5

Hey guys, just wanted to update you with some news and notes.. (for those who care :stuck_out_tongue:)

Last time we hung out was up and down.. Some background first (and i’m going to use bullet points because i’m too lazy to write)

  • talking for about 3 weeks
  • she’s an aries and im a sag
  • great chemistry right off
  • seems into me and vice versa

the play by play for my third time seeing her is as follows:

  • got off work at 10p
  • drive to her apt
  • spray 3x ammo and 1x TUTH (my intent with the TUTH was to see what her reaction would be, not necessarily to have sex with her)
  • she opens the door and we begin kissing
  • go to her couch, make out a lot
  • i begin to let my hands start exploring, she doesn’t stop me and i continue
  • i start rubbing her clit on the outside of her pants, gradually getting her aroused
  • she doesn’t stop me, so i do this for a bit and then go over top of her panties
  • i do this for a bit and then go to the bare skin, gradually rubbing her until the perfect moment when i put my fingers in and aggressively finger f her..
  • here’s the kicker, she says “I want you inside of me” (this is all TUTH imo)
  • Can’t remember exactly how i responded, but I was going to and then she had second thoughts.
  • I knew I didn’t get her off (because we kinda stopped) but she liked it still.

A few things she told me

  1. It scares me how much i’m attracted to you
  2. I really like you (2x)

I ended up spending the night and it was awesome, we didn’t have sex but in the am she was horny and I did sort of a repeat of the night before. This is when things get weird.

First off, she told me that I made her climax, which is cool. Secondly.. She got super awkward right after, saying

  • Maybe we’re moving too fast and should slow down
  • We haven’t even defined what we are (to which I said well "I’d like to date you exclusively)

A couple of other things she has said are

  • We have so much chemistry
  • I haven’t felt this way in a long time
  • It’s been over a year since I was intimate with someone

Stuff like that. She also broke the news that she was supposed to have a date with this guy from match (where she met me), but it kept falling through and she didn’t know what to do about it.
I kinda have come to despise online dating just for this fact alone: Girls have so many options.

However, we’re still talking, and are supposed to hang out Thursday. Would have been today but I came down with the stomach flu on fri and still recovering.

Boy that TUTH is some powerful stuff.. I didn’t even give it a full spray either. Should I cool it and just stick to ammo? I’m tempted to order some A314 like lwatkins mentioned above. :stuck_out_tongue:

As a final note, I don’t really know what to make of all of her ramblings. Maybe she felt slutty or something..?? Or was genuinely scared.. I’m very weary especially because we met online. If it was in person I wouldn’t be so skeptical. She seems into me but you just never know. She’s supposed to have that date with the guy tmw (says she’s not excited about it), but I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost interest at some point. I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.. But I will remain hopeful..

On the phone last night she re-iterated that she was

  • still really interested
  • scared by how attracted she is to me
  • and just wanted to be honest about the whatever date with the guy
6

That all sounds excellent to me. She’s showing all the right signs of being well-into you and pretty-much comfortable enough with you for anything.

If I have one suggestion - although its maybe a reminder? You need to be playing it a cool as you can manage just now.

About the only things you should be going too fast on are sex and getting her to show interest in you.

Don’t look for re-iteration/assurances from her and stand-back a little on the texting/calling. You must surely now see how the best communication is face to face (or bits to bits if you prefer) - and for cementing a relationship, she has to make most of the running. Guys who push too hard there do tend to find the women going the other way just as quickly. Its the old carrot/stick thing - reward her with the best time you can when with her but don’t be too hurried to keep tabs on her when you ain’t there - This encourages her to miss you and wonder what (or who) is occupying your time - which is a superb attraction trigger. As is sex itself, preferably without any consequences/involvement/post-mortems, in the beginning anyway. If she wants more of it - and you, she will make that clear by her actions pretty quickly but you’d do best to not to be too eager to comply. :slight_smile:

7

This will hardly add to the topic, and I feel a complete fool to write it, cause I actually don’t believe in this stuff BUT:

I’m a Sag too and my fiancee is an Aries. Our rapport, attraction and relationship is beyond everything I’ve ever experienced. She feels the same. And we both have had nice realtionships before.

