Ok here is the problem, I need help texting girls. Things always seem to get very dry and boring before the first date and then it ends up not happeneing, I always end up talking about me and things that are going on in my day because they will never change the subject or start a convo, so how do I keep the texts interesting and keep them interested in me so that we can make it to the first date?
Greetings Ballzan,
There is a great thread I’d like to point you to where you can get great information on this topic:
This is page five of this thread where I share some of my texting techniques and Kimba shares his personal style of phone/text game.
A quote from this thread by Kimba: “Run attraction. “Hey pumpkiin, we are over. I am sorry, but it safer for you, I am a bad man.” You stand out, she is intrigued and attracted. DO it a few times, she will reply. Banter. Schedule a meet up. Qualification is done all the time, and it is the single part of game you should not do via text. Why? It sounds like 21 questions no matter how you do it. Because you are either prying for information or asking the question game. If you are in comfort with you, you get to know her more. Plan future adventures and be fun so she wants to see you. Then schedule a meet up. The key to planning a meet-up is baiting her with a roleplay or tease in order to bait her to want to hang out.”
I personally utilize a specific roleplay used by Tim at Real Social Dynamics called the 5 minute texting girlfriend. Here’s a quote from that same thread where I talk about it:
"Been really focusing on texting game lately and constantly enjoy using Tim’s(RSD) 5 minute texting girlfriend, wife, lover, etc… Although I sometimes change the time limit anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes depending on the girl.
If anyone has never heard of his 5 minute texting girlfriend it goes something like this:
You: Your my new texting girlfriend for the next 5(or more) minutes.
Her: Lol Ok 
Great
You: Where are you gonna take me for our first date?
Her: (answer)
You: (tease her on her answer and give a better suggestion)
Back and forth until its been about 5 minutes(or more)
After 5(or more) minutes:
You: Awww, now were broken up. It’s not you, it’s me. Was fun though. I want my CDs back and my favorite T-Shirt back. Etc..
The great thing about this is you can occasionally bring her back to the reality you just created. Saying things such as, “Aww. Now I kinda miss you. We should hang out, but just as friends. Because now we’re broken up. Or because my new texting girlfriend wouldn’t like me hanging out with my ex, etc..” My favorite is: I just realized that we didn’t have any breakup sex. Such a shame. Etc…"
The point of this is to create a roleplay with her while you get some teasing in. Ideally you should create your own roleplays and ways of teasing as you get more experience.
Here are some of Tim’s responses when a girl doesn’t answer or gives him attitude: “Your shit.” “What are you wearing?” “I miss you.” Here’s an example of one of Tim’s texting conversations where he utilizes some of these responses:
Tim: Ally let’s hang out soon
Ally: (no reply)
Tim: Your shit
Ally: Who is this
Tim: Aussie Tim. Damn never had to chase a girl this hard
Ally: Your not Australian. I heard you lied to me.
Tim: Your right I’m Bangladesh. Wanna come to my beach this week?
Ally: Hahaha. No your a liar but thanks anyways.
Tim: Your a SHITHEAD now
Ally: Oh your really witty with that awesome comeback.
Tim: Why do we fight so much dearest?
Ally: Haha. Dearest? I think this is our first fight
Tim: What are you wearing?
Ends up getting a date with the girl.
Like Kimba says the whole point of you texting her should be to arrange a meetup. Don’t try to get to know her or chit chat with her over texting. That should be saved till the date. Be fun, be different, create some attraction/interest, and arrange a meetup. Good Luck!
Sounds like a good idea but what brought it up as we have been texting for awhile and we both agreed that we liked talking to each other but that was Friday, she said she wants to see how talking goes for the next few days before we actually go on a date and said that it has been kinda boring so I’m kind of on the line here. I’m used to slutty girls who do all the talking and she is super classy and not a slut at all so any other good tips? Whether or not we can have a relationship or even a first date relies on how us texting goes the next few days, lol
Added some more information to my initial post if you haven’t seen it yet.
Tease her, start a roleplay, plan a future adventure, always make statements, rarely ask questions. Tell her you saw the cutest dog or kid that reminded you of her. Tell her you want to take her to the moon and be the first humans to play basketball there, or have sex there, or anything really. Cold read her.
How do you tell her about your day? If your telling her that you ate at a restaurant, be descriptive, exaggerate, make it seem way more interesting and fun than it actually is.
