Sounds as if you need the very last bottle of IFM on hand at the store. Yup, I found one just for you
This sounds dangerous actually.
YOU cannot “fix” her. You are not a psychologist nor a therapist, nor a spiritual advisor.
Thinking that you can “fix” her can lead to a codependent relationship. You seem to be getting off on the idea of her/your girlfriends “needing” you, or your perceived ability to “fix” another person.
Your partner, your relationship, should be a sheltering, welcoming, loving place - not a quasi therapists couch. It should be unconditional and without judgement.
that was my suggestion, but I was not going to pry mine loose from my non-cold dead fingers just yet.
I would also say steer clear of Ammo, TUTH and A314 around her, as the extra boost in “Maleness” may drive her away faster.
Okay, well… hmmm… you asked for advice so I’ll give you my viewpoint on it. First, I am female and 48, so this will prolly be totally different from what you will hear from men and from younger men and women.
Two or three weeks into a “relationship” is not like an engagement. Evidently you felt the two of you were exclusive, she didn’t. She checked her feelings by going back to her past and decided the past was the past. There is nothing there to forgive, because she did nothing wrong.
Now you are 8 weeks into the “relationship” and you’ve gotten angry with her several (many?) times and broken up with her repeatedly and set yourself up as some kind of prize she needs to grovel for. Personally, I’d let you go with that kind of deal. A woman needs to feel valued. According to what you’ve written it seems you are more into controlling her than valuing her, more into writing a script for her to follow than walking with her and her with you through life.
A good relationship that will last has to be build on trust. You don’t seem to trust her. It also needs to be built on respect. She doesn’t seem to respect you. Out of trust grows true intimacy and out of respect grows true love. Without those four things, trust, respect, intimacy and love, the relationship becomes stagnant, depressing, boring, or abusive.
Dating should be fun and it should only be fun. It shouldn’t be a chore or a series of hoops anyone needs to jump through to get “there.”
Diane
I think you hit the nail on the head there!
if you have to walk on egg shells and hot coals, just to spend time together then it isn’t worth it.
Pixel, you have some excellent advice here, in particular from Tigerlilly and Diane. I strongly suggest you consider it.
Looking back, I did the same things you are doing, trying to control (unintentionally, before you get angry!) and act as some sort of counsellor with my wife, whilst she didn’t have problems of the magnitude this young lady has, they were still there, affecting our relationship every day. We are no longer together and there are certain people on here who could tell you the anguish it has caused me, wisdom is learning from other people’s mistakes, please learn from me.
Seriously Pix, you don’t have to put up with any of this shit. You are not her father or any of her nasty boyfriends. You deserve better. Much better.
Remember the first two weeks? Healthy, well balanced people pretty much live like that.
Put her out. If she trys to come back, don’t let her in.
You deserve better.
OoohYahhh