Mark-In-Dallas, the books were informative and made some good points. I don’t view women as object or simple minded, so that if you do this and that, they will behave in certain ways. Certain things pointed out in the book, like my favorite “body languages,” gave me more knowledge that I used, not just for attraction purposes but for others as well. This girl and I were in a very delicate situation; we were somewhat friends and co-workers. There were certain times that I had to make a decision as her friend (sounds like a convenient excuse doesn’t it).
Funny thing is, while I was pursuing her there were other more attractive ladies that have shown strong interest in being with me. She was aware of it, so I’m not sure if I appeared needy or wimpy to her.
Some women, the mean ones (to avoid swearing), yes. And doing nice things such as buying somone stuff will not make them love you. But if you listen and do what they MOST WANT when they’re telling you what upsets them, and doing it RIGHT in their opinon, they will almost surely end up in love with you… it’s just what naturally happens. However what is easy and natural for you is not nessecerily going to be the same for them, and there does have to be some of the “natural closeness” feeling present in order for it to work at all. If they naturally feel uncomfortable around you, or if you don’t give off the “cuddly vibe” in their opinion, then it probably won’t happen even if you are the most supportive person in their life.
However, out of four people I’ve been in love with, there is at least one who I would not have loved at all if he did not support and love me first (not in love with me, at least not at first). There is also another guy who I felt guilty for not loving because he was at the time the most supportive of me. Fortunately I was not the only person he was intrested in dating, and he was not actually in love with me, so it didn’t really hurt him. But this person I did know IRL, and I did not feel a desire to cuddle with him. IF the girl you are talking to feels that desire that, then being supportive in every way possible will most likely make her fall in love with you. And yes, there are two people with whom I felt that desire, both of whom were in love with me, but I was never in love with them because they were not suportive to that extreme measure as you should be of your girlfriend or boyfriend.
Of course, if the person is not going through and has never gone through anything EXTREMELY MAJOR tyhat depresses or bother them, none of this willl work at all, and you’ll have to fall in love through shared intersts or doing things together instead.
Don’t worry Mark I generalize too. It’s really annoying when people equate “generalizing” with “racist.” As a matter of fact it seems had a post deleted because of it. REALLY freaking annoying, and assinine, when people do this. However, the person I got angry at specifically stated that EVERY SINGLE LAST MALE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET felt a certain way, because when she was talking about it, she was talking about an individual male that she did not know, and then further cemented her position by agreeing with me that that was what she meant.
Mewgirl, I think you spent quite a bit of time dissecting my comments, but I appreciate your time. I think you missed certain points or misunderstood some of my responses. Either way, I won’t go into much detail about this as I would like to leave this behind me and move on.
It seems like you’re telling me to be more understanding then I already was with her. I think I did more than my fair share of doing so, and if you read what I’ve wrote thus far I was always the one who was straight with her. As a good friend to her, I’ve done my part up to this point, but has she done hers by at least treating me with respect?
Did she cared about me at least a little? This is the key question when I was evaluating myself (myself meaning where I stand when it comes to relationship between her and I). Was I really her friend as she claimed herself to be? Or was she just saying that to keep me around just for her sake? I never had to ask this question with any human relationships.
It’s not the mere details or small things that happened I have problems with or dwell upon, although I used them to make a bigger point. It’s the feelings and thoughts (if any) behind the actions taken that I wanted to find out.
Perhaps you’d wish that certain individuals in your life to be more understanding or perhaps you might be an individual who is much more understanding than I am. But constantly acknowledging what she did was okay even though it wasn’t and telling myself that I should just understand and “take” it, I think I’m being disrespectful to myself. Just as I love and respect others, I love and respect myself (no, I’m not a narcissist). I believe that you must love and respect yourself first to do the same for others.