Never be afraid to lose her and never be afraid to stand your ground. Your a man, if she says she doesn’t think it’s time to meet up yet, ignore her and say your gonna pick her up(or meet you) at 8:00PM Friday, so be ready. If she still says no, tell her to send you her address. Or if your meeting her there, tell her you’ll be waiting by the big, green sign(or whatever). If she gives you more attitude, tell her: “Your shit” The main point being that she is in your reality now and your the kind of guy who knows what he wants and when he wants it.
Alpha men dont text. Seriously I am not kidding. Dont fall in to the texting trap.
Attraction occurs with all of the senses and your not going to get that with texting. She cant possibly tell if your boring from a stupid god damn text. If she needs to talk before you go on an official date then meet for coffee or something casual. If she doesn’t have the consideration or interest enough to do that with you then you already have your answer.
I would make that totally clear to any girl of interest before hand. If you dont fall into the texting trap to begin with then you never have to worry about it. I know its the new “thing to do” for younger people and some older but its one of the worst relationship tools there is.
If you want respect in a relationship, want to be treated like a man, then set clear boundries now. Use texting for short messages but when it comes to conversations insist if they want to talk to you then either call you or you can meet up.
Tisha
Yes, I absolutely agree with Tisha - Keep texts to the absolute bare minimum and look to making the most of all personal interaction for attraction purposes.
That was the original plan and how we got on the topic. I asked her to come hangout just casual no date and she said let’s see how the next few days go. I asked her what she meant and she said talking and that it had been kind of boring.
Make any date/hangout count then - reduce the talking and start doing other stuff instead.
That often makes a very big difference and it almost always gives you a whole lot more good stuff to talk about.
Well if it were me I would say something like “Oh Im sorry I thought you were an adult” Course that may piss her off but she really is insulting you by saying your boring talking in text. Texting doesnt present a clear picture of who you are.
Tisha
I cringe everytime I hear pua shit even stated on here. Basically setting yourself up for failure by pursuing women. Let them come to you. Stop the weak behavior.
As Tisha stated don’t text. In fact don’t even ask for a girls number. Let her ask for yours. Only time I text a girl is either a very short response or responding to setup logistics. Also, never use smiley faces or emoticons in texts.
You have no idea the enormous amount of texts i’ve been shown by women who are trying to get ‘gamed’ by guys. Guys running method after method trying to ‘stand out’ from the normal “you’re beautiful” texts from the average male. They know what guys are up to. They let those guys take them out to dinner then if I’m not busy will ask to get together.
Awesome quote I heard from a girl a few months ago: There are the guys who wine and dine you and then there are the guys who 69 you.
Do you want to be the normal guy that pursues the girl or be the exciting MAN she pursues and wants to get physical with?
yes, teasing her a bit would get her more intrigue than always being a nice guy.
And by the way, why are you interested in that girl? Is it her appearance or her personality? If she doesn’t like conversation, it’s really hard to imagine how to have a long term relationship with such a person because conversation is the basic form of exchange of feeling.
Don’t accept the frame that you have to prove to her that you are interesting by writing ‘interesting’ texts.
You could say: “Yes, only interacting via text is boring to me as well that’s why I want to meet up.”
Then you don’t initiate any further communication.
You wait a week.
After that week you ask her again to hang out.
If she doesn’t want to hang out she’s not interested enough to be worth your efforts.
Texting IS the worst possible tool for communication. And like many posters have stated SHOULD only be used for short responses and to setup a meetup. However, I have personally used texting to gain interest before setting up a meeting and it has always worked for me. And I’m as far away as the wine and dine type guy as can be. I obviously prefer to push for a phone call and quickly setup a meetup, but sometimes logistically its not possible. In this particular situation the guy really likes the girl and he wants help with some damage control. Sure it may be a lost cause, especially since like JohnM said, if you start sending interesting texts now, your allowing yourself to accept the frame of having to keep her interested through a text, but it doesn’t hurt to try. My point is, there is a way to bounce back from this, but it is very tough to pull off. Might as well let the guy try, worst case scenario it doesn’t work out, but he learns something in the process.
Ballzan, probably best to follow JohnM’s advice and wait awhile before trying again. You can try to create some interest before you ask her to hang out, or you can just go straight for asking to meetup. A simple text I use would be telling her that I’m going to be at a certain place at a certain time and that I expect her to be there. If she shows up, great you got your date. If she doesn’t, great use the opportunity of you being out and about to meet a new girl. Before you know it you would have forgot all about her anyways.