I know three other Sag/aries couples that are ridiculously happy in their partnerships and of course I have the inevitable astrology-expert in my family that always tells me how this is the ideal constellation for both zodiac signs blah blah …

Bottom line: keep it up, it might be very rewarding - and thanks for suffering this trivia

Oh yes, for the phero-stuff: A314b ! at one spray is a superb attraction product imho. Potentially, it will add yet another dimension in her attraction to you. She seems overwehlmed already - this could seal the fallout

8

You need to provide her an anti-slut excuse. Say “it just happened”. Any sexual stuff that happens, remember to reiterate that it was not planned. Always, there is some other reason why you came over - to see a movie together, to make a meal together, to “just talk” or whatever. And the attraction was some mysterious emotion that just unexpectedly happens, but of course you can’t deny the feelings.

You want to have a plan of what you want to do with her in any given situation but the plan is not the plan that you tell her (this way she can’t predict outcome), but phrase the excuse plan in a hemming and hawing way that gives her wiggle room so you sound amenable to what she may want. That wiggle room that you give her is all in the excuse plan - the real plan hence proceeds unchecked. Do not be staring at her, but rather draw her attention to some other interesting thing - a red herring, or a genuine problem she needs help with.

When a woman looks at a picture of a man staring back at her, he’s unattractive. He’s smiling at me? Obviously this guy is checking her out - the mystery is spoiled, now he’s gross! If he’s staring her down no smile, then "what he sees something wrong with me? Get him away from me! If he’s smiling in another direction, he’s even more unattractive (smiling at someone else!). This is why 80% of the men on dating sites get absolutely terrible ratings from women (it’s true), when in reality most men are average. Men get penalized by women for 1. smiling and 2. looking back at her. which are the two things all men have been taught to do for cameras. And as it turns out the photos are 90% of what matters. When a woman sees a man looking away from her (the camera) stoically, she’s intrigued and drawn in - what’s he working on, what’s he thinking about? How can I get his attention? The man should be focused on some interesting diversion / problem. The couple then works on something together and grows “as one”. The woman can then focus on the man, without being intimidated. Notice women get worked up about a handyman / contractor fixing things around the house. The pool boy, the gardener. If you are young and have decent abs, all you need is a picture of you with no shirt (or if not, a basic dress shirt), looking off in the distance in a determined/focused way while you get ready to hammer a nail into a 2x4 or something. My wife says the hottest picture of me is the one where I’m at a pool table wearing a white dress shirt with a focused/determined look, getting ready to shoot the q ball. Anything fancier (tie/jacket/hat) gives them something extra to dislike. A message should be like 1 minute of writing max. Say something like, “Hello There, I noticed …” or “It’s Awesome how…” and direct attention to the diversion diversion topic - say maybe her love of the band Megadeath, or her interest in Vegetarian Soul Food.

9

Disclaimer
THIS IS WAYY TOO LONG.. (that’s what she said) but it’s got some semi juicy moments :wink:

I would like at least one person to read it and give me their thoughts.

Well after 2 months of dating it’s over.. There’s so many things I could say about what happened.. but I’ll try to keep it short.. since my last post.. we didn’t really go out and do much.. all our “dates” were spent cuddling and watching movies.. and occasionally doing stuff, but never sex. This was for a few reasons:

1.) she wanted me to get tested, which was fine
2.) she wanted to use a condom, also fine.

A few things troubled me as time went on which of course I ignored because I really liked her.

1.) She took 4 different kinds of pills, 2 being anti-depressants.
2.) She is anorexic.

Now obviously anorexia (I looked it up) is far more serious of a disease then I initially thought. One morning she had an appt. and let me lay in bed until she got back. That’s when I saw all of the pills on the table and looked up each one of them.

I kind of just ignored it.

