Alright so well i have been testing out my pheros now for a while.. And i must say that they do work. I think that Instant Shine really gives me the feelin’ Don’t Worry be Happy.
Well anyways i wrote in some earlier posts that i’m 18 and had this girl i had a crush on (acually this question is not really about pheros).
Well anyway i finally got the courage (thank you pheromones), to ask her out for a coffe. She said yes and we went and took that coffe during the hallowen holliday.. It was fun and we chatted for about 2 hours (used alot of Instant Honesty with IS and Instant Gentleman).
Well anyway know when i have returned from the holliday i seems like she i kinda avoiding me.. I can’t really get any eyecontact with her and I also can’t really communicate with her..
When we speak it usually looks something like.
Hi, so how was the test?
Good and yours?
Good
Before the coffe we talked quite often about things.. (even if I allways had to start the conversation).
So I’m thinkin’ of asking her to a second “date” but i’m not sure know.. It feels really bad that I can’t meet her eyes or anything anymore.
So my question is why is she doing this? Just give me your ideas and what you would do in a situation like this.. (And yes im not very experienced when it comes to women).
Maybe you women stalking this forum could comment and give me tips on this one to?
There are many reasons why she may be doing this, I myself am in a similar situation as you. In my case when she started contacting me less and just treating me differently all i did is treated her good to see if she would get over whatever she had but when i notice she still kept being bitchy then what i did is treat her exactly like she is treating me. You know why? Because one must have dignity and pride and if a person is not treating you well then you can’t treat them well, that’s law. Its exactly the same with respect, if someone doesn’t respect you then you can’t respect them.
She may be like this becuase she doesn’t like you, she found someone else, she is trying to play hard to get, etc, etc. Women are very hard to understand and if you really want to know what’s going on with her then just ask, its hard i know but you will feel better later on.
Don’t forget there are many women out there in this world so if she doesn’t workout then trust me that you will find another one. Thats life dude!
Take a chance and ask her out again. The cultural expectation is that men will take the risks and do the pursuing.
She may say no or give an excuse why he can’t make it. In that case, tell her she is welcome to give you a call sometime if she wants to have some fun together. Then forget her. Who knows, someday you may be surprised by an offer, which you may or may not take.
I had a similar experience with a lady,
we went out a couple times, connected pretty good, were pretty interested, and she pushed me away for some reason.
I think we were getting to close to fast for her tastes, or something. she hasn’t even really texted me any either, I mean she will respond but not with anything other than simple answers. So I am suspecting she got scared about something but she won’t admit it to me.
I’m gonna butt my nose in here too. Hey…Glorbon did invite the women forum stalkers and I guess I fit in that category
Let me clue you guys in on something here…and no, this is not the answer to all questions concerning women…LOL!!! 'cause that’s just NOT possible! LOL!! But, maybe in these situations where the girl is pushing you away or not responding to your amorous overtures, could be the issue lies within herself and not may not have anything to do with you. Maybe she’s more interested in someone else, or she’s going thru a period of low self-esteem, or she just doesn’t know what she wants, or she’s stressed out about something, or she’s not feeling a “connection”, or …well, you get the picture.
I’m sure this is no news to you but women really like to complicate things with emotions and feelings and connections and such and think these have to be in place before proceeding any further. It seems, at least with most men, they are more than satisifed to give it a whirl as long as some sexual attraction is there and at least a basic friendliness. Of course, I make no claim of understanding a man’s psyche either, but I have heard from my husband on more than one occassion that “you women like to complicate things too much!” which leads to my conclusion that men think and act on a much more uncomplicated and basic social methodology.
So, Glorbon (and all the rest of you cool guys here ) I mirror Gone with the Wind’s thoughts exactly. Ask her out again, if she says no, move on…you’re way too cool of a guy to let the rest of your social life stagnate just because of the whims of one moody woman.
If you want to overthink things, she could have buyers remorse, she could be not in a place to start a relationship, she could think things went too fast (Though this mostly happens to guys who push for the physical side) or she could worry that you expect sex next time or may be a player etc.