Most of the PUA material out there is about not pursuing women and getting them to chase you. One of the main tenets of PUA material is to not be outcome oriented and not be afraid to lose the girl. If that’s not the opposite of pursuing women, I don’t know what is. Sure the underlying frame of PUA material is to learn how to pickup women, which can seem like you are pursuing women, but that’s just the training wheels on the bike. The main point of almost all the different material is to help you can gain confidence, get you out there meeting people, and to learn how to get women to chase after you. You can just say let them come to you, but PUA material goes one step further and gives you the concepts and confidence to make it happen.
Exactly what I thought when I read the op.
I’m am interested in her for a few different reasons, one being she is super attractive and she does have a good personality. Not to mention she is the first isn’t the give it up on the first date type at all which is a huge turn on for me and hard to find in a huge college party town. As far as the conversation goes Friday she said that she liked talking to me and was even at the movies with friends and didn’t want me to stop texting her but it just got kinda dry after that, which is probably my fault but she never initiates conversation or changes the topic or even suggests a topic so its kinda hard when your not used to taking so much of a lead.
Roy exactly how do you get girls to ask for your #? Do you have a method or just rely on luck?
Wowzer, good thing I was messaged about this thread.
First, thank you for the props about my thread.
Second, PUA, especially my style and what I suggest is social game. Bringing the best you to the table. In PUA, the game is in comfort, letting her get to know you. If you are not sufficient, no amount of bells or whistles will change that. You need to be a man, not just any man, your ideal self.
We learn PUA to become a normal guy.
Want to know how to get a girl to ask for your number? Not that hard, be so amazing and plan a cool adventure a woman wants to go on with you, and she may ask. Especially an out going girl who is single and wants to have a good time.
PUA is not about getting sex. Lets be honest, most self proclaimed PUA’s teach this and get sex with a different time maybe a dozen times a year (Admitted by a PUA guy, writer of the book BANG) who teaches the same mumbo jumbo.
You get good by going out, learning a lot helps you not, rather it gets you in your head.
So, be an attractive guy. Self amused, fun, confident, and on his life purpose.
Back to the thread after my semi-rant.
Phone ‘Game’ which is a word I also cringe about, as well as PUA as they tend to bring up a dogma of other acronyms which although I use I never use them in real life, you would not believe how many guys do.
Phone game is a way to keep a gal interested and show her about yourself to make her want to meet up with you.
Women decide on a guy about his body language, his confidence and how he views the world. Not how articulately you weave texts.
A secret is, many women like a guy to be normal, make mistakes. Be nervous. Being too smooth repels them.
What do normal guys do? They want to have fun with a girl. Not sex, fun. Flirting is fun. Female energy is fun. She views masculine energy the same way.
Down to the nitty gritty, texting her with that mind set. You goals need to be in mind at all times:
- Have Fun
- Show her you are a cool guy to see
Not attract. You can build a level of comfort with her and make her feel like you are a better friend and a person she is safe being around.
The answer to all of this is a fun text game. On a phone, if you cant call, you text. If it is easier to call, you call.
Texts that make sense are simple, you think of her or see something that reminds her of you, that does not deserve a conversation, you text.
“Hey, I was at the zoo and saw this kid pouting that he could not have cotton candy and it reminded of the time when …”
Relate to her and your happy experience. She remembers you are fun, and she wants to talk to you.
You have a lot of solid advice on here. If you view the world as your playzone, your literal xbox. But advice means nothing without action.
The key from normal guys and men is this distinction. A man views the world as his.
A man who owns the world wants not any girl, but his perfect match. So tease her, play around, have fun, be a challenge, and let her win you over.
If you want exact techniques, here are some. Now, these are some of what I do, not community PUA stuff. My stuff works some of the time. A lot of it is more about how into me she is. If she doesnt like me, I want to know. If her personality is not like mine, I want to know. I get burned a lot, but its worth the solid women I meet and enjoy spending time with.
- Aforementioned you remind me of.
If you genuinely get reminded of her, let he know in a playful way.
- Set up a fun activity I was going to do, and if we were together she could do.
I have a plethora of interests. From gym habits such as boxing or chilling with my best bud at a lounge. I know either of those things can be fun, because they are always adventures. If I am boxing and get to spar with a famous boxer and we go out for a drink after words and it snowballs into a night at a club, I let her know.