Time went on and there was one time in particular that really got me thinking if she was even into me.. She was more distant on that week, not texting nearly as much as when we first started talking. She would take a day or 2 (sometimes more) to respond.. but I was still hopeful because I called her and we set up a time to hang out that weekend (2 days in a row) because she had cancelled on me that monday (sick)

By the way, So I went down on her one morning after she got home from a doctor appt. (eating doctor ironically). Maybe she thought it was weird how hungry i got for her snatch.. She immediately got weird after, sort of like when i told you all she got weird after i fingered her. Remind me not to go down on women too soon, it seems to be bad luck for me lol :frowning: However, she did give me that “come here” finger right after I was done getting her off.. and kissed me hard.. which really turned me on.. the thought of her wanting to taste herself in my mouth.

Thinking back, I can’t believe she had told me that second date that she wanted me inside her.. It seems weird to think about, especially how things kinda slowly regressed rather than progressed, throughout the duration of this whole thing.

Anywho, the one time that kinda bugged me out a little was actually one of the last times I saw her.. We cuddled and watched a movie as per usual, and then she got cranky for no particular reason other than she was hungry.. Now I was feeling something was wayy off as soon as i got there and she scolded me for not calling her first to tell her I was on my way.. whatever. I said sorry and we proceeded to the couch.

So she said.. I’m really hungry and tired, I think I’m just gonna turn in .. you can come in or you’re welcome to stay out here and watch tv more. So at this point I’m like okay somethings gotta give. So she walks out of her room a few mins later and looks at me.. and there was this really awkward moment of clarity (or so I thought) where I was waiting for her to say something like “this isn’t gonna workout” but instead we just sat there, staring for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she’s like, “are you gonna come in?” or something along those lines. But at this point I could kinda tell it may not work out..

So I stand up and walk towards her and kinda grab her and I’m like “What’s the matter” in that really sweet guy voice where I totally care (which i did, and do care about her a lot) .. and she kinda shrugs and so her back is facing towards me so I go to feel up her breasts and she stops me.. then turns around and starts

BAWLING. So i’m like crap.. and she ends up talking about her disorder and how she felt fat and disgusting at work today, etc. So we end up talking in bed and before she goes to sleep shes like “Thank you” and I say for what? (acting dumb) “For knowing how to respond”

So at this point I feel pretty good about it.. I’ve been saying and doing all the right things, teasing her when necessary, comforting her when it’s appropriate.. and just generally giving 100% to the whole thing, which leads me to my final chapter.

The next day we have breakfast together which was great.. and things start to get hot again..

Wait, so I have to mention this: the previous time we were laying in bed and she complained that her boob hurt.. So i started massaging it and touching it and generally just playing with it.. that turned into .. playing with her nipple and fondling her, which turned into (and i’m getting really horny now) me putting my fingers in her mouth and getting dirty.. So at this point she grabs my c*** and starts rubbing it.. which feels amazing.. and i take my pants off.. she starts stroking it and then stops a second and says “get me off too?” in a really cute whisper..

Thinking back, this is probably where I made a mistake, although at the time she thought it was commendable. So in the heat of the moment i wanted it really bad.. i Wanted to guide her head down to my thing and i wanted the sloppiest, deep throated BJ imaginable.. but instead I go “Are you sure?” in one of those kinda cheeky grin ways. What i was implying, and I’m sure you will get this .. is that every single time she had gotten weird about doing stuff with me .. AFTER THE FACT. So this time I wanted to throw her a curve.. She totally agreed with me and laughed about it..

By the way, her reasoning for getting so weird came after I went down on her that one time. She told me (in a deep conversation i may add) of her upbringing and how her mom always told her she was going to hell for having sex etc.. and how it really messed with her head as she got older. She also said she wasn’t THAT close with either of her parents. Of course I said all of the right things (I think) and related to her my own situations as best I could.. I was glad to finally have gotten a reason from her withdrawing every time we messed around.. but i digress.

After we laughed about how I totally threw her off by withdrawing, she said she was impressed, and I left for work.. REALLY EFFING HORNY.