Keep in mind that young girls also get buyers remorse when her friends think you are a dork.
But in terms of actions, no matter what is going on, the above makes things clear.
haha, women just pretend to like you and take all your cool stuff, that is pretty basic. Then one day you find all your stuff gone and the woman too.
In my situation that could totally be the idea, she I don’t believe was ready, I don’t think I was pushing.
Although we did make out and cuddle on the couch for a few hours, until her daughter texted she was headed home.
Well, from your original post, Glorbon, I personally think after that first coffee date you should have made a move. A 2 hour conversation is pretty long, and you didn’t mention anything about kissing/sex. Most likely she probably thinks you rejected her. Maybe you didn’t read her body language that well and she was anticipating some action.
From my experience, if a girl is willing to go on a date with you, she is considering sleeping with you. She wouldn’t go on a date if she wasn’t interested.
I’ve had this happen before a few times. Here’s the worst one. Girl invited me over to her dorm room for a movie. We sat on her bed and she asked if I’d ever had a ONS and we started talking about sex etc. But I played aloof, LOL and didn’t make a move. After that, even though she was still in my social circle she barely ever talked to me again. Forget eye contact, she wouldn’t even come within 10 feet of me, LOL. I didn’t realize that I was the one who had rejected her, until friends started telling me how down and depressed she was, etc. After that happened, she pretty much kept to herself for a few months and wouldn’t come out and socialize with the group!
I mean I’ve had other situations like this too, but eventually I realized that the problem was me not making a move. You should be more bold. Worst case scenario she files sexual harrassment…just kidding, seriously though, there’s nothing to worry about. Most of us guys are too afraid of being bold, and I even have to remind myself of this a lot of times.
After this happens, consider yourself to have no chance. A girl has to be really desperate/horny to give you a second chance if you reject her. Girls typically have lower self esteem, so if they feel like you rejected them, there isn’t much of a second chance. They won’t believe you even if you show interest. It’s not even the self-esteem as much as I think she feels like she would appear desperate if she gave you a second chance. A lot of stuff like this goes unspoken, women are more body-language / emotional than us guys.
Anyway, hope that helps. Best of luck with your future dating experiences.
Your experience with the dorm room girl is a good example of clashing expectations. She likely is pretty much an outlier in terms of sexual eagerness however. Not all girls are the same and not every situation is the same and not every girl expects the same. That girl not only made the first move, but also invited you in her room. Then she made you sit on the bed and initiated sex talk and discussed specifically ONS. Those hints together form a pattern. She offered herself to you with what is in a woman’s language a very, very blatant invitation and feels insulted that you did not accept. She was ready then and there, but that does not mean every woman would be.
Now in the OP’s situation, he made the first move, the date she accepted was in a public place in the daytime. As far as I know, the conversation was friendly, not sexual. It sounds like the girl came to the date expecting to get to know the OP.
This is also a pattern, pointing in the opposite direction.
I would be pretty freaked out if a guy would try for sex after a 4pm coffee date. I would have expected it to be a get to know you date and if the guy had thought of it as a “foreplay”-date, we would have clashing expectations. I may have refused to go out with him had I known he expected sex. For example, if a guy would ask me to come to his room to watch a romantic film and he can give a mean massage, I would guess he expected sex to happen. I’m not interested in sex with near strangers so I would decline that even if I would have accepted an offer for coffee from the same guy. A coffee date is no pressure, no expectations, just a casual way to chat and
After a daytime coffeedate, the most congruent thing would be 3 kisses on the cheeks, in line with the ‘maybe friends, maybe more…one day’ nature of the date. Had there been an evening coffee date and the talk been a bit romantic, a mouth kiss would be a pleasant surprise. Trying for sex in this case would be a bait and switch and make the girl feel pressured if not cheated.
It is all about doing what is congruent with the expectations of the girl to avoid fear and disappointment. Of course, your reputation and her previous history with men also influence her expectations.
Yup!! I think Butterfly hit the nail on the head w/ regards to the dorm room girl…all the signals were there. But, as for 1 mid-afternoon coffee date, it would be a total turn off for me if a guy expected sex afterwards…I’d be thinking that HE’D be thinking I was easy or something!