If I am at the lounge with my buddy and we get approached by some weird guy offering us drugs, I share. Because it is funny and I think it would be better with her their.
- Special Moment text
I am a guy who tends to go on random adventures. As in, I think of somethign to do, invite a buddy, and do it. I will invite her to do it.
Example is: HEY! The DIA is open for free and my buddy goes to school down the street, we are gunna enjoy some crummy paintings and then see where the night goes, you in?
- Random Texts
Something random and funny that you would text a buddy that you enjoyed is exactly what you should text a girl.
Crass humor, but I tend to laugh at people who do something stupid, such as go up to a person and spill a drink on them. Or when I see an old man on a date with a very young looking girl. I can continue to getting even more crude, but you see what I am saying.
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Biggest warning, as advised, do not use emotion-cons or those smiley faces. They should be used seldom for emphasis or when you tease too hard.
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Be warm and distant.
You can text her when you think about her, or call her, and then do not when you do not think about her.
You should not obsess over her. It will scare her away. It is needy and she does not want a child, she wants a man.
Now, I am not a PUA. I come off as dick-ish and lack the capacity to connect with people. I am working on opening up to people. This is how I text. I have a good friend who does not know about PUA and got his first and long time girl friend from one meet up in a casual group setting, he found her on my facebook, messaged her for her number, chatted for a week with some sexual comments and things he thought were funny and boom, they went out and he is a chill and genuine person so of course they hit it off. He had fun.
What do all of these words plastered on this board mean? Zilch. Its computer jockey advice. Text her and be fun, do not try, just do. I try a lot of stuff with women, that sucks, but it does work because I do not take it seriously. It it sucks or she does not respond, or its not up to your standard, its cool, because you thought it was something funny to share and enjoyed saying it despite the reaction.
That’s a false distinction.
There are ways beyond luck that have little to do with following a method.
Having a girl ask you for your number takes 3 things:
#1 The girl can’t be too shy.
#2 The girl needs to consider having your phone number to be valuable.
#3 The girl needs to feel like she has a chance of success.
#4 The girl needs to feel she has control.
#1 is something that you can’t do much about. As I personnally prefer an outgoing girl, so I have no problem disqualifying a girl for being to shy.
#2 is the hardest. It has a lot to do with social status. Are you simply a normal guy or do you have something specific to offer? When the girl talks with other people about yourself, do those people say you are cool?
#3 is about being open. If a person asks you on the street for directions, what do you do? Do you get annoyed because they are wasting your time? Do you get into a really caring vibe to help them?
If you respond well to approaches of random strangers, you will get approached by more people. If you don’t respond well you close of and don’t get approached.
If you are in a bar chatting and the girl you are with says: I’m thirsty." You can say: “I’m not thirsty” and let her go alone to the bar. You can also say: “I’m also thirsty.” and go to the bar with her.
In the past I ignored a “I’m thirsty” a few times out of social incompetence. One of the times I think the girl was set on having sex with me that night but I effectively rejected her by misinterpreting her response. I asked her to dance and she didn’t wanted to dance…
The girls needs mental space to have her own plans for the interaction with you. Many guys are way to focused on controlling the interaction to allow the girl to do what she wants with them.
#4 is the girl has to stop you from escalating she won’t escalate on her own. If you go in for a maximum of physical touch, the girl won’t escalate physically on her own.
It’s good when the girl has a socially accepted reason to ask for your number.
A lot of PUA talk the talk of not being outcome oriented.
I think very few reach the state where they can authentically say: “This was really a good night, I learned a lot about myself. The fact that things went nowhere with the girls I approached doesn’t matter to me.”
Then why didn’t you shedule a date in response to her saying she liked talking to you?
She basically signaled to yourself that she was willing and you ignored the signal.
We already had on scheduled for the next day but we both kinda got busy and the few times I did talk to her neither one of us brought it up, it kinda slipped my mind since I had a lot to do.
The problem is the semantics of what it means to not be outcome oriented. I personally think its synonymous with not being afraid to lose the girl during the interaction. It’s more of a way to be in the moment and not afraid to push the limit of what you try socially. The after thought is irrelevant because no guys is gonna say, “O I got her number, whatever” or Likewise say, “She rejected me, whatever.” We are going to be effected by the outcome of anything in one way or another after it happens. The difference here is not being outcome oriented DURING the interaction rather than reflecting AFTER the interaction.