Okay, So back to BREAKFAST, when things got hot.. (sorry my mind is all over the place).. so we’re sitting on the couch and start making out, and my hands are everywhere, down the back of her panties I start rubbing her c*** (god i loved the smell of it) and we’re grinding and all of a sudden It feels like wayy too intense.. It’s really crazy to think about because I have never felt like that with a girl before.. It was like intense waves of pleasure.. and it kinda threw me off a little .. I think part of it is that I quit watching porn, so my senses are HEIGHTENED 10 fold. It’s hard to tell if I was THAT into her, or it was just something else altogether.

So of course, I’m about to be late for work if I don’t leave right then, and we stop again.. She says " I don’t want to make you late for work " and I say okay we’ll finish this later (smile) and I’m off.. I’m still feeling pretty good about the whole thing at this point.. and I come back later, we have dinner, she tells me (complains with a smile) that I left her really horny so she had finished herself off.. I told her I did the same (which I did).. and we make out a little and I’m about to try again and she doesn’t really want to.. okay fine.

We finish the night off watching the sweet 16, and her moods kinda fluctuate a bit.. which got me thinking again…

I never felt like she was 100% into it, except for during the first few dates when she was giving me all the signs of a relationship. She would be totally there one minute, all into it, talking about where we were going to go for dinner next time we were together, to just.. silence.. it was totally bizarre.

So anywho, this is getting really long winded.

The next 2 weeks is where it fell apart, and admittedly.. I could kind of see it coming but still held out some hope that it was just her busy schedule.. (she does work 14-16) hour days.. and she also went out of town to chicago for 5 days. But still, right before I left her place for the last time, I kind of had a feeling it was over.. and that sounds crazy to me because we had a great time and stuff.. but I don’t think her heart was completely in it like mine..

Her birthday was March 23, i had flowers sent to her apt. (dumb idea?) and of course she thanked me for them, but you just knew something was off. She went to chicago, and for 5 days we didn’t talk. The day she comes back I get a text: “I had a great time :slight_smile:” That’s it? Haha.. So i text her: “you’ll have to tell me all about it kissy face”

NO response for a couple days.. but i knew she was on the night shift 7a-7p.. so i held out hope.. left her a sweet message (even set my alarm clock to 7am so that i could leave it RIGHT as she got off work) GOD i’m so thoughtful (wink).. and I don’t get a text back until yesterday.. (approx 3 days later)

“That was sweet :slight_smile: I need to be honest, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last week and I like you but I just don’t see us working long term as a couple. At risk of being wishy washy I just wanted to be straight with you. I’m sorry”

(I still have stuff at her place lol)

Anyway, how do you even respond to that (i haven’t yet, and may not altogether).. i thought it was a bit scummy to say it in a text first off.. second.. there was no reason given.. but the funny part is.. I’m not that dpressed about it.. when i initally got the message i almost had a breakdown at work.. but then i talked to some ppl about it, got some perspective from them, and my mom.. and realized that it’s just not meant to be i guess.. I had been preparing my mind for the worst, It happened.. and I’m over it.. Part of what she was really impressed with over our time together.. was the fact that I could read her in almost every situation.. This was no different.. and although I wanted it to work, it’s just not going to..

part of me, and this guy at work thought… that she may be scared and backed out or something.. which makes sense given the story she told me about her relationship of 2 1/2 years vanishing in a snap when the guy left her and then immediately got married..

part of me thinks i stepped on one of those proverbial “land mines” that women seemingly throw at us like a pitching machine, testing us in every little aspect just so they can find an excuse to bail..

part of me thinks (and my mom said this) that shes just crazy and has issues.. which is true.. but don’t we all.

and part of me thinks this is just a part of online dating that we all have to accept.. she found a new shiny object and decided to pursue it..