See…I told you women like to overthink and complicate things!
yet women are probably a bit better at seeing their actions into the future, especially regarding sex and relationships, guys on the other hand look for right here right now, and hope tomorrow is as good.
haha yeah well.. I did not make any real move at all during our daytime coffe “date”. We were just talking friendly to each other (apperently we have exactly same hobbies and interests). Yeah well i know i should have given her a friendly hug or something but the opportunity never really came up.. With my badluck we got accompanied by two old ladies who just took the places beside us..
So well I asked her out now for another coffe or maybe a riverside walk.. And well.. The answer was something like.
Well the thing is that i planning on locking my door this weekend and do the physics (we have a major exam the next week and it’s hard) I’m sorry but i haven’t really done anything to prepare myself for the exam yet. Another time! I’ll cya hug.
So well acually i think she is telling the truth and not lying about this, but it still feels like a big downfall :S… Well Don’t worry be Happy..
I told her that she could call me if she wants to do something and thats all i can do.
Thanks, and I agree. When you feel a guy might be thinking I’m easy, that would seriously put me off.
A girl would also tone things down, which I guess would make things more difficult for the next guys to date her.
Glorbon, your instincts are right about the friendly hug, that would have been a great way to end the date. If you are shy and not ready to touch, an airkiss shows romantic intent, perhaps with a playful wink.
Sounds like a legit excuse to me, but hey, physics was never my strong suit! At least you didn’t get the “I’ve got to paint my fingernails” excuse! If you’re confident she’s telling the truth, don’t be afraid to give her another chance, even if she doesn’t call you immediately after the exam. If you happen to bump into her a few days later, say something like “Hey! How’d you do on that physics exam? Yeah, it was a killer, wasn’t it?! I’m hanging out with some friends this afternoon, but how about coffee tomorrow?” or something like that. That way she knows you DO, indeed, have a life and aren’t some desperate guy just waiting around but still are interested in her enough to give her one last chance. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in life and stresses so give her a break if she’s not dialing your number on the way to handing in her test to the teacher, but if she shoots you down again…move on 'cause either she’s not ready or not interested.
Yeah, of course I didn’t mean go for sex after the coffee date in the afternoon, lol. I meant, he should have at least made a “move” as in, initiated some sort of indication of his interest in her. Such as getting closer to her, initiating touch, and at the end maybe hugged her or gave her a kiss on the cheek. Something to just show that it’s not completely platonic. I just gave that example of the the dorm room girl as an extreme example, but I didn’t mean sex after an afternoon coffee date.
What I was saying overall is that us guys (at least from my own experience personally), a lot of times we think if we show interest we’ll come across as desperate, so sometimes we hold back, from touching or certain things, when basically if you hold back too much the girl will think you’re not even interested. Personally, I find it’s easiest to start with the hands/feet. When you’re sitting bumping feet and then holding her hand to ask about her jewelry, etc. Thats of subtle thing.
LOL!! But, maybe in these situations where the girl is pushing you away or not responding to your amorous overtures, could be the issue lies within herself and not may not have anything to do with you. Maybe she’s more interested in someone else, or she’s going thru a period of low self-esteem, or she just doesn’t know what she wants, or she’s stressed out about something, or she’s not feeling a “connection”, or …well, you get the picture.
At least you didn’t get the “I’ve got to paint my fingernails” excuse!
If you’re confident she’s telling the truth, don’t be afraid to give her another chance, even if she doesn’t call you immediately after the exam. If you happen to bump into her a few days later, say something like “Hey! How’d you do on that physics exam? Yeah, it was a killer, wasn’t it?! I’m hanging out with some friends this afternoon, but how about coffee tomorrow?” or something like that. That way she knows you DO, indeed, have a life and aren’t some desperate guy just waiting around but still are interested in her enough to give her one last chance. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in life and stresses so give her a break if she’s not dialing your number on the way to handing in her test to the teacher, but if she shoots you down again…move on 'cause either she’s not ready or not interested.