I would like to know your thoughts on it.. if you made it this far…

My final thought, and i read this yesterday and it really gave me some perspective.. I was reading about failure and how there’s different types of it.. and this guy was talking about sports or something.. and how we can do everything right and still fail.. which is something that we CAN live with.. he put it like this:

“There’s another kind of failure entirely: When you give it every ounce of your effort, everything you’ve got, and you still fail – it wasn’t because you didn’t try hard enough, it wasn’t because you were lazy – it was just because it wasn’t meant to be. When you run into these failures – you can go to bed that night full of pride that you did all that you could; you “left it all on the field,” and still failed. You can move onto the next venture without regret.”

I’ll admit i totally lost it… tears it perfectly encapsulated my situation, with having ANYTHING to do with my situation.. This was before I got the text yesterday by the way.. I had asked God the previous week to give me a sign or let me know somehow if it was meant to be..

I guess I got it.

Until next time,
-Seymour Scagnetti

10

Hey! Sorry for the late reply.. but it was very intense.. (the aries sag combo is truly amazing) and kinda slowly faded.. you can read my novel right above about it.. I would really like to get your perspective..
-Seymour

11

Hey mobo, read my novel above.. lol. I think I did mostly play it cool.. I generally timed my texts right.. didn’t act that interested until I thought could be going somewhere.. maybe that was my mistake.. I just have come to kinda hate playing the game.. you almost have to be 100% with no slip ups.. which i find to be fake , especially nowadays with this whole online thing, where ppl have this relationship ADD (if you will)

12

Hey man,

So I’m drinking some coffee, came to your post, read the ENTIRE thing, and I have some insight.

Honestly, this will sound weird, but I read your first post in this thread where you said everything was going so well, and I just KNEW that it was going to go downhill.

You didn’t do anything WRONG, don’t get me wrong, but I think there are a couple of things that make a long-term girlfriend.

First, I really am an advocate for “don’t go to each others places before you get to know each other.” Honestly, I hate traditionally dating, but going out on a few dates is the way to create a strong bond. Inviting a guy/girl back to your place is an invitation to sex, and it can create a feeling of false intimacy. Lately, I’ve heard SO many “we had SUCH great chemistry” stories, but the reality is, compatibility > chemistry.

So, in the future, public places to get to know each other, see if each other align.

Also, to me it seemed everything moved so quickly. Like, you both jumped into this thing that LOOKED like a relationship. Got really hot REALLY fast, you guys didn’t really get the opportunity to get to know each other on a more human level.

As for the sex? Mobo is right – let the girl steer you in whichever direction she likes. Don’t force anything. As long as you two are making out, that means that she sees you sexually. If she’s drunk and invites you back to her place, laugh it off, say, “I think you need to go to bed. I’ll text you in the morning.” Drive her home, kiss her, bid her goodnight. From what I understand, sex to most girls is something they think LONG and HARD about (pun semi-intended). There is a huge decision making process they go through in their heads before they decide they want to have sex with you. If she has been drinking, she either didn’t go through that process and will likely withdraw, OR she’s saying she’s too nervous to have sex with you sober. You want the girl to be comfortable enough with you that she trusts you enough to get sexually intimate with you. I really, truly, honestly believe that the first night of sex with a LTR-type should be sober and EXTREMELY meaningful. It should be a stepping stone from comfort. You all should already be romantically, emotionally, and philosophically compatible, the first time of sex should cement sexual compatibility.

I see where she’s coming from. Y’all moved quickly. It happens. For a strong relationship, you need a strong base. You guys built on a weak foundation. Girls have a 6th sense for this kind of stuff. It’s not wise to “have sex first, get to know each other” after and hope for a solid relationship.

Seriously. I wouldn’t worry. She’s just one out of 3.5 billion.

Also, I feel sorry for her. She’s not really put together, it seems. Lots of issues to overcome. My last girlfriend was bipolar. You love them so much and want to help them, but you just have to realize, they need to help themselves before they can partake in a healthy relationship. Either way, seems like you were ready and she wasn’t.

13

I agree with everything you said except for I don’t know if you were implying that I went to fast sexually with her.. I def DID NOT do that.. she made all the moves.. she told me on date 2, (after our drink date) at her place, on the couch, that she wanted me inside her.. (as i was aggressively fingering her and we were making out) when i was about to do just that..(go to the next level) she had second thoughts..

the entire 2 months was all about her.. so please don’t get it backwards.. I wasn’t even really concerned with my personal needs much.. i was always doing whatever i could to pleasure her physically, when i knew she wanted it.

but yeah, aside from that, I totally agree with you.. looking back.. we didn’t really go out at all besides that first drink date.. I think it had some to do with both of our weird schedules, and partly to do with her emotional and anxiety problems..

we DID however get to know eachother, and there seemed to be this faux connection that I partly dreamed up, but that also was partly there.. it’s like you said.. so much chemistry (sag/aries), not a lot of compatibility.. (in this PARTICULAR case) sometimes that line is very hard to distinguish..

also Laker fan, if i missed the point you were trying to make about going too fast, tell me.. I just didn’t think so.. maybe we were but to me it felt like a good pace (after the 2nd date when she almost gave it up).
-Seymour

14

I’m just saying, you really can’t take things TOO slow as long as sexual interest is high and her interest in you is high. I think the whole “baking cookies” and texting was all very sweet of you, you seem like a good dude, but it’s too relationship-y too quickly, IMO.

Trust me. I wish girls were accepting of all of this and just realize that guys do things like this when they care. Unfortunately, we aren’t wired like that. Her ego was telling her that you were a boyfriend before she got to DECIDE you were her boyfriend.

It reminds me of my sophomore year of college when I had my first “girlfriend.” We went out for dinner, watched movies together, had sex, hung out together, made breakfast together, and then, all of a sudden, “yeah…I don’t want this…it seems too relationship-y.”

Find a way too ease into it, bro. That’s what I’m getting at. When you start dating, you have to realize that she’s going to probably be into other guys. All you have to worry about is you and her when you two are together. Have an edge on those guys. Don’t constantly text her unless it’s to tell her, “hey, wanna go for lunch on Thursday? I have an hour at 12:30.”

She brought up that other guy for a reason. Not to instill jealousy in you (maybe a little, but that wasn’t her primary objective). But rather to let you know “we’ve gotten exclusive WAY too fast.”

The girl I’m currently gaming is dating other men. It’s actually a BETTER thing than not. Play your cards right, don’t be too available, don’t always pick up the phone and answer every text, and then eventually, she starts telling the other men, “heyyyy…so…I like you and all, but I don’t see this working long-term.” She picks off the other men, one by one, until you’re the last one remaining.

THAT’S when you go to her apartment and rock her brains out.

Of course, not EVERY girl is like this, but from what I’ve seen, this is how relationships begin and last. It is, unfortunately, a game, but EVERY animal in the animal kingdom goes through a mating dance. This is the one that we are burdened with. The women are in control (like you said, they have all the options in the world).

If you’re like me, I tend to pick one and focus on one. This puts us to a disadvantage, but hey, Snapchat a pic of you holding one of your best female friends extra tight knowing that she’ll see it. Whatever it takes. Make her think that she’s competing for YOUR interest, and not only are you competing for HERS.

The girl I’m into, every now and again, brings up “these boys keep texting me” or “he just asked me out.” NEVER have I heard names, and as far as I know, NEVER has she followed through with these dates. It is just her trying to put up a challenge to me. My response? “Ow owww, girl. Have fun! Go and get it!” I love the look on her face when she’s thinking “shit. He’s in control and genuinely doesn’t care that I’m hot. Ugh. He’s probably dating, like, 10 other girls right now anyways. All the girls here at work check him out when he passes. UGH.”

Seriously though, man. Long-term, she seems like she just had too many issues. Learn from this and move on. Next one will be WAY better. I promise.

Also, I might add, before I decided I liked this girl, I was doing things to throw MYSELF into the friend-zone (like texting her often, giving her little gifts, that sort of thing). Every single time, she’d decline. If girls REALLY like you, they SERIOUSLY won’t put you in the friend-zone. Like, they will make an effort to make sure that you aren’t thrown there. If you are sending out signals that you are interested in her and then you try and put yourself in the friend-zone (baking cookies), it just confuses her. (Fortunately, at the time, I was putting up ‘friend’ signals, but then telling her she was like a sister to me. Ironically, that may have been what got her attracted to me – the fact that I, essentially, rejected her before she got the opportunity to reject me).

This is all just my opinion and based on observation and lots of reading. Take it as you’d like.

15

True, but what did you mean by “baking cookies”?

I thought I was easing into it.. but yea you’re right again.. Normally I would be talking to like at least 5 other girls.. but this time I decided to try something different because it seemed destined to be from the start, you know?

So what was she getting at when she said “We haven’t even defined what we are” This was after I fingered her one morning and she freaked out (as per usual)

I get this.. and I normally put it into practice.. but where is the line between acting like you don’t care.. and acting like you do? A lot of people have told me that you also can’t act too uninterested because they will lose interest quickly.. I guess at first I was doing everything right.. but then I started to let her know too quickly how much I liked her? Meh.

I’ve been online for about 10 months.. so i get the fact that girls talk to and may be seeing other guys.. I’m no different.. (except for in this case) it’s just hard for me to continue that “I don’t give a shit” mentality .. In this instance i thought i did a decent job of it for awhile… i guess until the whole flowers thing lol.. by the way i forgot to mention: I wrote on the flowers… To: My girl. happy birthday blah blah.." I was told by a girl at work (in her 30’s, lots of experience) not to ask her to be my gf (at that time) just to kind of subtly SAY it.. so that was my way of saying it.. Mistake?

As i said, in this case yes I focused on one.. because I felt like it could work.. maybe I should go back to just talking to as many as possible.. or at least ones that I could see myself with.. I think my problem has also been choosing the wrong ones to talk to lol

You’re right though.. and that’s what’s hard for me.. is REALLY.. in the end.. not caring.. My brain and heart aren’t wired that way.. I can fake it only for so long I guess is what i’m trying to say.. It’s like I know what I need to do.. I can do it at first.. but then it becomes hard.

Part of me was like… well flowers would be a little much.. but then im like .. we’ve been seeing eachother for awhile.. it would be rude not to on her birthday right? I just don’t see what was friend zoney about it.. I got the advice of some others and they were like yeah nothing wrong with that.. that’s really nice.. well in the back of my mind i was being told not to, given my experience with what girls do like and a lot of reading about online dating.

16

Also I’d like to add.. after she backed off from sex after requesting it.. she told me I’d have to get tested and wear a condom.. I didn’t do it immediately because I didn’t want her to think that’s all I wanted..

You said don’t take things too Slow while the sexual interest is high. Should I have just gone out the next day, got tested, got some condoms, and the next time f’d her brains out? I just didn’t see what the rush was.. I was completely in control.. I guess I got too comfortable.

17

Thought you said you gave her cookies? It’s a “sweet” gesture, but I don’t think the timing was great.

Also, I’m giving the girl I’m into a birthday gift, but the context is different. She’s my co-worker, I’m moving on, she’s staying at the school we work at. It’s a birthday gift (she got me an Xmas gift, I got her nothing), AND an appreciation gift. In the card, it says NOTHING about dating, but says a lot about appreciation. It’s not something you’d tell a good friend of yours, but also it’s subtle enough that she doesn’t think “ahhhh. He wants me. Conquered him. Now I’m no longer interested.”

18

so lakerman, would you say that my mistake here was ASSUMING too much, too soon? As in.. assuming it would turn out the way it seemed to be heading.. or just sort of expecting it to become something that it may or MAY not become?

19

makes sense.. just send the flowers next time, no note

20

Oh the cookies i brought her.. right.. those were just from work.. it was a playful thing at the time.. it wasn’t like.. okay i’m going to make this girl cookies so she likes me.. we were kind of casually talking about food one and it turned into “oh i’ll bring you one to try!” i work in a bakery part time btw.

why does a friendly gesture always have to be something it’s not? it’s just annoying to me that i have to watch every little f*cking thing i do around a girl i’m potentially interested in.. it’s ridiculous